


As the Force Wills It

by kira_khaleesi



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo Deserved Better, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Complete, F/M, Fix-It, Force Bond (Star Wars), HEA Guaranteed, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Marriage, Minor Poe Dameron/Finn, No Smut, Past Abuse, Post-TLJ, Pregnancy, Rey (Star Wars) is Nobody, Rey Needs A Hug, Reylo - Freeform, Reylo babies, Slow Burn, Tros fix-it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:21:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 28
Words: 81,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22202533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kira_khaleesi/pseuds/kira_khaleesi
Summary: A year after their narrow escape from Crait, General Organa’s small band of Resistance fighters has been slowly regrouping and rebuilding their force. Though they continue to inspire hope throughout the galaxy, the losses incurred during the war haunt many in Resistance leadership. Attempting to continue her training in the ways of the Force, Rey struggles to balance her duties to her found family with her conflicted feelings for Supreme Leader Kylo Ren. Meanwhile, aboard the Finalizer, General Hux is unhappy with the leadership of Kylo Ren and is quietly planning a coup.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Rose Tico, Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 384
Kudos: 326
Collections: TROS Reylo Fix-it Fics





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I have been reading Reylo since TLJ but never wanted to / thought I could write any fic myself.  
> Having been thoroughly disappointed by TROS, this is my Episode IX headcanon and my first attempt at a fic.  
> I am new to this and expect to be slow at writing. Let me know if there are any spelling errors - my own - and if I need additional tags or anything.  
> Currently at work on the first chapter, hopefully posted in the next week.  
> much love, kira

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lovely moodboard by nancylovesreylo

_A gentle breeze moves through the long grass, swaying the fresh spring blossoms of the fruit trees. From his stance on the balcony he has a full view as the light wind carries morning dew off leaves and into the lake. As he turns to examine his surroundings more carefully, he sees a garden that is maintained but not manicured; a balcony with moss and ivy growing freely save where it has been trimmed so as to not impede walking; waves that lap on the pebbles of the shore. Birds can be heard singing nearby. He does not know where or when he is, or if this is even real. All he knows is that this place is perfect in its imperfection. The calm of this moment is unlike anything he has ever known, maybe anything he ever will know._

This, _he thinks, inhaling deeply,_ this is peace. _His exhale is interrupted by the sound of a child giggling. He turns around to see a pair of whiskey-caramel eyes peeking at him from behind a curtained doorway. As the child slowly walks out onto the balcony he is struck by the depth of her eyes and the seriousness of her expression, as if the person inside that young body has already lived many lifetimes. Taking in her full appearance, she seems to be about 4 or 5 years old with raven locks and a smattering of freckles across her sun-kissed nose. Her eyes sparkle as she her mouth turns up in a slight smile._

_“Ella!” A voice calls from inside, causing her to break into the widest, toothiest grin, “Ella, love, breakfast is ready.” Footsteps draw nearer and the girl, Ella, continues to giggle._

_“‘M out here momma!” Ella calls, turning her back on him. A woman emerges from behind the curtain that is softly undulating with the wind. A slim, athletic woman with shoulder length chestnut hair reaches down to scoop Ella up, revealing a smile identical to her daughter’s as she kisses the top of her head. “G’morning momma,” she murmurs as her mother looks out across the water._

_“Good morning Ella,” She shifts the girl on her hip and walks closer to the ivy-adorned railing, “I can see why you came out here, it is lovely this morning.”_

_“Lovely,” Ella coos. Her mother nuzzles their noses together._

_“Let’s go inside my love, it’s time to eat.” As the woman carries her daughter back inside, Ella raises her small hand to wave goodbye to the man that is not really there._


	2. Breathing Underwater

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Terror reigns. As the sinister FIRST ORDER continues to rule under the leadership of SUPREME LEADER KYLO REN, the galaxy lives in fear of oppression like that of the Empire. Meanwhile, GENERAL LEIA ORGANA and her small band of RESISTANCE fighters continue to recruit, slowly rebuilding their spark of hope. On their secret base, Commander ROSE TICO has decoded a mysterious transmission from a supposed ally of the resistance....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor trigger warning: I read Snoke's canonical actions/characterization as that of an abuser and will code him as such.  
> thanks for reading.
> 
> *update on May 12 2020*  
> this fic is Rated M for Canon Typical Violence & Themes but sex will only be alluded to and there will not be any smut.
> 
> lovely moodboard by nancylovesreylo

“Finn...Finn...Fiiiinnnnn” A warm, calloused hand rubs his shoulder to wake him.

“Huh? What? Yes ok I’m up, I’m up.” Finn groans and wipes a hand over his face, opening his eyes to see Poe pulling a shirt over his head. A year since the Battle of Crait, and only a couple days fewer than that that this beautiful, strong-willed, hard-headed but gentle-hearted man pulled him aside and confessed his feelings to Finn. Many long nights learning everything there is to know about each other followed, and have only increased the distance between Finn the Resistance Commander - a person with ideas and wants and feelings - and FN-2187, who was another number on a long list of expendables. The first few times Poe’s knuckles brushed his under the table or he softly touched his shoulder while they talked, Finn mistook it for an accident and shied away. Over time Poe taught him about affection, and has almost convinced him that he deserves it. Having never known love or belonging, the mismatched family of the Resistance has been life changing; in most cases for the better. At night though, when he lies awake beside Poe, his brain works overtime assuring himself he was wrong when he told Maz that there was no fight against the First Order, that they do have a chance. Even though he knows the bonds he has forged with their small but growing team of rebels is the reason they fight, his heart still sinks into his stomach every time someone leaves for a mission.

The cocky grin Poe flashes him after returning successful is almost worth the sleep lost out of fear of losing him. Sometimes Finn wonders if it would be easier to not be in love.

“Are you alright?” Poe straightens his shirt and looks over at Finn, who schools his face into what he hopes is a relaxed expression.

“Yes sir, Commander Dameron, just enjoying the view.” 

“Ha ha, you’re a real charmer,” Poe walks back towards the bed, “now scoot.” Finn sits up to make room, sighing deeply as Poe pulls on his standard-issue footwear. Noticing his partner’s demeanour, Poe stops tying his boots to put his hand on Finn’s. “Seriously though, are you alright?”

“I...I don’t know...I had this dream.”

“Oh? Was I in it?” Poe wiggles his eyebrows suggestively and Finn swats his shoulder playfully.

“No. It was...it was Rey. It was...well, she was at peace, I think” Finn frowns and pulls his hand out of Poe’s to rub at his temples, “I don’t know how to explain.”

“Hey,” Poe wraps an arm around Finn’s shoulders, “that’s ok. But look, Rey being at peace for once in her life...that doesn’t sound so bad,” pulling Finn in for as best a hug as they can get sitting side by side, kissing the crown of his head, “besides, it’s just a dream.”

“Right...you’re right, it’s just a dream.” Finn whispered as he leans into Poe’s embrace. As they sit there together, just breathing, Finn reflects on the tranquility of the dream. If he'll ever know peace like that, and if an ending like that is even in the cards for someone like him. What value does he bring to the world if - when - the war is over? What use is a soldier when there is no more fighting to be done?

“Babe,” Poe gently nudges him out of his thoughts, “I’d love to sit and hold you all day but we’ve got a briefing with the General, so if you wanted to eat breakfast…” breaking their embrace to finish tying his boots. 

“Right, got it. I’m up.” Poe grins at him and Finn returns a smile that, despite his best efforts, doesn’t quite reach his eyes. 

Poe pretends he doesn’t notice.

****  
As Finn and Poe enter the makeshift eating area - extra tables and chairs not needed for equipment or repairs or other work all pushed together - Jessika, Rose, and Kaydel are already seated and eating some of the local fruit with their caf. They had Jessika to thank for finding their current base during her extended recon mission with Snap after the destruction of Starkiller Base. The elation she felt at returning to the General with good news was hampered by the fact that she and Snap had gotten separated in an asteroid field and never made contact again - she and Rose still check their scanners daily for any hint that Snap is still out there. 

She was proud to bring back intel that two of the three bases she had been sent to investigate were operational and undisturbed. That pride immediately evaporated when she rendezvoused with the Resistance to find only those inside the Falcon had survived the pursuit out of the Ileenium system. The story of Vice Admiral Holdo’s noble sacrifice, Luke Skywalker’s heroic last stand against Kylo Ren, and the new Jedi Rey saving them from certain death did nothing to staunch the pain of losing Tallie, Paige, and too many others. 

Her bonds with the remaining fighters were the only thing keeping her together the first months after her return. With Rose’s fierce belief in the cause and Kaydel’s quiet pragmatism there to light her spirits in moments of doubt, she has slowly renewed her enthusiasm for the fight.

“Good morning Rebels,” Poe greets his friends while pouring a cup of caf.

“Or insurgents, as Hux likes to call us.” Rose quipped around a bite of fruit.

“Oh is that what we are now? Weren’t we terrorists last month?” Poe says as he and Finn sit down across from Rose and Kaydel, next to Jessika.

“Eh, it’s all the same. Spark that lights the fire etcetera. As long as we are making life harder from them who cares what they call us,” Rose smiled, “that’s the point, right?” Murmurs of agreement bubble around the table. 

Enjoying a beat a silence as they dig in to their breakfast, Finn takes a sip of his caf only to immediately spit it out.

“ROSE!” He exclaims, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. 

“Yes?” Rose giggled coyly, “do you like the caf?”

“Kaydel I thought we agreed to never let Rose make the caf?” Kaydel snorts at Finn’s indignation. 

“I’m sorry Finn, Rose got up before me and had already made it by the time I got here...you’ll just have to suffer through.” Kaydel shrugged.

“Kriffing hell,” Finn glared down into his mug, “Rose I love you and you are a great mechanic slash human slash Commander slash genius but you cannot make caf to save your life.” 

“Thanks Finn. Now everyone as your superior officer I must remind you that you are needed in the General’s quarters for a briefing in less than ten, so stop complaining about my excellent caf and get a move on.” Rose smiled as she stands up from the table. Poe and Kaydel make a show of saying yes ma’am followed by an enthusiastic sip of caf. “Finn?” Rose asked with a shit-eating grin.

“Yes ma’am, Commander Tico.” Finn murmured saltily into his cup. 

“Wait,” Jessika interrupted, “Isn’t Rey supposed to be at the briefing too?”

“Yeah where is she? She never skips a meal.” Poe looked around the other tables.

“I think I saw her training in the hangar.” Kaydel waves her arms in a vague imitation of martial arts.

“Ok, I’ll get her. See you at the briefing.” Rose bids her friends goodbye and makes for the hangar to get Rey.

****  
Unable to get back to sleep after another unsettling dream, Rey had made her way to the corner of the hangar she had made into a makeshift training space to meditate on her dream and calm her thoughts. A year ago she had been nobody, a scavenger on a desolate planet in the middle of nowhere, and now? Now she was the spark of the Resistance, assassin of Supreme Leader Snoke, the heir to Luke’s legacy, the last Jedi...at least, that’s what people whispered around the base. 

Some whispers were less than kind in their curiosity, wondering who she really is, where she came from, what she wants out of all this. Do you think she ever Jedi mind-tricks us? They ask when they think she cannot hear. Can she read our minds? Why doesn’t she have a lightsaber? How did she escape Snoke’s flagship unscathed? 

_I didn’t,_ she sighs to herself in response, but they don’t - can’t - know that. 

These questions and assumptions weigh heavy on her shoulders as she endeavours with little success to connect to the Force, study the Jedi texts, and repair the Skywalker saber. All while keeping the truth of what really happened on Ach-to and the Supremacy hidden. 

Rey is exhausted. 

Coupled with the puzzling contents of her dream - _her, dressed in black and holding a red saber as unstable as the one wielded by Kylo Ren. Then Ben, in a disheveled black sweater wielding a blue saber_ \- her unrest crackles in the Force. Breathing, she tries to centre herself but is met with _Kylo Ren impaled by his own weapon at her hands, and her own body, lying lifeless and cold, alone._

“No!” She cries out. “I am not alone,” she inhales shakily, “I am not alone.” An equally shaky exhale. _You’re not alone,_ a memory echoes in her mind.

She breathes and breathes and breathes for what seems like hours, but cannot find any peace. Opening her eyes, the chrono on the wall tells her only 10 minutes has passed. Shaking her head, she stands to face the training dummy assembled together out of spare parts. It is roughly the shape and size of a large human male and sturdy enough that she can hit it repeatedly with her staff. If she breaks it - and she does, multiple times a week - she reassembles it. 

_Fixing broken things,_ she thinks, _at least one thing I am good at._

Rolling her shoulders, she calls her staff to her hand and begins working through her forms. Fighting, it turned out, was another thing she was good at. Incredibly so. She imagines Master Skywalker would frown at the way her blood sings during a fight, at how the Force churns around her as she brings her staff down on the enemy. 

_“Are you always this aggressive?”_

_“Kylo Ren, accusing me of being too aggressive?” Rey snapped back at him and opened her eyes._

_“I deserve that,” Ben shrugged from his position across from her on the mat, “Really though, you can’t make the crystal heal. You are being too forceful with it.”_

_An extended period of silence- willful ignorance - on both of their ends after the Battle of Crait had been followed by screaming matches and fighting. Insults were hurled alongside objects; Rey had hit him with her staff often, more often he was able to dodge. He never tried to hit her back. The bond always closed before she could actually hurt him. After 8 months of this, a fragile camaraderie emerged involving the shared investigation of the Jedi texts, attempting to mend the broken saber, and the venting of frustration at their situations. Surrounded by people at all times, none capable of understanding, both of them were lonely._

_“I’m not trying to_ force _it, but it isn’t listening to me.” Rey retorted. They had both been seated on the floor with the crystal between them for some time, trying to meditate._

_“Sure you’re not,” Rey glared at Ben, “Either way, you need a gentler, less emotional approach. All I’m feeling from you is hostility.”_

_“Yeah well maybe it’s not the crystal I’m feeling hostile towards,” Rey huffed, “I...I can’t do this. Maybe I’m not meant to heal the saber...” She sighed, mocking “‘There is no emotion, there is peace,’” putting her head in her hands, she mumbled “I’m not a good Jedi, too emotional with no control. I don’t think I would recognize peace if it hit me on the head.”_

_“If it’s any comfort, Luke said the same things about me.” Ben sighed and repositions himself so he is next to her, both of them leaning against her bunk._

_“Are you trying to say that I should have joined you? Because we’ve gone over this and I don’t want to fight with you today.”_

_“That’s not what I meant. I just mean that in the end I wasn’t meant to be a Jedi...maybe you aren’t either. Maybe you can be something else.” Their eyes meet and Ben’s hand, soft from years of wearing gloves, curls over hers._

_“Ben-” She is interrupted by the bond closing, finding nothing but empty space beside her, “kriff.”_

Flowing seamlessly from form to form, Rey wonders not for the first time if Ben was right. If the label of Jedi is inaccurate and the Jedi code too restrictive. In the last four months she had never brought up with him again, unwilling to admit what her new identity was; a mask that she hides behind. They are more similar than she cares to admit, Rey of Jakku and Ben Solo. It makes her angry. 

Angry at the universe for placing them on opposing sides of a war that seems unwinnable. Angry that neither of them can leave the side they are on. Angry at her own cowardice, her inability to admit to Leia that she is connected across space and time to her lost son, that he is conflicted and needs help. Most of all, she is angry at Snoke for tearing Ben from his family and leaving all of them with scars that may never heal. Her anger pours out on the training dummy as she unleashes her full strength. It groans under the force of the blows she delivers at an increasingly rapid pace. Sweat drips down her forehead, getting in her eyes and obscuring her vision. Relying on the Force to guide her, she continues to collide her staff with the dummy. In her mind it takes on the twisted shape of a disfigured abuser in golden robes, and she screams as she continues to assault it with concussive hits. Lifting her arms for a final stroke, she lets out a guttural yell in preparation for what will surely be a killing blow, splitting his scarred head open and spilling his - 

Her staff is abruptly stopped midair. Blinking, she belatedly realizes that she is crying. A familiar hand gloved in black holds her staff. Her wet eyes look up to meet his, and find them shining with concern. Ben uses his firm grip on Rey’s staff to pull it from her hands, leaving it to clatter to the ground. Taking a step closer, Ben’s whiskey coloured eyes scan her face. Rey fails to stifle a sob.

He brings his hand to cup her cheek, thumbing away the tears that linger there. Whispering reverently, “Rey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave a comment or kudos if you liked :)


	3. A Feeling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if there is anybody reading this, I'm new to fiction writing and have no idea how fast I can write or when I'll be posting.  
> right now this just seems to be pouring out of me, so hopefully ch4 will come soon.  
> much love  
> ~k

Tomorrow is the anniversary of Paige Tico’s death.

The year has passed Rose by in a blur. The whirlwind of meeting Finn, zapping him, meeting Poe, making a plan, embarking on a dangerous unsanctioned trip to save the fleet, the Battle of Crait, and savings Finn’s life ended with Rose unconscious. She was asleep for three weeks, according to Dr. Kalonia. Extensive bacta had to be applied to help knit a broken femur and three fractured ribs back together, and three more weeks of bed-rest after she woke up was required to heal her concussion. Finn was by her side the entire time, bringing her meals, updating her on Resistance goings on, and cheerleading her through some physical therapy for her legs.

He was constantly by her side, but only as a friend. She had returned from Canto Bight hoping one day, maybe, there could be something more between them. Rose woke up from her coma to find that he had already found that something more in Poe. She was happy for them, and still is.

Poe is a good man. It took four months, but Rose forgave him for his rash actions that resulted in the death of her sister - and too many others. Paige died for the cause she loved, and Poe has learned his lesson - choosing to stay at the rank of Captain and lead the Resistance Navy. Leaving higher command to those better suited. He and Finn are lucky to have each other.

Finn and Poe’s relationship was not the only surprise waiting for Rose when she returned to consciousness; the second was a promotion. Once her leg had healed enough for her to walk unassisted, they held a ceremony - which was really a fancy meeting - for the promotion of Kaydel Ko Connix to the rank of Captain, and for the promotion of Rose Tico from mechanic to Commander. Quite the upgrade. Rose shed a few tears and thanked General Organa more times than was necessary, all the while wishing Paige was there.

_“I wish there was a way to tell her, to show her what I have achieved and that Resistance survived.” Rose sighed to Rey after the ceremony as they sat together on Rose’s bunk._

_“She knows.” Rey tentatively placed her hand over Rose’s. Rey had never touched her before, on purpose at least. Rose moved closer to Rey, resting her head on her friend’s shoulder. Rey squeezed her hand, “Paige is with you, she always will be. And she knows.”_

_That moment might be Rose’s favourite memory of her time with the Resistance._

Rose knew two things about Rey from the moment they met: one, that Rey was in desperate need of a friend; and two, that the Resistance - small as they were at that time - was probably made up of more people than Rey had ever been around in her life. Carefully, Rose has chipped away at the hard exterior Rey shields herself with. Asking for help on mechanical repairs, offering to share a snack, asking her how her Jedi training is going. When they were sharing quarters, Rose never pried when Rey was quiet, and gracefully said she didn’t even notice when Rey would apologize for her nightmares. Truthfully, it had been hard not to notice. Rey would moan, or scream, or sob, and once Rose even woke up floating above her bed. Not wanting to ruin on the budding trust between them, Rose never asked any questions. The war has hurt everyone, some more than others.

Rey will share when she is ready.

Rose would hate to admit it, but Poe and Finn moving into the same quarters had been a life-saver. Rey was able to move into her own personal room, and Rose was able to get a decent night's sleep uninterrupted by Rey sobbing for Ben - who is Ben? Is he alive? Did Kylo Ren kill him? - or screaming in phantom pain. She always made a point, though, to see Rey once everyday when they were both on base. Even if just to say hello.

Rey is outwardly powerful and fierce. Rose likes to believe she is one of the few who is able to see beyond that to where Rey is lonely, and scared.

_“Let’s just see if she’s awake,” Finn’s voice carried through the door._

_“I am awake Finn, come in!” Rose responded cheerfully, using a pillow to prop herself up. Finn walked in to Rose’s room carrying her lunch, followed by a woman with brown hair pulled out of her face into a half ponytail. The first thought Rose had was that this woman was beautiful, painfully so._

_The second was that she seemed incredibly sad._

_“Rose, I brought your lunch,” Finn set the tray down next to the bed, “and I also brought...well, I mean, this is Rey. She wanted to meet you now that you are awake.”_

_“Hi,” Rey gave a soft smile, “nice to meet you.” Her lilting Coruscanti accent was a pleasant surprise to Rose hears._

_“Nice to finally meet you too Rey, I have heard lots about you.” Rey’s cheeks flushed slightly at that, betraying her discomfort with attention._

_“Good things, I hope…” Rey murmured._

_“Of course! Finn talked about you like you hung the moon.”_

_“I did not!” Finn narrowed his eyes at Rose, exaggerating his indignation._

_“Agree to disagree then.” Rose grinned playfully at them both and began to eat, “So, Rey, tell me about yourself!”_

_“Uhm, not much to tell, I don’t think...besides Finn probably said all the important stuff already,” Rey shrugged as her eyes moved around the room, “I’m not that interesting,” she finished lamely, wringing her hands in her lap._

_“I doubt that,” Rose said around a bite of bread, “where are you from?”_

_“Jakku.” The name rang a bell, but Rose has not travelled much._

_“What’s it like? I’ve never been.”_

_“Hot. It’s a desert planet.” Suddenly Rose knew why it’s familiar. Jakku, the planet over which one of the final confrontations with the Empire occurred._

_“The starship graveyard is there, right? All the big star destroyers wrecked in the sand?” Rose noticed how Rey’s eyes lit up._

_“Yes! I used to scavenge the old ships for parts.”_

_“Climbing around old Empire machinery? Count me in, that sounds amazing.” Rose turns and smiles in time to see Rey’s expression drop._

_“It was...it was certainly...something.” A loaded silence fills the room, as Rey resumes her hand wringing._

_“And what about your family? Are they on Jakku?” Finn shot Rose a warning look but it registered too late and the question had already been asked._

_“I don’t have any family,” Rey responded, “they’re dead.”_

_“Oh,” Rose carefully chewed another piece of bread, swallowing, “mine too.” At that Rey lifted her eyes, making and maintaining eye contact with Rose for the first time in their conversation, “a lot of us here are the last of our families,” Rose continued, “but...the Resistance sort of is a family, don’t you think?”_

_“Yes,” Rey nodded slowly, looking from Finn back to Rose, “yes it is.” Rose smiled contentedly at them both._

_“Actually Rey, Rose and I were just talking yesterday abou-” Rey stood abruptly, cutting Finn off._

_“Sorry to interrupt Finn,” she said after a beat, her eyes focused somewhere far away, “I actually...I should go now. Enjoy the rest of your lunch Rose.”_

_Rey left the room so fast she probably did not hear Rose call “It was nice to meet you Rey!” after her._

Walking towards the hangar to remind her friend about their upcoming briefing, Rose does some mental math and realizes it has been almost a week since she has had a conversation with Rey. The Jedi is always training, repairing ships, or knee-deep in the old texts she got from Luke Skywalker. It briefly crosses her mind that Rey is avoiding her, but Rose dismisses that thought. It’s war time, they are all busy.

Telltale sounds of Rey’s staff hitting her target and laboured breathing grow louder as Rose turns the corner into the area her friend cobbled together into a pseudo-training room. Just a couple of spare mats on the floor and the hunk of metal that passes as a target dummy. Stepping into the room, Rose watches as Rey’s movements increase in speed, equal parts lethality and grace.

Suddenly, Rose hears somebody crying over the repeated thwacks of the staff, turning her head to scan the room for another person. They are alone.

Rey is crying. Sobbing, shoulders shaking as she lands blow after blow on the dummy which is rapidly losing structural integrity. A scream is released from Rey’s throat, causing Rose to take a step forward while Rey brings her staff down for the most forceful hit yet. Bracing for the sound of impact, Rose covers her ears.

No sound comes.

The staff never hits the target.

Instead, Rey’s movement is stopped mid air as though it has hit a wall. Rose steps toward her friend only to stop when the staff clatters to the ground, followed by another sob.

“Rey?” Rose keeps her distance.

Drawing in a sharp breath, Rey turns to face Rose, wiping her cheeks hastily, “Rose. Hi. Sorry, you startled me.”

“I didn’t know you could startle a Jedi.” Regretting her attempt to lighten the mood when she sees Rey’s expression darken, “hey,” she takes Rey’s hand in hers, “it was a bad joke, I’m sorry.”

Rey holds her friend’s hand limply, but doesn’t let go.

“Rey,” Rose gently whispers, “we have a meeting with the General in a couple minutes. That’s why I came to get you.”

“Kriff, I’m sorry. I must have lost track of time,” looking to the wall-mounted chrono, Rey exclaims “ _Kriff!_ we really need to go we are going to be la-” starting to walk away, Rose tightens her grip on Rey’s hand.

“Rey.” The firmness in Rose’s voice halts Rey in her tracks.

“Rose?” Their eyes meet, Rey’s shadowed with deep bags, puffy from crying. Rose squeezes her hand twice.

“Have you been sleeping?”

“I...Rose, the meeting, we should really ge-”

“ _Rey_ ,” Even firmer this time, “I am not a Jedi, but that doesn’t mean you can get away with lying to me.”

Rey nods.

“I’m your friend Rey. All I want is for you to be okay, to look out for you.” Rey nods again, blinking rapidly to keep tears from falling, “Rey, have you slept at all this week?”

Rey swallows, “a couple of hours here and there. It’s been hard with...with the dreams...I…” she trailed off, helpless.

“Ok. Thank you for telling me. Now, why don’t you go get changed out of your training clothes and meet us at the briefing? I’ll tell the General you are on your way.” Rose squeezes Rey’s hand one more time before letting go.

“Thanks.” Rey walks out of the room side by side with Rose, only to stop and look back at her training dummy with a sad expression.

“You’ll fix it up,” Rose offered, “just like you always do.”

“..what?” Rey looks back at Rose, confused.

“Your training target dummy man metal hunk thing, you were just looking at it all sad and I said you could fi-”

“Oh, right. Yeah,” through a forced smile. Rey gives a rushed “see you at the meeting” before turning away from the hangar towards her quarters, leaving a puzzled Rose behind.

Maybe Rey is avoiding her after all.

****

Leia Organa is many things.

Princess of a destroyed world. Daughter of a revered Senator and Rebel. Leader of the fight against the First Order. A figure of inspiration for those across the galaxy.

She is also a widow. A mother whose son was poisoned by a predator’s whispers of greatness and destiny.

Leia Organa is not a Jedi, but she knows the Force well enough to know the truth.

She is dying.

She should have died already - thrust out into space with no protection except the Force, she is lucky to have made it this far. Leia is grateful for the chance to rebuild the Resistance and reignite the rebellion in systems near and far.

But Leia is also tired. Not like at the end of a long day. She is physically and emotionally exhausted. Not wanting to cause panic, she has kept these feelings to herself while quietly getting her affairs in order. A last will and testament, detailing what to do about both the Resistance and her personal belongings has been written. With ink, on actual paper. A final tribute to her lost son.

_“Will you give this to Rose? When the time is right?” Leia handed Maz an envelope._

_“And how will I know?”_

_“It’s not sealed,” Leia gives the old pirate queen a soft smile “thank you, Maz.”_

_“Dear Princess,” Maz patted Leia’s hand softly, “of course.”_

Leia’s time is not up yet, but it is slowly running out.

Poe knocks before opening the door. The General’s living room has become their de facto briefing room for the higher level leadership, containing five soft chairs and a round table.

“Come in Captain Dameron,” Leia gestures to the seats. Finn and Kaydel follow, taking their respective seats. One chair is still empty, “where is Commander Tico?”

“Rose just went to get Rey, they’ll be here shor-”

“General,” Rose bursts into the room, “Rey is on her way.”

“Alright then, best get started,” Leia nods to Rose, “You have decoded a message for us, is that correct?”

“Yes General. It was sent to us using your frequency and labelled as urgent. It was protected by some pretty serious encryption but I managed to crack it. It reads:

‘I am an ally, seeking to meet to provide valuable intel.  
Bring Rey of Jakku and the former stormtrooper with you to the Black Spire Outpost.’”

Poe lets out a low whistle, “It’s a trap. Asking specifically for Rey? We know Hux has a bounty on her.” As Poe speaks, Rey enters the room quietly, nodding to Leia and taking her usual spot standing near the door. _Always on guard, that girl_ , Leia gives her a smile.

“It’s not necessarily a trap,” Kaydel suggested, “with that wording...usually the First Order just calls Rey ‘the Jedi’. I don’t even know if Hux knows her name.”

“Kylo Ren knows her name though,” Poe replied, “he probably told Hux. Finn, what do you think?”

“I…” all eyes in the room turned to Finn. “I don’t think it’s a trap.”

“Based on what?” Rose asked the question they were all thinking.

“I don’t know. An instinct...a feeling.” Finn shrugged. Nobody hears Rey whisper “the Force” under her breath.

Kaydel sighs, “with respect to your feelings Finn, we don’t even know who this message is from.”

“Actually,” Rose piped up, “there was a signature, I don’t think it was a name but it was signed ‘Fulcrum’. I mean I don’t know a Fulcrum but-”

“Fulcrum?” Leia leaned forward in her chair, “Rose, you’re certain?”

“Yes General...why?”

Rubbing her hand over her mouth contemplatively, Leia inhales. “Fulcrum was, - is, I suppose - a code name used in the early days of the Empire by one of my father’s closest allies,” Leia sighed, “it’s a sacred code name, not just anybody would use it.”

“Why have we never heard about this Fulcrum if they’re so important?” Poe raised his eyebrows at Leia.

“ _Because_ they’re so important. Fulcrum is one of the best kept secrets in the Rebellion.” Leia shrugged.

“We need to go.” Finn said, placing his hands on the table.

“Finn. Just because you’re feeling li-”

“He’s right.” The General interrupted Kaydel, “You need to go. Rey, Finn, Poe, and Chewie take one of our smaller ships to meet Fulcrum, be on your guard. When is this meeting supposed to take place Rose?”

“Tomorrow, midday,” Rose makes a quick calculation on her datapad, “you’ll have to leave in the morning to get there in time.”

“Ok, that settles it.” Leia stands and meets Rey’s gaze, “anything to add, Rey?”

Rey shakes her head, “no General. I’ll be ready in the morning.”

“Dismissed.” Leia nods her goodbye and makes her back to her personal room, a chorus of “thank you General” following her.

Just as the door is about to close, Admiral D’Acy’s head sticks through. “General? Could I have a moment to go ov-”

“No,” Leia brusquely cutting her off. She lets out a slow exhale, “I’m sorry Admiral, I just need a minute.”

“Sure, of course General.” The door is finally shut, and the room is quiet. Leia walks into her quarters.

Opening a box that sits atop her dresser, she gently sets out the contents. One of her mother’s traditional Alderaanian combs. A card Ben hand wrote for her with his calligraphy set. The medal she gave Han after the destruction of the first Death Star.

Leia Organa has been many things throughout her life, but she never thought she would get old. _I don’t think either of us did,_ she smiles sadly, holding Han’s medal in her hand.

She allows herself this moment, just one moment, to shed a tear. For her brother, her husband, her best friend, and for the baby boy she never watched grow up. _I miss you._ Leia lets out a shaky breath.

_I miss you._

Wiping the solitary tear off her cheek, Leia inhales and squares her shoulders. Her time in this life in dwindling, but it is not over yet.

Leia Organa has been many things, but she has never been a quitter.

****

Across the galaxy, blanketed by the downpour on the surface of Arkanis, the Supreme Leader is awoken from his restless sleep by a sound he has not heard in years.

The sound of his mother’s voice.

_I miss you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! leave a comment, kudos, or bookmark if you enjoyed :)
> 
> REFERENCES:  
> [ Avenger's Endgame spoiler's ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bs5nYcVhsS4)


	4. Fulcrum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you're reading, my goal is post a chapter a week...we will see how that goes.  
> thanks!  
> edited for typos on 1/17

“How will we know who this Fulcrum is? They didn’t specify a species or a language or…” Poe trails off, “honestly Finn, this is a trap.”

Finn shrugs from his seat in the cockpit, “The General gave the order for us to go, so here we are. I don’t think it’s a trap, but we’re prepared for the worst.”

Chewie gave an affirmative growl from the co-pilot seat.

“I know Chewie, but I just don’t like flying in with such little intel and no backup.” Poe slumps.

“We’ve got backup,” gesturing behind him, Finn continues “Rey’s backup.”

As soon as the ship had entered hyperspace, Rey left the cockpit mumbling something about meditation. It’s been two hours and she has still not returned.

“Is she…” Poe works his jaw, “is she okay? I mean yes, I know she’s the Jedi and she’s our best fighter but, I mean I haven’t had a conversation with her in...weeks. And she still hasn’t fixed the lightsaber and-”

“I know. And I understand that you’re worried about her, I am too,” Finn rests a hand on Poe’s shoulder, “but imagine how hard it must be, trying to learn about the Force and become a Jedi by herself? I mean she hardly got a chance to train with Luke before he died. And those old books, I mean Threepio has been trying to help translate but we both know he isn’t the easiest to work with.”

Poe huffed out a laugh, “yeah, yeah you’re right,” he nodded, “I just want to make sure she’s okay, is all.”

At that, Chewie checked the controls and makes a soft suggestion to Poe.

“Sure buddy, I’ll go check on her. She’ll wanna be here when we come out of hyperspace.” Poe stands up and walks towards the cabin at the back of the ship, wondering if he’ll find Rey asleep for once.

Despite the larger than life presence the rumours of a Jedi conjured in the minds of those around the galaxy, Rey seems to take up as little space as possible. Rey keeps to herself; always a ship to repair or Jedi things to do - what is it that Jedi do? Poe isn’t quite sure, but that’s not his business. Even when Rey does join them at meal times, she eats quietly and leaves when she is finished. After the Battle of Crait, it had been at least a month before Poe held a full conversation with the young woman.

_He had been stretching in the hangar, prepping for a pre-dawn run around the base. Poe could never fall back asleep once he was up, haunted by torture, death, failure, and loss._

Dead heroes. No leaders.

_Maybe one day he would be able to forgive himself._

I didn’t know we had the best pilot in the Resistance on board.

_Maybe one day he would be able to heal._

_With a shake of his head, he was ready for a run. After stretching his neck from side to side, Poe inhaled and began at a slow jog, making his way through the various parked ships, only to stop at a clatter echoing from his left._

_“Kriff.” A frustrated groan sounded from the same direction. Poe walks closer to the sound, to find a pair of legs dangling out from under one of their decommissioned X-Wings._

_“Rey?” Poe crouched to see her face, marked with grease stains from where she had been pushing hair out of her eyes. A brief head to toe scan revealed Rey to still be in her sleepwear: standard-issue tan pants and a matching tan tunic. Her disheveled hair bore some resemblance to the half-up half-down style she favoured. “Rey, what are you doing?”_

_“I’m just, “ She pulled at some wires, “trying to rewire th- AH.” Her hand yanked back as sparks shot out. “Kriff…”_

_“Rey come out from under there.” She reluctantly climbed out to stand with Poe next to the ship. “Is your hand okay?” Rey nodded, “Good. Now, what are you doing?”_

_“I’m fixing the ship.”_

_“Yeah I got that. What I meant is, why?”_

_“It needs to be repaired.”_

_“Rey, the sun isn’t even up yet. Why are you repairing the ship now? You should be sleeping...I mean” he gestured to her outfit, “it looks like you were sleeping. Why aren’t you still?”_

_Rey picked at the bottom of her tunic with her hands and shuffled her weight from foot to foot._

_“Rey?”_

_Rey sighed. “The ship needs to be repaired, and I am good at fixing things. I couldn’t sleep so I thought I’d do something useful and…”_

_For the first time since they met, Poe takes a hard look at Rey. He sees the way her shoulders sag slightly as she explains herself, the bags under her eyes, her unwashed hair. Notices the way her clothes hang limply off her body, and thinks about how her plate is always less than half full during meals and the fact that she never gets seconds. Finn has shared what he knows about Rey’s life on Jakku, which isn’t much, but it’s enough for Poe to put the pieces together. He sees her eyes, blinking with unshed tears._

_“Rey. You don’t have to work to earn your place here.” Her gaze shoot to his._

_“I know that...I’m not, I just wanted to-”_

_“_ Rey. _You are allowed to rest. Encouraged, even. The General isn’t going to send you away if you spend the morning relaxing. You’ll work yourself to death.”_

_“I…” her shoulders shake, “I want to be useful.”_

_“You are. I promise. But you also need to take care of yourself, and be healthy, right?” She nodded affirmatively, “Ok. So, leave the ship for today. Bathe, get dressed, go for a walk...rest,”_

_Rey gave him a nervous smile, “Ok.”_

_“Seriously though,” he nudged her shoulder with his, “go do it or I’ll get the General to order you to.”_

_A small laugh left her lips at that, and she made her way back inside. Poe made a mental note to ask Finn if he has noticed anything off with Rey recently._

****

Unbeknownst to the other members of the mission, the ship they had taken was small enough that Rey could hear everything said in the cockpit from her quarters. It was no Falcon. Uncrossing her legs and standing from the floor, Rey straightened her clothes. She rotated through two sets - Rose said there were more, but it seemed wasteful to own more - no longer needing the arm-wraps or light colours required for life on Jakku. Choosing what clothing to wear had been a foreign concept at first, but like with everything, she adjusted. Today Rey wore her favourite combination. Grey capri pants with a matching long sleeved v-neck tunic, a black vest, black boots, and the brown hooded cloak Leia had given her lay on the bunk. The only item she still used from Jakku was the belt that secured Han’s blaster to her thigh and held an empty space for her lightsaber.

Her hair hung in a solitary long braid down her back.

Poe opened the door to the cabin.

“Coming out of hyperspace?” She picked her cloak up and shrugged it on.

“Yep. Figured you’d want to land the ship.” Poe offered, sheepish.

“Well, it might be a trap so we will need the landing gear intact if we need to make a quick get away.” Rey eyed him sassily. The last time Rey had let Poe pilot the Falcon he had crashed it, resulting in almost a days worth of repairs. Luckily, said landing - if you could call it that - occurred at the base.

They made their way back to the cockpit, everybody settling in their respective seats to prep for their landing on the outskirts of the Outpost. Finn, Rey, and Poe made their way down the ramp as Chewie warbled at them.

“Yes we know, I have the comm with me,” Finn raised his hand, waving the comm at the Wookiee, “we will keep you updated.” Chewie walked back up the ramp, satisfied.

Walking into town, the trio slowed as they entered one of the main thoroughfares. Seeing nobody and nothing that they recognized.

“So where do we start?” Rey looks at her companions.

“Well, they did ask for you two by name,” Poe gestured at Rey and Finn “so, maybe we just find a place to wait and they’ll come to us? Finn, what do you thi-”

Finn was walking away. He stopped when he realized Poe and Rey were not with him, and waved them to follow. Poe and Rey share a confused shrug, and make after their friend. As they walked off the main road and down a smaller alley, all three of them failed to notice a surveillance droid hovering in the distance.

Eventually, they came to a stop outside a dilapidated repair shop.

“Finn, babe, I know you said you had a feeling, and I trust you, but what are we doing here? We probably already missed the-” Rey holds her hand up.

_The anger, the hate, the suffering_

“Poe, I think-” Rey inhaled sharply.

_You can’t save your master, just as I couldn’t save mine._

“Rey?” Her breathing has gone shallow, eyes blinking rapidly.

_These are your first steps._

Her vision refocuses. “This is the place. Fulcrum,” Rey reaches for the door, “Fulcrum is inside.”  
Finn and Poe draw their blasters, and Rey opens the door.

Inside sits a middle aged man with a hood pulled over his head, hands on his lap and eyes closed. As the Resistance crew crosses the threshold, he opens his eyes revealing a sharp gaze with deep blue, almost purple eyes. The man pulls his hood back and stands.

“Stop right there!” Poe takes a step forward, blaster trained on the man who raises his hands.

“Poe.” Finn hisses.

“No, Finn. We don’t know who this is, or what he wants. I’m not lowering my blaster until-”

“It’s quite alright. I didn’t expect you to trust me right off the bat. I am glad you found me, I was beginning to think you hadn’t got my message.” The man smiled calmly, “as a demonstration of good faith, I have something for you.” Gesturing to a pack on the table next to him.

Rey steps forward and opens it, spilling the contents on the table, and gasps.

“Finn, come look at this.” She calls excitedly, her hands moving the documents around, and turning on one of the datapads.

“Finn what is it?” Poe still holding his blaster steady.

“It’s…” He swipes through the datapad, eyes widening, “it’s logs. Blueprints, supply movements...it’s intel, from inside the First Order.” At that, Poe lowers him arms, incredulous.

“You have a spy inside the First Order?” Poe asks the man.

“Several, in fact.” He responds, lowering his hands. “And these,” he gestures at a couple old notebooks, “are for you, Rey of Jakku.”

She picks one up and leafs through the pages, finding notes on kyber crystals, sketches of lightsaber forms, maps of what Rey assumes are temple ruins on various planets. Looking at the man, she tilts her head.

“You’re a Jedi?”

He laughs. “These are notes I have compiled over the years about the Force, but I am no Jedi.”

“Who are you?” Poe puts down the datapad to look at this mystery man.

“I am Fulcrum, and it’s best that you not know any more than that. Please, take all of this with you. Before you go, I do have one last piece of information to offer that is quite urgent - the First Order has discovered your base and is planning a strike tomorrow. You need to evacuate.”

“I’ll comm Chewie, tell him to let the General know.” Finn steps outside to make the call, as Rey starts packing up the materials. Once they’re put away, she hands the pack to Poe.

“Get back to the ship and help Chewie ready for take off. We’ll need to get back to help with evac.” Poe nods and heads out the door with Fulcrum’s intel.

“Rey,” Finn re-enters the room with a pinched look on his face, “I commed Chewie, they’ll start evac immediately. But we have a bigger problem. We’ve got company. Incoming TIEs.”

Rey lets out a groan, “how did they find us?”

“It’s the bounty Rey, they keep increasing the amount on your head, a local probably called it in.” Finn grabs her hand, “come on.”

“Thank you,” she turns to Fulcrum, “you need to hide.”

“And you need to leave.”

Finn and Rey make for the door, readying their blasters.

“And Finn,” the man calls, his indigo eyes glinting, “may the force be with you.”

****

Kylo Ren enters his quarters, shedding his gloves and cloak now that his day of meetings has concluded. Leading the First Order is tedious and not at all what he wanted. Power, glory, legacy. All the things that Snoke had promised him, he now had. A year since he killed that slimy creature, and still he was surprised to wake up finding his head empty of voices. Free of any influence that was not his own. He cannot remember a time that his head was this quiet. Ever.

The only person privy to his thoughts now is Rey, by accident, usually. A side effect of the strong Force Bond Snoke lied about creating. Unpredictably, they were sent into each other’s worlds for a couple seconds, minutes, once even an hour. Sometimes he sees her every day for nearly three standard weeks. Sometimes he doesn’t see her for what feels like an eternity. He can always feel her, though. If he closes his eyes and reaches out, imagining it like a red string tethering them through space. At the end of the string, he can feel Rey, her life force, her energy, and snippets of her emotions. Now, he feels an echo of her aggression and frustration.

 _Typical_. He opens his eyes. _Always angry at something._ More often than not, he was the target of her ire. Maybe he is now.

In their calmer moments, they talk. They talk and he slowly learns that they are not so different. She has found herself in the middle of a galaxy-wide war, fighting beside heroes she thought were myths, following orders for the cause.

Having been manipulated since before birth, Kylo had also found himself in the middle of that same war, subjected to brutal training, - torture, really - and following orders. Both of them, given a second to think and reflect, have realized that they have no idea what they actually want. She spent her entire life too busy trying to survive to think about wanting anything beyond an end to her loneliness or water. He spent his entire with a monster living in his head, spewing toxic lies about bloodlines and destiny.

If Kylo thinks hard enough, he can remember the last material object he wanted. A calligraphy set.

_I want you to join me._

He wanted to be a pilot, like his father. To fly from system to system in the Falcon in the company of Han Solo, the best pilot in the galaxy, but more importantly, Ben Solo’s dad.

_I want to be free of this pain._

But he is long past those days. Now, he leads a tyrannical force that inspires fear. First Order officers and personnel alike shrink back when he stalks by with his Knights.

 _If this is my destiny, why is it so hollow?”_ He sighs. Kylo Ren does not know what he wants. Even if he did, the last time he expressed what he wanted out loud, Rey left.

The time before that, he killed Han Solo.

A stunning track record.

As he sits in the armchair next to his desk, the now familiar sound of the air leaving the room greets him. Kylo wonders what state she will be in today, after he found her furious and sobbing while training with her staff yesterday. He lets out a long exhale, and moves his eyes around the room.

Finding her standing to his right, he immediately stands and move towards her.

Rey is limping, blood dripping down her right leg. Lots of blood. She stops to lean on what is likely a wall, her breathing laboured. Hair is falling out of her braid and her brown cloak is ripped.

“Ben?” She stumbles.

“Rey, what happened?” He stands in front of her, scanning for more signs of injury. Rey groans and clutches at her right shoulder. Placing one hand on her waist to steady her, he reaches for the shoulder Rey is gripping. As he peels her hand off, it comes away bloody. Belatedly, he realizes her entire right side is soaked with blood, the dark colours of her outfit masking the stains. He moves his hand from her right him to shoulder, checking for more damage.

“Ben...I-”

Rey passes out.

He reaches to catch her, but she is gone. The bond has closed, leaving Kylo stunned in his quarters.

His left hand is covered in Rey’s blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you liked it let me know!
> 
> REFERENCES:
> 
> [ can fluids be passed through the bond? ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=meGBvDCe1xo)
> 
> [ who is Fulcrum? ](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Fulcrum_\(title\))


	5. Anger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!  
> tags updated to include Graphic Depictions of Violence.  
> my first attempt at writing a fight scene...hopefully not too clunky.  
> a little less introspection in this chapter and more fighting.  
> enjoy!

As Finn, Poe, and Rey run back to the ship the screech of TIE Fighters fills the air. Looking up, Rey sees about a dozen make a pass over the outpost but not firing.

“Why aren’t they shooting at us?” Poe yells.

“You want them to shoot at us?” Finn gets to the ship first, running in to assume the gunner position.

Poe and Rey start to climb the ramp but Rey stops.

When she was young and first scavenging for Plutt, Rey would walk through the bellies of the ships not knowing which parts she should take. Once, she had found nothing of value and had been on her way back to her AT-AT when she felt a prickle in the back of her skull. The prickle told her not to leave just yet, and lead her back towards a control panel she had already opened.

Inside, buried under tangled wires, was a piece that would get her enough portions for a week.

 _Thank you,_ she whispered to the prickle.

Rey is not a child anymore, and she knows now that the feeling that had guided her towards better parts and away from danger is the Force.

“Rey?”

“Poe there’s something...something is coming.”

“Yeah,” Poe pointed behind Rey, “that.” A black command shuttle landed across the clearing from them. “Probably Kylo and his knights coming to get you. Rey we need to ge-”

A loud bang came from their ship and sparks flew everywhere. One of the overhead TIEs had finally fired and landed a shot.

“Rey!” Finn called from inside the ship, “Rey get in here we need to repair some of the-”

Another blast rocked the ship as the ramp lowered on the command shuttle. Three figures dressed in black emerged.

“Poe, get on the ship and start the repairs. I’ll hold them off until we are ready for take off.” Rey removed her staff from her back and clicked the safety off on her blaster.

“Rey you can’t-”

“Go! Get the ship ready and I’ll keep them back.” Poe nodded and ran up the ramp.

Rey took a deep breath.

She had heard about the Knights of Ren, Kylo’s soldiers. Nobody could confirm exactly how many of them there were, what species they them are, or if they are Force Sensitive. All anyone knows for sure is that they are brutal, fierce fighters. Jessika had crossed paths with them while on her recon mission, luckily they were already leaving Kijimi’s atmosphere before she landed.

The wreckage Jess had seen, as recounted to the General and everyone on base, had been catastrophic. The village had been razed to the ground; no survivors.

All of the other Resistance fighters who had encountered the Knights had died.

Walking away from her ship and towards the three knights, Rey did a mental analysis of her opponents. One was big. Taller and stronger than Kylo himself, armed with a large scythe. The next one was equally as tall but lithe and more agile - female, maybe - armed with a blaster and an axe of some sort. The last one was of similar build to Rey but shorter, two long swords holstered in their belt.

All three wore masks.

“At last, the little Jedi.” The large one said, voice modulator barely masking what was surely a sneer.

“You’re shorter than I expected,” quipped the other tall one.

Rey looked to the third Knight, waiting for them to speak. Instead, the big one spoke again. _I’ll call you Big,_ Rey thought. _Skinny,_ she looked to the one who had called her short, and _Small,_ she dubbed the silent one.

“Gotta say,” Big turned to Skinny, “she doesn’t really seem all that impressive.”

“She doesn’t even have a lightsaber.” Skinny gestured at Rey. Small remained silent, their head tilted slightly as if examining Rey. Squaring her shoulders, Rey holstered her blaster. She was already at too close of a range, and their armour was probably reinforced anyways. Hand to hand would have to do.

Staff in hand, Rey assumed her opening stance.

“Oh look at her, the little Jedi is ready.” Skinny twirled her axe.

“It’s three against one, little girl, are you sure you want to take us?” Big took a couple of steps towards Rey.

“I like those odds.” Rey snapped back, hardening her gaze.

“It speaks!” Skinny paced to the side, almost out of Rey’s peripheral vision, “I wonder if yo-”

The Knight was interrupted by Rey lunging with her staff, aiming for the ribs. Maybe it would have been better to keep them talking, stall by letting them throw insults at her, but it had been a while since Rey has been off-base with the chance to face the enemy.

Her blood is boiling for a fight.

Rey was able to land a two blows across Skinny’s midsection before being pushed back with the Force and right into the path of Big’s scythe. Letting out a low growl, Rey dodged and parried with a hit behind Big’s knees, followed by a swift jab to the head. As Big stumbled, struggling to regain their footing, Rey turned around just in time to block a strike from Skinny, her staff creaking under the weight of the axe.

Applying a forceful kick to Skinny’s groin that caused them to drop their axe, Rey lands a concussive blow to the head. She feels Skinny’s consciousness fade from the Force; alive, but down for now.

Suddenly a sharp pain pierces Rey’s right shoulder. Stumbling forward, Rey steadies herself and turns to face Small. One of Small’s swords has Rey’s blood on it.

 _You can’t let your emotions cloud your perception._ She hears Ben’s voice chiding her. _Anger isn’t useful if it blinds you_. Rey clenches her fists.

Behind Small, Big still attempting to stand and walk back towards the fight. Rey inhales, steeling herself against the agony in her right arm. Exhaling, she lunges towards Small. Injured and facing an double-wielding opponent, Rey misses more hits than she lands, barely able to keep up with the speed of the Knight’s movements. Leading with her left arm, Rey reaches to block one of the swords only to get stabbed in her right side again, this time from the front.

Groaning in pain, Rey takes a step back, panting heavily. Keeping her staff up, she tries to centre herself as blood soaks the right side of her shirt, dripping down her ribs. Closing her eyes, Rey inhales deeply.

 _It moves through and surrounds every living thing._ Rey exhales.

 _Reach out. What do you see?_ Rey opens her eyes in time to block three successive blows from Small. Striking forward, Rey knocks one of the swords out of their hands and _pushes_. The Knight goes tumbling feet over head away from Rey.

Snarling, Rey turns to face the large one, who is finally upright and lumbering towards her.

The next few minutes are a blur of strikes and counterstrikes. Rey is faster than the large Knight, but he is unbelievably strong. Her staff groans in protest after a particularly brutal blow from the scythe.

Bracing herself to block another hit, Rey is caught off guard when the scythe manages to partially embed itself in the staff. Using their connected weapons as leverage, Big lands a shattering kick to Rey’s chest that sends her to the ground.

Struggling to breathe, Rey looks up in time to see the Knight detach her staff from his scythe. Laughing cruelly, Big plants his scythe in the earth and snaps Rey’s staff in two.

Something primal and dark explodes inside Rey.

****

_“Your Force signature,” Rey inhaled as a crease appeared between her closed eyes. “Your presence in the Force is...fraught. Crackling, like your saber.” She opened her eyes._

_“Are you surprised?” Ben ran a hand through his hair._ I wonder if it’s as soft as it looks _. Rey wanted to reach out and touch it._

_“I guess I’m not surprised, I just thought because...well, you’re so powerful I thought you would have a strong connection to the Force.”_

_“Anger isn’t a weakness Rey. It can be, but…” Ben sighed. “I spent so much of my life feeling alone, frustrated, misunderstood. Snoke…he used that against me. I think now, after so long of using anger as my conduit to the Force…I, it’s hard to unlearn that.” Ben rubbed his chin. “Besides, I am more powerful in my anger, you are too.”_

_In his eyes she saw his memories of her, in the forest, in the Throne Room, mere weeks ago as she yelled at him for trying to kill her friends. Rey sees her own memories of herself, fighting those who tried to take her salvages, baring her saber over Luke Skywalker’s head - “did you try to murder him?”._

_Rey felt the truth behind his words through their connection, but there was something else. Something he had never admitted out loud. This man, a mess of contradictions. He is outwardly raging at a world that had done nothing but let him down, and yet somehow thoughtful and studious...sad._

_Underneath it all, there was a feeling...a feeling of, Rey prodded the bond gently looking for it. Ben’s eyes snapped to hers at the same moment that she found it._

Resentment.

_Ben’s mental walls slammed shut and his gaze hardened._

_“Do you wish you weren’t connected to the Fo-”_

_The connection closed._

_Rey didn’t sleep at all that night, her thoughts swimming with the image of a boy terrified of himself and a power he doesn’t understand. A boy who wanted nothing but to be a pilot, like his father._

****

Rationally, Rey knows that there is nothing left for her on Jakku. That desolate ball of sand holds nothing but bitter memories that turn to ash in her mouth. Rey knows this.

And yet, seeing her staff, one of the last pieces of her life on that horrid, barren wasteland, break in front of her sets Rey on fire.

Rey stands, channeling years of emotional suffering, her anger at her parents for abandoning her, the pain in her ribs and the blood flowing from her stab wounds, and pulls the Knight’s scythe into her hand.

Before Big even has a chance to react, Rey is on him. First, slicing his left leg and causing him to drop to one knee. As the Knight raises his forearms above his head in defense, Rey hacks at the arm closest to her. After three blows she penetrates the armour, and severs the hand from right arm. Big howls in pain.

Baring her teeth, Rey steps back. Blood spurts from the Knight’s wrist where their hand used to be. Lifting her chin as she looks down on her defeated opponent, Big lifts their functional hand in front of their face in an act of surrender.

“Plea-”

Whatever the Knight was going to say, they do not get the chance to finish. Rey doesn’t care.  
Her last decisive blow had disconnected her enemy’s head from their body.

The decapitated corpse falls to the ground, as the prickle warns Rey just in time to turn and block a hit from the silent Knight’s sword. With extra force Rey is able to send the sword flying out Small’s hand.

Preparing for another fatal hit, Rey fails to see Small grab a hidden knife from their shoe, managing to nick her in her right leg. Groaning, Rey falters as blood begins to pour down her leg.  
Kicking the knife out of Small’s hand, she flexes her hands around the scythe, stepping forward to-

“REY!”

Finn’s voice breaks through the haze of bloodlust.

“REY! The ship is ready lets go!” Disoriented, Rey leaves the Knight to crawl away, and limps back toward the ship. Climbing the ramp, she turns back towards the mess she left behind and calls the pieces of her staff to her with the Force.

Her eyes linger on the corpse that is missing a hand and a head.

Stumbling into the ship, she drops her weapons.

“Ben?” Rey thinks she sees him, maybe he says something, but her chest hurts - why is it hard to breathe?. Leaning against the wall she - is Ben touching her? Wait, why is Ben here? Is her shirt sticky? “Ben, I-”

Everything goes black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you liked it, let me know!  
> not sure if anyone is reading this but would love to engage w you in comments <3
> 
> REFERENCES:  
> [ Knights of Ren ](https://www.cbr.com/star-wars-knights-of-ren-names-battle-philosophies/)  
> Ushar = Skinny  
> Vicrul = Small  
> and the one Rey decaptitated is Trudgen. 
> 
> [ I like those odds ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXRpWNIvNxM)
> 
> [ a quote ](https://www.quotes.net/show-quote/76175)
> 
> [ Kijimi ](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Kijimi)


	6. Wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> last time on As the Force Wills It:  
> rey fought a couple of Knights on Batuu, sustained some wounds and beheaded one of them...also, her staff got wrecked :(  
> now, to the First Order!

He has no idea how much time has past since the bond closed. Kylo has been standing in his quarters, staring at the hand bloodied by Rey’s injuries, unmoving.

Taking a deep breath, he blinks rapidly. She’s not dead. He knows that.

He would feel it through their connection.

Sometimes, Kylo wonders what it would feel like. If he could even find the will to live with her end of the bond empty - or if he would just die with her. The archives of the Empire are massively incomplete when it comes to whatever phenomenon surrounds Kylo and the girl from Jakku, but he suspects that their souls are tethered.

Maybe they always have been.

_Ben Solo had always been plagued by nightmares. Tossing and turning, his dreams filled with an inky, dirty presence. A monster._

_The monster told him that his parents did not want him, that he was an accident.  
_ “It’s not true!” _He would yell at the voice, Ben’s parents did love him. In the mornings he would braid his mother’s hair and she always kissed him on the head before leaving._

_The voice told him that he was alone. That nobody would ever understand the power he had. Awoken in the night, Ben’s dad would hold him to his chest and spin stories about the past. Adventures he had been on with Uncles Chewie, Lando, and Luke._

_Ben didn’t care if the stories were true._

_One night, when Ben Solo was nine or ten years old, he had a good dream. It was like fireworks, a celebration. Like a new and beautiful flower blooming, somewhere. He woke up, his head mercifully empty of the monster’s presence. Instead, there was something else, something soft and warm. It reminded Ben of his mother’s hugs and his dad winking at him across the dinner table._

_For once, Ben went back to sleep feeling content, safe._

_He felt like he was not alone._

Kylo Ren is drawn out of his memory by the harsh ping of his comm.

“Yes, Mitaka?”

“Supreme Leader, sir,” the Lieutenant’s voice crackled through, Hux’s prattling barely audible in the background. “Two of the Knights have returned from Batuu and wish to debrief with you and General Hux.”

“Very well.” Entering the fresher to wash Rey’s blood off his hand, Kylo wonders if there is any connection between Rey’s injuries and the fact that only two Knights have returned from their mission.

They are always dispatched in groups of three.

Gently probing the bond, he lets out a soft exhale when he feels Rey’s presence on the other end. She is in pain, likely still unconscious, but alive.

Kylo tries to avoid thinking about the possibility that one day he will reach out and she will not be there. They are at war, after all. It is unlikely that both of them will live to see the end of it.

He avoids thinking about it, but he already knows what he would do if she died.

The galaxy would burn.

*****

Vicrul Ren had been the one to carry Trudgen’s corpse back to their ship. Ushar had been silent, seething at their defeat at the hands of the Jedi girl, when Vicrul asked if they should leave the body behind. In truth, she did not know if there was a protocol for this. They had never lost a Knight before.

Would they have a funeral? Does the body get burned, shot into space? Vi doesn’t know. At the very least, she figures their master would want to see the body. View the damage the Jedi inflicted.

After leaving Batuu and setting course for Arkanis, the current base of operations for the First Order, Vicrul comms Mitaka to let them know of their imminent arrival. She summons the med droid so that she and Ushar can assess their own wounds and clean up before debriefing their master.

She drifts off to sleep wondering how Kylo will take the news of their encounter with the Jedi.

Vicrul wakes several hours later to the sound of the ship alerting of their arrival at Arkanis. While General Hux prefers to keep his quarters on the Finalizer and work from the mobile command vessel, Kylo divides his time between the planet’s surface and the ship. It is not her business -or anyone’s for that matter - to question the Supreme Leader, but Vi suspects that he hates space. As dreary as Arkanis may be, the planet is alive.

She shakes her head, breathing deeply before placing her helmet back on her head. Ushar is the most outspoken Knight, and will hopefully take the lead in the brief about Batuu. Vi has spent her entire tenure as a Knight of Ren establishing and securing her reputation as the quiet one.

Better to stay under the radar, when slimeballs like Hux and Snoke are involved.

As the ramp of their shuttle lowers, Ushar stomps on to the Finalizer and shouts at nearby stormtroopers to come collect the remains. Vicrul waits on the shuttle, directing them to where she had stored the body bag.

“Where would you like us to put the uh...the body, sir?” One of the troopers asks, trailing the two Knights out of the ship and across the landing bay.

“Just follow us, the Supreme Leader will want to see it.” Ushar grunts, stalking towards the meeting room. Vi follows, not speaking.

They enter the boardroom to find Hux and the Supreme Leader already seated.

“Vicrul,” Kylo nods, “Ushar, I trust your mission to Batuu was-”

He is interrupted by Ushar roughly taking the body bag from the trooper and emptying it’s contents on the shiny black table. Hux abruptly standing to back away from the body. If the Supreme Leader is surprised that one of his Knights is dead, he does not show it.

Vi thanks the Force for her mask; surely by now the corpse has begun to rot.

“What is the meaning of...is that one of the Knights?” Hux peers from behind his chair.

“This is the handiwork of the Jedi.” Ushar seethes through her mask.

“So our intelligence was correct?” The Supreme Leader looks towards Vicrul, “She was on Batuu?”

Vi nods.

“Alone?” Kylo asked.

“No, she had a small crew. The wookie, that insufferable pilot, and the traitor.” Ushar finally sits, her frustration evident in the set of her shoulders. Vi remains standing.

“And what was the reason for their visit to the Black Spire?”

“We do not know, Supreme Leader.” Ushar growled. “By the time we arrived they were already leaving.”

An ugly silence fills the room.

“Let me get this straight,” Hux moves to stand at the head of the table, farther from the body. “Not only did you fail to capture the Jedi girl, you also failed to gather any useful intelligence and managed to get one of your fearsome companions killed by a small Resistance crew? The sheer incompetence of your unit is appalling and I cannot fathom why the Su-”

Kylo raises a gloved hand, fixing Hux with a glare.

“She has no lightsaber.” Kylo gestures to the corpse on the table, “how did she manage to remove Trudgen’s head?”

“I…” Ushar turns away from the gaze of her master, “I didn’t see it happen, but it appeared she had disarmed him and used his weapon.”

“This is outrageous!” Hux sputters. “Supreme Leader, you have insisted that your Knights are fit to take on the Jedi but this is beyond reproach! Did she even sustain any injuries from this confrontation?”

“Yes.” Ushar barked. “Vicrul was able to stab her a couple times, she was wounded.”

“Fatally?” At Hux’s question, Vi sees an indecipherable look flash across Kylo’s face, only to disappear as he turns his head to face her. He raises his eyebrows, silently repeating the General’s question.

Vi shrugs.

“Well, I do hope you managed to do something productive on this mission. Maybe if their precious Jedi is injured the Resistance will-”

“That is quite enough. General.” Kylo leans back in his chair, taking a beat to stare at the corpse of Trudgen Ren. After a couple moments, he stands. “That’ll be all.” Kylo makes his way to the viewport that functions as the entire outer wall of the boardroom, standing with his hands clasped behind his back.

General Hux and Ushar Ren bow, mumbling ‘Supreme Leader’ on their way out of the room. The door closes behind them.

Vi does not move.

Several moments pass in silence.

“You have something additional to report from Batuu, Vicrul?”

Vi doesn’t answer, weighing her options. One wrong step and she will be on the receiving end of Kylo Ren’s fury. He is more powerful, more Force sensitive than all of the Knights: she knows he must sense the turmoil, the distrust in Hux. He must be aware of how the other Knights whisper about the Jedi girl. She swallows, making her decision.

Vicrul reaches up, removing her helmet.

“Sir.”

He turns to face her, his expression betraying his shock at seeing her face for the first time. None of the Knights have ever dared to remove their helmets in public.

“Supreme Leader, sir,” she repeats. “The General’s question…”

“What question?” His eyes roam her face, taking in her appearance for the first time.

“About the Jedi girl, the status of her injuries.”

“Ah. The injuries sustained at your hand?” Kylo steps closer to Vicrul, but she does not cower.

“Yes sir.” Meeting his gaze, she steels herself, trusting - hoping - that her instincts on his feelings about the Jedi are correct, she continues calmly, “Ushar said that I stabbed the Jedi...I did, three times. But she’ll be fine. She was bleeding heavily but I made sure to miss all the major organs and arteries.”

At Vicrul’s admission, her master’s eyebrows raise, surprised.

“She was probably in a fair amount of pain, but the wounds looked worse than they were. She will make a full recovery.” Vi finished, exhaling and awaiting the judgement of the Supreme Leader.

He opened his mouth to speak, and then closed it, working his jaw.

Finally, he meets Vicrul’s gaze, narrowing his eyes.

“You’re saying that you intentionally avoided fatally wounding the enemy?”

“I was unaware that you wanted her to be fatally wounded.” Vicrul responds, not missing a beat.

At that, Kylo Ren is silent.

He stands still, save for the clenching and unclenching of his left fist.

“The Jedi girl is powerful, I saw that. Hux and most of the First Order leadership want her dead for murdering Snoke, but I do not serve the First Order, or Hux. I serve you.”

“And what is your point, Vicrul?”

Vi pauses to think of the best way to say what she needs to say and not become the second Knight of Ren to get killed today.

“I always hated Snoke and I am glad that he is dead.” She swallows. “I don’t care about the circumstances of his death...or who killed him.”

“Is that an accusation?”

“A warning, sir. Who the Jedi girl is, and what you want with her is not my business. I am loyal to you and do not gossip behind your back. Not everybody feels that way.” The implication hovers like a thick fog in the air.

Again, Kylo is silent. After a few beats, he meets her eyes.

“Your warning is appreciated.”

Vi nods. “Sir.” She dons her helmet, bows, and leaves the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was my least favourite chapter to write so far, probably because I've had a long week and today was weird.  
> hopefully it's not too boring but I'm planning next update in the next couple of days.  
> much love.


	7. Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> last week on ATFWI:  
> Hux wants the Jedi girl dead  
> Kylo has some sad thoughts about what he'd do if the Jedi girl actually died  
> Vicrul reveals that she purposefully didn't hurt Rey that badly, shows herself to be Kylo's ally, and warns Kylo to watch his back.
> 
> and now...  
> The Resistance is at the new base on Ajan Kloss.  
> Finn is worrying, Rey is stressed, and Rose is the MVP (so really, what's new).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> minor tw for brief and non-specific mention of someone being placed under medical observation due to serious depression. it's one paragraph and a single * has been placed before and after.
> 
> also,  
> I have a crazy week next week so I am planning a small update but it won't be a full chapter.

“Spies? Plural? You’re sure that’s what he said?”

“Yes General.” Poe gestured the desk, Fulcrum’s intel was strewn across. “We briefly looked through the files he provided, and it all seems legit. Plus the Jedi training notes or...I don’t know what they are, the materials he had for Rey.”

Leia leans back in her chair. “This...this is unbelievable. Commander Tico, put a small team together and start analyzing everything we’ve been provided. The intel isn’t useful if we don’t know what we’ve got.”

“Yes, General.” Rose starts packing up the materials to bring to her desk.

“And how is Rey?” Rose stills.

Between evacuating their old base, landing and settling on Ajan Kloss, and then receiving Rey’s crew back from Batuu to find the ship damaged and Rey bleeding heavily...the last three days have been a mess. Rose cannot remember the last time she got more than an hour of uninterrupted sleep.

“Still asleep, General.” Poe chimed in. “Finn is with her now. Kalonia said her injuries looked worse than they were, she’ll be fine.”

“Good. Dismissed.” Rose and Poe make their way out the door and towards their makeshift offices.

They walked in companionable silence. Mere hours on this new base and Rose knows she prefers it to the last one: the jungle is beautiful and teems with life.

Paige would have loved it.

Rey will love it, when she wakes up.

“How is she really doing?”

“Hm?” Rose blinks, Poe’s question pulling her from her daydream.

“Rey. Kalonia gave us the physical summary...but how is she, really?” Rose is drawn to a halt, and thinks hard about what Poe is asking.

Rose thinks about Rey’s nightmares, her reluctance to socialize, the obsessive way that she fixes machinery - even machines and ships that they really don’t need. Rose recalls what seems like a lifetime ago when she found Rey training with her staff, sobbing, and furious. It’s only been three days.

Her shoulders sag.

“I don’t know.” She answered honestly. “I haven’t had a chance...I...not good. I don’t think.”  
Rose sighed, frowning at Poe.

“Yeah,” he looked down at the floor, shifting on his feet. “Yeah. That’s the feeling I’ve been getting too, but I don’t know how to help or what to do, I don’t know all that-” he waved his hand around, “-Jedi stuff.”

“I know. After I drop these off at my desk I am going to go see her. I’ll talk to her when she wakes up.”

“Good. Send Finn along when you get to the Medbay? I need help unpacking into our new quarters.” Poe pats Rose on the shoulder, and turns left to make his way to the bunks.

Rose gives him a half smile.

Arriving at her desk, she trades the bag of First Order intel for the Jedi materials from Fulcrum and one of the old Jedi texts she got from Luke Skywalker. Sometimes Rose still can’t believe Rey met Master Skywalker in person - it’s easy to forget as Rey is tight-lipped about the whole thing. Grabbing the Jedi books, she makes her way to the Medbay. After greeting Finn and sending him along to his partner, Rose sits down and lets out a breath she’s been holding since Chewie had carried Rey off the ship. It had been hard to tell with the grey and black clothing, but she had been covered in blood - some of the splatter on her neck and face, Rose assumed, was not her own. But her clothes were soaked.

Sliding the chair closer to the bed, Rose takes a good look at her friend.

The bandages around Rey’s chest and shoulder peek through the sleeve and neck of her tan medical tunic. Two and a half days of sleep had been good to her. There is colour visible in her cheeks and the bags under her eyes are less prominent. The two halves of her staff have been propped up against the bedside table.

Rose reaches out to hold Rey’s hand. _How long has it been since you slept without nightmares?_. She wonders, giving the hand a gentle squeeze.

Shifting to get more comfortable in her seat, Rose imagines that Rey squeezes her hand back. Kicking off her standard issue boots, she tucks her feet up on the chair underneath her so she ca-

“Rose?” A croak sounds from the bed.

“Rey?!” Rose stands, watching as Rey slowly opens her eyes and blinks repeatedly. Beaming, the young Commander twines her fingers with Rey’s. “Hey.”

Rey swallows a couple times before speaking. “Hi. Um…” she blinks again, and then shoots up “The base! Did we evacu-”

“Yes.” Rose cuts her off, placing her hands on Rey’s shoulders to stop her from fully rising. “We are at the new base, everybody is safe, the intel was solid.” At Rose’s words, Rey slowly lies back down.

Rey is quiet, taking several deep breaths.

“Rose?”

“Mhmm?”

“On Batuu, I...I lost control, I…” with glassy eyes, she chokes out, “I killed someone.” Rey’s pain, and shame, is evident in the clench of her jaw. “He was going to...I think he was going to surrender, or beg, or...I don’t know. But he looked at me and said ‘please’, and then I just…”

“Hey.” Rose wraps both of her hands around Rey’s. Both of their palms are rough from calluses. “You were attacked. They are the enemy. You were protecting the cause, your friends. I can’t say that I like it or agree with it - all the death - but we are at war.”

“It’s just, I’ve never, I mean I’ve used a blaster at a distance and fought when I had no other choice, but this was...He was injured, and defeated. And I felt...angry. Hateful. And I murdered him.”

Rose is quiet, rubbing her thumbs across Rey’s hand and forearm in what she hopes is a comforting gesture. Rey’s version of events on Batuu varies dramatically from the heroic tale Poe had spun about their Master Jedi saving them. Valiantly taking on the fearsome Knights of Ren alone. She takes a deep breath, hoping she can provide Rey with the right response.

“Rey, I know you’re not a soldier. Kriff, neither am I. And, is violence the best answer? No, we have to try and save as much as we can. But...the Knights have been terrorizing innocent civilians, burning settlements. They are cruel, and evil. One less of them probably isn’t a bad thing.” Squeezing her friends’ hand, she continues “And, well I mean nobody complained when you killed Snoke.”

At that, Rey lets out a ragged sob. Tears flood down her cheeks.

“Oh Rey, I’m sorry, I didn’t me-”

“Rose,” Rey’s shoulders heave, “I don’t think I...I can’t do it.”  
*  
“Do what?” Rose tilts her head, eyes narrowing. She hadn’t been personally involved when Jess had been kept under Kalonia’s observation for a week, but she knew that Poe had reported to the doctor when Jess started expressing increasingly negative, dark thoughts. Returning to find the Resistance decimated, and without Snap, had been challenging. No matter what Rey says next, Rose is determined to support her friend.  
*  
“Do...this. Be, what everyone wants. I’m not a Jedi.” Rose lets out her breath, and gives Rey a soft smile.

“You don’t have to be.”

Rey frowns. “But, that’s what everyone calls me, and I’m try-”

“Rey. People call you a Jedi because they don’t know anything about the Force. Jedi and Sith are the only words most of us know. But you don’t need to be those. I mean, from what you’ve shared the Force is...it’s just _there_ right? In every living thing and such? Could you just...study it? You don’t need to _be_ anything, just a student of the Force.”

Several moments pass, Rey’s brow furrowed in thought.

Then, a soft “thank you, Rose” comes from Rey’s lips.

Rose squeezes her hand.

“Oh, and speaking of the Force, I brought you Fulcrum’s materials and one of your texts from Skywalker. You’ll need to stay in bed for a bit to heal but I thought you might want to do some reading.”

Rose picks up the books and puts them on the side of the bed.

Reaching for the Skywalker book, Rey gently asks for some water. Rose acquiesces, leaving the room briefly to fetch a canteen.

A brief moment later she returns, faster than Rey had expected, perhaps, as Rey reacts by quickly slamming her book shut with widened eyes. _Kind of an odd thing to do_ , Rose muses, _shut her book. There’s just Jedi knowle- Force teachings in there._.

She hands the water to Rey, who sips at it slowly. They smile at each other.

Later in the day, having assembled her small team and begun combing through Fulcrum’s data, Rose returns to the Medbay.

She finds Rey asleep, her elbow propped at an awkward angle by the book. Rose picks the book up, and before setting it down on the bedside table, slowly turns through the pages. She’d touched some of the books before, when Rey had first said that they were actual texts made from paper, but she’d never looked at them in detail.

The pages are littered with scribbles, and diagrams, and maps. Not a lot that Rose is able to parse.

When she gets to the last page and the back cover, Rose pauses.

Scratched into the wood of the cover are tens - hundreds - of little lines, each no longer than her pinky nail.

They look like tallies.

****

That night, having unpacked into their new quarters, assisted with organizing the new base, and rejoiced when Rose told them over dinner that Rey had woken up, Finn and Poe lie in bed. The old facility at Ajan Kloss is more spacious, and the planet more temperate than before. After a lifetime of the silence and sterility of space, Finn wonders if he will be able to sleep with the sounds of the jungle around them.

On his side, facing the wall away from Poe, Finn’s thoughts race. Even after a year, this life, in the Resistance, it feels like a dream. Like one day he will wake up in his too small bunk on Starkiller and report to Phasma.

Sometimes, he has nightmares of meeting his Resistance comrades on the battlefield. He sees them through the visor of his helmet, aiming his blaster at ground troops as the X-Wings and TIE’s fly overhead.

He takes in a sharp breath at the thought of watching Poe get shot down, as other troopers rejoice.

The bed shifts beside him.

“I know you’re awake.”

He doesn’t respond.

“Finn.” Poe nudges his shoulder

“Yeah?” He doesn’t move, still facing away from Poe.

“Hey...I,” Poe snuggles up against his back, reaching his arm around to tangle their fingers together, “whatever it is, that’s on your mind...you can tell me. Anything.”

Finn swallows.

All this time and he is still learning to trust, to love, and accept love. It hasn’t come easy.

Gripping Poe’s hand a little tighter, he wants to try.

“I...Poe, what happens when the war is over?”

“You mean when we’ve won?” Poe murmurs against Finn’s shoulder.

“Sure. I mean, what do we do?”

“Well I mean the General probably will need our help with the rebuilding, the galaxy will be a mess.”

“After that though, I’m a soldier. What happens to me when there is no fighting to do?”

Poe is quiet, and Finn holds his breath.

He strokes his thumb over Finn’s knuckles.

“We live.”

A tear falls down Finn’s cheek onto his pillow. He leans back into Poe’s embrace.

“I don’t know how to do that.”

“I’ll teach you. First, we’ll go to Yavin IV so my dad can meet you. He’ll probably ask us to stay for a bit and help with whatever project he is working on.” Poe kisses the back of Finn’s neck. “Then, we can travel, see everything you’ve never seen. Find a system to settle, and…”

As Poe trails off, Finn knows he was not successful in masking the sound of his soft sobs.

“ _Mi amor,_ ,” Poe hugs him tighter, “Finn. Whatever comes after, we will figure it out. We’ll do it together.”

Sniffling, Finn nods.

Moments pass, and Finn thinks back to his dream, the peace he felt in the dream of Rey on the balcony by the lake. Lying here now, it’s not the same.

But it’s pretty damn close.

After his breathing has returned to normal, Finn wonders if now is the right time. If Poe is even still awake to hear it.

“Poe?”

A muffled grunt sounds behind him.

“Poe..I wanted to tell you, that...I-”

“-I know.” Poe squeezes his hand. “I know.”

****

When Rey startles awake, the Medbay is dark.

A pained groan emits to her left, followed by muffled grunting.

Rubbing at her eyes, Rey turns to see Ben next to her. He is wearing a loose black tunic, tangled and thrashing in his sheet - also black.

Cautiously, she reaches out to touch his shoulder, to wake him. Her hand is swatted away with a pained “No!”.

Frowning, Rey knows she won’t be able to go back to sleep until the bond closes, and briefly contemplates just letting him be.

“Please, no. Not her. I’ll do anything.” He sobs violently, shoulders shaking.

Rey swallows, and closing her eyes, gently reaches out to skim Ben’s consciousness. She lingers only a moment, shocked by the images of violence, scars, and insults that brand themselves into her soul.

Placing her hand on his shoulder again, she maintains her hold as he tries to twist away.

“Ben.” A soft whisper, not to wake him, but to reach him through the pain.

“Ben.” She tries again and his reaction is immediate. He exhales, his fists unclenching, and rolls onto his back.

His breathing is slowly settles. Now that Rey can see his face, she sees the sweat that has matted his hair and tear tracks down his cheeks. Reaching to her right, she grabs a cloth off the nightstand and gently wipes, tracing a path across the beauty marks that dot his face.

Carefully, she places one hand over his heart to feel it racing still.

Rey leaves her hand there until it finally calms. She doesn’t know how long that takes.

At some point, one of Ben’s hands comes up to cradle hers.

She watches him sleep, motionless, until the bond fades.

****

Across the stars, it is the early morning aboard the Finalizer. Ushar Ren is always awake before everyone else, to conduct some form of training. Running, simulations, sparring, forms. Anything to keep her sharp. Opening the door that leads to her quarters, she immediately draws a knife from her belt, more for show than anything else.

“You can’t sneak up on Force users Hux. You should know that by now.” She tuts, sheathing her weapon and removing her mask.

The immaculately groomed General sits at Ushar’s desk, hands clasped in his lap.

“I wouldn’t dare sneak up on a Knight of Ren.”

“But you would mock one?” She sets her mask down, and joins him at the desk.

“Oh no. My dear Ushar, I got where I am by knowing who to fear. I know I wouldn’t survive if I tried to cross you.”

Ushar tilts her head at him.

“I’m glad you know your place. Now, to what do I owe the pleasure of this ambush in my personal quarters?”

Hux lets out a sound that vaguely resembles a chuckle.

“I do know my place, but there are some, I fear, that do not.” Hux narrows his eyes, leaning back in his chair, leaving Ushar to piece together his implication.

She raises her eyebrows. “What you're suggesting is treason. The Supre-”

“-What I'm suggesting is the truth. Do you disagree?”

Ushar only hums in response, taking her time.

She nods. “So, General. What is it exactly that you want?”

He smirks, “An alliance.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thoughts?  
> feelings?  
> favourite moment?  
> too much hand squeezing?
> 
> leave a comment!  
> or dm me [ @OctopusSoap ](https://twitter.com/OctopusSoap) on twitter.


	8. Interlude I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last time:  
> Leia can't believe their luck connecting with Fulcrum.  
> Rose visits Rey in the medbay and spills some hot wisdom.  
> Rose also looks at a jedi book and finds tallies at the back...hmmmm  
> Finn and Poe had a heart to heart where things were said.  
> Rey soothes Ben during a nightmare.  
> Hux is scheming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short update this week as I am too busy for anything more.  
> tw for characterizing Snoke as an abuser

At night, she dreams.

She sees herself as she was: lonely, starving, self-deluded. Fighting every day for every scrap on that desolate orange ball of sand. Going to bed hungry, or sad, or both.  
She had stopped crying herself to sleep when she realized tears were wasted water.

Even now, in her new home, she tries to keep her tears in, and savours every drop of water she gets.

She sees herself as she is now: not starving anymore, still lonely, and self-deluded about something else. A tug inside when she sees him, an ache in the pit of her gut when she fears for his life. The name for that feeling stays locked away in the space that her parents’ corpses once occupied.  
She’s probably wrong about it anyways.

She is healthier and her hair is longer, styled half up in a bun. Now that she has a choice, she favours dark greys and blacks in her wardrobe, while still being combat practical.

Surrounded by the blooming life on Ajan Kloss and all the bodies of the resistance, she knows she is still alone.

She sees a version of herself that she does not know: maybe herself as she will come to be.  
Maybe what she wishes she will become.

She sees herself angry, sparks flying from her fingers. Dressed all in black with a crackling black saber to match, cutting down legions of faceless enemies.

She sees herself mourning- attending so many funerals. Too many. But she sheds no tears.

In one dream she is barefoot, walking on grass. A sensation she still has yet to experience while awake.  
Her hair is long and graying. Somebody - a man - tall, with broad shoulders and raven hair shot through with silver, holds her hand.  
She pretends she doesn’t know who the man is.

Sometimes, he is dead.

Sometimes, it is her fault.

She sees them both, on the wreckage of a great structure, doused in sea-water. He falters, and she kills him.

He is run through with a saber, and falls into the ocean. Eerily reminiscent of a scene she had borne witness to on Starkiller Base.

Her least favourite dream is of the desert.  
Why she would ever go back there, she does not know.

In a desert with two suns, she buries two sabers in the sand next to a grave on which the inscription has long faded. One last funeral. She looks off into the distance, finding nothing but loneliness and despair on the horizon.

Somehow, the dream where he dies to save her is worse than the one where she kills him.  
When she wakes up from from that dream, her face is wet.  
She pretends to be puzzled as to why.

* * *

At night, he is plagued by nightmares.

He is haunted by memories he wishes he could change. He stands there, helpless, to watch himself repeat mistake after mistake, yelling at himself as if he could affect the past. He sees himself as he was. Lonely, afraid, misunderstood, and he remembers why he made those choices. He thinks maybe he didn’t even make the worst mistakes- that he may not be on the darkest path. This does not console him.

He hears voices he doesn’t know, some screaming in agony and some cruel and bitter.

_I hate them._

_Love can’t save you._

_Do it._

_You were my brother._

He sees a hand on his cheek. A hand that belongs to a warm and caring face laced with sadness, a face he does not recognize. The face tells him to be brave and not look back. He does not know whose memory this is but whoever they are, they never stopped looking back.

He is continually tortured by reliving the training Snoke put him through. Training is a euphemism: he knows the real name for what it was that he suffered under that monster, but he won’t say it out loud.  
He won’t admit his weakness, his folly in trusting a predator.

Sometimes, he dreams. He is never sure if it is his future that he sees, or his life had he made different choices. Maybe both.

He sees himself in excruciating pain, worse than anything he has ever felt because it is compounded by her absence in the force. He has to scale a wall, but he doesn’t want to because he knows at the top there is nothing left for him.  
And yet, that dream ends with him giving his for hers. Not so bad, after all.

He has been ready to die for a long time.

In one of the dreams, he is barefoot. Walking on the grasses of a planet he knows but can never recall once he wakes. His hair has started to gray and his bones don’t move as smoothly as they once did; it’s alright because she is there with him. Her hand is warm in his.

His least favourite of them all is the one where she is dead at the top of that wall. She is dead and there is nothing he can do. That dream always ends with him sitting on a throne he doesn’t want: a throne forged in violence and death, surrounded by the ashes of the galaxy.

Last night his sleep was dreamless. He wakes feeling calm and...safe? He doesn’t remember if he has ever felt safe in his life - he dismisses the flash of Han Solo, holding a dark haired toddler to his chest that flits across his consciousness.

The presence, the one that emerged when he was a boy, lingers on him now. Before going to Snoke, he would feel this presence intermittently through the years.

The thick, oily fog of Snoke’s shadow clouded the presence, hid it from him.

Until the presence re-emerged and he chased it through the woods.

He wonders if the presence is her. If the thread that ties them together has always existed. It is not the first time that this has crossed his mind.

What he feels for her, he knows what it is. He knows if put to the test he would lay down his life for hers without thinking.

He also knows that is unworthy, undeserving of having his feeling reciprocated. It has never crossed his mind that she would feel the same.

But now, lying awake with the remnants of her consciousness folded around him like a blanket, he wonders.

He wonders if she woke to find him next to her in the night.

If she considered ending him then.

He does not know the answer, but he knows that while he was rendered helpless under the weight of slumber, she did not kill him.

He does not know what that means.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did I through some shade at TROS? *shrug*
> 
> thanks for reading!  
> leave a comment with your thoughts! reactions! predictions!  
> anything really, I want to talk to you :)


	9. Over the Edge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> last time - Rey and Ben have dreams, of the future? who's to say.
> 
> this time--
> 
> **Afraid of the answer, she has never asked him why he offered her a place by his side.**
> 
> **Here, on Ajan Kloss, feeling lost as she tries desperately to meet an impossible standard, Rey wonders if she chose wrong on the Supremacy. If standing with Ben was where she was meant to be.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's my birthday.  
> as a present to myself I have finally reached the actual plot of this story and things will begin to gain momentum from here.  
> also, I know nothing about kyber crystals.
> 
> be warned there will be angst, but I promise HEA.

_Reach out with your feelings._

Seated cross-legged on the floor of her quarters, Rey meditates.

Kalonia had cleared her to leave the Medbay two weeks ago, and though she has physically healed, internally Rey feels wild, unstable. Once, about 8 months ago, she had witnessed a lightning storm while on a supply run. The air was charged, the sky holding its breath for the next explosion.

This is what Rey sees when she looks inside herself.

It scares her.

_Just breathe, Rey. What do you see?_

Years - a lifetime, really - of always being on guard, primed to defend herself, have made meditation difficult and at times nearly inaccessible. There are more times than she can count that clearing her mind would have gotten her killed; instinctively her body resists.

Even now, she cannot escape what Jakku made her.

Opening her eyes, Rey sighs in frustration. A year of trying to mend the broken crystal to no avail only adds to her feelings of inadequacy, and Poe’s dramatic retelling of her so-called heroics on Batuu fuels her inner turmoil. Others, who do not know Rey, look at her in awe and whisper behind her back. _Did you hear she killed a Knight of Ren with her bare hands? They say Kylo Ren himself is afraid to face her._

Finn does not participate in the gossip anymore, speaking of her only as another person fighting for the cause, and his friend. Rey suspects that following her meltdown with Rose in the Medbay, there may have been a suggestion - followed by threat of an electric zap - that Finn tone it down.

Rose is probably the only reason Rey has not yet lost her mind. Rey trains, and runs, and fixes things to distract herself, though her breaking point seems to loom closer everyday. The General knows something is going on, Rey can tell by the looks she is given.

The thought of disappointing Leia aches worse than the stab wounds in her shoulder.

Looking down at the broken crystal on the mat before her, Rey thinks of Ben. The whispers he pretended not to hear his entire life, about his power, his parents’ marriage, and then later, his lineage. He is the only one who understands the suffocation she is feeling, a revelation that frightened her at first.

Afraid of the answer, she has never asked him why he offered her a place by his side.

Here, on Ajan Kloss, feeling lost as she tries desperately to meet an impossible standard, Rey wonders if she chose wrong on the Supremacy. If standing with Ben was where she was meant to be.

Rey shakes her head and wipes away the tears that have pooled in her eyes. Cracking her neck and rolling her shoulders, she closes her eyes and extends her focus to the two pieces of the crystal.

Breathing slowly, she feels the crystal’s presence. It isn’t alive, but it is a being of some sort, with sentiment toward the world around it. Kyber crystals forge a connection to the wielder, and store their history, Ben had explained to her. This one in particular, once belonging to Anakin Skywalker before he fell, and then held by Luke, holds many memories.

Not all of them are very pleasant.

_“If it’s so damaged, wouldn’t I be better off finding a different crystal?” Rey had sighed, exasperated._

_Ben’s jaw clenched as he ran a hand through his hair._

_“Even if you were able to find another kyber, which you couldn’t, you wouldn’t be able to bond with it. This one,” he gestured to the pieces, “it chose you, Rey.”_

_At that, she had sighed, wondering why, if it wanted her so badly she couldn’t get it to cooperate._

_Ben swallowed. “Just because it’s damaged...that doesn’t mean it’s useless. Healing takes time.”  
_

The crystal is tired, spent by the pain it has borne witness to, and aching after being severed in two. As she exhales, Rey sends what she hopes are feelings of warmth and calm to the crystal. She sees the crystal occupying her own headspace; broken, exhausted, needing support.

Finally finding her meditative zone, Rey breathes. After a while, she senses a shift in the crystal, some of its weariness fading into harmony...and, something else. Her eyebrows crease as she tries to discern the other presence, something that has the crystal singing in recognition.

It feels like-

“Ben.” Rey opens her eyes.

He is seated in front of her, posture mirroring her own, eyes closed in concentration. Her own focus breaks as she looks him up and down, grinning at the strangeness of seeing him in sleep clothes - barefoot, his hands free of his usual gloves.

His eyes open.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt. It seems like you are finally making progress.”

Rey hums in agreement. “You were right, healing takes time.” At that, something that she cannot place flashes through his eyes.

“Well…” he shrugs, “don’t stop on my account.”

She gives him a soft smile, before shutting her eyes and reaching out once more.

Rey doesn’t know how long they sit there together, breathing as one. Suddenly, a shock rolls through her body. Opening her eyes, Ben is gone. As she looks down at the crystal, Rey inhales sharply at the sight in front of her.

No longer in two pieces, the kyber sits on the mat, glowing bright blue. Reaching out to pick it up, it feels warm, alive, and content in her hand. As she holds it, Rey extends with the Force, like introducing herself to the crystal.

Inside the crystal, she feels a reflection of herself. She feels power, potential, and balance.

And at its heart, woven throughout the kyber’s presence, is a reflection of Ben.

Closing her hand around the precious gem, Rey cradles it to her chest.

****

When Kylo opens his eyes, he is in his quarters, alone. Glancing at the chrono next to his bed, he groans at the thought of preparing for yet another meeting with Hux. He always thought his mother was joking when she said ruling was mostly about meetings, but it turns out she was right.

In this position, Supreme Leader of the First Order, he is grateful for the time - however minimal - he spent following his mother around the New Republic. She probably had never dreamed he would put her advice to use in this way, enemy of all that stands for, but he listens to his memories of her regardless.

Although he was unwilling to make a complete change to his wardrobe, he understood more than most that appearance mattered. And so, a quarter of an hour later, he is dressed in his usual ensemble. The black boots and pants have not changed, but his tunic was updated to include a subtle silver embroidery more fitting of a ruler. The second alteration was to his cloak. His old black one was draped over a chair in his quarters, one its two replacements was currently hanging off his broad shoulders. Both were designed exactly the same, but one was lined inside with the same silver that was woven in his tunic, and the other lined with a dark red the First Order leadership favoured. The silver one was reserved for meetings and bureaucracy. Kylo wore the red one into battle.

Today, he wears red.

Taking his seat at the head of the table, he begins the meeting.

“Mitaka, please brief the room.”

“Supreme Leader, sir.” Mitaka stands, controlling the tabletop display from his datapad. “We have decoded a message from the Resistance intelligence that they will be deploying an extraction team to Lothal for collection of resources as well as more recruits.” The display showed Lothal, with a red zone in the region of the mission.

Kylo nods. “I have recalled all of my Knights and will be leading the ground assault myself. General Hux?”

“Supreme Leader, sir, we will be sending in a squad of ground troops to assist you and have two TIE battalions in the air. The Ascendancy will function as the base of operations for this campaign.”

“Very good. Prepare your troops to board the Ascendancy within the hour.” Kylo stands. “Dismissed.”

****

“Why do you think Fulcrum chose Lothal?” Finn asks Rey from his seat in the Falcon’s cockpit. He knows Rey prefers not to talk during flight, but with Poe running point on air support his options for conversation are sparse. His Shyriiwook is coming along but not nearly good enough to hold conversation by himself with Chewie.

“Not sure, didn’t Rose say that Fulcrum had said he knew Lothal well?” Rey shrugged, “maybe he’s from there. Why does it matter?”

“It doesn’t, I guess, I’m just nervous, this is a big collection and I don’t want it to go wrong.”

“I know. That’s why we brought extra support.”

Fulcrum’s message had said to expect a First Order presence, so they had prepared accordingly. The mission was one of their largest yet; the Falcon for storing cargo and recruits, Poe leading three squadrons in the air, and a transport of ground troops. The potential for major headway in the fight against the First Order buzzed in the air on the base, dimmed only slightly by the potential loss of life.

“Finn, get ready, we are coming out of hyperspace.” Finn nodded, readying himself to load the cargo.

They had barely begun getting the supplies into the Falcon when the Ascendancy’s shadow appeared over Lothal, followed by the tell-tale scream of incoming TIEs.

“Rey!” Finn shouted from the Falcon’s ramp.

“I see them. You and Chewie get the rest of the cargo, we’ll cover you.” Armed with her blaster, and the scythe she had kept from the defeated Knight, Rey jogs to position herself between the Falcon and the incoming shuttles that will no doubt be carrying the First Order’s ground assault team.

She inhales, and assumes her opening stance.

****

In the year since their master took over as Supreme Leader, not once have all of the Knights been deployed on the same mission. After Trudgen had been killed on Batuu by the Jedi scum, Kylo had recalled Kardo, Kuruk, and Ap’lek from their hunt for old Force artifacts, and here they all were, preparing for landing on Lothal.

Perhaps it was her own ego, but Ushar had always perceived them as having no equal. She viewed the Knights of Ren as an undefeatable force.

And then the Jedi girl had killed one of their own. Fighting without even a proper weapon, she had bested three of them by herself. Ushar is furious. They haven’t expressed as much, but she knows that she is not the only Knight seeking revenge.

Given the opportunity, Ushar would torture the girl, maybe kill a couple of her friends in front of her. Make her suffer.

Even if that chance arose, the Supreme Leader wouldn’t allow it. Ushar’s Force sensitivity is weakest when it comes to reading the presence of others and their emotions, but even she knows that there is something beneath the surface with Kylo and the Jedi. Stealing a glance over at their Supreme Leader, Ushar wonders if he would stop one of them from killing the girl.

The landing alert sounds, and the Knights stand to follow Kylo out of the ship.

“No quarter,” he states flatly, “try to stop their cargo ship from departing. Destroy it if necessary.”

The Knights nod, and unsheath their weapons, entering the fray.

Despite her lack of lightsaber, the girl is easy to spot. Right in the centre of the fight, she cuts down stormtroopers and intermittently shouts commands to the Resistance group troops which have spread themselves in a perimeter around the cargo bay.

“Ushar, Ap’lek, Kuruk, take the flanks and work your way in. Kardo, find some high ground to cover us.” Kylo ignites his saber, “Vicrul, with me.” He and Vicrul make their way towards the Jedi, troopers parting to get out of their way.

Behind her mask, Ushar narrows her eyes, before storming off to the left flank.

Several minutes into the fight, Ushar sees three things happen in fast succession.

First, Kardo Ren, having found a perch behind their shuttle, takes several shots from his long-range blaster. The first hits a Resistance fighter next to the Jedi square in the chest, the second hits the ground at the Jedi’s feet, and then the Jedi suddenly tumbles to the side as a third shot lands where she had been standing.

Second, the Jedi rights herself just in time to see three X-Wings get shot down. Troops on both sides shout as they take cover from the burning scraps that hurtle towards the ground. The Jedi watches the debris fall, still lying on the ground, unmoving.

And third, the cargo ship readies for take off.

The field on Lothal is burning, blaster shots sounding constantly as the noise of the dogfight above fills the air. Through it all, Ushar can see the distress on the Jedi’s face as she stumbles to stand.

This is Ushar’s chance. As the cargo ship begins to take off, Ushar reaches out with the Force to hold the ship in place. The Jedi jolts to attention when she realizes what is happening, and predictably turns towards the ship to try and counter with her own Force push. Ushar knew the Jedi’s lack of formal training would be one of her biggest weaknesses, and grinned as she watched the foolish girl turn her back on the enemy.

“KARDO!” Ushar yells over the cacophony. “Kardo take the shot!”

Distracted by her efforts to push the ship out of Ushar’s hold, the girl does not notice as Kardo zeroes in and readies his weapon.

He takes the shot.

The Jedi turns an instant before the blast hits her, stopping it midair. Mere inches from her outstretched hand, the red blast crackles. Even at this distance, Ushar can see the girl’s hands shaking with the effort of holding both the ship and the blast bolt.

“Kardo!” The sniper fires again, this time taking out another fighter near the Jedi. Before he can fire again, the Jedi screams and directs the frozen bolt back at him.

Ushar snarls in rage when she feels Kardo’s presence disappear from the Force.

Tiring quickly, Ushar maintains her hold on the cargo ship as nearby TIEs begin firing on it. Several shots land, damaging the hull.

The last thing Ushar remembers before everything goes black is the sound of a primal, feral scream from across the battlefield.

****

The mission had turned into a bloodbath. Rey and the ground troops had done their utmost to cover Finn and Chewie as they loaded the Falcon, but in the rush he did not have time to count the losses. It was bound to be too many.

Having secured all of the cargo, Finn calls to Chewie to get the ship out of here, while running down the ramp to support what was left of their ground forces before they had a chance to escape. A loud explosion sounds above his head, and Finn dives out of the way to narrowly miss what looks like X-Wing pieces burning the grass where he had previously stood.

He lets out a sharp exhale.

The ramp of the Falcon closes and the take-off sequence begins, only to be halted by...something?

Confused, Finn looks around and sees Rey, sweating and dirty, with both of her hands extended towards the Falcon.

“Rey? What are you-”

“-It’s not me.” She grunts, “one of the Knights is…” Rey groans in effort.

Finn turns, and across the field he sees one of the Knights of Ren, also extending their hand toward the Falcon. Rey lets out a guttural yell, her left hand coming up and emitting a red...wait, no. Squinting, Finn realizes that Rey has stopped a blaster bolt, it crackles next to her palm.

Finn has only seen somebody do that once before, on Jakku.

He doesn’t know if he should be proud of Rey or worried about her.

Raising his blaster and moving to cover Rey, Finn is suddenly thrust to the side by another Resistance fighter, who shoves him away before being struck dead centre by another blast.

He regains his footing in time to see Rey push the frozen bolt back in the direction it came.

They both turn to see the Falcon shudder under hits from overhead TIEs. A thick, heavy dread fills Finn’s gut. If the Falcon is destroyed, the new recruits and cargo with it, then the mission was for nothing.

The bodies that litter the grass of Lothal were lost for no reason at all.

“Rey! We have to-”

He stops short when Rey turns to face him. Finn sees his own desperation mirrored on her face, laced with another expression that he does not recognize.

Turning away from him, Rey lets out a wild, pained scream.

It will take Finn days to fully process what he sees next. When they return from Lothal he will find himself unable to brief the General, capable only of shaking his head in response to those who want to know what happened.

Blue light shoots from Rey’s hands, striking everything and everyone on the field before her. First Order and Resistance alike are blasted off their feet.

Some of the bodies are smoking.

Rey falls to her knees.

Holstering his blaster, Finn cautiously steps towards his friend.

“Rey?” Reaching out, her head turns to face him as he places his hand on her shoulder. She is shaking and her eyes shine with tears.

Trembling, she rocks back on her heels to survey the damage, and lets out a miserable sob.

“What just happened?”

Finn doesn’t answer, helping her to stand. Rey clutches desperately at his sleeve.

“Finn...did I - are...are they dead?” Her breathing comes in short pants, eyes frantic as they meet his.

“Rey, I...uhm...I don't know, but we, we need to get out of here.” They jog back towards the shuttle, Finn leaning over to nudge fallen Resistance fighters on the way. Several stir and are able to walk back to the with assistance

The ones who don’t wake are carried back on to the ship. Finn dreads the moment when he will have to take their pulses.

He helps the last survivor on the ship, looking back to see Kylo Ren lurch on to his feet, igniting his saber.

Their eyes meet. He looks every bit as shell-shocked as Finn feels.

Breaking eye contact to scan the field, Kylo Ren extinguishes his saber.

Finn closes the ramp, and their ship takes off. Under the cover of the remaining X-Wings, they safely make it off-world and into hyperspace.

Rey sits curled in on herself, on the floor in the corner of the crew quarters. She does not move, or speak a word the entire trip back to base.

****

Kylo hopes the pandemonium of battle will prevent anyone from realizing that he is protecting Rey. He and Vi fight close enough to her that he can keep an eye out, subtly nudging stormtroopers out of the way when needed. Realistically he knows she can handle herself, but he can’t help but worry given that she is still recovering the blows received on Batuu.

Healing takes time.

He watches as she engages in a sort of tug-of-war with Ushar, both of them fighting over the Falcon like toddlers with a popular toy.

Suddenly, he hears Ushar shouting. Extending his senses, he feels Kardo exhale in preparation. Shoving Rey out of the way is not even a choice.

Ever since the Supremacy - but always, really - he has known that there was no decision when it came to her life. This time it seems unlikely that he can kill all the witnesses, but looking across the grass at the stunned expression painting her features, as fragments of fuselage fall burning from the sky, Kylo does not regret it.

He will always choose her.

Turning barely in time to deflect blaster bolts with his lightsaber, Kylo has his back to Rey when Kardo fires his next shot. His blood runs cold as he twists to look at her, frightened to see the evidence of his inattention. Unprepared to have failed so terribly.

Instead of her crumpled form, he sees Rey standing with the bolt frozen in front of her outstretched arm. Kylo can see the exertion on her face, but her Force signature radiates something with untamed, and fierce. She redirects the blast at Kardo, and he cannot bring himself to care.

Kylo doesn’t think she will ever cease to amaze him.

He is broken out of his reverie by the sound of the Falcon shuddering as it takes fire, still fixed in place under the push and pull of Ushar and Rey.

Something happens in the moment that follows, something that Kylo feels in the Force before he sees. A wave of anger and fear washes over him, powerful enough to make him step back. It’s coming from Rey.

Looking up, he thinks he sees lightning shoot from her hands.

Everything goes black.

When he wakes with a shock, the first thing he notices is the smell of burnt flesh. Lurching to his feet and igniting his saber, Kylo shifts to see Rey’s friend on the ramp of the troop transport. Fear emanates from the young man.

The Falcon is gone, and the survivors have been loaded onto the remaining ship.

Extinguishing his saber once he feels Rey’s presence on the transport, Kylo sighs.

The Resistance ship takes off.

On their way back to the Ascendancy, Kylo is silent. Aside from Kardo, the other Knights had survived. None of the other ground troops were alive.

“What was that?” Vi asks quietly, no doubt still reeling from the surprising power Rey had released.

Wiping his gloved hand across his face, Kylo responds “I don’t know. I don’t even think she knows.”

Upon returning to the First Order fleet at Arkanis, Kylo does not attend the debriefing. He was there in person, and he doesn’t even understand what happened. Changing out of his battle-dirtied clothes, he probes the bond for her only to find her walls firmly sealed shut. Though he knows it is not within his control, he desperately wants to talk to her. Kylo closes his eyes, exhales, and reaches out to gently tug on the imagined thread that connects them.

When he opens his eyes, Rey is seated on his bed with her knees pulled up to her chest, motionless. Tear tracks stain her face, her knuckles are white where she grips her own hands.

She remains still, not responding even after he says her name twice and sits down next to her feet.

He takes a couple of beats, listening to her breathe. Then he places his hands over hers, softly tugging to release the steel hold she has on herself. Taking her cold hands in his warm ones, he watches her face until her eyes meet his.

A sob wracks her shoulders.

“Ben.”

He rubs his thumbs over her hands as she cries. Kylo has vivid memories of discovering his own Force abilities, and of the accidental casualties from those discoveries. He knows that there is nothing he can say to make her feel better.

Eventually, she moves so that he can sit next to her. With his arm wrapped around her shoulders, Rey leans her head to rest against his chest, fingers gripping his sleep tunic. Kylo cannot remember the last time somebody embraced him.

_I don’t think anyone has ever held me before._

Kylo squeezes her closer to him as her sadness seeps through the bond.

Twining their fingers together, he leans down to press his nose into her hair. The left side of his shirt is soaked through with her tears but nothing has ever mattered him less as he places a delicate kiss on her head.

_You’re not alone, Rey._

“Don’t leave me Ben.” Rey sniffles, burrowing even further into his side.

“I won’t.”

Kylo holds her until she stops crying. He feels her breathing even out, little puffs from her mouth hitting his chest. As Rey shivers, he reaches one arm out to pull his cloak across the room to him, draping it over her.

Listening to her breathe, he promises himself he’ll stop her from repeating his mistakes.

He won’t let her fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, drop a comment!


	10. In Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> last time: the crew goes to Lothal and Rey accidentally releases some Force lightning while under pressure.
> 
> this time:  
>  **“Ben. It isn’t too late. You can still come home.”**
> 
> **He shakes his head, chest heaving as he holds back sobs.**
> 
> **“I can’t, not after everything I’ve done, after what I’ve become.”**
> 
> **“You _can_. You _must_.”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING: this is the chapter containing a **Major Character Death**  
>  If you need, I have put in the end notes who it is and the context. It is, unfortunately, central to the plot.
> 
> also, the chapter count has gone up but I am sticking to my outline and it will stay at 28.
> 
> **  
> **  
> this is the longest chapter so far, thanks for sticking with me :) <3

Once they land at Ajan Kloss, Finn doesn’t have a moment to slow down. Calling for the medics as soon as the ramp is down, he helps to carry the injured off the transport. Some of them are still unconscious, but all of them are alive. He is greeted by Rose and Kaydel, who help him get survivors onto stretchers.

“Where’s the Falcon?” Quickly scanning side to side, he doesn’t see it in the landing bay.

“Chewie had to make a stop, we got a distress signal from Maz so he has gone to pick her up. Don’t worry Finn,” Rose places her hand on his shoulder, “he’s alright. He’s got the cargo and the recruits. We did it.”

Finn does not return Rose’s smile.

“Finn, everyone you carried off the ship...none of them have any wounds...” Kaydel’s question hangs heavy in the air.

“It’s hard to explain, I don’t even really know what happened but it was the Force. One of the Knights pushed her and she just…”

“Wait, you mean our injured fighters? Rey did that?” Rose’s face shifts between displays apprehension, confusion, and disbelief.

Kaydel is pale, her expression resembling fear.

“Where is she?” Rose demands.

“Still on the ship, probably. I think she fell asleep on the way back.” Finn barely finishes his answer before Rose begins marching up the ramp of the transport. “Rose, Rose! I don’t think you should...after what she did, with what happened I don’t...maybe we should leave her alone.”

Rose scoffs. “Finn. What happened is exactly the reason she shouldn’t be alone.”

When Rose finds Rey on the floor, hidden away in the farthest in the corner of the crew quarters, her heart breaks a little. Tucked underneath a thick black blanket, curled in on herself, Rey looks the opposite of what people claim she is. She looks like a scared girl. Even in sleep, stress and exhaustion lay themselves plainly on her face.

Rose wonders if Rey will ever be able to rest, to heal.

Sighing, she kneels next to her friend, extending a hand to gently shake her awake.

“Rey.”

Rey’s head shakes but she does not wake.

“ _Rey._ ” Slightly louder this time.

There is no response, then suddenly Rey jolts awake and scrambles to sit up.

“Ben?” She mutters groggily, rubbing her eyes.

“Rey it’s me.” Rey’s eyes shock open as she pulls the blanket to her chest.

“Rose.”

Unsure where to start, Rose reaches down to pat Rey’s knee and in the process is surprised by the thickness and quality of the blanket.

“Nice blanket, where’d you get it? This is way too nice to be standard-issue.”

Frowning, Rey looks down at the fabric clutched in her hands and her gaze swiftly becomes distant.

“Rey?” Rose squeezes her friends’ knee and Rey blinks rapidly.

“Oh, um...this is, um...it’s a cloak. Not a blanket.”

“Oh cool, whe-”

“Rose where are we?” The question is laced with what Rose has come to recognize as trepidation. Although she loathes to think of her friend this way, Rose knows that Rey’s harsh life on Jakku had molded her into someone instinctive, wild, and feral. She doesn’t mean to and has been working hard to break old habits, but when threatened Rey can be like a cornered animal.

Rose knows to tread carefully.

“On base, at Ajan Kloss. You just returned from the mission.”

Rey inhales sharply, leaning her head back against the wall and closing her eyes.

“Am I going to be arrested?’

“What, no. Why would you be-”

Rey stands, folding the black cloak over her arm. “I should leave.”

Taken aback, Rose blinks and then moves to block Rey’s path out of the quarters.

“And go where? Your place is here, Rey, you belong with us.”

“I don’t belong here. Did Finn tell you what I did?”

Not really, but enough to understand that Rey had accidentally unleashed some sort of Force power. Rose nods. “He did.”

“Then you understand.” Rey pivots to keep walking but stops when her hand is encased by both of Rose’s.

Their eyes meet, and Rose knows that she has no actual hold on Rey. Whatever physical strength she may have, Rey is infinitely more powerful; Rose would be unable to literally hold Rey here if push came to shove. This moment now, talking Rey off the edge, is one that Rose acknowledges as a turning point. She will fight for her friend with everything she has. Rose’s weapon of choice in what she perceives to be maybe the most important battle yet in her life, is her love. Rose Tico is not a Force user, or the descendant of great heroes, she is not a military leader or an ace pilot, she is not a legend and she is far from perfect.

But by the Maker Rose Tico knows how to love, and love fiercely.

And she loves Rey dearly.

“No Rey. I don’t understand. You don’t need to go anywhere.” She continues to softly hold Rey’s hand in hers, watching the emotions dance across her friends’ face.

“Rose, after what I did…” Rey lets out a sob. “I’m a monster. They’ll all hate me.”

“Rey, nobody is going to hate you, and you are not a monster; you’re human. We make mistakes.”

“Not like this.”

Rose pulls Rey by the hand until they are seated side by side on one of the crew bunks. She does not let go of Rey’s hand.

“Actually, exactly like this.”

Rey frowns, turning her head to face Rose.

“Poe disobeyed orders that got Resistance members killed and ships destroyed. Paige died because of that. She was the only family I had left.”

Silence fills the room, and after a few beats Rose continues. “Finn and I went on a secret mission that put the safety of the entire fleet in jeopardy and ended up basically being pointless. And guess what?”

“What?” Rey murmurs.

“Those actions had consequences, yes, but we learned from our mistakes and in time we were forgiven. Nobody has asked us to leave, or called us monsters.”

Rey swallows.

“People aren’t afraid of you, though. I...I hear what they say about me. They think they’re being discreet but they might as well shout. I know how they feel.”

Rose hums.

“Well, _I’m_ not afraid of you, and I will never hate you. Anyone who feels otherwise will have to go through me.”

Rey sniffles, wiping her nose on the back of her sleeve.

Though Rose can see Rey’s shoulders relax minutely, she knows that this conversation isn’t quite over. She still has to play her ace.

“Rey,” she says firmly, “look at me.” Rey shifts to face her and Rose exhales, her expression serious.

“You are important to me, and I have your back. I won’t let any of those nerf-herders out there hurt you.”

“Why?” Tears threaten to fall from Rey’s eyes, insecurity laid plainly on her face.

“Because, Rey, you are my friend, and I love you.”

Rey blinks slowly, a single tear falling down her cheek. Rose leans to rest her head on Rey’s shoulder as they sit there in a peaceful silence.

“Rose?”

“Mhmm?”

“I haven’t...I mean, nobody has every to-, I mean, uhm, I-”

“-Well I do.” Rey smiles cautiously as Rose grins at her.

A couple of moments pass, which Rose spends rejoicing at her success and hoping that it is enough to keep Rey’s demons at bay, even temporarily.

“Rose?”

“Yeah?”

Rey bites at her lip, taking her time.

“Well, since I...uhm. How do you know?

Rose furrows her brow. “That you love someone, you mean?”

Rey nods, and Rose shrugs.

“I guess you just know.”

Rey frowns. Rose nudges her with her shoulder, trying to lighten the mood.

“Rey. It’s going to be ok. Stick with me and I’ll keep you safe.” Rose grins. “Now, let’s get you off this ship and back to your quarters, it looks like you could use some sleep.”

As they stand, Rose finally releases her hold on Rey’s hand. Rose leads the way off the ship, and Rey follows quietly, carrying the black cloak in her hands.

Grateful for her ability to get through Rey’s thick exterior, Rose hopes that she was able to assuage some of her friend’s guilt.

The last thing that girl needs is more worry.

Maybe one day Rose will finally ask about Ben.

****

Leia had a bad feeling about the mission to Lothal. Unfortunately the promise of fuel, rations, munitions, and recruits is one that she cannot turn down, misgivings notwithstanding. Fulcrum’s intelligence has proven invaluable in the weeks since Batuu - First Order transport schedules allowing them to move in and steal supplies and troop movements keeping them out of harm’s way.

Having been to Lothal once before, Leia remembers the planet’s history during the early days of the Empire - home to a legendary band of Rebels. Rebels she had met once.

Fleetingly, Leia wonders what happened to them. Hopefully, they are alive and well, somewhere. The reality is likely something less pretty.

She feels it in the Force the second it happens. Across the galaxy, a scream of pain so animal, primordial, that her steps falter briefly. It is followed by a surge of unbearable pain.

Leia doesn’t even need to reach into the Force to know that this disturbance, this brutal wave of emotions, has come from Rey.

And so, despite the weariness in her bones that has become her daily companion, Leia waits for the crew to return from Lothal.

To say that the mission debriefing gets out of hand would be an understatement.

After Chewie arrives and they unload, a full recounting of the facts of the mission is delivered. The list of supplies and recruits gained is followed by Poe’s account of the dogfight, Finn’s account from the ground, and a list of casualties.

No amount of fuel is worth a human life.

The tension in the room escalates as soon as family members of those harmed on the ground start asking questions about what happened, and Finn is forced to explain to a room full of people that it was not Kylo Ren or his Knights, but Rey that caused them harm.

Shouts and accusations are made ever more poignant by Rey’s glaring absence from the meeting. The chaos continues for some time, words spewed in grief masquerading as anger growing ever more hateful until-

“THAT’S ENOUGH!”

Leia turns to see Rose, one of the youngest Commander’s in the Resistance, standing strong with her hands on her hips.

“Yes, Rey hurt some of our fighters by accident, but Kalonia has assured us they will all make a full recovery. We should be grateful for the leg up that she gives us, we need to be conducting an inventory of the supplies, helping new recruits adjust, and preparing memorials for those that we lost. Instead we are standing here yelling at each other, calling Rey guilty of something nearly all of us have done.”

A pensive silence fills the room. Rose continues.

“How many of us have unwittingly endangered members of the Resistance? How many of you have made a decision on a mission that haunts you when you try to sleep?”

Rose looks around as quiet murmurs of agreement bubble through those gathered.

Leia stands. “I have.” All eyes turn to face her. She has done her utmost to stay strong and maintain her collected appearance at the head of the Resistance. That is not what they need from Leia now.

“Every time I send you on a mission, every time somebody doesn’t come back, that weighs on me. I’ve made mistakes. Sent people to their deaths. And yet, here you all are. Placing your trust in me. All I ask is that you do the same for Rey.”

The air in the room calms, as if everybody at once released the breath they were holding in.

“Now, Commander Tico is right. There is much to be done, let’s get to it.”

Leia sits as the rest of the room rises, mumbled “Yes, General”’s cropping up as people exit towards their various stations.

Rose meets her eyes from across the room, and Leia winks.

Promoting that girl may have been the best decision she has made in years.

****

In the hours since the return from Lothal, Rey hasn’t moved. She is sure Rose will scold her for not sleeping, but with the scene on the field replaying in her mind there is no way that sleep will find her. Rey felt it when Chewie returned to the base, and closed her mind off from the anger and fear that emanates from the mission debrief.

She has not eaten anything.

Having tried - and failed - to do some reading in one of Luke’s text, Rey just lies on her cot, wrapped in the cloak that Ben gave her, and stares at the wall.

Something happened to her, and she doesn’t know what it was except that it was bad. She can't even really remember how it occurred. Rey hurt people, her friends.

All she wants, desperately, is to understand so that she can stop it from ever happening again. What she really needs is to talk to Ben.

He was there, he saw it happen.

He’ll be able to help.

And so, Rey waits.

A little less than a standard hour passes before she feels the telltale hum of the bond coming to life. She sits up.

“Rey.” Ben stands from a chair that Rey can’t see, walking towards her. Standing in front of her, he reaches his hand out only to pull it back at the last second, choosing instead to sit next to her on the cot.

She wonders if it looks like she is seated on his bed.

“Rey, are you alright?” Concern laces the low timbre of his voice. Rey swallows, swaying to face him.

“No.”

He frowns. “Have you gotten some rest, at least?”

“No.”

Ben’s expression softens. “Rey, you really should rest, after what happened on Lo-”

“And what is it, that happened, exactly? What happened Ben? I don’t understand, it just felt like, it felt like there was something inside me, it was so painful. It just exploded, and I hurt people. People I care about. And Rose says that they’ll forgive me and she told me that she...anyways I...”

Pulling her knees up to her chest, she whispers: “What’s wrong with me, Ben?”

Gently, he covers her left hand with his right.

“Nothing, Rey. There’s nothing wrong with you.” Enclosing her small hand in his bigger one, he sighs. “Wielding the Force isn’t easy, and you have had to learn everything in such a short time and with no guidance...honestly I’m surprised something like this didn’t happen sooner.”

Rey is still, pondering what Ben has said. She turns her palm up, lacing her fingers with his.

“Ben?” His gaze is fixed on their intertwined hands.

“Yes?”

“What happened, though? Everything moved so fast and it was just a rush of emotions and…”

He swallows. “I could show you my memory of it, if that would help?”

Rey nods, and Ben sits up taller, closing his eyes. She closes her eyes and reaches out to him.

_She stands in Ben’s place in the grass, watching herself fight through his eyes. His memories are not comprised solely of visuals - Rey can hear his internal commentary, his thoughts, as if they are her own._

_She is with him as he walks off the ship, barks orders at the Knights, and marches into the fray. Rey feels his exhilaration at being back on the ground, his bones singing as he fights._

_But he is distracted, his eyes flitting every so often to where she stands, cutting stormtroopers down with the scythe._

_Then, she sees him shove her out of the path of the sniper’s blaster._

“You did push me.” Rey exclaims.

“Focus.” Ben’s stern tone is tinged with amusement.

Rey breathes.

_She feels his amazement - and adoration? - as she stops the blaster bolt midair, his subsequent disinterest in the fact that she just killed one of his Knights._

_And then it happens._

_A feeling of hatred and fear washes over him as he turns to face her._

_She sees herself from his perspective: in this moment he thinks she is striking. In her anger she is fierce, the rage painting her features only emphasizing her power, her beauty._

_As blue lightning emits from her hands, Rey feels his shock at her stunning display._

_It is followed by him flying backwards in the air as questions hurtle through his mind. Ben wonders how she learned to do that, and if she has other powers she has kept secret._

_Ben thinks about what could’ve been if she had taken his hand and let him help her, explore her power and-_

Rey recoils.

As she scrambles to stand from the cot, his eyes widen in confusion. Rey slams her mental shields up.

“Rey, what are you-”

“-NO.” She shouts, her voice shaking. “After all this, after everything, I thought maybe that you...I - UGH!”

Pacing angrily around her quarters, she ignores Ben as he stands to approach her.

“Rey, I don’t understand, what are you-”

“I thought that you were different, but you’re just like everyone else.”

Ben stops in his tracks. Clenching his jaw, he asks, “what does that mean?”

Leveling him with a stare, she hopes her angry expression hides the disappointment, the loneliness that is slowly freezing her gut.

“You don’t see me. When you look at me all you see is power. All I am to you is a weapon, one that would make a fine addition to your collection. Taking your orders and prancing around behind you dressed all in black. ”

He takes a step back, expression pained as he repeatedly opens and closes his mouth.

“Rey, you know that’s not true.”

“No, actually, I know that it _is_ true.” She spits. “I was just inside your head, _Kylo Ren_ , I saw what you see when you look at me.”

Ben frowns. “If you’d really seen what I see, then we would be having a different conversation. Rey, you’d know that I-”

“-I thought, kriff I don’t know what I thought but when you asked me to stand with you I thought that maybe you...I thought that maybe it was about _me_ , but it wasn’t was it? It was about potential, glory, power. It could’ve been anyone, anyone standing there in front of you, untrained in the Force with the capacity to do great things.”

“You’re wrong, Rey. It couldn't have been anyone, it can't. It wasn’t about - it isn’t about power. You have to know-”

“-I don't _have_ to know anything. People keep telling me who I am, who I should be. They act like they know me.” She narrows her eyes at him. “No one does.”

“But I do.” He steps closer to her, like moving toward a frightened animal, until he is so close that she has to crane her neck to meet his eyes and can easily see all the beauty marks that dot his face.

“Rey,” he whispers, “I see you. Since the beginning, I have always seen you.”

Her face relaxes somewhat as she feels his sincerity flow across the bond.

“You have untapped potential and are a well for what is probably unmatched power, but it - this - isn’t about that. It was never about that. I understand what it feels like when people look at you like that, not as a person but as a tool, a conduit, a means to an end.”

Ben’s voice is little more than a whisper now.

“On The Supremacy, killing Snoke and asking you to…” Ben sighs. “It was only ever about you. Just you. Only you.”

They stand there in silence, face to face. Slowly, Rey lets her mental walls down. Ben runs a hand through his hair.

“If you don’t believe me...I’ll prove it to you. Whatever it takes.”

Rey takes a step forward, reaching her hand up to - well, she doesn’t really know for what, all she knows is that she wants to-

-Her hand moves through the air where he had stood. Rey is alone.

Lying back down on her cot, she wraps herself in his cloak once more.

Finally drifting off to sleep, his words echo in her mind all night.

_Just you._

_Only you._

_Whatever it takes._

****

For the most part, the mission to Lothal had been a success. Yes, the Rebels had escaped. Limping back to their precious Princess with new cargo and recruits, but had incurred heavy losses. With the might of the First Order, the small number of personnel and TIE casualties are inconsequential.

General Hux cannot help but be perturbed by the Supreme Leader’s absence from the Lothal debrief, but he won’t complain. In all honesty, Kylo Ren’s return to his own flagship, the Steadfast leaves Hux to meet with Ushar Ren and the other Knights in peace.

And now, he waits to conduct his own debrief separate from the rest of the tiresome First Order leadership and away from the Supreme Leader’s spies.

In the next five minutes, three of the Knights of Ren have assembled in the small room where Hux waits.

“Is this all?”

“That Jedi bitch killed Kardo on Lothal.” The voice modulator cannot conceal Ushar’s disdain.

“And what about the other one, the short one?” Hux asks.

“We can’t trust Vicrul,” Ushar removes her helmet, taking a seat at the table. “She’s always had Kylo’s back.”

Hux lets out an exasperated sigh. “Well, this complicates things a bit, but it’s nothing I’m sure just three of you can’t handle.”

Ap’lek and Kuruk sit on either side of Ushar, keeping their masks on and remaining silent.

Leaning back in his chair, Hux raises his eyebrows at Ushar. “You were the one who called this meeting, let’s get to it then.”

“As much as I loathe to admit it, General Hux, you were correct. It seems that the Supreme Leader’s priorities no longer align with that of the First Order.”

Hux sneers. “Do tell.”

Ushar pulls a datapad from her belt, pushing it towards the General.

“I have uploaded the visual recording from my visor on Lothal. Ap’lek and Kuruk have already been shown. Take a look.”

The room is hushed as the Knights await his reaction to the footage from Lothal. Footage that is exactly what Hux has been needing. His suspicion regarding the events surrounding Supreme Leader Snoke’s death in the throne room on the Supremacy went unconfirmed. Given the destruction of the ship that immediately followed, he was unable to recover any surveillance recordings and all the witnesses had been killed.

After the holo comes to an end, Hux passes the datapad back to Ushar Ren as a smug grin spreads across his face.

“He protected her.”

Ushar nods. “I expect it wasn’t the first time.”

“That is probably true,” Hux shrugs. “But now that we have proof we can move forward with the next stage of the plan.”

****

The atmosphere around the base is confused.

In the three weeks since the Lothal run, morale has been at an all-time high: the new recruits are keen to learn and have provided a much needed energy boost to the weary fighters around them. And yet, all that excitement is dampened by an undercurrent of wariness, suspicion, and anxiety.

Leia and other members of the leadership have done their best to mitigate concerns about Rey and quash rumours, but people fear what they don’t understand. More than anything else, Leia worries about Rey. Rose and Finn had both privately detailed their interactions with Rey post-Lothal, and expressed concern over her state of mind.

The General herself has not yet had a chance to speak with the young woman, but she has made time for it today. So here she sits at the table in her quarters, dressed in one of her favourite elegant but practical gowns with fresh tea brewed, waiting for Rey.

A short while later, Rey is seated in front of her, timidly drinking from her mug of tea. Unease colours her Force signature.

Settling her own cup back on the table, Leia tilts her head to the side.

“Rey, do you know why I asked you here?”

Rey tenses, opening her mouth and then shutting it again.

“Because of Lothal?”

“Yes.”

Eyes downcast and shoulders slumping, Rey places her cup on the table.

“I’m sorry, General. I didn’t mean to…” Rey purses her lips. “I can pack my things tonight and be gone before sunrise.”

Leia lets out a soft laugh. “Don’t be ridiculous Rey, nobody is asking you to leave.”

“Why not? I can’t go on missions anymore because I’m afraid I’ll hurt someone again, and people are scared of me. If I’m not being useful I might as well leave.”

Sighing, Leia watches Rey fidget in her seat. So many times she has looked at this young woman and been reminded of herself; having been put through way more than a girl her age should have experienced, much too young to have such heavy weight on her shoulders. But, in moments like these Leia is reminded of the joys of her childhood. Of growing up royalty.

Rey has never had any such comfort. It pains Leia to think that, maybe, this girl has never known any true happiness.

“Rey. I did not call you here to scold you, or to send you away.” Rey looks up from where her hands sit in her lap, sad hazel eyes meeting Leia’s soft gaze.

“Rey, are you alright?”

Without warning, a river of tears flows down Rey’s face. Placing her elbows on the table and her head in her hands, Rey sobs. In the year since they met, Leia has never seen Rey cry, and so she stands. Maneuvering herself next to Rey, she pulls the girl against her chest.

Rey stills, and then throws her arms around Leia’s waist.

They remain there for what could be an eternity, as Rey cries and Leia gently cards her fingers through the girl’s hair.

Later, Rey unwraps herself from Leia to wipe at her face and sip the tea that by now is surely cold. Leia moves her chair so that it is next to Rey’s.

“Leia, there’s so much I want to tell you. I don’t even know where to start.”

Placing her hand over Rey’s and giving a gentle squeeze, Leia smiles softly.

“That’s ok,” she pauses. “Do you mind if I ask you something?”

“Anything.” Rey nods.

“Since you’ve been with us, over this last year, sometimes I feel...sometimes I feel my son’s presence here. I feel Ben.”

Exhaling, Leia asks the question she has been holding in all this time.

“It’s you, isn’t it? You’re connected to him, somehow?”

Rey swallows. “Yes.”

“Luke and I shared something similar...how long?”

“I don’t know,” Rey sighs. “Neither of us have been able to find much information, but...maybe forever?”

Leia frowns, leaning back in her chair. Memories of a young Ben flooding back to her, when he was nine or ten, telling her over breakfast that something important had happened in the night but he couldn’t explain what. Of mornings when he woke up confused and murmuring about a little girl who needed help.

“And how - my son...how is he?”

Exhaling, Rey runs her hands over her face. “He’s been through a lot.”

“Tell me?”

Over the next two hours Leia stays mostly silent as Rey tells her everything. How Luke had been grumpy, disinterested in helping Rey. The first times that Rey had connected with Ben through the Force, trying to kill him and hurling insults to kill him. How Luke had grown disillusioned with the Jedi, convinced it all needed to end - and then the most painful part, the reason that Luke had come to feel that way.

Leia seethes as Rey narrates the events of that night at the temple, wishing Luke was here now so she could throttle him for even thinking about harming her baby boy. Rey shares, with a slight blush colouring her cheeks, that she and Ben had touched hands across space after the disappointing vision in the mirror cave. And how afterwards, she had sent herself into enemy territory to try and save him.

With tears beading in her eyes, Rey explains that after everything - being tortured, defeating Snoke, fighting side by side - that they had still fought. That she left knowing that she could wait for the right time, but had been heartbroken to leave him behind.

Rey describes their connections over the past year, at the beginning laced with anger and vitriol - mostly from her end - and later developing into something else. She tells Leia that Ben has nightmares, about healing the kyber crystal, and that he saved her life on Lothal.

After Rey is done pouring all of this out, Leia thanks her, and hugs her goodnight.

Before heading out the door, Rey turns back.

“Leia, I know he’s made mistakes, but underneath....there is light in him. He’s a good man.”

With that, Leia is left alone to ruminate.

As she unbraids her hair and changes into her sleep clothes, tears softly fall down her cheeks. She is exhausted, and she knows she doesn’t have much time left.

But if there is one thing left she can do, even if there is a small chance that it will work, she owes it to her son. The boy who wanted nothing more than to be like his father, and ended up so far from that path because of the darkness that pursued him. Leia takes a deep breath, lying down on her bed.

It is time.

She knows what she has to do.

****

Kylo is sitting at his desk when he feels it. A presence in his room, not Rey - one that is warm...and melancholy. Looking around the room, he drops the datapad in his hands when he sees a woman standing next to his bed.

Her once brown hair is laced with grey, and a deep sadness that he does not remember laces her features. Kylo stands to walk towards her.

“Mom?” He chokes out.

She smiles. “Hi Ben.”

Kylo frowns. “Mom...what are you, how are you here?” His mind races as he tries to understand what is going on, if he is dreaming.

“You aren’t dreaming, my love,” She raises her hand to halt his next outburst of questions. “Hush, now, we don’t have much time.”

A stone drops in his gut. The effort of projecting herself to him is going to kill her, just as it killed Luke.

“Mom, why are you-”

She smiles sadly. “Because I love you Ben. And I wanted you to know that. I wanted to see your face one last time before I’m gone.”

Tears cascade down his cheeks at the warmth that pours over him from her. At the sincerity of this gesture.

“Ben. It isn’t too late. You can still come home.”

He shakes his head, chest heaving as he holds back sobs.

“I can’t, not after everything I’ve done, after what I’ve become.”

“You _can_. You _must_.”

Wiping his face, he looks into his mother’s eyes for what will be the last time.

“But mom, if you’re gone...why would I come back? There’s nothing to go back to.”

His mother smiles at him, eyes glinting.

“Ben...we both know that’s not true.”

“Even if...I don’t even know that that is what she - I can’t just leave.”

“Why not?”

“Because. There are processes, people relying on - kriff if I left, then Hux would be in charge and then the galaxy would really be doo-”

“-Ben. When was the last time you were happy?” She raises her eyebrows at him. “That girl has been waiting her whole life. Put her out of her misery.”

He steps forward urgently as he feels her presence begin to fade, her signature weakening.

“Mom, I-”

“I know, Ben. I know.”

He reaches her just as her image disappears, falling to his knees as he senses her bright light fade from the Force forever.

Kylo stays there, kneeling on the floor, sobbing.

_Come home._

****

Startling awake with a gasp, Rey wipes sleep from her face as she tries to discern what it was that woke her. Steadying her breath, she closes her eyes and reaches out.

The realization of Leia’s absence doubles her over in pain, and she lets out a heart wrenching scream. Blinking away tears, she stands to see Ben on his knees in front of her.

His Force signature is bleeding, aching from the loss of his mother. Rey has never seen him so distraught. Through the bond, his suffering blends with her own. She can feel his regret, his fear at being the last of his family left, and the ache in his knees from kneeling on the floor.

Padding across the floor, until she is inches from him, Rey reaches down to rest her hand on his shuddering shoulder.

Wordlessly, she guides him to stand and walks him over to sit on her cot. Tears drip down her cheeks and onto his hair, and their embrace - him seated, cheek to her chest, and arms around her waist - reminds her of hers with Leia mere hours ago. Rey holds him tight.

Later, she removes his boots and pushes him back to lay down.

Rey lies on her back, his head on her chest. One hand in his hair and the other on his back. She holds him while they both cry, praying that the bond does not disconnect. Not now, not when she needs this, needs him here with her.

Neither of them speak, even once the tears have stopped and their breathing slows.

They lie there in silence, holding each other. Too burdened by the loss of such a significant presence to close their eyes.

Neither of them get any sleep that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leia projects herself to him in the Force.  
> The effort of it, coupled with her already weakened state, kills her.  
> Rest assured she gets to speak with her baby boy and her role is not quite done.
> 
> comments feed my soul!  
> thank you so much for reading.


	11. A Small Measure of Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **As he watches Rey’s body tense and feels her emotions climb, Kylo wonders if she expects him to be mad. To lash out for this perceived betrayal.**
> 
> **What a monster he must be to inspire such a response from someone so close to him.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw for a funeral & death 
> 
> title from [ one of my favourite pieces of cinema score of all time ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWm8-jlddaw&t=1s)  
> (I actually listen to the Last Samurai album while I write, #funfacts)

Leia left detailed instructions behind for what should happen in the event of her passing. The General was nothing if not an organized and deft politician, and she knew the Resistance would be scrambling when she died.

The first step was a burial on Naboo, in the lake country where her biological mother’s family held an estate. Given the inability to conduct a ceremony on Alderaan, this was the next best thing. Later, when the war was over, the Resistance was to decide on somebody to check in on the Organa-Solo family home in Hanna City. Despite it being empty for years, Leia could never bring herself to give up the home that she and Han had shared - the home where they had Ben. The rest of the instructions were to be read after she had been laid to rest.

Rose had been tasked with sending out the messages: one, easily decryptable with a fake location for a nonexistent Resistance meeting, and the other encoded with Leia’s personal signal to those who she wished to be in attendance at her funeral.

For the time being, the First Order remains unaware of General Organa’s passing. As emotions run high on the base, it’s everything they can do not to lose ground.

****

“Will there be a funeral?”

In the three days since his mother’s passing, the Force has connected Kylo to Rey more than ever before. Maybe it knows that they need each other right now. He gets flashes of her throughout the day, eating, reading, talking to people and training with objects he cannot see.

At night, they sit together on the bed and tell stories. He shares happy memories of his childhood, tales of confusion from his years coming into his powers, and nightmares of life under Snoke’s thumb. It takes some prodding to get Rey to talk about her past, she insists that it is uninteresting and not worth talking about. Eventually, she does share. Adventures she made up for herself on Jakku, more than one harrowing tale in which she almost died, and the tall-tales she made up about her parents.

Now, they lie side by side under the blankets. Rey on her side, facing him, Kylo on his back.

“Ben.” She whispers sadly.

He turns his head to face her, eyes searching.

“Ben, there is a funeral, but...I, you know I can’t-”

“-I know. You can’t tell me any details. I know I don’t deserve to be there, not after everything I put her through.” He swallows. “Maybe...maybe after, you could show me your memory of it?”

Rey slides closer to him on the bed, reaching her hand out to hold his where it rests on his chest.

“It isn’t about deserving. She would want you to be there.” Rey squeezes his hand, “she loved you, you know. Even after everything.”

“I know.” Taking a deep breath, he continues, “she came to me, in the end.”

“What?”

Kylo rolls onto his side to face her, struggling to hold back tears, he whispers “I think it’s what killed her.”

“Oh, Ben.”

They lie there together, breathing slowly with intertwined hands, for some time, until Kylo can feel Rey’s feelings reach a breaking point.

“Rey,” she opens her eyes, “I can hear you thinking. You have questions.”

Her eyes widen, a slight blush colouring her cheeks. “So many.”

Kylo huffs and raises his eyebrows at her.

“So, she projected herself to you?”

He nods.

“To, what, to say goodbye?”

Working his jaw, Kylo nods. “Among other things, yes."

“Wow. So, did she...could you - I mean, so you had a conversation?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s...wow. I didn’t even know she had that much Force ability, it mostly seemed like she could just sense emotions, that must’ve taken so much effort to reach you.”

“Well, she died afterwards, so...” He chokes out, darkly.

“Ben,” Rey chides gently, frowning. “ _Ben_ ,” she removes one of her hands from his to cup his jaw, tilting his face so he cannot avoid her gaze.

“Ben, she was already dying. The exposure from being shot into space, it was eating away at her slowly.” Rey swallows. “And anyways, if we’re going to blame somebody for her death, blame me.”

“Now you’re just being ridiculous Rey. How the kriff could it have been your fault tha-”

“Because she asked to meet with me.” The words come tumbling out of Rey’s mouth. “She asked to meet with me because she could sense something was wrong and she could feel your signature mixed with mine, from the bond I guess. She asked me and I told her, I told her everything Ben.”

As he watches Rey’s body tense and feels her emotions climb, Kylo wonders if she expects him to be mad. To lash out for this perceived betrayal.

What a monster he must be to inspire such a response from someone so close to him.

He isn’t mad, and he doesn’t lash out.

Instead, Kylo pulls Rey to his chest and holds her there, sending a calm energy to her through their bond.

“It isn’t your fault Rey. It isn’t anyone’s fault. Honestly she’s probably cursing us from the grave right now for even implying it wasn’t her fully informed decision.” Rey laughs softly at that.

“She was always the smartest one in the room, Rey. She knew that it would kill her.”

Kylo rubs circles on her back while his other hand cards through her hair.

Rey sniffles. “But she still did it. They all did.”

“They, who?”

“Your family, Ben. Han, Luke, Leia, in their last moments they reached out to you.”

Suddenly, Kylo can’t breathe, his chest impossibly tight.

“I...they didn’t - I don’t deserve...” he sighs.

Exhaling against his sleep-tunic, Rey nestles further into his chest, eyes closed.

She remains quiet for so long that Kylo thinks she may have drifted off, until:

“Maybe you don’t deserve it, but I think a reminder is good.”

“Reminder of what?”

“That you are loved.”

****

Naboo is unlike anywhere Finn has seen before. The Resistance - intentionally or not - has a habit of sending him to systems he doesn’t like. Deserts, icy moons, desolate landscapes with territorial native beasts. Ajan Kloss, though the heat of the jungle can sometimes be stifling, has been nice.

It is not nearly as nice as Naboo. Only minutes after landing on the outskirts of Lake Country, Finn is in love. The clear blue skies, rolling hills, grasses that wave in the wind, and shimmering lake are all parts of the landscape he’d love to get used to.

A shame that the visit to such a lovely place is under such unfortunate circumstances. Looking over his shoulder at Poe, he wonders if when the war is over, maybe they could live somewhere like this.

The gathering is small. Having been strong for Poe and Rey during the preparation for the ceremony, taking up tasks that fell by the wayside as everybody cried, the shock of the General’s death never had a chance to sink in for Finn. But standing here, in a clearing on the grasses of Naboo, seeing Leia’s body laid out on the pyre, Finn feels like his lungs are on fire.

As someone who trusted him, who stood up for him when others questioned his loyalty, who promoted him and supported his integration into real life, Leia Organa quickly became one of Finn’s heroes. And here she is, lying still, cold and lifeless, as people stand up to speak in her memory.

He doesn’t remember a word that anyone utters in her honour.

Later, after watching the pyre burn in silence, the ashes swirling away with the breeze, those gathered make their way to the house on the water. On its own little island, they board small water-craft a couple at a time to reach the reception.

Though there is a hearty spread of food and drink, Finn cannot bring himself to eat. Looking around the room at those eating, mingling, tearfully recounting their favourite story about Leia - Finn can’t breathe.

The weight of this loss is suffocating. Heart racing, he stumbles out onto the balcony, gripping the railing for dear life as he tries to steady his breaths.

“Finn, right?”

He turns to see a man - maybe Poe’s age - with deep blue eyes and a shock of green hair, approaching him.

“Yeah. I’m Finn.”

“Jacen,” the man extends his hand, Finn takes it, shaking firmly.

The man, Jacen, stands next to Finn looking out at the lake. Finn has never seen this man around before.

“So, you knew the General?”

Jacen shrugs. “Not really. My mother knew her father, back when Leia was still a Princess, in the early days of the rebellion. She was a pilot.” He sighs, “Her health isn’t what it used to be, so she cannot travel much anymore. I’m here in her stead.”

Finn nods. “I’m sorry to hear about your mother. Thank you for coming.”

Jacen hums. “What about you, Finn, are you okay?”

Opening his mouth, and then shutting it again, Finn knows that nobody - through no fault of their own - has asked him how he is doing.

“I...no. The General, she was larger than life. When I was in the First Order they talked about her like she was some mystical goddess, and then you meet her in real life...she was such a force of nature and now she’s just gone, and I-”

His voice wavers over the last couple words as tears gather in his eyes.

Jacen puts a hand on his shoulder and they stand there in companionable silence, watching the surface of the lake ruffle in the breeze.

Finally, when Finn’s tears have dried, Jacen removes his hand.

“I’ve heard a lot about you, it was nice to finally meet you.”

Finn’s face crinkles in confusion. “Really?”

“Yeah, FN-2187 has become something of a legend. You’re more important than you know.”

“That’s...wow, that’s just…wow.”

They both laugh.

“Yeah,” Jacen shrugs. “I’m going to head back inside, are you ok here?”

Finn nods, and turns to watch Jacen walk back inside through the large balcony doors. As the wind picks up slightly, one of the curtains from the doorway starts to sway with the wind. Finn steps closer to the door, confused at the recognition that flares across his consciousness.

Spinning around, he scans the balcony, the view of the lake, the hills.

He knows this place.

Closing his eyes, Finn breathes deeply, searching his memory for this balcony, the bird songs that echo in the fields nearby, the sway of the grasses in the wind.

Opening his eyes, he turns to face the doors where the wind tugs gently at the curtains, and in his mind’s eye can see

_a pair of whiskey-caramel eyes peeking at him from behind a curtained doorway. As the child slowly walks out onto the balcony he is struck by the depth of her eyes and the seriousness of her expression, as if the person inside that young body has already lived many lifetimes._

Finn runs his hand over his face and wonders how he dreamt of a place he had never been to before.

Making a note to ask Rey about dreams, he shrugs off the strangeness and walks back inside to find Poe.

****

The Naboo, it turns out, have all sorts of food that Rey has never tried before. Not that it’s hard to find food she hasn’t eaten, what with growing up on rations and polystarch bread, but it never ceases to amaze Rey the types of delicacies that exist.

Having politely stuffed her mouth with as many items as she can stomach - what Rose would call "eating her feelings" - and nodding along to stories about Leia without really listening, Rey wants to be alone.

Excusing herself from the group she has found herself hovering near, she wanders the house. Rey scoffs internally at the word house, it seems more like a castle. Closing her eyes, her hands trace over the faded but beautiful paint that lines the walls.

Memories have embedded themselves in this place, the whispers tugging at Rey to listen, to come closer.

Some are joyful, filled with laughter.

_A woman, beautiful, with flowing brown hair, laughing as a young man in dark robes tells a story over dinner._

Some are darker, the pain and longing pulls at her gut in an uncomfortable way.

_Not a day hasn’t gone by that I haven’t thought of you._

_We live in a real world, come back to it._

Rey opens her eyes as a memory, stronger than the others, beckons her to follow. Slowly, she makes her way through the house until she finds herself on a balcony.

Breathing deeply, she closes her eyes and reaches out.

_The same man and woman stand together, the sunset framing their silhouettes. He wears the same dark robes as before, but she wears a gown of white. Words are murmured, quiet enough that she cannot hear._

Rey is pulled from the memory by the sound of R2 cooing sadly. Opening her eyes, she turns to look at the small droid.

“I know Artoo, we all miss her.”

He lets out another string of binary.

“What do you mean, 'just as you remember'?”

R2’s chirped response is laced with sarcasm, as if Rey is asking a stupid question.

“You’ve been here before? When?”

His reply is curt, followed by him swiftly turning to leave Rey alone on the balcony. Probably to terrorize C3PO.

“Classified. Of course it is.”

Sighing, Rey turns back to face the lake. As the sun begins its descent she can almost see that couple standing here with her - when she inhales she can feel their happiness.

Fleetingly, she wonders who they are, and what happened to them. If they’re alright.

Closing her eyes, Rey reaches on the thread that ties her to Ben and plucks it once gently. She promised to show him the funeral.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> promise we will get the actual funeral ceremony in the next chapter, I just really was not in the headspace to write that this week.


	12. Bleeding Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Solo. Skywalker. Organa.**   
>  **Kylo is the only one left.**
> 
>   
> **What that means to him, or for him, Kylo doesn’t know.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw discussion of death and funerals
> 
> I did two updates pretty close together so if you didn't read chapter 11 make sure to do that first :)

Kylo has just returned to his quarters after another day of monotonous meetings at which he found himself unable to focus.

Somewhere in his rational mind, he did know - had known - that every member of his family was dead. He also knew that each of them spent their last moments in his presence.

But it wasn’t until Rey had said it out loud, a day...no two days - was it three days ago? The gaping hold in the Force that Leia Organa used to occupy distracts him beyond measure, as if it’s a piece of himself that is missing. Kylo doesn’t remember exactly when it was that he last spoke with Rey. Regardless, he had never considered the implications, that in their last moments they thought of him, until the truth was spoken to him.

His family is dead.

Solo. Skywalker. Organa.

Kylo is the only one left.

What that means to him, or for him, Kylo doesn’t know.

Removing his red-lined cloak - Rey never did return the silver one - he sighs and runs a hand through his hair. Sitting at his desk, he bends to unclasp his boots when he feels a tug on the cord that binds him to Rey.

He blinks once, slowly, and when his eyes refocus she is there. Facing away from him, her long hair ruffles in the breeze as she admires a view he cannot see.

“Ben.”

When she turns to face him, he notes that the grief in her posture is visible and mirrors his own, but is streaked with something - peace? acceptance? - that Kylo does not feel.

“The funeral...it’s over then?” His baritone wavers and he wonders how long it will take to recover. Kylo knows he never really forgave himself for killing Ha- his father.

Rey hums quietly, eyes sad.

Then, reaching her hand out to him, she asks “do you still want to see?”

Nodding, Kylo strips his hand of the black glove that covers it and twines his fingers with hers. Closing their eyes, they breathe slowly as she pours her memory into the bond.

_The gathering is smaller than he had expected it to be. Dressed in various shades of black and grey, members of the Resistance - some whom he knows, others he does not - stand in a semicircle around the ceremonial pyre._

_Briefly, Kylo wonders what her funeral would have been like had there been no war. A ceremony fit for a war hero, legendary senator, and Princess of an obliterated system. If it would have been lavish, broadcast on the Holonet._

_If he would have been there in person, instead of reliving somebody else’s memory._

_Eyes blurry and ears unhearing, through Rey’s eyes Kylo fixates on the pyre as one at a time, various members of the audience stand to share their own commemorations of the one of a kind Leia Organa._

_Eventually, staring at the motionless body of somebody once so vibrant, so colourful, is too much. Rey - and Kylo - look away. Instead, watching the grass as it sways in the wind, almost like a dance. And even further, to where the grass turns to pebbles, then to sand, on the shore of the lake-_

_Wait. Kylo knows this place. It’s been years, but he remembers, a visit with his mother to the family estate at Vary-_

He is thrown from Rey’s mind, opening his eyes to see fear and panic painted plainly across her face.

“We took every precaution possible and _of course_ it would be me who- I’m so stupid, I didn’t even think that-” her breathing uneven, she fights to choke out, “it’s a family property and _you_ are her family…”

Rey hiccups, hastily wiping the tears that leak from her eyes.

“You know where I am.”

Kylo nods.

“And you know that the Resistance is here, our leadership, some civilian allies.”

He nods again.

Rey exhales sharply.

“Ok. I’ll...I don’t know what I’ll do, maybe I can tell them the Force told me the First Order was coming.”She laughs darkly, and starts to walk away. “Who the kriff cares, I just need to go warn the-”

“-You don’t need to warn anybody, Rey.” His hand, the bare one, cups her elbow. It’s more of a caress than a grip, but it stops her from leaving.

The question in her eyes is evident.

“Rey, I’m not going to send the First Order to Naboo.”

She frowns. “Why not?”

Keeping his hold tender, Kylo pulls on her arm to bring her closer to him.

“Rey. You know why. You know how I feel, what you are to me.”

Unexpectedly, her scowl only deepens as she wrenches her arm out of his hand.

“I do. _Nothing_ is what you called me, if I’m remembering correctly.”

Kylo groans. It seems likely he will spend the rest of his days making up for the flustered words he spoke just over a year ago.

“On the Supremacy, Rey, when I- I didn’t...I misspoke.”

“Did you?” She scoffs, but he does not cower in the face of her arched eyebrow and withering stare.

“I did. What I meant to say is that you are _everything,_ and that this, fighting, the war, pretending that we belong on opposite sides, it’s killing me. You must know by now how I feel about you.”

Rey is silent. Kylo watches her turn the words over in her head and wonders if - despite his best intentions - she’ll find a way to skew them, to twist his meaning.

She swallows, and then: “You don’t- you can’t mean that. Ben, what you’re implying...it’s- you’re wrong. You’re confused.”

“I’m not. There have been voices inside my head everyday of my life, until this last year. This year it’s finally been empty. No influence, no whispers. Instead there is you. _You_ are the only thing inside my head and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I’m not confused, Rey, and I do mean it. You are the only thing I am certain about.”

Her head shakes and her eyes brim with tears once more.

“No.” Rey’s hands tremble as she takes one step back, then another, retreating from him. “No. This isn’t, you can’t, it’s not-”

“Why not?”

Kylo cannot see her surroundings, and yet he mirrors every step back with a step forward of his own. He will follow her anywhere.

“Because. I’m alone, Ben. I’ve always been alone and I always will be. A nobody from nowhere with no one. It’s my destiny.”

Through the bond he sees

_cold, and rocks rough on her hands and she scrabbles out of the water. A mirror that called to her, to show her the truth she needed most._

_“Show me my parents.” She had begged, pleaded, and been rewarded with an image of only herself._

“Rey,” voice soft, Kylo extends his hand to wipe her damp cheeks. “Rey, I don’t think that that is what it was trying to show you.”

Brows creasing, she raises her eyes to tentatively meet his gaze.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, that cave was a dark side nexus point, right?”

“Mhm.”

“So, what the mirror showed you, it was true, but it was also distorted by the dark side.”

Her head tilts and he can feel confusion rolling off her in waves.

“Rey, the mirror showed you yourself, just you. And the dark side screamed at you that you are alone, but really I think the Force was trying to tell you that _you are enough._ You don’t need a legacy to stand on or somebody to prop you up. You are enough.”

Kylo doesn’t blink, not once, as her watery eyes widen at his words. This moment is so fragile, he doesn’t want it to break; he would hold it in his hands forever if he could.

Gently, he places his hand under her hair to cup her neck, slowly drawing her in until her cheek rests against him and her breath warms his chest.

Lips against her hair, he repeats himself in low murmurs.

“You are enough.”

Minutes pass like this, at some point her arms coming to wrap around his waist. Breathing in the scent of her hair, Kylo thinks he can almost smell the lake of Naboo and the-

-his arms are empty.

The bond has shut, and he is alone.

****

Rey staggers through the air where Ben had stood, falling to her knees and whispering his name reverently.

She stands quickly when she hears someone behind her.

“Rey?”

“Rose.” Rey straightens her clothes, wiping at her face.

“You ok?”

She nods.

“It’s ok if you’re not ok too, you know.” Rose’s voice is soft, with red rimmed eyes to match Rey’s own. “It’s a lot.”

“Yeah...I never- you’re right. I don’t think I’m ok but hopefully I will be.”

Rose smiles.

“Well, we’re starting to pack up to back to base, war to fight and all that.”

“Right.” As if Rey could forget. “I’ll see you on the Falcon, then?”

“Yeah.”

Following Rose back through the curtains into the house, Rey pauses to take one last look out across the balcony.

She hopes she will get a chance to return here one day.

****

The return from Naboo has been nothing short of a whirlwind. Rose and Kaydel had gathered everyone in the common area for the reading of Leia’s last wishes. Maz Kanata had done the honours. After the long list of items pertaining to her personal belongings and financial holdings, came the biggest surprise.

Rose got promoted. Again.

Both she and Finn are Generals now. Her, Rose Tico, a mechanic with a dead family from a mining planet, General of the rebellion against the First Order.

She is still reeling. Kaydel was also promoted to Commander, but they’ve rainchecked the celebration for a less busy time. Over the course of the day, every time somebody has addressed her as “General”, Rose instinctually turns around to look for Leia behind her. It will take some getting used to.

Leaving the makeshift mess hall after dinner, Rose walks down the hall to the quarters, reaching into her chest pocket. Inside rests a note, a note that Leia left her. She hasn’t read it yet.

Rose has a more pressing matter to attend to. Stopping when she reaches the door she wants, Rose knocks firmly.

“Come in.” Rey’s voice carries into the hall.

“Hi Rey.”

Rey stands. “General, I was-”

“-Oh stars, Rey, none of that when we are alone.” Rose laughs, playfully nudging Rey’s shoulder. “Please, Rey, sit.”

Smiling, Rey acquiesces. They sit, side by side on Rey’s bed.

“I’m proud of you. General Tico.” Rey pauses, opening her mouth to speak and then shutting it again. “I...I think, they’d be proud too. Your parents...and Paige. To see all you’ve done, what you’ve become.”

Heart stuttering in her chest, Rose blinks in an effort to keep tears at bay.

“Rey, I, that- thank you. Thank you. That means the world to me.”

As they sit together, leaning against one another, Rose knows that what she has come here for may hurt Rey, but hopes that she can comfort her friend and help her through any pain.

She exhales. “Rey?”

“Mhmm.”

“Who is Ben?”

Stiffening, Rey slides away from Rose on the bed, her eyes guarded.

“What?” Rey responds softly.

“Ben. You used to say his name all the time, during sleep, when she bunked together. When I woke you up after Lothal, his name was the first thing you said. And earlier, yesterday, on Naboo - when I found you on the balcony you were saying his name.”

Posture defensive, Rey is silent.

“Rey, whatever happened with him, to him, wherever he is now...I just want to help you.”

Gulping, Rey wrings her hands in her lap and refuses to make eye contact.

“Rey? Who is he?”

Rey swallows.

“Ben is...he’s Leia’s son.”

Frowning, Rose asks, “the one that died? When the Jedi Temple was destroyed? But you’d never left Jakku before Finn and BB8- how would you have met him?”

She still won’t meet Rose’s eyes.

“I, um. Ben Solo is alive, and we are connected by the Force. It’s hard to explain...but I-”

-Memories stumble through Rose’s mind at a faster pace than ever before as her mind flies to put pieces together. Rey, crying out for Ben at night; Rey’s gaze far away like she can see things nobody else does; the cloak wrapped around her when she returned from Lothal; and

_“Rose?”_

_“Yeah?”_

_Rey bites at her lip, taking her time._

_“Well, since I...uhm. How do you know?_

_Rose furrows her brow. “That you love someone, you mean?”_

_Rey nods, and Rose shrugs._

_“I guess you just know.”_

“-You love him.”

Whatever words were coming from Rey’s mouth are replaced with silence as she gapes at Rose.

“Rose...I- I can’t…”

Kicking off her shoes, Rose clambers on the bed, following Rey into the corner she has sequestered herself in, and wraps herself around her friend.

“I’m sorry he’s not here, Rey. I’m sorry that this war has ruined so many families and separated so many loved ones. Most of all, I’m sorry for not letting you feel like you could tell me sooner. You must miss him like crazy.”

In Rose’s embrace, Rey trembles slightly, before mumbling “I can see him, and we can talk. Through our connection in the Force.”

Rose gasps. “Really!? That’s...wow. So when you want to talk to him you can just…” she pulls back from Rey and waves her hand in a vague approximation of Force magic.

“Not exactly,” Rey laughs softly. “We can’t control it, sometimes we don’t see each other for a long time, and sometimes multiple times a day.”

“That’s so neat.” Rose smiled mischievously, “can you touch through the Force?” She adds an eyebrow wiggle to get her point across.

Rey blushes.

“Rose, I have to tell you-”

**_Beep! Beep!_ **

-They are interrupted by Rose’s new commlink - she has to carry it on her at all times now, being a General and all.

Pulling it from her belt, she stands reluctantly from the bed.

“Sorry to leave in the middle of this Rey, if I’m not done too late I’ll come back?”

Corners of her mouth upturned, Rey nods, and Rose bids her goodbye.

It is very, very late when Rose finishes up at command. She will have to catch up with Rey in the morning - she has many questions to ask her about Ben Solo.

****

Hesitant as he is to curse the Force, Kylo is on the verge of doing so now. He is angry at the Force for closing the bond earlier and - though it’s rare to see Rey more than once before the sun sets - he is angrier still for not reconnecting them later that day.

He wasn’t finished- there was more he had to say. Ever the scholar, Kylo wonders if there is a way to control it, to open and close it at will. He’s plucked on the thread between them before and opened his eyes to see her, but maybe that was a fluke.

Maker knows he’s tried it - and tried it, and tried it - in the hours since she was on Naboo. Glancing at the chrono, he can hardly believe it’s only been a day. With the things he left unsaid, hanging in the balance, it feels like an eternity.

Breathing unsteady and eyes wild, he paces. And paces. Stopping intermittently to run his hands through his hair.

Then, he feels it. The slight hum, followed by silence as air rushes from the room.

Rey is asleep in his bed. Curled on her side, lightly snoring, with something wedged under her elbow.

The mattress dips with Kylo’s weight as he sits next to her, carefully pulling the object out from under her arm. It’s a book- one of the Jedi texts she took from Luke.

Kylo has seen this one before, a lifetime ago.

Thumbing through the pages, he allows himself to reminisce- to remember a time of learning, fascination. A time before everything rotted away under the poison of Snoke’s influence.

As he reaches the end of the text, he pauses. Etched into the end cover - with a knife, maybe - are hundreds of lines. Removing his gloves, he runs his hands over the lines.

Lines that remind him of-

_Everyday, after returning from Plutt and preparing her meager meal, she carves a line into the wall._

_Another day._

_So lonely._

Tracing them with his fingers, he looks over at Rey’s sleeping form and wonders if she will ever be free of the demons of her past. If anybody truly can be.

Returning his gaze to the book, a brief estimate points at around 375 tallies.

A little over a year’s worth of days.

Kylo lets the book fall out of his grip onto the bed with a soft thump. Head in his hands, tremors shake his shoulders as he lets out a faint sob.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> does Rey believe that she is enough?
> 
> what did Ben leave unsaid?
> 
> did something crazy and important happen just over a year ago involving Ben and Rey hmmmmm
> 
> thanks so much for reading <3 drop a comment, they mean the world to me.
> 
> LASTLY - this whole thing about the vision in the mirror cave, I originally saw that idea about the dark side twisting the message in a fanart (i think?) but I can't find it. If you know what it is or where, send so I can properly credit!


	13. Unconditional

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Rey, who has only recently grown used to the idea of friendship, does not know what love feels like. Lying on her bed, she contemplates if she knows what it looks like.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *squints* that's no moon, that's...the plot! 
> 
> short chapter as we get into the actual meat of the story *checks notes* 30k words in.

Vi is worried.

She is worried about several things.

First, Kylo looks like absolute kriffing bantha shit. The deep bags under his eyes combined with the sallow colour of his skin stand out. In all the time she’s known him, Kylo has always maintained his physical strength and health like a mechanic maintains their machines; this slippage is highly unusual.

Despair, confusion, and most prominently, exhaustion surround his presence in the Force.

He is distracted.

Which brings Vi to her second worry - the First Order. She will admit that getting rid of the mask had helped Kylo - those in leadership as well as the soldiers and crew members were able to see him as a human, and imagine him as a person perhaps not too different than themselves. Walking around the barracks unmasked had reduced the troopers’ fear of him, yes, but when they realized he was there to ask them for their opinions and expected them to answer honestly - respect is what replaced their fear.

While Hux had sneered at him - fraternizing with the infantry, working one-on-one with mechanics to upgrade their fighters and technology - Kylo had been building trust. Putting a face, literally, to the name of the Supreme Leader.

Vi was proud of all he had done, what he had accomplished.

And yet, in the state that he is in now, she wishes he would put the mask back on. Behind it he could hide his unkempt hair, the sadness in his eyes, and the prominence of his cheekbones - he could shield himself from whispers of weakness.

Visible signals of distress are exactly what Kylo cannot afford right now, with whatever Hux has planned.

Hux is the third - and most significant - worry occupying Vicrul’s mind.

She doesn’t know what he is up to but something is going on inside that weasel’s brain. Ever since the death of Snoke he has been resistant to Kylo’s role as Supreme Leader - not surprising considering how often they were at each other’s throats when Snoke ruled. Even as other members of the First Order leadership came around to Kylo and his methods, Hux remains staunchly opposed to everything.

Kylo’s decisions that are tactically highly beneficial and well-supported are always subjected to Hux’s ruthless nitpicking. The red-haired General is always combing through reports and briefings in hopes he will find something amiss.

So now, with Kylo unbalanced and distraught, Vicrul is worried.

She worries about what could possibly be causing Kylo’s physical and mental deterioration.

More than anything, she fears the great shift she can sense coming. A shift for, or towards, whom, she does not know.

All she knows is that she is afraid, and that Kylo does not seem ready for whatever is coming.

****

Rey had planned on throwing herself into work - repairs, training, meditation, anything really - to avoid Rose and the litany uncomfortable questions her friend would no doubt have about Ben.

Luckily, Rose has been too busy with her new duties as General to follow up on their previous conversation. How things have changed, for Rey to not only have friends but actively seek to avoid them - she scoffs at her own immaturity.

Rey of Jakku, afraid of answering questions. How disappointing.

And yet, despite the ridiculousness of it all, she is afraid. Having had two weeks to stew-

_“Rey, whatever happened with him, to him, wherever he is now...I just want to help you.”_

-and come to terms with everything, her feelings are as tumultuous as ever. Maybe more than they have ever been.

_“You love him.”_

A statement, rather than a question. How nice it must be for Rose to be so certain of something, to be able to understand and name feelings with no trouble at all. For so long, all Rey concerned herself with was survival - the only emotions she is familiar with are ones she encountered on Jakku.

Anger.

Loneliness.

Fear.

Everything else was a waste of energy, time spent feeling was time not spent scavenging.

Rey, who has only recently grown used to the idea of friendship, does not know what love feels like. Lying on her bed, she contemplates if she knows what it looks like.

She has seen the way Rose’s eyes light up when talking about Paige and the fleeting looks Finn and Poe share. She heard firsthand the anguished howl Chewie released when he learned of Leia’s death, and remembers a similar sound coming from him when Han was killed.

Then she thinks of Ben.

Reaching out across the stars to touch his hand; travelling into enemy territory based on the sliver of a chance that he was a good man; moving his unconscious body away from a fire in the wreckage of the throne room; holding him as he cried over his dead mother.

Is that love?

Groaning in frustration, she sits up in bed.

If he were here, she would ask him. Take all the questions she has locked away in the back of her mind - questions about him, their bond, - and dump the contents on Ben. But he isn’t here. Two weeks since the funeral on Naboo, since her world shifted on its axis because Leia died and then once more because of the way he-

_“-you are everything.”_

-had stood in front of her, admitting that he doesn’t want her dead. That fighting against her has been eating away at him since the beginning. Every day since, his words have played on repeat in her head as she analyzes them over and over to see if there was something she missed, if it’s possible that she misunderstood. Of course it is now, now that she desperately wants to speak with him, that the Force does not connect them and she is left anxious.

_“You are enough.”_

Wrapping herself in the blankets that cover her bed, Rey lies back down and wonders if anyone has ever told Ben that he is enough. Maybe she should.

At peace with the emotions that have been warring inside her head, she falls asleep resolved to confront Ben and her feelings for him the next time they connect.

That night, Rey is awoken by a pained whimper. Ben is next to her. Even in sleep, he finds no rest from the demons that haunt him. The bags under his eyes and grease in his hair are an indication of how he has been faring these last two weeks, Rey pulls him close and rubs her hands down his arms until his breathing evens out and the anguish that colours his signature quiets down.

She will save her questions - and confessions - for next time.

****

Something is wrong.

Vicrul Ren is preparing her ship to leave for a last minute mission - more like an errand, given to her out of spite - from Hux, when a wave of something...terror, perhaps, washes over her in the Force. Something is wrong. Removing her helmet, she closes her eyes and reaches out, searching for the source of this rupture.

What she finds, is a concentration of dark emotions.

Hatred. Anger. Betrayal.

Pain. Suffering.

And underneath it all is - her eyes fly open - Kylo.

Hurriedly placing her helmet back on, Vi runs down the ramp of her ship back into the belly of the star destroyer to find him.

****

It had been a relaxed morning for Rey. Meaning, she had woken before the sun, dressed, and gone for a run through the jungle. After running, Maker knows how far, she had returned to her quarters to bathe and change into clean clothes - a habit Rose had instilled in her, wearing different clothes throughout the same day. Picking up the Jedi text, she carved another mark in the back of the book. It seems more and more likely that some parts of her will never truly leave Jakku.

Now, refreshed and awake, she munches on a ration bar while making her way towards the hangar where she meditates in the morning. Although it’s busy later in the day and especially during mission prep, immediately post-sunrise the hangar is quiet and empty.

Taking her spot on the floor, cross-legged, Rey closes her eyes. For the first time in a long time, she is excited to meditate today. Having - possibly - come to terms with her feelings for Ben has blanketed her with a sense of calm, a peacefulness she has not felt since...well maybe never.

Exhaling as she reaches out, she plucks the cord that binds them wondering if maybe she can call him here on purpose. Extending her focus out to Ben, she wraps her energy around the string and tugs harder.

Faintly, his signature emerges into her awareness and she latches on to it greedily. As it transforms from a blurry echo into something more solid, Rey suddenly becomes aware of something, a sensation on his end of the bond that feels like-

-Rey lets out an anguished scream as pain sears through her from Ben’s consciousness. Attempting to stand, Rey is knocked down onto her knees as another excruciating blow wracks her body. She rolls onto her back, moaning in pain as she panics. If this is what it feels like for her, what does Ben feel?

Taking a deep breath, she sits up.

“Rey?!” Drawn by the sound of her scream, no doubt, Finn, Rose, and R2 come barrelling into the hangar.

Rose kneels beside her, softly gripping her arm.

“Rey, what’s going on?”

Grasping Rose’s hand in her own, she swallows.

“Rose do you remember how I told you I’m connected to Ben?”

“Through the Force?” “Who is Ben?”

Rose and Finn ask their questions at the same time, Rose putting her hand up to shush him.

“Something is happening to him, Rose. Something bad, and I don’t know...I don’t want...he’s in pain, and in danger.”

“Well then,” Rose stands, offering her hand out to help Rey up. “Sounds like you need to go rescue him.”

Taking her friends’ hand, Rey gapes. Kriff if all she had to do was confess to Rose about Ben and say that he was in trouble to get permission to retrieve, she would’ve stormed his command ship ages ago and dragged him out kicking and screaming.

“I..” She doesn’t know what to say, what to respond to Rose’s faith in her.

“Take Finn and Artoo with you. Go. That’s an order.”

“Uhm, I mean, yes General.”

It isn’t until she is on the ship with R2 and Finn that Rey stops to wonder if Rose’s faith will waver at all when she sees who Ben really is. Looking to her left, Rey sees a man who suffered under the hands of the First Order, and behind them is a base full of people who have lost and lost badly to the First Order. In some cases even to Kylo Ren personally.

But then, a fresh wave of pain pours over her in the Force, and Rey steels herself. She will get to Ben before it’s too late and rescue him.

Consequences be damned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love getting comments not desperate for approval or anything  
> find me on twitter [ @OctopusSoap ](https://twitter.com/OctopusSoap)


	14. Bonded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _  
>  **That’s how we’re gonna win.**   
>  _   
>  _  
>  **Not by fighting what we hate; saving what we love.**   
>  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last time, Ben is in trouble.
> 
> this time, Rey to the rescue! (?)
> 
> new moodboard!  
> 

“I understand what you are saying, and I know we have more numbers now, I’m just not certain that having two missions of this size running at once is a good idea.”

Finn could see Rose’s point. Two large-scale missions - one to liberate a prison transport, one to pick up supplies from Fulcrum - at the same time would be a logistical nightmare. Ever the optimist, the newly minted General wanted to believe in the Resistance and their ability to ‘light the fire’ - as Poe would put it. On one hand, missions may be a welcome distraction from the grief that has permeated the base since Leia’s passing, but on the other, people may be unfocused, overly emotional.

He works his jaw, trying to think of a solution.

“Do we know if the prisoners are going to be executed, or just held?”

Rose tilts her head in curiosity. “Elaborate.”

“Well,” Finn pauses to gather his thoughts. “Well, if the prisoners are being transported for execution then we need to get them out, urgently, but if they are just being moved then they can wait a little longer, right?”

“Finn, that is such a-”

-Rose is interrupted by the sound of a scream. Somebody is howling in pain in the nearby hangar. Immediately, the Generals both stand from the table in Rose’s quarters and run to the hangar to help whoever it is. R2-D2, who had been passively observing the meeting, wheels after them.

In the hangar, they find Rey lying on her back moaning in pain. A quick visual scan does not reveal any injuries, but Rose kneels down beside their friend anyways.

“Rey?! Rey, what’s going on?”

Finn watches as Rey struggles to get her breathing back under control while grasping Rose’s hand. Tears line her abnormally pale face.

Finally, Rey speaks. “Rose do you remember how I told you I’m connected to Ben?”

At the same time as Rose clarifies “Through the Force?” Finn asks “Who is Ben?”

There is no Ben on base, or in the Resistance, as far as he knows. In fact, this is the first time Finn has ever heard any mention of a Ben, from anybody. Rose raises her hand to shush him.

“Something is happening to him, Rose. Something bad, and I don’t know...I don’t want...he’s in pain, and in danger.”

“Well then,” Rose stands, offering her hand out to help Rey up. “Sounds like you need to go rescue him.”

At this, both Finn and Rey gape at Rose.

“I..”

“Take Finn and Artoo with you. Go. That’s an order.”

Somehow after that confusing interaction, Finn ends up in a ship with Rey and Artoo, heading Maker-knows-where to rescue somebody he has never heard of from Rey-doesn’t-know-what. He waits until they have exited atmo to ask Rey what is going on.

“Rey?” His voice is cautious, not wishing to add stress to what has no doubt been a turbulent morning for his friend.

“Mhmm.” Rey responds but does not take her eyes off the console in front of her.

“Rey, just leave the ship alone for a moment.”

Her hands stop where they were fiddling with controls, and she slowly turns her head to face him.

“Rey, what’s going on?”

She swallows.

“There’s someone...there’s this person, a man named Ben. And he...he’s very important to me.”

He waits. After all their time together Finn has learned - for the most part - not to push Rey when she isn’t ready.

In her seat, Rey pulls her knees into her chest to hug herself before continuing.

“Ben and I are connected through the Force, and just now, in the hangar, I felt something. Something very bad, dangerous, lethal even, was happening to him. I could feel it, almost like it was my own pain.”

“I...um, wow ok.” Finn is not sure exactly what he was expecting, but he should know better than to underestimate the Force by now. “Ok, so this, Ben, he is in danger and he needs help?”

“Yes.”

“And Rose already knew about him, which is why she sent you and me to go help him?”

“Yes.”

Rose is one of the most level-headed people he knows, and in her short tenure as (co-)General has proven to be an excellent leader. Finn trusts her judgement.

“Ok, so, where are we headed?”

Rey sighs. “I don’t know, exactly.”

At Rey’s admission, Finn is taken aback. “What do you mean you don’t know?”

He looks to Rey just as she inhales sharply, and sees the tears pooling in her eyes. Reaching out, Finn places a hand on her knee.

“Rey, kriff, I’m not trying to upset you, I’m just, you know...the logistics. How do we go rescue somebody if we don’t know where they are?”

“I...I am trusting in the Force to guide me. I know that that isn’t much of an answer, but...you trust me, right?”

Her question is so painfully earnest that Finn’s heart breaks a little for the girl that Jakku scarred forever.

“Yes, Rey. Of course. Over a cliff.”

Later, as Finn is lying down to rest while Rey meditates, he realizes that he never said goodbye to Poe.

****

Kylo is bleeding.

The extent of the damage isn’t obvious to the naked eye, due to the dark colours that make up his wardrobe. He can feel his right boot squelch with every step as the stab wound in his abdomen slowly leaks blood down his leg. In hindsight, he should have expected this. He has been exhausted - _weak, unbalanced,_ the ghost of Snoke shouts in his head - since his mother died. Unable to find refuge in sleep, burdened by the turmoil within him.

Now is the perfect time for Hux to strike, to send Vicrul - Kylo’s only real ally - away, call an urgent meeting for an important sounding reason, and have the Knights turn on him. Kylo is, of course, not completely helpless, and has managed to retaliate somewhat. Ap’lek lies in the corner of the room, passed out from the pain of having his arm removed via lightsaber, and Hux is trapped under the toppled table.

Kuruk and Ushar Ren, however, have blocked all of his advances, and with his body losing ever more blood by the second and dizziness from...from what exactly, he cannot recall...perhaps he was hit on the head at some point. Either way, Kylo knows he is not going to last long.

As a last resort he reaches out to Rey - but really, who is he kidding; he’s calling to her so he can say goodbye.

He doesn’t expect that she can actually help him, from the Resistance base (the same base Vi discovered was located on Ajan Kloss, a fact he conveniently forgot to tell any of the First Order leadership).

As always, she surprises him. Responding to his unglorified yank on their connection by sending a strong and unfiltered wave of energy to him. Kylo uses this gift to blast Kuruk and Ushar away from him.

With his opponents momentarily unconscious, maybe he has a chance. Limping away, right leg leaving a bloody trail behind, he stops abruptly sensing another presence behind the door. His body tenses, preparing for another fight.

“Kylo?”

He slumps at the sound of Vi’s voice, falling into her as the door hisses open.

“Ooof, kriff you are heavy.” She tries to adjust to carry him better, earning a pained groan as she inadvertently presses on his wound.

“Vi...we need to…”

“Yes. I know. My ship is ready, we just need to get there.”

“Vi, I-”

“-Shut it. Seriously, save your energy. Let’s just go.”

Kylo has no memory of making it to a ship, or being pursued after take-off, or the ship being damaged immediately pre-hyperspace jump.

He wakes up briefly to find his world on fire, and then darkness claims him again.

****

It had taken Rey nearly an hour to calm down enough to meditate, and another hour after that to find Ben in the Force. She doesn’t know if you can locate somebody using the Force, but in this most desperate hour Rey has no other choice.

Reaching out, she connects to Ben’s presence. It is faded - pained, faint - but it is there. Slowly, she breathes and tries to feel his surroundings. Fleetingly, she wonders if he is still on Arkanis where the First Order is stationed, but there are hardly any other life forms around him for that to be the case. Wherever he is now, is barren, desolate, and-

-Rey opens her eyes.

Reaching for the console in front of her, she types in the coordinates and waits for the ships navicomputer to chart a course through hyperspace.

Looking at the display, Finn visibly tenses.

“Rey, that's...that moon is in the Arkanis system.”

“Yeah.”

He exhales. “Ok.”

Rey does her best to contain her emotions, to stay calm. But as they exit hyperspace and prepare for planetfall on this remote, seemingly uncolonized moon, Rey starts to panic.

She has lost friends, allies, to the First Order and the Knights of Ren.

Finn was once severely injured by Kylo Ren himself.

And now she’s going to - what is she thinking? - ask him to bring Kylo Ren back to the Resistance for medical attention? What then? Will they even help Ben? Lock him up? Lock _her_ up?

People on the base already fear her, though everybody recovered from the incident on Lothal, she knows they still whisper.

Finn is her first friend, her best friend, and Rey knows he trusts her - “over a cliff” he had said. But this, saving the enemy, the leader of their enemy, might be too much to ask. Once the landing sequence is complete, she squares her shoulders. Rey turns to face him and-

“-Rey.” He places a hand on her shoulder. “Don’t worry. We’ll get him, we will find Ben.”

“Finn...I-”

“-No. Trust me. I have a good feeling about this.”

She sighs. They have landed within short walking distance of the signal - a distress call that their ship had picked up upon entering the atmosphere. From here, it seems like a crashed ship. As Finn and Rey walk off the ramp, she reaches an arm out to stop him.

“Finn. You...you might not like what we find out there.”

His eyes narrow. “What does that mean, Rey?”

She purses her lips. “Just -please- no matter what we find, I promise I will explain.”

“Ok.” He nods. “Artoo, watch the ship.”

R2 beeps affirmatively, and Rey and Finn make their way toward the wreckage. It only takes about 5 minutes of brisk walking for it to fully come into view, at which point Finn stops in his tracks. Smoke emanates from the ship, a trace of what was surely a serious fire.

“Rey. Rey, that’s a First Order shuttle.”

“Finn, please, we have to hurry.” Ben’s presence in the Force is fading.

 _I can’t be too late._ Please _don’t let it be too late._

Leaving Finn behind, Rey sprints toward the smoking heap. Sensing life on the far side, she rounds the ruined shuttle to find a Knight. The Knight who stabbed Rey on Lothal.

Blood covers her maskless face and her clothes are singed. She is holding her side with one hand, panting while her other arm pulls on… a person? Walking nearer, Rey realizes that it is Ben.

Ben is stuck under a large piece of the shuttle. The Knight, injured as she is, cannot free him from where he is trapped.

As Rey steps closer, the crunch of ship debris on the ground alerts the Knight to her approach.

“Oh,” the Knight visibly deflates, exhaling. “Stars I’m glad you found us. I can’t seem to get him out and I think he’s dying and after everything I should have known and protec-”

“-Keep pressure on that.” Rey gestures to the wound in the Knight’s side. “I’ll get him.” Stumbling out of Rey’s way, the Knight moves back slowly only to bump into Finn as he rounds the corner to their side of the fallen ship.

“Rey what- hey!” He shoves the Knight. “You’re a Knight of Ren.”

The woman nods.

“Rey, why are we-”

Finn stops when Rey uses the Force to lift a large portion of the shuttle, dragging Ben out and away before letting it thud back down.

Ben is in bad shape. If it weren’t for the faint fluttering of his presence in the Force, Rey would think he was dead. Dried blood covers his face, an abdominal wound bleeds through a shoddy patch job, and almost the entirety of his left arm is burnt.

“That’s Kylo Ren.”

Rey nods. “He was born Ben Solo.”

Finn rubs his hands over his face. Emotions pour off him in waves - anger, frustration, confusion, and something else Rey does not recognize.

Her thoughts race as she wonders if he is even strong enough to be moved, or if they have the right medical supplies on their ship; he is so much worse than Rey had expected. Belatedly, she notices that she is crying...she didn’t come all this way to watch him die.

Placing her hands over the wound on his abdomen, she extends herself toward him in the Force.

“Be with me.” She whispers.

The last thing she remembers from before losing consciousness is the realization that the feeling radiating off Finn - the one she did not recognize - is acceptance.

****

He is fairly certain his trust in an individual has never been pushed as far as his trust in Rey is being pushed at this moment. Finn went on a mission he didn’t understand, to a location Rey found through the Force, to save somebody he doesn’t know named Ben.

Not only did said mission end up taking them very dangerously close to First Order territory, but now there is a Knight of Ren present, and it turns out that the “Ben” in question is actually Kylo Ren.

Running his hands over his face, he tries to calm his breathing.

 _What would Rose Tico do?_ He thinks, trying to imagine how Rose would handle this situation. How would Rose react if she had been sent on a bizarre mission to rescue someone - someone Rey had described as very important to her - who turned out to be the leader of their enemy?

_That’s how we’re gonna win._

_Not by fighting what we hate; saving what we love._

Standing a few paces back, Finn looks down at Rey. Rey, who is quietly crying as she checks the body for wounds, her hands coming away bloody. Rey, who was agitated the entire trip here. Rey, who asked him honestly with desperation painting her voice, if he trusted her.

Exhaling, he knows he has the answer.

“Be with me.”

Finn watches as Rey places her hands on Kylo Ren’s - Ben’s? - abdomen. After several moments where it seems like nothing is happening, Rey falls to the floor.

“Kriff.” He lunges to reach both limp bodies at the same time as the Knight, an adversary he curses himself for forgetting about.

He pulls his blaster, “After I check for their breathing you need to tell me what’s going on here.”

She lets out a shaky breath, nodding. Finn checks their pulses; both are alive and breathing.

“Ok big scary Knight. Whose side are you on, exactly?”

The Knight gestures to the ground. “Kylo’s side, always...which I guess is her side too. Are they breathing?”

Leaning back to sit next to Rey, he nods. “Yeah, they’re both breathing. What happened? Why is Rey unconscious?”

She sits down across from Finn. “I’m not sure, but I think...they’re bonded through the Force and he was dying, so she may have tried to give him some of her Life Force.”

“You can do that?”

The Knight shrugs. “Many things are possible through the Force, things we cannot even conceive of. I’ve heard of healing through the Force but have never seen it happen...with the extent of his injuries honestly the effort should have killed her.”

Groaning, the Knight shifts as she tries to keep pressure on her wound.

Standing, Finn reaches a hand out to her and helps her stand.

“I’m Finn.”

“Vi.”

“Well, Vi, I’ll comm our droid to have the ship brought closer. We’ve got some supplies you could use to patch up...then…”

“Then what? You’d patch me up just to shoot me?”

“No.I can leave you here. I’m assuming you have a way to contact the First Order to come and get you?”

She scoffs. “And leave Kylo with you? No thanks. Where he goes, I go.”

Finn meets Vi’s eyes. “You won’t get a warm welcome at the Resistance.”

“Where he goes, I go.” Vi repeats.

“Ok.”

With R2’s help, Finn gets the still unconscious Rey and Kylo onboard, and helps Vi dress her wounds. Leaning back in his chair after plotting the course back to Ajan Kloss, he can’t help but be afraid of what will happen when they land.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're halfway bitches! thanks to those who have stuck with me this far.
> 
> leave a comment or find me on twitter [ @OctopusSoap ](https://twitter.com/OctopusSoap)


	15. Interlude II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> last week - Rey and Finn go rescue Ben.  
> He's in bad shape. 
> 
> this week - no plot! a brief interlude that fills in some of the between Crait and where this story begins.

**2 days after the Battle of Crait**

* * *

All that’s left of them is the people that are on the Falcon.

Every single one of them is exhausted. Rey has not connected to Be-Kylo. Kylo Ren. She has not connected to him through the Force since they left Crait, keeping the lid on their bond firmly screwed shut. But now, drained of energy as she is, having traded off controls with Poe for her shift in the bunks, the bond flares to life.

He looks about as terrible as she feels, but Rey quashes any sympathy she has. He made his choices.

“Rey.” Kylo Ren chokes out, his shock at seeing her written plainly on his face.

She narrows her eyes, seething.

Spitting “Supreme Leader” at him before slamming their connection closed.

When she reaches the privacy of her bunk, she cries. Rey cries from the loss the Resistance incurred while she was on Ach-To; for her own failure to bring Luke back with her; she cries because she is tired and just wants the war to end.

But most of all, Rey cries out of disappointment in herself for being so naive. For believing that she - a scavenger from nowhere - would be able to bring back Ben Solo.

**6 weeks after the Battle of Crait**

* * *

The first times the Force connected Kylo to her after Crait would go one of two ways. Either she would glare daggers at him, and shut the bond, or she would yell at him while hurling objects his way - and then shut the bond.

Last week she had come at him with her staff.

He dodges her blows just like he dodges the objects that get thrown his way. The insults hurt more than any wound ever will because he knows he deserves it. Kylo knows he has earned being the object of her ire.

Not that long ago, he had sat with her as she confessed her fears and told her that she was not alone. Kylo had meant it, he truly had, but now he has broken things so far beyond repair that he is certain he will not get a second chance to prove it to her.

Especially now that he is the face of everything she is fighting.

Supreme Leader Kylo Ren.

_“Are you happy now? That you got what you have always wanted?”_

When she yells these questions at him he desperately wants to be honest, to look into her eyes and say _no._ To tell her that this isn’t what he wanted at all, and that it’s tiresome work trying to change the First Order, that even though Snoke is gone he still has a voice in his head telling him he isn’t enough - his own voice.

Most of all he wishes he had the courage to tell her the truth; that he had never thought as far as what would happen after Snoke was dead, that he didn’t kill his master out of a power grab.

He killed his master to save Rey.

Kylo doesn’t say any of these things when he sees her, he doesn’t say anything at all. He just lets her launch her objects and her barbs, and takes it.

After all, it is what he deserves.

**4 months after the Battle of Crait**

* * *

Eventually, Rey is too tired to yell at him anymore and they fall into a less antagonistic routine of simple silence.

When word reaches the Resistance of new measures to make slave trade more difficult and provide resources to Outer Rim territories implemented by the Supreme Leader, she breaks the silence.

“Is it true?”

He looks at her that same way he always does, careful, like she might lash out.

“Is what true?”

“The new policies. That you are...helping.”

He shrugs. “Yes.”

“Why?”

Jaw clenching, he runs a hand through his hair.

“It will be harder for the Resistance to recruit from worlds that have been supported by the First Order.”

Rey narrows her eyes at him and moments later the bond disconnects.

She can hear his thoughts clear as day, as if they were her own.

_Because it is the right thing to do._

**8 months after the Battle of Crait**

* * *

Kylo is in his quarters, having bathed and dressed into sleep clothes, trying to discern exactly why it is that he feels so agitated. Aside from the general stress he faces everyday heading the First Order, today was fairly average and there is no logical reason for the anxiety blossoming inside his gut.

Then, the room goes quiet as a frazzled looking Rey appears in front of him, and it makes sense. It isn’t his anxiety; it’s hers.

“Ben!”

She nearly runs to him, stopping less than an arms length from where he stands.

“Rey?”

“Ben are you alright?”

“Yes...why?”

Rey swallows and wrings her hands, looking at the floor.

“I had a dream...we were fighting in the rain, and for some reason you lost focus and I...I, Ben I killed you.”

Her voice wavers over the last couple words, chest rising and falling rapidly. Kylo furrows his brow at her, his enemy, nearly in tears from a dream of killing him.

Could this fragile peace between them be something more?

He steps forward, into her space, cupping one hand around her elbow and the other on her shoulder.

“I’m alright, Rey. It was just a dream.”

The bond closes just as she opens her mouth to speak.

****

After that night, after the dream where she killed him, things changed. Rey talks to him, asks him questions about the Force. She shows him the pieces of the broken saber, and they brainstorm ways to heal the crystal and fix the housing unit. To Kylo’s surprise, Rey is in position of the original Jedi texts, which they spend hours pouring over together.

At a certain point, he stops guarding himself. As if he needed protection from someone that had burrowed their way into his very soul.

She tells him every time the dream happens again, and he admits that he has dreamt something similar. Rey whispers that she wouldn’t do it - couldn’t - if faced with the opportunity, and he is silent.

He lets her see more of himself but there are some pieces he keeps hidden. Kylo never mentions the other dream he has, though he wonders if she’s had it too.

The one where they are both alive, happy, and growing old together.

Kylo isn’t sure which would be worse; if she has not had that dream, or if she has.

He keeps it to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, comments warm my heart.
> 
> if you were not aware, I've been writing a lot this week so check out my other works :)


	16. Luminous Beings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Out of the night that covers me,  
>  Black as the pit from pole to pole,  
> I thank whatever gods may be  
> For my unconquerable soul._
> 
> _In the fell clutch of circumstance  
>  I have not winced nor cried aloud.  
> Under the bludgeonings of chance  
> My head is bloody, but unbowed._
> 
> _Beyond this place of wrath and tears  
>  Looms but the Horror of the shade,  
> And yet the menace of the years  
> Finds and shall find me unafraid._
> 
>   
> _It matters not how strait the gate,  
>  How charged with punishments the scroll,  
>  **I am the master of my fate,  
>  I am the captain of my soul ** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a certain somebody will be making an appearance *cough* in this chapter.  
> hope you enjoy

He does not know where he is or what has happened to him.

Ben is not even sure that he is alive, as he floats through the stars surrounded by luminescent blue butterflies. They remind him of something in his childhood; something Kylo Ren had locked away and forgotten, deep in the vault that had been Ben Solo.

The only constant aside from the beautiful blue creatures are the voices - unlike Snoke, they are not inky or lecherous. Instead, they are familiar, calm, and keep Ben from panicking about his current state of being or not-being.

_My son is alive._

_Be mindful. Your focus determines your reality._

_The greatest teacher, failure is._

_You’ll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view._

_You don’t have to carry a sword to be powerful._

_I won’t leave you, not this time._

Slowly, he comes back to himself and becomes more embodied. He can see and feel his hands, his legs, his face - when Ben tries to reach out to touch the butterflies, they shimmer as they flutter away.

Though there is no ground, no up or down, in this place he has found himself, Ben tries his best to get his bearings. Steadying himself with a couple of deep breaths, he opens his eyes to see a light in the distance - a light towards which the glowing butterflies seem to be heading.

Not sure if he is alive or dead, if this place he has found himself means him harm, Ben hesitates before setting out after the butterflies.

He reasons that if he’s dead, they can’t hurt him.

As he walks forward, the space under his feet lights up in the same sort of ethereal bright blue as the creatures that guide him.

Ben walks.

He walks for what could be hours or days; maybe just minutes. Time doesn’t seem to pass in this world. It is just him, the stars, and the blue glow of his footprints and the butterflies ahead. Eventually, he comes across a being.

Approaching from behind, Ben can see that this person is kneeling and draped in a white hooded cloak, the hood extended at the top by what seems like some sort of headpiece that has two points. Stepping closer, he rounds the being to face them. Kneeling to bring himself down to eye-level, Ben realizes several things at once.

First, the being is female.

Second, the points that are visible through her hood are not a headpiece or hair; it’s a set of horns. She is Togruta, with orange skin and white tribal markings on her face, her blue and white horns resting on her chest.

She exhales, and then opens her eyes.

He meets her shocking blue gaze as a small smile graces her lips.

“Ben Solo. I’ve been waiting for you.”

Ben sighs, shifting to get more comfortable where he kneels across from her.

“That’s a first. I’m not sure that anybody has ever waited for me before.”

She raises an eyebrow at him “Rey has.”

“She shouldn’t be.” Ben huffs.

“And why’s that?”

“I don’t deserve it.”

She closes her eyes and lets on a non-committal hum. After a beat, she stands, holding her hand out to Ben. He takes it, and rises beside her. Even with the extra height off her horns, he towers over her. She doesn’t seem that old - but all species age differently so what does he know - but has a weathered, almost weary quality to her.

He tilts his head to look her over once more: “Who are you?”

Sighing, she removes her hood and gives him a soft smile.

“My name is Ahsoka, and I’ve been waiting for you.”

The name rings a bell but Ben can’t place it - he hasn’t met many Togruta.

“You said that before, what do you mean, “waiting?”....why? For what?”

“For you to get your head out of your ass for one thing, you Skywalkers are so kriffing stubborn.”

He frowns. “Who _are_ you, Ahsoka?”

Her eyes close, and for the first time Ben notices that the blue butterflies have disappeared.

“I fought in the Rebellion against the Empire and in the Clone Wars. I was a Jedi trained by Anakin Skywalker and fought beside him before I left the Order.”

Ben gapes.

“Anak-...I didn’t know he had an apprentice.”

Sadness flashes across Ahsoka’s face before she schools her features.

“There are a lot of things many people don’t know about Anakin; most only know about Darth Vader and not the man he was before that. Yourself included.”

Frowning, Ben quickly scans his memory for any facts he knows about Anakin that are not explicitly related to his time in the Empire, and he comes up nearly empty. He knows Anakin was a Jedi, trained by Obi-Wan Kenobi, and that he fought in the Clone Wars. Ben knows that Darth Vader was ruthless, powerful, and feared by even those within his ranks.

He had a castle on Mustafar - one Ben had always wanted to visit.

For the first time in the years since he found out the truth about his bloodline, Ben realizes that Ahsoka is right; he really does not know anything about his grandfather.

“Is that why you’re here? To tell me about Anakin?”

She shakes her head. “Anakin should tell you his story himself. I’m here to talk about _you,_ young Solo.”

Sighing, Ben hangs his head in preparation for the scolding he is sure to receive. A Jedi who lived through two wars, was apprenticed to Anakin Skywalker himself; what a disappointment he must be in her eyes. He has failed at everything he has ever tried - being a good son, being a good Jedi, being an apprentice of the Dark Side, Supreme Leader of the First Order - it all just stacks up as mistake after mistake; failure.

He startles when he finds Ahsoka’s orange hand under his chin, pulling him to meet her big blue eyes.

“I am not here to berate you Ben. You have made mistakes, yes, but in nearly all of them somebody else shares the blame. For what it’s worth, I am sorry for all that has happened to you; the world has not been kind.”

Ben searches her face for any trace of sarcasm, insincerity, mocking, and finds none. Only kindness shines in her eyes. She removes her hand from his chin, to pat his chest softly before continuing.

“But I’m not here to talk about your past - as interesting a conversation as that might be. I am here to talk about your future.”

“My future?” His eyebrows crease. “You mean I’m not dead.”

Ahsoka huffs. “No, you are not dead. Your girl Rey saw to that.”

“My...she-Rey isn’t my girl- wait what?”

Laughing softly, Ahsoka smiles up at Ben.

“Rey came to get you, after your ship crashed. She transferred some of her life Force to you to keep you from dying.”

Ben blinks. He didn’t even know that was possible, theorized about, yes, but he has never read any record of putting it into practice let alone witnessed it occur.

“She healed me with her own life Force?”

Ahsoka nods. “You can accomplish a lot with the right motivation.”

“Wait.” An urgent thought passes through his mind, but he is afraid to ask. “Is...did she....is she still alive?”

“Surprisingly, yes. I suspect like you, she is in a coma.”

Ben exhales the breath he was holding. If Rey had died to give her life to him, he would...well he doesn’t know what he would do. That would be unfathomable.

“So...my future then? What is it exactly you want to talk about?”

She narrows her striking blue eyes.

“What do _you_ want, Ben?”

“I…” Ben has no idea. He had never thought he would get this far. He had daydreamed about it, sure; the day he left the First Order to find Rey. But upon waking Ben would always shake his head, knowing it could never happen...and yet here he is. Alive and escaped.

“What is next in your journey?”

“I don’t know.” He works his jaw. “I mean, I would assume since Rey rescued me, I am being brought back to the Resistance; they’ll want me dead, or a trial at minimum. And the-”

“-Yes, yes, I know about all the complicated parts of war, I have lived through them myself. But what do you _want_? Assume the best case scenario; you arrive back at the Resistance and they decide not to execute you...what then?”

Ben swallows. “I...well I....I’d help them. I’d help them win the war, I could tell them the secrets that I know to help in battle and we could-”

“-Ben.” Ahsoka frowns and pinches her nose. “That’s all well and good and I am sure that the Resistance will appreciate your help but what do you want for yourself? Outside of the war, outside of everything that is happening on a galactic scale. Think about you and only you, if you were to be selfish, what would you do?”

It comes to him surprisingly quickly, given how little time he has spent thinking about what he wants in life.

“I’d take Rey somewhere green. Somewhere she can grow a garden and learn to swim; somewhere she can know peace.”

“And would you stay there with her?”

“If she’d have me.”

“Hmm.”

“I’ve had these dreams...dreams of us, of me and Rey. Some are -well some of them are bad. Sometimes we fight and she kills me, in others I get to her too late and she is already dead.”

“Are any of them good dreams?”

“Yes, but I don’t know...I don’t know how to make them a reality.”

Ahsoka sighs. “Ben, some advice?” Ben nods. “My mast- Anakin, he used to have bad dreams, dreams he thought were visions. And maybe they were, but his obsession with them was one of the things that ruined his life.”

“So I should ignore them?”

“No. But know that your future is not yet made, there are many paths ahead of you but you are the one who has to walk them; you are - maybe for the first time in your life - in control of what comes next, of who you want to be in this world. Your future has not been decided, and will not be decided by anybody but you.”

As Ahsoka speaks, Ben feels a calm unlike anything he has ever experienced wash over him in a gentle wave. The butterflies have returned.

He meets her gaze. “I know what I have to do.”

“And is it what you want to do?’

Ben smiles. “Yes.”

Ahsoka returns his smile, and whispers may the Force be with you before fading from his view. The butterflies cluster closer to him until he is surrounded, watching as they lift him effortlessly into the air.

****

When Ben wakes, he is in the sterile white of a Medbay hooked up to various wires. As he tries to sit up, he notices two things.

One, though he is exhausted, the calm the butterflies had brought lingers inside him now in the real world.

And two, his left arm is missing from the shoulder down, bandages wrapping the stump where it used to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a certain someone went from addressing himself as Kylo to Ben...hmmm wonder what it means.
> 
> in ch17 you will finally find out what happened when Finn returns to the base with an unconscious Rey & Kylo, plus Vicrul Ren in tow.
> 
> summary is a poem by William Ernest Henley


	17. Their Defiance Will Shake the Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **“There’s something else.”**
> 
> **Her eyes widen. “Something other than Kylo Ren himself, unconscious and injured, inside the Medbay of Resistance headquarters?”**
> 
> **Finn rubs the back of his neck, sheepish.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated two days in a row so if you didn't read ch16 don't forget to do that!  
> Also, maybe skim ch14.

They returned to Ajan Kloss sooner than Rose had expected. A mere six standard hours after departing, Kaydel alerts her that their ship has entered the atmosphere and Finn is requesting her on comms.

“Finn?”

“Hey Rose.” The trepidation in his voice is obvious.

“What’s wrong.”

“Uh...nothing is wrong, exactly...it’s just that-”

“Finn did you find Ben?”

He lets out a frustrated laugh.

“Yeah we found him.”

“Okay….so why don’t you lower the ramp and come out then?”

“Well...I...here’s the thing Rose. There are some people on base who are not going to like what they see when I lower the ramp. Kriff I’m not even sure how I feel about it.”

“Finn, what does that even mean?”

“It means that this uh, Ben guy...you know him.”

Rose pauses as she tries to parse Finn’s cryptic phrases.

“Is he First Order?”

“Yep.”

Rose exhales. “But you brought him back anyway.”

“I-” She can almost hear him thinking through the comm. “I did, yeah.”

“And why did you do that?”

“Because I trust Rey, and Ben is important to her.”

“Alright then. If it’s good enough for her and you, it’s good enough for me. And I guess we are the generals around here now, so it is our call.”

“Right.”

The line goes silent.

“Finn?”

“Yeah. I’ll lower the ramp. Get Kalonia out here; we need medical attention.”

****

The medical attention that Ben and Rey needed ended up being the most simple of their problems. Finn had lowered the ramp and helped Kalonia load Rey and Ben onto stretchers, only once they had been strapped in did the doctor let out a gasp. Rose had crowded nearer, to ask what’s wrong when she saw what Kalonia had.

The doctor had reverently whispered _Ben Solo_ under her breath at the same time as Rose had uttered _Kylo Ren_ in confusion.

Now she watches as Kalonia takes both patients to the Medbay.

Finn nudges her out of her daze.

“Rose.”

“Hmm?” She turns to face him, and he gestures to the ship.

“There’s something else.”

Her eyes widen. “Something other than Kylo Ren himself, unconscious and injured, inside the Medbay of Resistance headquarters?”

Finn rubs the back of his neck, sheepish.

“Yeah. When we found Ren- Ben - whoever he is...he wasn’t alone.”

“Great. So we have not one, but two unconscious First Order operatives on our base.” Rose sighs, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “Who is it? General Hux?”

Rose starts to walk up the ramp into the ship.

“No, not Hux. It’s one of the Knights of Ren….and uh, Rose?”

She stops to look back at Finn, her eyebrows raised.

“Rose, the Knight is not unconscious. She’s awake.”

Rose visibly deflates, closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose while she thinks. No more than a standard minute passes before she opens her eyes, exhales, and squares her shoulders.

“Ok. In this order: tell Kaydel to set her weapon to stun and guard the Medbay; have Kalonia chain Rey and Ben to their beds - I don’t like it but we have to; go get Poe and Jess to help me escort this Knight off the ship and to the brig; and call a briefing in the conference room. Everybody who isn’t guarding the Medbay or the brig needs to be there.”

Finn nods. “General.”

“General.”

He walks away to complete his to-do list as Rose boards the ship.

What a bizarre day this turned out to be. Sometimes - all the time - Rose worries that she isn’t the right person for this job, that Leia was wrong to leave her precious Resistance in the hands of a nobody mechanic from a mining planet. As she enters the ship, she thinks back to the letter Leia had written her; the letter that sits at the bottom of her desk drawer.

_Rose,_

_I am sorry for not telling you in advance, for surprising everybody with my death - what can I say, I have always had a flair for the dramatic. I’ve known I am dying for some time but did not want to add anything more to your plate, especially considering the huge responsibility I have now bequeathed to you._

_I know what is running through your head right now; you doubt yourself. You’re wondering why I’ve chosen you to take my place._

_Where you come from is not your destiny. You do not need to have formal military training, have been born on a Core-World, or come from some great bloodline._

_Trust me, the grandness and dynasty of bloodlines is overrated._

_You have a good head on your shoulders, a compassionate heart, and you don’t take any shit. I could not be more proud to elect you as my successor. No matter what happens, keep your faith in people and remember; your actions define you._

_It’s alright to make mistakes, learn from it and move on - and don’t make that mistake again._

_I hope that you can come to have the same level of faith in yourself that I have in you._

_Love and may the Force be with you._

_Leia Organa._

Exhaling, Rose enters the crew quarters of the ship to find the Knight of Ren seated with her hands on her knees. She wears a standard issue Resistance tunic and is visibly injured, cuts and bruises dot her body.

“Kriff. He didn’t even cuff you.”

The Knight looks up at Rose.

“He didn’t need to. I mean you no harm.”

Rose scoffs, and then holds her hand out. “General Tico. Welcome to the Resistance.”

The Knight blanches, but after a couple seconds extends her hand to shake.

“Vicrul Ren, but you can call me Vi.”

Rose puts her hands on her hips. “Okay Vi. You’ve got a couple minutes before two of my comrades show up to escort you to the brig; you better talk fast and explain what in the Maker’s name is going on here.”

Vi sighs before leaning back.

“Hux staged a coup. Kylo has been distracted of late and Hux recruited the other Knights to turn on him. I helped escape but our ship crashed, and that’s when Finn and Rey found us.” She shrugs. “The rest is pretty obvious.”

Rose hums. “Why weren’t you recruited to betray Kylo?”

She takes a couple deep breaths before she speaks again. “I am loyal to Kylo and I always have been, and it’s no secret. They knew that. Kriff they probably were going to blow my ship up.”

Rose takes a beat to look her up and down.

“And why did you come back with Finn and Rey? Why willingly surrender to the enemy? Many here will want you executed.”

“Like I said, I am loyal to Kylo. If you decide to kill me, you decide to kill me.”

A memory flashes through Rose’s mind.

_They blow you up today, you can blow them up tomorrow. It’s just business._

“We aren’t going to kill you.”

“Torture, then?”

“You’ll be safe here, Vi. Nobody is going to hurt you.”

Unfiltered surprise crosses the Knight’s face, causing Rose to wonder when the last time this woman felt safe was - or if she has ever felt safe. Rose sits down next to her and gives her a soft smile.

“Why are you trusting me?”

“You’ve given me no reason not to. And besides, with Rey unconscious we’re going to need somebody around here that has Kylo’s back.”

Vi laughs.

****

Poe and Kaydel react remarkably calmly, all things considered. Rose has decided that the official story - for now - is that General Hux staged a coup and Kylo Ren and his Knight managed to escape and defect with the intent to help the Resistance. They search Vi for weapons before cuffing her and taking her to the brig. Rose instructs them to stay and guard her, given the nature of this prisoner they cannot afford to take any chances. After briefing them as best she can on what she is going to say at the meeting, Rose leaves them at their post.

As she approaches the conference room, the room is almost vibrating with the collective anxieties of those inside. It seems the truth of who returned to base with Finn and Rey spread faster than Rose had anticipated.

The voices grow louder, and some shout when Rose takes her spot at the front of the room.

“Is it true? We have Kylo Ren in custody?”

“I heard that Rey set him on fire.”

“We should have him executed and broadcast it on the Holonet!”

The last remark gets some cheers and claps from the room.

 _My, my; what a mess_ Rose thinks before placing her hands on her hips.

“QUIET.”

Once she has the room’s attention, she continues in the most matter-of-fact manner she can manage.

“Here are the facts. In the early hours of the day, General Hux staged a coup against the Supreme Leader Kylo Ren and mounted an assassination attempt. As you all have no doubt learned, Hux was unsuccessful and Ren escaped, then crash landed and sent out a distress signal. Rey and Finn responded, bringing an injured Kylo Ren and one of his Knights back to base.” Murmurs in the room grow louder, so Rose holds up her hand to hush them. “Nobody, I repeat, _nobody_ , is going to be executed. The Knight has been put in custody, and she has agreed to be interviewed for vital information and help our cause. Kylo Ren and Rey are receiving medical attention and will be protected by armed guards at all times.”

“Why are we protecting our enemy?” A voice asks from the back of the room.

“Kylo Ren and his associate are being protected to keep any of you from taking justice into your own hands. Any such attempt will result in imprisonment and removal of rank. As far as I am concerned, they have defected from the First Order and contain valuable insider information that can help turn the tide in the war.”

“But how can we trust them? They spent their lives fighting for the wrong side.”

Rose inhales slowly.

“My co-General, Finn, came from the First Order, and all of you seem to trust him just fine." Rose huffs. “Look, this is an unprecedented situation and I understand your hesitance. But who are we to turn away those in need of medical attention? If we execute anybody who changes their mind about the First Order, we are no better than them.”

Whispers of approval echo around the room as many nod their heads in agreement.

“Before she died,” a sad smile crosses Rose’s face, “Before she died, General Organa told me to never lose my faith in people. As much as it may be hard to admit, Kylo Ren and his Knight are people. I’m not asking you to forgive them for their crimes, and I promise you, myself and the other Resistance leadership will meet to discuss holding trials. If you have any other concerns, please stay to speak with me one-on-one. Dismissed.”

She knows it won’t be easy, but Rose hopes that her speech has helped assuage the worries of those around her.

What a day it had turned out to be.

****

Three days since Finn returned from his mission with Rey and he has barely had a moment to himself, collapsing into bed next to Poe every night and falling asleep instantly after whispering goodnight. Between the endless questions from concerned Resistance members, interviewing Vicrul Ren for an official account of the coup, her escape, and probing for any insider knowledge that can help them, monitoring Kylo and Rey’s status in the Medbay, and day-to-day operations, Finn is exhausted.

He has never been more grateful than he is now to have Rose as his partner in leading the Resistance. She has been steadfast in her defense of Kylo and Vicrul - they have decided to call him Kylo for now and keep the whole Ben/Rey thing under wraps until they wake up - and nothing if not methodical in her approach to this entire mess.

Both Kylo and Rey remain unconscious. Dr. Kalonia had treated their physical wounds, and then told him that whatever was going on with them now was out of her area of expertise.

Now, Finn sits in the Medbay at Rey’s side with BB8, as he does every night before bed. He tells her about the goings-on at the base, about what he ate for breakfast; he talks about anything and everything in case she can hear him.

He doesn’t know why, but he is certain that they will wake up. There’s something, a feeling deep in Finn’s bones, that tells him they will both be okay.

And so he waits.

Ten minutes later, he is recounting a story to Rey about an argument that Poe got in with R2D2 when Kylo Ren shifts in his bed, and then opens his eyes and sits up.

Finn stands.

“Bee-bee, go get Kalonia and Rose.”

The droid chirps at him before rolling away.

Slowly, Finn makes his way over to Kylo’s bedside, watching as the man slowly comes back to himself, taking in his surroundings. He sees it, the shock that dances through his features moment Kylo realizes that his left arm is gone.

Their eyes meet.

“Rey?” Kylo asks and he lays back down on his cot.

Finn gestures. “She’s here, next to you.”

“She hasn’t woken up?”

“Not yet. Don’t worry, she will.”

Kylo huffs, swallowing before he speaks in a hushed tone.

“Thank you.”

Taking a seat next to his bed, Finn nods his head.

“You’re welcome.”

Several seconds pass in silence before Kylo opens his mouth again to speak, but Kalonia rushes into the room followed by Rose, cutting him off before he is able to get any words out.

“How long has he been conscious?” Kalonia looks at Finn.

“A few minutes.”

“Anything from Rey?”

Finn shakes his head, and the doctor turns to Kylo.

“Hi, Ben.”

Kylo blinks, looking up at the doctor.

“Harter?”

Dr. Kalonia smiles.

“It’s good to see you, Ben. How are you feeling?”

Pursing his lips, Kylo responds dryly: “Well I nearly died after an assassination attempt and have woken up in enemy territory missing my left arm, so I guess I’m doing pretty kriffing terrible.”

The doctor laughs. “Ever your father’s son. I’m going to check your vitals, okay?”

Kylo nods and the doctor proceeds with her work. Finn watches, mulling over their conversation in his head. There’s something, something the doctor said that seems significant, but Finn can’t put his finger on exactly what it-

“-His father’s son?” Rose blurts suddenly, eyebrows pinched in bewilderment.

Then it clicks into place for Finn. “Ben Solo...as in Han Solo. He’s the General’s son.”

Rose gasps, stepping closer to the cot as if to get a closer look at the patient.

Kylo rolls his eyes, and Dr. Kalonia nods at Rose while stepping back and removing her gloves.

“Vital signs all look good. I’d like you to stay here for a couple more days so we can keep you under observation - what with everything you’ve been through I’d like to keep an eye on you.”

Kylo nods.

“What happened to my arm?”

The doctor sighs.

“It was badly burnt when you arrived, the worst burns I have ever seen. Trust me, if I could’ve salvaged it, I would have, but amputation was the best course of action. I'm sorry.”

Running his right hand through his hair, Kylo sighs.

“A small price to pay for my life, I suppose.” Kylo grimaces, clenching his fist.

“That’s a good way to look at it.”

Kalonia pats Kylo’s shoulder before nodding to Finn and Rose, and leaving the room. Finn leans back in his seat, his mind still reeling from the fact that Kylo Ren - Ben Solo - is the son of Han and Leia. He wonders what could possibly have gone so wrong that the son of two heroes ended up falling to the Dark Side and leading the First Order.

“A great many things went wrong.” Kylo mumbles sadly, and Finn looks at him. “Sorry, you were projecting your thoughts pretty loud.”

Finn's eyes narrow, and an ugly, weighted silence fills the room. Finally, it’s Kylo who speaks.

“So what happens now, that I’m awake?”

Rose steps forward, closer to Kylo’s face.

“Official story is that you survived an assassination attempt and then defected. Vicrul has already undergone several interviews to dispel relevant insider information to help us. We expect that you will do the same.”

Kylo blinks. “That’s all?”

“The subject of your trial is under discussion with Resistance leadership.” Rose shrugs. “It’s not a priority item, at the moment.”

Exhaling slowly, Kylo’s entire body seems to relax.

“I don’t deserve this.”

“I’m inclined to agree,” Finn works his jaw, “But Rey thinks you do, and we’ve got her back. Until she wakes up and can advocate for you herself, it’s up to us.”

Rose nods her agreement, and Finn stands.

“It’s late. We are going to turn in for the night. We will leave Bee-Bee here in case you need anything, and there are guards stationed outside your door around the clock.”

“I’m not going to try to escape.” Kylo mutters.

Finn frowns. “The guards aren’t there to keep you in, they are stationed outside for your protection.”

At that, Kylo is silent.

Finn walks back to Rey’s cot, whispering goodnight, and gives Kylo one last look before closing the door.

Later, when Poe asks him if he thinks they’re doing the right thing, Finn nods. When Poe asks how he’s so certain, Finn tells him that it’s an instinct; a feeling. Something inexplicable inside him that is sure that this will all work out in the end. Finn shrugs off Poe’s subsequent comment about how that sounds like something Rey would say about the Force.

He hopes Rey will wake up soon.


	18. A Vergence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **"The Skywalkers were slaves until Anakin left Tatooine. Where you come from is not who you will be, Rey. Only you can decide what steps to take."**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> been writing really fast, back to back updates, so be sure you've read ch16 and 17 before this one.  
> bit of a shorter one here.

She does not know where she is or what has happened to her.

Rey is not even sure if she is alive, as she floats through a vast emptiness that is neither dark nor light; it simply is. Whatever you can call this, this state of being or not, continues for an indeterminate amount of time until some voices slowly become audible.

She sees a young woman - courageous, beautiful, and kind - and a sandy haired boy - curious, brave, and sad.

_“Are you an angel?”_

_“What?”_

That scene dissolves and another comes into focus. This time the woman is older but time seems to have only enhanced her best qualities, and the young boy is now a young man dressed in robes of a Jedi.

_“Ani? My goodness you’ve grown.”_

_“So have you...grown more beautiful, I mean”._

What appeared to have been a reunion fades from Rey’s field of vision and is replaced by a desert that she does not recognize. No words are spoken, and none are needed. The despair on the young man’s face, coupled with the desolate landscape as the suns sink from the sky are enough. Dressed in a soft blue with her brown hair flowing down her back, the young woman embraces him as he weeps.

Again, this vision fades to be replaced by something equally as desperate but for altogether different reasons.

_“I’m not afraid to die. I’ve been dying a little bit everyday since you came back into my life.”_

_“What are you talking about?”_

_“I love you.”_

Their kiss dissipates into nothingness and is quickly replaced by another; the woman is still dressed in white but this time it is an elegant dress that covers her hair. As their clothes ripple in the wind Rey wonders why the scene looks familiar, but it fades before she can figure it out.

Suddenly, her vision is filled with fire and Rey is coughing from the smoke that surrounds her. Some time appears to have passed; the woman is visibly very pregnant and the man’s wavy long hair frames eyes filled with anger.

_“All I want is your love.”_

_“Love can’t save you Padme.”_

The woman’s eyes fill with tears as the man’s brim with hatred, and the scene devolves into tragedy. Rey wants to turn away but knows that she must be seeing this for a reason. As she - Padme, that’s her name - begs and pleads with the Jedi, a memory plays in the back of Rey’s mind.

_Don’t do this Ben. Please don’t go this way._

The scene fades, and as Rey wipes stray wetness from her cheeks she wonders what happened to Padme; where she is, if she’s alright. Whoever Padme and the Jedi were, the world did not seem to be on their side. Slowly, a landscape of rolling hills and sparkling blue lakes appears around Rey. Long and vibrant grasses underneath her feet.

She walks.

She walks past a beautiful lakefront house, one that she knows she recognizes but cannot place. She walks past a waterfall and through a forest. When she approaches the outskirts of a city, Rey stops.

“Beautiful planet, isn’t it?”

A voice speaks from behind Rey. She turns around to see a tall man dressed in sandy brown robes with long brown hair and a beard. He stands with his hands behind his back and his eyes closed, breathing deeply.

“It is lovely,” Rey tilts her head, examining the man.

He hums, and Rey also closes her eyes, breathing in the clean air that surrounds her.

“Do you know where we are?” The man asks. When Rey opens her eyes to look at him, his eyes remain shut.

“This is Naboo, isn’t it?”

“Yes.” Finally, his eyes open and he gives Rey a kind smile. “It is a pleasure to meet you, Rey of Jakku.”

“And who are you?”

“My name is Qui-Gon Jinn. I was a Jedi Knight.”

Rey scrunches her nose and narrows her eyes at Qui-Gon.

“You may be pleased to meet me, but I don’t know yet if I am pleased to meet you.”

He chuckles. “Given your previous experience with Jedi and their teachings I cannot blame you.”

Shrugging, Rey asks, “Why are we here?”

“Naboo is an important place in the Skywalker tragedy, and as you are an important figure in that story it seemed like a fitting location.” He pauses, “This is also where I died.”

Rey frowns. “It hardly seems fair to call the Skywalker story a tragedy. It’s not finished yet.”

“Right you are, young one. I should have been more precise; Anakin’s story was tragic.”

“Was Anakin the boy and the man in the visions I saw?”

Qui-Gon nods. “And Padme was his wife, Luke and Leia’s mother. When I knew her, she was the young Queen of the Naboo. Despite her age she was fierce and loyal.”

“And why bring me here, to show me that?”

“Because, Rey of Jakku, the future is not decided yet. Thus far the story of the Skywalker family has been a tragedy, but as you said, it is not over and it does not have to end in despair. In order to fully understand the choices ahead, we must be aware of the paths that lead to the current moment.”

“So you are here to caution me?” Rey rolls her eyes. “Was I shown the story of Anakin and Padme as a warning against love? Against attachment?”

He smiles. “Quite the contrary. It was the secrecy of their love - among other things - that lead to its downfall. Perhaps if Anakin had been loved a little bit more and allowed to love more freely, his life may have taken a different course.”

Rey thinks this over. “You must not have made a very good Jedi.”

Laughing Qui-Gon, lets out a joyous sigh. “No. The council was often unhappy with me.”

Their eyes meet, and he raises his eyebrows.

‘Why show me, though? I am not a Skywalker...I’m just Rey, a nobody.”

“The Skywalkers were slaves until Anakin left Tatooine. Where you come from is not who you will be, Rey. Only you can decide what steps to take.” He places his hand on Rey’s shoulder, and their eyes meet. Rey nods. “Besides, more often than not it is the nobodies, those under the radar and behind the scenes who make things happen.”

“Thank you.” She takes a couple seconds to breathe. “What happens next?”

Qui-Gon smiles again, places his hand behind his back once again and closing his eyes.

“That, Rey, is up to you.”

Slowly, the long-dead Jedi Master fades into the breeze of Naboo. Taking one last deep breath, Rey sits down on the grass and begins to meditate.

****

Ben was cleared to leave the Medbay two days ago. He had been given his own quarters - with guards stationed outside around the clock - and fitted with a couple standard-issue pieces of Resistance clothing. As he expected, his privileges are limited and he cannot go anywhere unaccompanied. When he is not in meetings with Rose and Finn or eating meals with Vi, he sits in the chair next to Rey’s cot.

He holds her hand, and talks to her. Ben tells her about his childhood, about his time at the Jedi Temple, about the training he endured under Snoke, and his favourite memories of his uncles Chewie, Lando, and Luke.

Currently, he is explaining to Rey the traditional customs of his mother’s homeworld Alderaan, including hair-braiding that his mother taught him when he was young. He has a datapad out, and is in the midst of drawing his favourite ceremonial braid when he feels Rey’s consciousness explode in the Force.

Hardly a second later, her eyes open and meet his.

“Hi, Ben.”

****

Elsewhere, in an abandoned Rebellion base in a nondescript system in the Outer Rim, Ahsoka Tano kneels on the floor of her quarters, meditating. Exhaling, she opens her eyes and pulls a commlink from the table beside her bed and turns it on.

“Fulcrum?”

It takes a minute, but the commlink crackles and a voice sounds on the other end.

“Here.”

“It is time. Call in the Spectres and rendezvous at Ajan Kloss.”

“Affirmative. Fulcrum out.”


	19. Someone Who Still Could

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Nothing could have prepared him for the look on Rey’s face when she opens her eyes and says his name.**
> 
> **Her face breaks out in the biggest, most beautiful smile Ben has ever seen in his life. Blinded by the pure happiness emanating from her, it takes him a couple of seconds to react.  
> **  
> 

“Hi, Ben.”

He had known that she would wake up. Inside, logically, he knew that she would because he had, and their afflictions were the same. And yet, since he had woken up all his spare time had been spent worrying.

Rose had noticed. The first night, when he was given his new items of clothing and he had looked rather dejectedly at the two sleeves of the shirt, and then back at the emptiness on his left side where his arm had been. Ever the problem solver, Rose had taken a knife out of her belt and cut the sleeve off, and then proceeded to sew the edges of the sleeve together. Ben had almost started crying.

She had slipped her hand into his, and told him not to worry.

Nothing could have prepared him for the look on Rey’s face when she opens her eyes and says his name.

Her face breaks out in the biggest, most beautiful smile Ben has ever seen in his life. Blinded by the pure happiness emanating from her, it takes him a couple of seconds to react. He blinks a couple times, and then stands, the datapad falling to the ground, forgotten.

Rey stands at the same time, hastily removing the blanket that covers her to stand inches from Ben. They stand there, chest to chest - or rather, Rey’s face to Ben’s chest - for a beat, just breathing with their eyes locked. As he has come to expect, Rey moves first.

Wrapping her arms around him in an embrace that is just slightly too tight, she buries her face into the fabric of his sweater. Ben smiles into his hair as he brings his arm around her back, rubbing his hand up and down. However long they stay that way could never be enough.

Eventually, Rey steps back, bringing her hand up to cup his cheek, featherlight over his scar. Ben gives her a soft smile, before turning his face to lightly kiss the palm of her hand.

“Ben, I...I am so glad you are okay. I was so worried and when we arrived I was certain that you had died and then-” Rey trails off in the middle of looking him up and down, “Ben, what happened to your arm?”

He sighs. “Kalonia had to amputate it. The burns from when the ship crashed were too severe and too deep to bother with any kind of treatment.”

Rey’s shoulders collapse, and she steps back to sit on the cot. Her hand reaches out, as if to touch the end of his left shoulder, but she retracts it before reaching the destination.

“Oh, Ben. I’m so sorry.” She bows her head, “Kriff, if we had only gotten there sooner maybe you’d still have your arm, I can’t believe I was-”

Ben steps forward and places his hand under her chin, lifting her head gently.

“Rey,” he whispers in the softest tone he can muster. “Rey, you saved me. I would have died, I was dying when you got there.”

Her lip quivers and the liquid pooling in her eyes threatens to spill over. As usual, Ben isn’t sure how to convince Rey that it’s okay, that he would give his arm and both of his legs to be here with her and away from the First Order.

Reaching down, he pulls one of her hands from where it rests in her lap and places it over the right side of his abdomen. She looks up at him with a question in her eyes.

“This is where I was stabbed.”

Rey’s brows pinch together. “May I?”

He nods, and Rey tentatively lifts the hem of his shirt to place her hand over the bare skin beneath. She frowns.

“Ben, there’s nothing there. Did you get stabbed in your other side?”

“No, Rey. I got stabbed on my right side.”

She rolls her eyes. “Ben, there is no wound, you must be mistaken-”

“-I’m not mistaken.” He brings his hand to cover hers, where it still rests on his abdomen. “I had a head wound, several broken ribs, lots of internal damage - I think one of my lungs had collapsed - and a deadly stab wound. I was dying, and you healed me. You healed all of it. _You_ did that.”

Her eyes widen, and she opens her mouth to speak but is interrupted by a throat clearing in the doorway.

“I hope I’m not interrupting.” Kalonia walks into the room.

“Doctor.” Ben nods at her but does not remove his hand from where it lies over Rey’s.

“Rey, it sure is good to see you up. Now that you’re awake I’ll have to do an examination, if that’s alright?”

Ben steps back from the cot, as Rey adjusts herself to lie back. When the exam is done, Kalonia writes down some notes.

“Rey, you’ll have to stay here overnight, just as Ben did when he woke up. Not that we expect anything to happen, but these are unusual circumstances so we do want to be careful.”

“Sure.”

“Great. I’ll send Bee-Bee to tell the Generals that you’re awake.”

Both of them nod their heads as the doctor leaves the room. As soon as they are alone, Rey turns her head to him.

“Ben?’

“Yes?”

“When you were asleep...did anything happen?”

“Yes, why?”

“Me too. I was on Naboo, and I met this old Jedi Master named Qui-Gon Jinn. He said he trained-”

“-Obi-Wan Kenobi.” Ben exhales in disbelief. “Really? I can’t believe...wait, you were on Naboo?’

Rey nods. “Yeah, I didn’t recognize it at first, but I was on Naboo. Why?’

He swallows. “I wasn’t in a real place, it was just like...an in-between area filled with stars and blue butterflies.”

Laughing, she raises her eyebrows. “Blue butterflies?”

“Yeah,” Ben smiles. “Why were you on Naboo?”

“Qui-Gon told me it was an important place for the Skywalker story; it’s where Anakin’s wife, Padme was from and where they got married.”

Ben gapes. “He had a wife?”

“How could you not know? I thought you were obsessed with Darth Vader and-”

-BB8 rolls back into the room followed by Rose and Finn, who both shout her name at the same time. Ben leans back in his chair so as to be out of the way as the Generals both swarm the bed to embrace their friend and plant kisses on her head.

As they step back, Ben notices Rey subtly tensing up. He tilts his head in curiosity, wondering why she is anxious to see her friends.

Rey swallows. “So...how much trouble am I in, exactly?”

Both Rose and Finn look as perplexed as Ben feels. Rey looks at her friends, her eyes darting briefly to meet Ben’s before she looks down at her hands. Rose figures it out a split-second before Ben does.

“Rey, you’re not in trouble for bringing Kylo here.”

Rey scoffs. “I’m not in trouble for bringing the Supreme Leader of the First Order to our base without permission?”

Finn shrugs. “Technically, you did have General Tico’s permission, and he’s not the Supreme Leader of the First Order anymore. He survived an assassination attempt and decided to defect to us.”

“Ben didn’t def-”

Rose places a hand on Rey’s shoulder. “That’s the official story, anyways. We are also keeping the “Ben Solo” thing under wraps.”

Rey opens her mouth to argue but Ben cuts her off.

“Rey, trust me.” He leans forward to put his hand on her knee, “Having me here has already disrupted things enough for the Resistance. We can save the life-shattering revelations for another time.”

Sighing, Rey leans back. “I guess that all makes sense. But what about the defection? You didn’t defect, Finn just brought us back here.” Rey sits up and places her hand over Ben’s. “Ben...you didn’t agree to be a prisoner.”

Ben looks down at where their hands are joined before speaking.

“You’re right; I didn’t choose to be brought here but I have chosen to stay.” As Rey’s eyebrows raise in shock, Ben wonders if anybody has ever stayed for her.

“And far as the defection goes, he and Vicrul basically have. We meet everyday for several hours to discuss anything and everything First Order related.”

Rey squeezes Ben’s hand once, before letting go and leaning back.

“Wow. So I guess you guys figured everything out while I was asleep, huh?”

As Ben watches Rose and Finn both frown at their friend’s self-deprecation, it dawns on Ben that he is not the only person who loves Rey. He wonders if Finn and Rose have had to fight as hard as he has to carve out a space in her life.

Rose reaches for Rey’s hands, taking both of them in her own.

“Rey, we need you. I am so glad you are awake; I missed you.”

Rey sniffs, and Rose goes in for another hug. Once the embrace is over and they have wiped their eyes, everyone seems to collectively realize the time.

“Great to see you Rey, I’m going to turn in.”

Finn hugs her goodbye, and nods at Ben on his way out the door. Ben stands.

“I....” Ben has so many things to say without the slightest clue of how to start. As he watches Rey stifle a yawn, he decides now is not the time. “Are you going to be okay here?”

Rey nods.

“I’m going to stay a couple more minutes.” Rose pipes up.

“Okay, then.” He steps forward at the same time as Rey sits up, so they end up in a slightly more awkward version of their earlier hug. He presses a soft kiss into her hair, and whispers, “Goodnight Rey.”

She mumbles something resembling “Goodnight Ben” into the fabric of his sweater.

He lets go of her, before dipping his head at Rose and heading back to his quarters.

****

Rose walks around to the other side of the bed to sit in Ben’s chair. When she looks back up at Rey, her cheeks are dusted a light pink.

“So...Ben, huh?’

Rey blushes even deeper.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you he was Kylo Ren.”

Rose shrugs. “There’s never a good way to deliver complicated news. It was pretty crazy here, when Finn came back with a Knight of Ren, Kylo Ren himself unconscious, and you, also unconscious.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Rey, stop apologizing. We worked it out. Many people weren’t thrilled to have Ben here, but we’ve made it work so far.” Rose smiles. “Besides, he’s actually pretty neat. I mean, sometimes I remember all the things he’s done and I want to zap him, but just as a guy, I like him.”

Rey is quiet.

“Finn said you healed him with the Force.”

“Yeah.”

“I didn’t know you could do that.”

“Me either, but he was just lying there...I was watching him die, and I just couldn’t, I didn’t want it all to be for nothing.”

Rose reaches forward to hold Rey’s hand.

“That must’ve been terrible.” Rose hesitates, taking a beat to think. She wants to make sure she says this right. “Rey, I’m not mad that you didn’t tell me that Ben was Kylo Ren, but I am sorry, truly, deeply sorry that you have been dealing with your connection and your feelings for him all alone.”

“Thank you.”

Rose moves the chair closer to Rey’s cot, and Rey slowly tells the truth about everything that has happened over the last year. Rose is, unlike Leia, quite an animated listener, stopping nearly every ten seconds to gasp, wiggle her eyebrows, or gape. After hearing it all - Luke Skywalker the grump, shirtless Ben Solo, slimy Snoke, the throne room, healing the kyber crystal - Rose can’t do anything but sit in disbelieving silence.

Several minutes pass before Rose speaks again.

“Rey, that is the wildest, craziest, most unbelievable and romantic story I have ever heard! And it’s your real life! Maker, what a story. When this is all over, they’ll write stories about you two.”

“What? No they won’t, I just-”

“-If nobody writes it, I will. I can see it now. _The Scavenger and the Prince: Star-Crossed Lovers_.”

Rey covers her face, laughing. “Rose that sounds like a holo-drama.”

“You better believe it.” Rose grins. “The best kriffing holo-drama the world has ever seen.”

They laugh until Rose’s ribs start to ache, and once the room is quiet Rose stands. She gives Rey a hug, and then places her hands on Rey’s shoulders.

“I’m happy for you, Rey.”

Rey smiles, and Rose bids her goodnight.

She shakes her head all the way back to her quarters, hoping someday she has a chance to tell somebody else Rey and Ben’s magnificent and ridiculous story.

****

Rose is woken an hour before her alarm is set to go off, by her commlink buzzing repeatedly on the nightstand.

“Kaydel, what is it?”

“We’ve got an incoming transport.”

Rose sits up. “Hostile?”

“No, they’ve identified themselves as Fulcrum and asked for General Tico and Ben Solo to meet them upon landing.”

Groaning, Rose starts tying her boots. “Got it.”

“General?”

“Yes, Kaydel?”

“Who’s Ben Solo?”

Rose wipes her hand over her face and sighs. “Let me worry about that.”

“Yes General.”

Buttoning her shirt, Rose makes her way to Ben’s quarters and is just about to knock when the door swings open to reveal the man himself, fully dressed.

“Who is that, in the approaching ship?” He asks, following Rose toward the landing bay.

“Fulcrum, one of our allies.”

Ben frowns. “But who are they?”

Rose shrugs. “We don’t know, Fulcrum is the name they provided. The intel has been good, golden, actually. Why do you ask?”

She turns to look at Ben, whose face is pinched in concentration, staring at the shuttle as it lands.

“There’s...someone on that ship is familiar.”

The ramp lowers, and several figures emerge; by Rose’s count, there are three humans, a Lasat, a female Togruta, and a copper coloured droid. One of the humans is elderly, with a white beard, and one is maybe around Leia’s age with deep blue eyes. One of the men is younger, maybe around Poe’s age with a shock of green eyes and hair that matches. Standing even taller than Ben - something Rose didn’t think was possible - is the Lasat.

The Togruta steps forward, and Ben steps back, eyes wide.

“Ahsoka?”

Holding her hand out, Rose turns to the Togruta, who shakes it.

“General Tico, and you are?”

“I’m Ahsoka Tano, and these are my comrades; we’ve come to assist you in the fight against the First Order.”

The elderly man speaks first. “Good to meet you, General Tico. My name is Alexsandr Kallus, and this,” he slaps the Lasat’s arm playfully, “is my friend Garazeb Orrelios.”

The Lasat growls, bemused. “You can call me Zeb. We fought with Ahsoka in the Rebellion.”

“Nice to meet both of you.” Rose looks to the other two men. The younger one steps forward first.

“I’m Jacen, Jacen Syndulla. My mother fought with Ahsoka too...if she wasn’t unwell, she’d be here too.”

“And this,” Ahsoka gestures to the one figure yet to be introduced, “is Fulcrum.”

He steps forward to greet Rose. “My name is Ezra Bridger.”

Rose nods. “Great to meet all of you. Oh! And this is-”

“-We know who Ben Solo is.” Ahsoka smiles. “Nice to see you again, young man.”

“You as well.”

Deciding to table her questions for Ben on how exactly he knows Ahsoka for a later time, Rose turns back to face this crew of new Resistance fighters.

“Do you mind if I ask, Ahsoka, if you and your crew were planning to join us all along, why wait until now?”

Ahsoka purses her lips, and then turns to face Ben, who nods in understanding and then swallows.

He looks at Rose, and says, “They were waiting for me.”

What feels like a weighty moment is interrupted by the grating binary of the copper coloured droid, who expresses some profound irritation and not being introduced - using some very colourful words.

“Sorry buddy, sorry. And this,” Jacen gestures down at the angry astromech, “is Chopper. He’s my mother’s droid.”

“Nice to meet you, Chopper. C’mon then, let’s get you all settled.”

Rose leads them to her office, so she can take down their information and set about finding them quarters on the base.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next up, Fulcrum: Part II


	20. Fulcrum Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Rey hums, in awe of Ben’s ability for such profound reflection. She wonders if he will ever stop surprising her.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay. I had a big struggle writing this one.

Given the earlier than normal hour, it takes several minutes to assemble the necessary members of Resistance leadership to meet Ahsoka and her crew. Eventually, when Rose has gathered all relevant parties and has them seated in the conference room, she stands.

“Good morning, and thank you all for coming so early. As you can see,” she gestures around the room, “We have some guests here who would like to speak with us.”

Rose nods at Ahsoka, and takes her seat. The Togruta surveys the room slowly, before she speaks.

“My name is Ahsoka Tano. I fought in the Clone Wars and in the Rebellion, and my crew and I have been working behind the scenes now to fight the First Order.” She pauses, “Our operation is small - as you can see all but one of our members here before you - but we are effective. The spy you know as Fulcrum is one of my team, and I’ll turn this over to him so he can brief you on some key points of our operation.”

Ezra stands.

“The First Order is a threat that was widely ignored and underestimated by those in power until it was too late. Starkiller Base saw to the destruction of the New Republic and any formal infrastructure available to fight this new enemy.”

At the mention of Starkiller Base, many in the room visibly shudder and Rose notices that Ben’s shoulders hunch as if he is trying to fold in on himself.

“But,” Ezra continues, “This was not the first evil that Ahsoka or I had faced, and we were lucky enough to get a warning, of sorts, from the Force. This warning came early enough in advance that we were able to plant one of our team members on the inside of the First Order, and given her experience as an Imperial Cadet and a Rebel, over time she has risen high enough in the ranks to provide the information we have been giving to you.”

Poe lets out a low whistle. “You’ve got someone inside the First Order high command?”

Ezra nods, “Yes, and since she has been there since the beginning, nobody doubts her loyalty. We have been using her to feed information to you, the Resistance, as well as other cells that have needed our assistance.”

“Wait,” Finn leans forward, “Other cells?”

“It’s a big galaxy out there, Finn. Did you really think you were alone?”

Finn gapes with his eyebrows raised. “Do you have details on these other cells?”

“Of course.” Ezra smiles, “Zeb?”

Zeb takes off the bag on his shoulder and unceremoniously dumps it on the table, and several notebooks, datapads, and datasticks fall out. Rose gasps.

“That’s everything we’ve got. Weapons shipments, troop movements, details from the inside about which Stormtroopers’ programming is failing, and-”

“Stormtroopers?” Poe’s brow wrinkles. “Like Finn?”

Ezra nods. “I told you on Batuu, Finn. You are more important than you know.”

The room is quiet as everyone mulls over what they have just been told. Rose, personally, cannot believe that such a small cell has been as effective as they say, but if they are veterans of the wars previous they must know what they are doing. With Fulcrum’s team here in person now, it should be easier to comb through what sounds like years of data they have collected, and begin planning to rendezvous with other cells and exfil those who want to defect.

“What did you mean when you said you got a warning in the Force?” Rey’s brow is furrowed as she looks over at Ezra.

Rose tilts her head, watching as the man rubs his chin in thought. How useful a warning would have been, she muses. An early indication of the evil brewing the galaxy.

“At the time, we were uncertain exactly what it was, but it was as if a bright light in the Force had suddenly winked out and in its place, a deep coldness permeated the Force.”

Rey blinks. “I felt that. Or...maybe not what you are speaking of but I felt something like that happen once, when I was maybe ten years old…”

“That’s odd, because I don’t remember anything like that, “ Ben frowns. “When you were ten I would have been a-”

Suddenly Rey draws in a sharp breath, and Rose looks over to see her eyes welling with tears. Rose reaches out to her friend, placing a hand on Rey’s arm.

“Rey?”

Rey’s eyes are fixed on Ben, whose eyes are glued to the table in front of him, a pained expression painted across his features. The rest of the room is silent.

“Guys,” Finn pipes up, “I’m lost. What happened when Rey was ten?”

“That would’ve been around when Luke Skywalker’s Jedi Temple was destroyed.” Poe looks to Ezra, who nods. “The bright light in the Force that went out...it was Ben.”

As the entire room shifts focus to stare at him, Ben stands abruptly, eyes fixed on the floor. His eyes flit briefly to Rey as he opens his mouth to speak, but no words come out. Then, as quickly as he had stood, he flees the room as if his life depends on it. Having only known him a short while, Rose is constantly amazed at how deftly he moves for someone so large.

Rey stands, “Rose...I-”

Rose nods, and Rey runs out of the room after Ben.

After a beat, Finn speaks. “This information is invaluable, Ahsoka, Ezra, everybody else...we cannot thank you enough.” Murmurs of agreement sound around the room. “Is there any intel you have that we need to act on urgently?”

Ahsoka shakes her head. “Most of the cells that have requested assistance are self-sustaining and not in any state of emergency.”

“Good, “ Finn nods to Rose. “We will put a team together to help start combing through the data and make a list of who needs help and where. Kaydel and Larma, if you could grab the others that have been helping with the Fulcrum files?”

The two women stand and collect the materials Zeb had left on the table. They salute “general,” before exiting the room to grab their teammates.

“Okay. Kaydel and her team will set about organizing all the intel. Ahsoka, who on your team has experience with military operations and strategy?”

Both the older man and the Lasat raise their hands.

“Alright, you two can come with Poe and I. We will give you an overview of the command centre as well as an inventory of weapons and troops.”

Eventually, Rose is alone in the room with Jacen, Ahsoka, and the droid Chopper.

“General?” Jacen looks at her with his bright green eyes.

“Yes, Jacen?”

“Well...I mean. I’m not a veteran of the Clone Wars or the Rebellion against the Empire, but I’m a pilot, and a mechanic - a good one too.”

Rose smiles. “I’m a mechanic too, I’d be glad to have your help in the repair bay with some of our malfunctioning and older ships.”

He smiles, and stands to exit the room, Chopper rolling behind him. As they near the door, Rose turns back to face Ahsoka. “Are you alright?”

“Yes. I have some things to speak with Ben and Rey about, I’ll find you later so we can talk privately.”

Rose nods, and leads Jacen and Chopper toward the repair bay.

****

He has done his best to fit in here, to stay below the radar and not cause any more trouble than he already has. It has not been easy, but Ben has found that it is not as difficult as trying to lead the First Order. His days consist of meetings; being interviewed by Rose and other members of leadership, catching up with Vi - who, despite being in a cell, is quite chipper. According to her, this is the most sleep she has had in years. Aside from that, Ben meditates with Rey and they read through Fulcrum’s - Ezra’s - notes.

Now, after sitting through as much of that meeting as he could manage, Ben is in his quarters. Seated on the edge of his bed, he hunches to place his head in his hands.

Or hand, rather.

He is still coming to terms with that adjustment, and though it is rather small in the scale of the galaxy-wide conflict he has found himself at the centre of, Ben suspects it might take longer than everything else to grow used to.

Rey had offered to build him a mechanical appendage out of spare parts, but he had politely declined. Ben had explained, if he is going to have a robotic arm, he wants a real one, not some haphazard combination of mangled and rusty scrap metal.

Groaning into his hand, Ben cannot believe that somehow, the short span of this one morning has been more overwhelming than all of it combined. Surviving an assassination attempt, nearly dying from life-threatening injuries, being healed in the Force, waking up at the Resistance after meeting who he thought was the ghost of a former Jedi...turns out that had been a cakewalk.

Today, he had been pulled out of sleep before his alarm by something, someone, calling to him in the Force. Not only is Ahsoka actually alive, but she is here, now. With a team of rebels and a spy in the upper ranks of the First Order.

“Ben?”

So entranced in his own thoughts, his brain scrambling to make sense of everything he has learned since waking, Ben had not noticed Rey standing at his door. Even with her face contorted in concern, she is still beautiful.

Wiping his face with his hand, Ben moves to stand but is met by her grip on his shoulders, firmly pushing him back to seated. Rey gently kicks his knees apart so that she can stand between his legs. He looks up at her, not bothering to hide the adoration in his eyes.

It’s strange, he thinks, that after years of encountering no touch except cruelty, it is so easy for him to accept gentleness from Rey. Ben still flinches away from others, even Vi or Dr. Kalonia, when they come near.

Not that there are many who wish to touch Kylo Ren. Those who do mostly want to kill him.

All that time being touched only by violence of others or the cold, unfeeling hands of droids, and Ben thought that he didn’t mind. That he was alright without the comfort of another’s embrace.

As he sits here on his bed, eyes closed as Rey cards her fingers through his hair, Ben knows that this is just another item on the long list of things he was wrong about. He craves her touch, is desperate for it.

Ben would hold her hand all hours of the day if that did not severely impact both of their ability to get tasks done - his more than hers, now that he only has one hand.

Rey stills her hands, gently tilting his head so that their eyes meet.

They stay like that for some time, searching one another’s gazes. One day, and one day soon, Ben knows he and Rey will need to have a conversation about what this is between them, and what they are. In the grand scheme of things they really are not that intimate, but especially given their pasts, what they share is incredibly intimate to both of them. He knows that he loves her and probably always has, but for now he is content and thankful for what they have.

“I guess you were right.”

Ben furrows his brow, “About what?”

“I can’t remember when, but you once suggested that our connection, the bond, that it had always been there. Now we know for sure. The presence I felt around me as a kid was you.”

Wrapping his arm around her waist, Ben buries his face in her stomach and murmurs “I always knew for sure.”

Ben lifts his head when he hears a knock sound at the door. With a wave of Rey’s hand it slides open, revealing Ahsoka on the other side. He gives her a nod and she enters the room, surveying it carefully. Her eyes stop at his dresser, no doubt fixed on his sabre. Rey has moved for her position between his legs to stand beside the bed.

“Ah, the weapon of Kylo Ren.” Ahsoka smiles, “have you used it since you arrived here?”

Ben shakes his head. “Between recovery, the interviews, and adjusting to,” he gestures to the space his left arm used to occupy, “...beside, Rey doesn’t have a weapon yet and I don’t want to scare anybody here by carrying that thing around.”

Ahsoka hums, turning to face Rey. “And you? Why are you weaponless?”

“I- _we_ broke the crystal inside the old Skywalker lightsaber I was using. Ben and I only recently were able to heal it and I haven’t had time to build a new sabre.”

Ahsoka’s eyes widen. “The two of you managed to both break the crystal itself and then later, healed it?”

They both nod.

“And is this...increased power the extent of your connection or is there more?”

“We can see each other across spa-” Ben starts.

But Rey interjects “-What do you mean increased power?”

Ahsoka holds a hand up. “One at a time. First, not just anybody can shatter a kyber crystal, let alone heal it back to functionality. I can only imagine that this is one of many things that you two are capable of because of the bond that you share through the Force.”

“How do you know we have a bond in the Force?”

“I had suspected it for some time, given the various intelligence we had on the both of you, but my suspicion was confirmed when Ben and I met.”

Rey frowns and turns to him, “When did you meet Ahsoka?”

Ben can feel his ears heat where they are hidden by his hair. “Remember how you spoke with Qui-Gon’s ghost while you were in a coma?” She nods. “Well, I spoke with Ahsoka, and I mean, obviously I thought she was also a ghost but then she showed up this morning and…”

She opens her mouth to ask more questions, but closes it when Ahsoka holds up a hand.

“Tell me more about your connection.”

Rey sits down next to Ben and twines her fingers with his, and together, they tell her everything. Ahsoka listens attentively and when they are done, continues to be quiet for some time.

“Thank you for sharing all of that, I will need to speak with Ezra and see if we have any materials specific to this sort of thing that you could use in training,” Ahsoka makes her way to the door, “In the meantime, Rey, you should build your new sabre, and maybe the two of you should meditate on that.” Ahsoka points to where Ben’s weapon rests on the dresser.

“What good will meditating on it do?” Rey asks the question Ben was thinking.

“You may find, Ben, that when you pick that weapon up, it is not well-suited to you anymore.” Ahsoka shrugs, “meditation could help.”

****

To say that her mind is racing would be an understatement. Rey is completely overwhelmed; she went from having nobody to talk to about the Force to having three people on base who want to work with her and help. There are so many questions she wants answers to, and is hopeful that Ahsoka’s discussion with Ezra will bear results. How helpful it would be to have information about the connection she and Ben share.

Still seated on the bed next to him, Rey backs up so she can face him while cross-legged.

“What did she mean, that your lightsaber might not be well suited to you anymore? It’s the same weapon you’ve been using for years...it hasn’t changed.”

Now, having several formally trained Force Users in the vicinity, Rey’s wish that she had had such training is only amplified.

Ben swallows. “The weapon hasn’t changed, but I have.”

“So what?” She scoffs, “You can’t use your own lightsaber anymore because you switched sides?”

“Sort of,” Ben runs his hand through his hair. “The intention, the purpose of the wielder is crucial when it comes to Kyber crystals...some scholars of the Force even proposed that Kyber crystals are alive, that they feel. That’s why you can’t just take any crystal and use it in your weapon.”

Rey frowns. “But I was using a saber that wasn’t mine. I didn’t find the crystal and I didn’t build the weapon.”

Rubbing his jaw, Ben nods. “I think there are several elements at play with that,” Rey smiles softly as Ben explains; in times like this it seems obvious to her that he must have been quite the student when he was younger. “First and most important is that the lightsaber called to you- you were meant to have it as part of your journey.”

“So I could use it because it was my destiny?”

He shrugs. “Destiny isn’t the word I would use because it makes it seem like it was inevitable, and it’s not. We all make choices that take us where we are.”

“Then if it isn’t destiny, what is it?”

“The will of the Force, maybe.”

Rey hums, mulling over what Ben is saying, and then narrows her eyes.

“You said there were several elements at play - what are the others?”

“Our connection, for one. That weapon was in my family, and the crystal may have recognized pieces of me within your Force signature. I also think that…”

He trails off, swallowing and looking at the ground.

“What?” Rey tilts her head in curiosity.

“You’llthinkit’ssilly,” Ben mumbles.

“Come again?”

He sighs. “You’ll think it’s silly.”

Rey leans forward and wraps both of her small hands around his larger one. “No I won’t,” she says with a squeeze.

“I think he wanted you to have it.”

“Luke?”

Shaking his head, Ben whispers “Anakin.”

Rey frowns, but nods for him to continue.

Ben inhales. “For so many years I was obsessed with Darth Vader...so obsessed that it eclipsed the reality of who Anakin was beforehand. At that time, when you found the saber, it had been lying around waiting for someone to pick it up, for an heir of sorts. I was unworthy of the Skywalker legacy.” He pauses. “I think, Anakin, wherever he is now, saw you as worthy, and he wanted you to have it.”

“Hm...that’s an interesting thought.” Rey grins, “If I’m the heir to his legacy does that make me Rey Skywalker?”

Ben laughs, big and loud and happy, a sound unlike any she has ever heard from him.

“Don’t be ridiculous Rey.” He chuckles some more before continuing. “Besides, you don’t need to be anybody other than yourself. Rey of Jakku is enough.”

Rey clenches her jaw at the reminder of her home and the despair she endured everyday with no relief. Reaching out to gently caress her cheek, Ben rubs his thumb along her jawline until she relaxes.

“As much as I hate that place for the things that it did to you, Jakku is important to you, Rey. It’s a part of who you are, just like Kylo Ren is a part of me.” Ben lets go of her cheek and calls his saber to him, turning it over in his hand. “As ashamed as I am of everything that I’ve done, the pain I have caused over the last several years...all of that is what brought me here.”

Rey hums, in awe of Ben’s ability for such profound reflection. She wonders if he will ever stop surprising her.

Unlikely.

Looking down at where his weapon rests in his hand, she asks “So? How does it feel?”

Ben closes his eyes, presumably to reach out to the crystal, but quickly opens them again.

“What?” Rey doesn’t bother to hide the concern tingeing her voice.

“Ahsoka was right.” Ben frowns. “It feels...volatile and unstable...like it’s been in pain for many years.”

Rey lets out a huff and raises her eyebrows at him. “Sort of like Kylo Ren?”

Ben nods. “After I left Luke...I was desperate to belong, to prove that I was worthy of Darth Vader’s bloodline. So took my crystal and I bled it.”

“What was that like?”

“Agony. Like ripping my own heart out.”

“Well,” Rey offers tentatively. “We healed the other broken crystal, maybe we can heal this one too.”

Ben nods. “It’ll have to be later, though. Vi and I have more interviews to do today.

“After lunch?”

He nods again as Rey stands from the bed, taking his head in her hands and placing a quick kiss to the top of his head before exiting the room.

She wonders if she left fast enough to hide the blush on her cheeks.

Unlikely.

****

It turns out that they do not have time to meditate on Ben’s sabre that day, or the next. The massive amount of planning that all their new intel requires takes precedence over everything, for everybody, for the next couple days. With the presence of such lauded Rebellion fighters on base, Ben gets a reprieve from being the most whispered about person around.

Before bed, he tries to meditate on his weapon, but it’s no use without Rey.

At night, he dreams of what he thinks is the Death Star. He cannot know for certain, but having seen holos and schematics, that’s where he thinks he is.

In the dreams, he wanders the deserted corridors following a voice.

The voice calls to him.

_Come find me._

****

Much more time has passed since their last private conversation than Rey had intended, but with Ahsoka’s crew on Ajan Kloss it is as if new life has been injected into the Resistance after the loss of Leia’s death.

But finally, Rey has finished all of her tasks for the day, gone for a run and eaten a snack. Now, having gathered the necessary materials, she heads to Ben’s quarters.

She is excited to show him what she has been working on; he’ll be the first to see it.

Entering his room, Rey smiles.

Ben stands, putting down the holopad on his bed and turning to her. “Hi Rey-” His mouth shuts abruptly as he stares at her clothes.

Rey frowns, looking down at her outfit. She is wearing her typical attire for running outdoors - a grey tank top and capris of the same shade. The jungle climate of their base does not allow for anything more when exercising vigorously.

“Is there something on my clothes?”

Ben opens and shuts his mouth a few times, before responding “Uh, no. I mean-no you look fine.”

“Ben, what is it?”

His cheeks redden and he turns away, running his hand through his hair a couple of times before turning back to face her.

“I, uh...I’ve never seen your arms before?”

“What?”

Gesturing at her body, Ben swallows. “I’ve never seen your arms.”

“I heard what you said, but what are you on about? What’s wrong with my arms?” Rey looks at her right arm, and then her left, before looking back at Ben, confused.

He takes a couple of steps closer, and she has to tilt her head to maintain eye contact. Reaching out, he traces the scar on the upper part of her right arm.

“You used to wear arm wraps.” He murmurs. “And you don’t anymore but you always wear long sleeves.”

“I get cold.” She whispers, unsure why this moment feels so important.

Exhaling, Ben steps back and blinks a few times.

“What did you want to show me?”

It takes Rey a second or two to move on from whatever just occurred between them, but when she does, she grins. Reaching behind her body to where she had hidden it from his view, Rey unclips it and reveals it to Ben.

“Here.” She holds out her newly crafted lightsaber and gently places it in Ben’s hand.

Ben sits on his bed, places the weapon on his legs so he can more easily turn it over and examine it. He does this for a couple of minutes before turning his attention back to Rey.

“This is a piece of your staff.”

She nods.

“It suits you. Does it work?”

Rey shrugs. “I haven't tried it yet, I wanted to wait to turn it on with you.”

Ben gives her a soft smile and gestures for her to go ahead. Fleetingly, Rey hopes that it works, but her more pressing interest is in Ben’s reaction when he realizes exactly what she has crafted.

Turning the weapon horizontally, Rey thumbs on the first switch and a radiant blue beam shoots out. It is darker in hue than it was previously, and crackles intermittently run up and down its length. It is beautiful.

Brows pinched quizzically, Ben begins to ask “Why are you holding it like tha-” but is unable to finish because Rey thumbs the second switch.

A second, equally mesmerizing blade emerges from the other end of the hilt. Rey gracefully twirls it once and then positions herself in an opening stance, eyes fixed on Ben. The blue of her blades is reflected in his eyes as his gaze roams the weapon. Thumbing off both ignitions, Rey places it on the dresser next to his saber.

“What do you think?”

Ben shakes his head. “It’s beautiful.”

“Thanks.” Rey beams at him, before looking back at the dresser. “Do you think yours will change colour when we heal it?”

“I hadn’t thought that far ahead, but yes, likely. It didn’t used to be red and crackly before I bled it.”

Sitting down on the floor of his room, Rey crosses her legs before calling Ben’s saber to her hand.

“Well, let’s get to it.”

Healing a damaged crystal is much easier the second time around, it turns out. They resurface from their meditation about a standard hour later, both of them wiped from the effort of pouring their energies into the kyber. As they both stand, Rey holds her breath watching Ben’s thumb hover over the ignition.

What seems like a lifetime later, his blade hums to life.

The beam is a bright, crackling white. Ben thumbs it off almost as quickly as he had turned in on. Sensing the shock coursing through his veins, Rey softly pries the weapon from his hands and returns it to its spot on the dresser and picking up her own.

After clipping her saberstaff to her belt, she walks over to Ben and pulls him in for a hug.

“I’m proud of you, Ben.” She whispers into his chest. “So proud.”

Pulling away, she wipes away the tear that has fallen across the scar on his cheek. He leans into her hand, and she smiles.

That night, Rey dreams of a world on fire.

The same dream she has been having every night since Ahsoka arrived. Wherever she is, this place is unlike anything she has ever seen; rivers of fire burn a path through the landscape and smoke so thick that she can hardly breathe clouds the air. Careful to stay on the land, Rey wanders in an attempt to figure out exactly what it is she is seeing.

Whatever this place is, a deep and brutal pain is embedded in its very soul.

It cries out to Rey for help, begging to be healed.

The next morning, Rey heads to the briefing room early so she can search the Fulcrum archives for anything about worlds like the one she dreamed of. When Ahsoka enters the room, Rey has pulled up a holo of a system that seems to match the description she is looking for.

“What’s on Mustafar?” Ahsoka asks.

“I’m not sure, but something is calling me there. I keep dreaming of it...it’s like the planet itself is hurting and needs my help.”

“Who needs your help?”

Finn enters the room followed by Poe, Kaydel, Ezra, Rose, and Ben.

Taking her seat, Ahsoka speaks “It seems that the Force is calling Rey to the Mustafar system.”

“Rey?” Rose raises her eyebrows. “Do you want to go check it out?”

Rey nods, as Ezra raises a hand. “I’ll accompany Rey, if that’s alright General.”

“Okay. After the briefing is over let’s meet to talk about a plan. In the meantime Ezra, you’re the one who called the briefing, what have you got for us?”

“A transmission.” Ezra slides his holopad into the centre of the table, revealing a map. “I received it late last night, from someone claiming to have an entire battalion of Stormtroopers who have defected located on a moon in the Endor system.”

“Endor?” Ben leans forward in his chair. “I’d like to go.”

“Why?” Poe frowns. “I’m not sure that defected Stormtroopers are clamoring to see their former boss.”

“Actually…” Rose stands, pacing. “That could work. If we send Finn and Ben on the mission to the Endor system, it could help them see that they’ll have a place here.”

Finn nods.“I agree. General Tico and I will draw up preliminary mission plans. Let’s meet back here in two standard hours?”

After everyone in the room nods their agreement, they are dismissed to attend to their regular duties until later. As Rey and Ben head towards the canteen for breakfast, she reminds herself to ask him why he is so eager to go on the mission to Endor.

Perhaps the same reason she wishes to go to Mustafar.

For the first time a while, the nerves bubbling in Rey’s stomach are the excited kind. She is looking forward to sparring with Ben using their new weapons, ready to travel to Mustafar and investigate what calls her there, and happy that Ben is beginning to feel more at peace with who he is.

It is beginning to feel like they might actually have a shot at winning this war.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on Twitter [ @OctopusSoap ](https://twitter.com/OctopusSoap)


	21. The Chosen One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Quickly, Ben pivots in the direction of the voice, and comes face to face with a man who seems about his own age, maybe younger. Given the blue aura and slight opaqueness of his figure, Ben surmises that it is a ghost. He extinguishes his weapon and steps toward the man.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated faster than normal, so make sure you read ch20 - Fulcrum Part II, before this.

The recon mission to the Endor System ends up having a larger crew than Rose had initially drafted plans for, but Poe had mentioned the fact that Ben was embarking on a mission may raise suspicion if he went with Finn as his only companion. Though they believe him when he says he won’t try to escape and means them no harm - and in some cases, they believe Rey, who vouches for them. In theory, it would be easy for the former dark lord to overpower one operative and escape; and so, Ben finds himself on his father’s ship with Finn, Ahsoka, and Chewbacca.

With both Finn and Ahsoka claiming seats in the crew area, Ben gulps at the realization that he will be in the cockpit of the Falcon for the first time in years. Well, that’s not exactly true...he had stood in the cockpit during his examination of it on Starkiller Base, but that was a cursory perusal and he had had no intention of actually flying the ship.

Now, he stands in the doorway of the cockpit, watching as Chewbacca goes through the pre-flight sequences. Ben’s chest is tight, his hands clammy.

He cannot bring himself to step over the threshold.

Standing there for what feels like hours, unable to move, Ben is torn out of his reverie by Chewbacca growling for him to get his butt in here - though he used some different language to express those thoughts.

Swallowing, Ben takes his spot in the co-pilot seat, exhaling through his teeth.

Chewie places a furry paw on Ben’s shoulder, the one that sits atop a non-existent arm, and rumbles softly. It has been years since he has seen his uncle, but Ben’s Shyriiwook is still as good as when he was a child.

 _I’m sorry for everything that happened to you._ The wookie says.

_I wish I had been there when you need me._

“You’re here now.” Ben swallows, trying to keep the tears from pooling in his eyes. “You’re the only one...the only family I have left.”

Chewie squeezes Ben’s shoulder. _Don’t forget about Rey. She’s family too._

Taking his paw off of Ben, Chewie punches in the last sequence for their course to the Endor System.

_I’ll never leave you again, Little Starfighter._

If Chewbacca notices the tears that drip down Ben’s face as they entire hyperspace, he doesn’t say anything about it.

****

“What did Ezra mean, exactly, that I’m important?”

Finn paces back and forth, while Ahsoka sits eerily still with her eyes closed, face expressionless. At some point during their entrance into hyperspace the reality of their mission finally hit Finn; he is going to meet more former Stormtroopers. People who have defected from the First Order.

He is not the only one.

Ahsoka’s large blue eyes open. “To the other Stormtroopers, you are a legend.” Finn gapes. “According to our operative on the inside, they tried to keep your story a secret, but rumours spread regardless.”

“Rumours?”

“About you. That you broke free from your programming and are now a member of Resistance leadership. That you are free. You are inspiring, and not just to other Stormtroopers. Other cells around the galaxy, regular people who think they have no chance of making a difference, are inspired when they hear about you, Finn, as well as Rose Tico and Rey of Jakku. If a former Stormtrooper, a mechanic, and a scavenger can rise to such heights within the Resistance, make a difference in the fight, then anyone can.”

Finn sits down with an aggressive _whump_ , beyond surprised at everything Ahsoka has just shared.

Rubbing her chin thoughtfully, Ahsoka continues “As much as I loved Bail - Leia’s father - and respected Leia and everything she has accomplished, that was one of the flaws of the Rebellion.”

“What was?”

“The dynasty.” Ahsoka sighs. “I have lived a long time and borne witness to several wars; behind every renown figurehead are hundreds of nobodies. People whose stories will never get told because they don’t have famous parents. That is why your story is so important, so necessary. The galaxy needs heroes they can rally behind who are like them.”

Finn sighs, eyes wide. “That’s a lot of pressure.”

Ahsoka smiles. “I have seen nothing from you so far to convince me that your reputation is undeserved, and I can say the same for your co-General and Rey.”

Leaning back in his chair, he rubs his hand across his face. “What do you think they want? The former ‘troopers?”

She shrugs. “We will have to wait and see.”

Several hours later, Ben emerges from the cockpit to inform them of their imminent arrival in the Endor System, and that when they tracked the signal’s origin, it had been sent from Kef Bir, a small moon. Upon entering nearing the moon’s surface, they are greeted by the site of rolling fields with long grasses and a turbulent ocean.

Finn frowns, as he sees some sort of wreckage obstructing the waves.

“What is that?”

“The second Death Star,” Ben offers. “Or, what’s left of it, at least.”

Letting out a low whistle, Finn puts on his jacket and holsters his blaster in preparation for disembarking. After landing in the middle of a field, the ramp lowers to reveal several people standing at the top of a nearby hill.

“Chewie, Ahsoka, stay with the Falcon. Ky-Ben and I will go talk to them, see if they’re the people who contacted us.”

Ben and Finn walk up the hill until they are within spitting distance of the group of people. The woman who stands at the front, perhaps the leader, has dark skin and warm eyes. The set of her shoulders betrays a fierceness that reminds Finn of Rose..

“You Resistance?” The woman asks in an accent like Rey’s.

“Yes. We got your message.”

The woman narrows her eyes as her gaze turns to Ben, looking him up and down.

“You’re Kylo Ren.” She asserts, crossing her arms.

Ben nods. “I was.”

“Last I saw on the Holonet, you had two arms.”

“Not anymore.”

The woman hums, before turning and nodding at one of her companions who then walks away.

“We might have something to help with that.”

She walks down the hill, closer to them, and holds her hand out to Finn.

“I’m Jannah.”

“Finn.”

The shock on Jannah’s face is palpable. “ _You’re_ Finn? FN-2187 Finn?”

Finn laughs. “Yeah, that’s me.”

“Wow. TZ-1719, formerly.” Jannah’s eyebrows rise. “Not everyday you meet the former Supreme Leader and a General of the Resistance.” Gesturing over the hill, she suggests that Finn and Ben come with her to their camp.

“How many of you are there?” Finn asks.

“One hundred, give or take. Some children.” Jannah swallows. “Most of us were Company 77, and escaped here after defecting.”

Finn can do nothing but nod dumbly. If there are this many former Stormtroopers in one encampment, how many must there be across the galaxy?

“Actually, Jannah, do you have a craft that can get me out there?” Ben points at the Death Star ruins.

Jannah nods. “We do. There’s not much out there worth seeing, we scavenged it for parts a long time ago.”

“I’m not looking for parts.” Ben answers cryptically.

“We’ve got a skiff you can use, not a problem. I’ll show you where it is, and then Finn, I’ll join you and the others at the camp.”

Finn nods, following the other members of the former Company 77 while Ben and Jannah walk away toward the roaring waves.

****

It takes Ben the better part of an hour to reach a stable section of the ruins on Jannah’s skiff. Before departed, she had pointed out which part he should steer toward and cautioned regarding the unpredictability of the waves. Such a large mass falling out of the sky onto such a small moon had an effect on the ocean, making them more volatile than they should be.

Thirty years and the ecosystem of this moon is still recovering from the fall of the Empire.

Ben thinks it is an apt metaphor.

Once inside the durasteel skeleton, he begins climbing. Carefully, given that he only has one arm, and using the Force when needed to jump slightly higher or get an extra push to the next platform. He scans the guts of this wreckage thoroughly, cataloguing it all in his mind so that he can show Rey later; she’ll no doubt be jealous that he climbed through the Death Star without her.

_Come find me._

The voice from Ben’s dreams calls out to him, leading him down long-deserted hallways that are littered with droid carcasses that have been picked through by Company 77. Finally, he enters the room from his dreams.

Wind ruffles his hair, blowing into the chamber through a hole in the wall. Looking out the makeshift window, Ben can see the field and the Falcon in the distance.

Turning from the broken wall, as Ben walks deeper into the large room it grows darker.

Removing his saber from his belt, he thumbs the ignition and the white blade glows to life, providing him with some extra light. Ben feels ridiculous, using his weapon as a flashlight, but he had said no when Jannah had offered one, figuring with only one hand it would be better to be both illuminated and armed.

A low whistle sounds from behind him. “That’s a nice lightsaber.”

Quickly, Ben pivots in the direction of the voice, and comes face to face with a man who seems about his own age, maybe younger. Given the blue aura and slight opaqueness of his figure, Ben surmises that it is a ghost. He extinguishes his weapon and steps toward the man.

“Snips’ sabers were white, the last time we fought, at least. That was the first time I’d ever seen one that shade.”

“Snips?” Ben frowns.

“Oh, Ahsoka.” The man grins. “That’s what I used to call her.”

Taking another step toward the ghost, Ben examines him. He is tall, with wavy blond hair and a scar across his right eye, dressed in a plain black tunic, pants, and boots.

“Anakin?” Ben whispers.

“Yeah.”

Ben’s chest heaves. “I wanted...I waited- I called out to you FOR YEARS.” He shouts. “ Where were you?”

Struggling to calm his breath, Ben watches pain cross his grandfather’s features.

“I know, Ben. I heard you every single time, but Snoke wouldn’t let me in. Even when you were a kid, I would try to reach out to you and he blocked me.”

Ben huffs. “What’s your excuse for the last year? My head has been empty, nobody to block you. It has filled with no demons but my own.”

Sighing, Anakin shrugs. “To be honest, I thought you deserved a break. That it might be nice for you to finally have nobody clouding your thoughts, telling you what to be or how to change.”

Ben narrows his eyes, too stubborn to admit that Anakin’s reasoning isn’t half bad.

“Besides,” Anakin smiles. “Everything I would have said, you seemed to have figured out on your own anyways. So it worked out.”

Ben hums flatly. “Since I’m here,” he clenches his jaw. “Why don’t you tell me anyways?”

“If that’s what you want.”

He nods, and Anakin continues. “I would have...what I would have told you is that it isn’t worth it. Power, dominance, a galactic empire. Life is only worth as much as who you share it with. I would have told you that inner balance, happiness, family - those things are all more important than any ambition, any rank.” Anakin pauses, “But you’ve already figured that out.”

You were wrong, though.” Ben sighs as Anakin raises his eyebrows. “I didn’t figure it out on my own. I had help.”

Anakin lets out a soft laugh. “Ah, yes. Rey of Jakku. I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting her yet but she seems like quite something.”

“She is.”

“I see a lot of myself in her, actually.”

Ben gapes, unsure how to take this admission.

“Not in a bad way...but I do think...well, I’ll let you in a little something.” Anakin eyes glint with mirth. “I think you’ve helped her just as much as she has helped you.”

As a particularly strong gust of wind blows Ben’s hair astray, he looks around the ruins in which they stand.

“Grandfather?”

“Hmm?”

“Why here? Why did you call me here?”

“I wanted to see you, and it seemed like you were finally ready.”

“No, I mean, why _here._ Why are we on the ruins of the Death Star?”

“Oh. Well that’s a rather solemn subject, unfortunately. Given everything that I did as Darth Vader, the tragedies that I am responsible for...Luke may have believed that he redeemed me, but I know Leia never saw it that way. I don’t think the Force sees it that way either.” Anakin sighs. “The things I did...at a certain point there is no coming back. Luke forgave me, and I am grateful that he did, but that doesn’t mean that I got away scot free.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I called you here, to Kef Bir, because I am stuck here. The crimes that I committed...the ways in which I wronged the galaxy cannot simply disappear, nor should they. I can only present myself as much as the Force allows, and this is what I am allowed, at present.”

“So,” Ben runs his hand through his hair. “This is...purgatory, for you?”

“Of a sort, I suppose.”

Ben works his jaw. “Is this what awaits me when I die?”

“That’s a good question. I don’t know the answer, but I would guess not.”

“But you said the Force is holding you here because of your actions; will it not do the same to me? After everything that I have done?”

Ben does his best to keep his voice from wavering, but it’s no use.

“I think…” Anakin is quiet for a couple seconds. “I think the difference is that I was too late. I saved Luke, yes, but it was the last thing I ever did and I never had time to atone, to make peace with my mistakes and change. You have that chance, you’re doing it now.”

“But the things I’ve done-”

Anakin holds up his hand. “Nobody is going to win if we try to keep score. It has less to do with who committed worse crimes and more to do with who can make better choices.”

“Do a couple of better choices excuse the things I have done?” Ben’s shoulders heave as he sobs. “Slaughtering villages, complicity in the First Order, torturing prisoners...my father.”

Giving him a couple of minutes to let his sobs out, Anakin is quiet until Ben’s breathing slows.

“No, better choices now do not erase mistakes that you made. Some people will never forgive you for the things that you have done, but that doesn’t devalue your attempts to be better, to learn, to change.”

Ben sniffs, wiping his nose across his sleeve.

“I have to go,” Anakin says. “But it was nice to meet you. And for what it’s worth, I’m proud of you Ben.”

With that, Anakin fades away, leaving Ben alone in the ruins.

Eventually, he makes it safely back down to the skiff and traverses the waves to the Falcon. Stripping off his shoes and changing into his dry sleep clothes, Ben sits on the bunk in the captain’s quarters.

He is so immersed in his own thoughts that he does not notice Rey’s presence until she nudges her knee against his.

Unwilling or unable to talk about the day just yet, Ben lets Rey guide him until they are both under the covers, his head on her chest and her hands in his hair. She holds him until he falls asleep, and for once, he has no dreams at all.

****

Rey wakes to the sound of Ezra knocking on the door of the crew quarters on their ship, letting her know that they are approaching the Mustafar system. Despite having fallen asleep with Ben in her arms through the Force Bond, she is alone.

After getting dressed, she meets Ezra in the cabin where they share a pack of polystarch bread and synth meat. He might be the first person she has met since leaving Jakku who does not wince while eating dehydrated rations.

“I grew up during the Empire - everything was carefully doled out and more often than not we lived on rations like these.”

Rey nods, swallowing the rest of her breakfast.

“What do you think we’ll find down there?” Rey jerks her head out the transparisteel window, toward the surface.

“During the time of the Empire, Mustafar was where Jedi were brought to die. It was where Vader’s Inquisitors took them for interrogation and execution.”

“Why here?”

Ezra shrugs while chewing on his rations. “We always figured there must have been a reason it was here, this planet, but none of us knew and we never found out. Maybe that’s why we are here now.”

Rey hums quietly, turning to face Ezra. “Why did you volunteer to come with me?”

“I thought you might want some company; perhaps some Force sensitive company.”

“Hmm.”

“You don’t seem convinced.”

Shrugging, Rey pulls on her cloak - or rather, Ben’s cloak that she never returned. When he had realized that she still had it, she did offer to give it back, but Ben had insisted that she keep it.

“From my experience, you Jedi types seem to always have an agenda, strong opinions. I’m surprised you haven’t tried to impart any of your wisdom on me yet.”

Ezra lets out a laugh. “Well, you’re in luck that neither Ahsoka nor I consider ourselves Jedi. We both did at one point in time, but not anymore.”

“What changed?”

“We both came to learn that the Jedi were flawed, and that you can be a student of the Force without choosing sides, as it was in the days of the Republic.”

Rey doesn’t pry any further, but senses that tragedy of a sort played a significant part in both Ezra and Ahsoka’s journeys.

After landing, Rey sets out to explore the surface. Equipped with her saberstaff and a canteen, she waves goodbye to Ezra, who is staying with the ship. It is not the burning hot hellscape that Rey had dreamt of, and yet she is certain that she is in the right place. Something has happened to this planet, the ash on the ground like a reminder of trauma blanketing the ground.

Though trees have begun to grow - black, spindly things - the landscape reeks of pain, it aches for healing, for forgiveness.

After wandering for around a standard hour, Rey sits down atop a hill and takes a couple sips of her water, gazing at what appear to be the ruins of a castle across the ravine. She wonders if the ravine at the bottom of the hill once flowed with lava, like in her dream.

“Hello there.”

Rey rises to see a man dressed in sandy robes and brown boots, with a neatly trimmed beard and hair to match, standing behind her.

Drawing her staff, she thumbs on one of the blades and points it level at the man.

“Who are you?”

He smiles. “I assure you,” he gestures to her blade. “There is no need for that.”

“I’ll decide that, thanks.” Rey bares her teeth. “I asked you a question.”

The man raises his hand, and for the first time Rey realizes that man is slightly blue in colour.

“My name is Obi Wan.”

Rey closes her eyes briefly, and then nods, sheathing her weapon. It would be useless against a ghost anyways. “And what do you want, Obi Wan?”

He raises his eyebrows. “Right to the point, then, I see.”

Rey shrugs. “Let me guess, you have some ancient and excellent wisdom to share. Let’s have it then.”

Obi Wan laughs. “Actually, I wanted to apologize.”

Frowning, Rey takes the bait. “For what?”

“I’m afraid it was my failure with Anakin that has led to all of this, all this pain. If I had just been the brother he needed, so much of this could have been avoided.”

“Qui-Gon said something similar. Look, Obi Wan. I’m glad that ghost-hood has been so good for your reflection, and I’m sorry that you feel guilty for everything.” Rey squares her shoulders. “But whatever mistakes you made, you are not solely responsible. Everybody involved in the Skywalker story has made choices, sometimes the wrong ones. All of that has brought Ben, the last Skywalker, where he is now, and he is at peace with his place in the world.”

“And you, Rey of Jakku?” Obi Wan strokes his beard.

“What about me?” Rey retorts.

“Are you at peace with your place in the world?”

Rey pauses, taken aback by his question. “I don’t know my place in the world, at least, not yet.”

“I won’t presume to tell you who you are or what you should be; Maker knows that is not my place. But if I may?” Rey nods. “I do believe that you were born in response to the machinations at work on young Ben, that the Force realized Snoke’s manipulation would cause unrest and that he would need a counterpoint.”

“So I’m the light to his darkness?” Rey asks.

“You’re not the light, though, are you Rey? And Ben is not the dark. You are each other’s balance in the Force but neither of you are only one thing.”

“So my place in the world is to balance Ben?”

Obi Wan frowns. “I would hesitate to limit your potential in that way, and tie you to another person so permanently. But in a way, yes. The power between you, the bond you share, it is a power like life itself. Unseen for generations.” He smiles, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “It is quite interesting, yes, but that is not nearly all there is to you or all that is in store for you.”

Rey exhales softly., and is quiet for a while before speaking again. “I’m sorry I was rude to you, I just...the more I’ve learned about the Jedi the more confused I get.”

Nodding, Obi Wan moves to stand beside her at the top of the hill. “We were idolized, deified even, and I am afraid that we did not deserve it.”

Rey turns away from Obi Wan to survey the world around her.

“It looks quite different than the last time I was here.” Obi Wan remarks. “In those days, it was a-”

“-world on fire.” Rey finishes. “I know, I saw it.”

Obi Wan is silent.

“What happened here?” Rey asks.

“A great deal of suffering.” He sighs. “Anakin had come here after embracing the dark side and pledging himself to Palpatine. Padme and I had come after him to try and help, but it was too late.”

Rey takes a step closer to this old, sad ghost. “I’m sorry that that happened to you.”

“Me too.”

Rey swallows before asking “Are you sure you don’t have any Jedi wisdom to dole out?”

Obi Wan chuckles. “Oh no. Besides, I’m not sure there’s much I can say that you and Ben don’t already know.”

“So why call me here, then?”

“Maybe it was more for me than you.”

Her eyebrows pinch together in confusion. “What does that mean?”

“Your perspective on things is something like a breath of fresh air, especially for a sad old man like me.”

Rey gives him a smile, and sets off back to her ship. After a couple of minutes, she turns back to see Obi Wan still standing there, looking down at the ravine.

Later, as she gazes out the window at Mustafar one last time, Rey feels hopeful that one day she will find where she belongs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on Twitter [ @OctopusSoap ](https://twitter.com/OctopusSoap)  
> if you like this, leave a kudo, comment, or subscribe :) <3
> 
> more than happy to discuss choices I made in this chapter in comments or via dm on twitter


	22. Belonging

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Ben blinks, surprised by the similarity of Ahsoka and Anakin, and of their acceptance of failure as necessary. As a teacher.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shorter chapter. right now writing is like pulling teeth.  
> have already started on ch23 so hopefully it doesn't take as long.

When Ben wakes in the morning, Rey is gone. Hopefully on a successful trip to Mustafar - he vibrates in anticipation of what she will find there. 

After a quick breakfast, Ben traverses the hills to meet Finn and Jannah at the camp the people of former-Company 77 call home. Upon arrival, he is met with the bustle of what looks like...packing. Finding Finn in the crowd, Ben flashes him a confused look. 

It turns out that Company 77 has decided to return with them to Ajan Kloss. Finn had just gotten off comms with Rose, who is sending a transport to pick them up in a couple of hours. Everybody is in the process of cleaning and packing up the essentials. Ben jumps in, using the Force to supplement his physical impairment.

About an hour later, Jannah walks over to join Ben seated in the grass. He offers her his canteen, noticing the sweat on her brow, but she politely declines. In her hands is an old-looking wooden box. 

“What’s in the box?” Ben gestures before taking another sip of water.

“Something we don’t have any use for, but might help you.” Jannah answers cryptically, placing the box on the grass in front of Ben’s crossed legs. 

Screwing the canteen shut, Ben places it on the ground and lifts the clasp of the box. It is long and narrow in shape, and offers no hints as to its contents. 

In one quick motion, Ben flips the lid of the case open.

Inside, is a mechanical prosthetic arm.

Ben frowns.

“Where did you get this?”

“While still in the First Order, one of my friends was in a cargo accident. Because it was ruled a failure of his commanding officer, he was given a new arm as a sort of apology.”

“This is a First Order make?”

Jannah nods. “It is a high-quality model. You will need a medical professional to assist in the attachment and nerve calibration.” She pauses. “You may also need a skilled mechanic to examine it.”

“Why’s that?” Ben gives Jannah a half-smirk.

She exhales through her teeth. “The former owner of that arm died in an explosion. Some of the circuitry was damaged - several of us have looked at it with no results. But maybe you have someone in the Resistance who is more talented at repairs.”

Ben smiles. “We do have someone like that, in fact. You could say she specializes in fixing broken things.”

Jannah nods, getting to her feet. “Good. Well I hope that you can put the new arm to use.”

Pinches his brows, Ben asks “Why give it to me?”

“We hung onto it in the event we might need it.” Jannah shrugs. “Consider it an act of good faith. One former prisoner of the First Order to another.”

She walks away before Ben can say anything else. 

Carefully juggling his canteen and the box, Ben makes his way back to the Falcon. Ahsoka is sitting on the lowered ramp looking out at the Death Star ruins.

Setting his cargo down, Ben takes a seat next to the Togruta. 

Ahsoka is the first to break the companionable silence. 

“It was Anakin that called you here.” 

Ben nods. 

“I could sense him - I still can. Out on the ruins.”

“What happened between you two?”

She sighs. “He was my Master, we fought side by side in the Clone War. When I was accused of treason by the Jedi Council, he was the only one who believed me and took my side. In the end, they found me not guilty...but I couldn’t stand the hypocrisy.”

“So you left.”

Ahsoka nods. “It wasn’t Anakin’s fault, but I fear he always felt that it was.”

“I’m sorry.”

“The past is past, and I’m afraid where Anakin only felt culpable, I actually was in what happened to him.”

Ben frowns. “Why?”

“I wasn’t there when he needed me. He turned to the dark side, to its power, out of desperation due to a lack of support.” Ahsoka pauses, turning her blue stare to Ben. “But again, the past is past.”

“Did you ever get any closure, regarding everything between you?”

Ahsoka smiles sadly. “No. But I don’t think I need to. The pain of it all is a foundational aspect of who I became afterwards, who I am now. It’s an important part of me. Besides, I have a feeling that wherever I go after this life, I will see him again.”

Ben blinks, surprised by the similarity of Ahsoka and Anakin, and of their acceptance of failure as necessary. As a teacher. 

“Did you get what you needed?” Ahsoka asks. “From your grandfather.”

Nodding, Ben looks back at the waves that rock and crash against the Death Star remains. He is glad to have shared a moment with Anakin, fleeting as it was. 

  
  
  
  


*****

  
  
  


When she lands back at the base with Ezra, Rey has a momentary panic when she does not see the Falcon among the docked ships. Almost immediately following the tense of her shoulders, she exhales and relaxes. 

If something had happened to Ben, she would have felt it. Rey trusts their bond.

They are greeted by Rose, who explains that the trip to the Endor System ended up being more fruitful than expected; the Falcon will be returning with an entire company of former stormtroopers in tow. 

“Should be less than a standard hour until they arrive.” Rose pats Rey on the shoulder. “What did you find on Mustafar?”

“The ghost of an old Jedi Master.”

Rose’s eyes widen considerably. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Rey nods, sheepish. Sometimes she forgets that her experiences with the Force are not regular occurrences for everybody else.

“Wow. I cannot believe that.” Rose shakes her head. “Well, I have to get back to my meeting, Kallus is briefing me on the details of their undercover operative.”

Rey gives her friend a smile, and sits down on a crate to meditate until Ben returns.

  
  


She feels it, the moment the Falcon enters atmo. Opening her eyes, Rey uncrosses her legs and stands, stretching her legs and rolling her neck. When the ship lands, she makes her way over, nodding at Ahsoka and taking a hug from Finn.

“I hear that it went well?” Rey asks.

Finn smiles. “Better than I could have imagined, I can’t wait to debrief you…” His brows pull into a slight frown. “Though I’m not sure what happened to, uh, Ben.”

“What do you mean?” She doesn’t bother to hide the concern in her voice.

“He’s just been quiet - not that he’s much a talker to begin with but...anyways.” Finn shakes his head. “Ben has something for you.”

Lifting an eyebrow in curiosity, Rey inquires “What do you mean he has something for me? Like a gift?”

Finn shrugs. “I’ll let you see for yourse-”

He is cut off by a booming voice.

“ _BEN SOLO!”_

All heads in the hangar deck turn in the direction of the sound, and subsequently everyone has to tilt their heads slightly down to make out the figure of Maz Kanata. Though the pirate queen had been with them for some time, she had mostly kept a low profile by helping organize supply shipments and repairing old weapons systems. 

The small but fierce orange figure walks over to the Falcon, where Ben has walked down the ramp. 

“I’m gonna-” Rey gestures toward them, and Finn nods.

“Yeah you should.”

As Rey gets closer, she watches as Ben crouches to Maz’s level, placing the long box in his hand on the ground. She sees Maz place a wrinkled hand on Ben’s face while whispering something in his ear.

After her huge eyes blink at Ben a couple of times, Maz pats his cheek.

“Go on now, don’t keep Rey waiting on my account.” 

As Ben picks up the box and gets to his feet, Rey walks forward until she is an arms length away. Just as she is opening her mouth to greet him-

“-Wait.” Ben looks around, and then gently sets the box down on a nearby crate. 

Rey frowns. “What are you-”

Ben closes the gap between them, crowding her until her face is pressed into his chest and his arm wraps around her. When he exhales, the air from his nose tickles her neck, and Rey melts into him, wrapping both arms around his broad body. 

Running his hand up and down her back, Ben presses a kiss to the side of her head before pulling back slightly so their eyes meet.

“I missed you.” He whispers, low enough that she barely hears it. 

Her breath catches in her throat, and Rey feels her eyes mist over. Embarrassed at her reaction to such a simple statement, she blinks rapidly while lowering her chin. But he catches it in his hand, scanning her face.

Rey sniffs. “What did Maz say to you?”

Ben smiles and his whiskey-brown eyes soften. “Rey.”

“What?” Even with Ben, as close as they are, she can’t help be defensive. 

“ _Rey_.” He brings his hand to stroke her cheek, she leans into him and lowers her mental walls, letting the Bond speak for her. Their minds connect, and the hangar around them fades away.

She pours all her feelings - gratitude, belonging, longing, and a mild irritation at not understanding the way that she feels - into their connection. Ben sighs, and pulls her tight once more. 

“You’re not alone.” He whispers into her hair. “Not anymore, and never again.”

As has become the norm when they embrace, time seems to lose all meaning. Rey does not know how long they stand there but she does know that they stay like that, with her fingers gripping Ben’s shirt and his hand caressing her back, as long as they need to. 

Eventually, Ben stands back and gives her a soft smile.

“What did Maz say to you?”

He chuckles and runs his hand through his hair. “She said that she was beginning to think I would never come to my senses, and that in all her years of life she’s never met anybody as stubborn as Organa-Solos.”

Rey’s smile slowly fades as she remembers the cryptic statement Maz told her when they first met, but she shakes her head. It can wait. 

“What’s in the box?” She steps over to the crate where Ben had placed it.

He hums, and stands next to her. “Jannah - one of the former stormtroopers - gave it to me. I’m going to need your help with it.”

Brow furrowed in curiosity, Rey reaches out to the box and Ben nods. 

With a deft hand, Rey lifts the clasp and opens the box. When she sees the mechanical silver arm she tries to shield her disappointment from Ben. When Finn had said that Ben brought her something she didn’t know what to expect, but was hoping for something that would be _hers_. 

Any fragment of disappointment vanishes when Rey takes the arm out of its box for a closer examination. A faded silver casing hides all the wires and circuitry, the build lightweight but durable.

“Ben...this is beautiful.” Turning it over in her hands, she looks up at him. “This is an advanced make...I’ve never seen a prosthetic of this quality, where the kriff did it come from?”

He nods. “It’s First Order, used to belong to one of Jannah’s men.”

Schooling her expression to avoid a frown, Rey places it back in the box. “What a generous gift.” She states flatly.

Her fingers itch to take it apart and see how it works, but the implication of Ben receiving such a valuable gift from a woman weighs like a boulder on her chest. They did not have much in the way of formal courting traditions on Jakku but Rey knows that something as valuable as this could not have been gifted without some intention. Stamping down the thought that perhaps she has misinterpreted things between her and Ben, Rey swallows. 

“I uh…” Ben shuffles on his feet. “Well, I was hoping that you could fix it for me?”

“Is it broken?” 

Scratching the back of his neck, Ben nods once. “Yeah. Jannah said some of her people looked at it but couldn’t seem to figure it out. I thought who better than you to repair it.”

Inhaling, Rey closes the box and picks it up. “I’ll take a look at it.” 

Nodding stiffly at Ben, Rey leaves the hangar. 

  
  
  


The sun is setting and it is well past Rey’s usual dinner time when Ben comes to find her in her quarters. Having gotten lost in her task of repairing the arm, Rey frowns as her body, now acclimatized to regular meals, groans in protest at missing dinner. 

After finishing her work on the arm, Rey had elected to remain in her quarters regretting her rudeness toward Ben and wishing to avoid a confrontation. Plus, with her out of the way he was free to eat dinner with Jannah. The added presence of one-hundred or so people on the base had been impossible to miss. 

Leaning back in the old chair that sits by her desk, Rey opens a drawer to pull out a ration pack. She is just about to take her first bite when Ben knocks. 

“Come in.”

A tray from the canteen is delicately balanced on his hand, as Ben takes a couple tentative steps into the room.

“I brought you some dinner.” He walks forward to place the tray on her desk. 

Swallowing slowly, Rey folds the wrapper of her ration back together and puts it on the desk.

She doesn’t understand the silent tension that fills the air. As enemies, things had always been tense between them, but this, this is confusing. She doesn’t like it. 

“Are you okay?” Ben is the one to break the silence. 

“Yes.” Rey nods, but she can tell that he is unconvinced. 

Ben clenches his jaw, sitting down on the edge of her bed. “It’s just, when I showed you the arm...you tried to hide it but I felt it, you were disappointed, and confused, or...sad?” Ben runs a hand through his hair. “Did I do something wrong?”

Rey shakes her head. “No.”

Making a noise of protest, Ben shuffles awkwardly on the bed. “I didn’t mean to put you on the spot with the arm, I know you’re good at repairs but by no means do you have to work on it and I know you said it’s advanced and I understand if it’s a bit complex so you don-”

“-I fixed it.” Rey interjects, putting a stop to his rambling by pointing at where the silver prosthetic rests on her desk. “You just need Kalonia to help with the attachment.”

Ben frowns. “Oh. Okay. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Rey murmurs, taking the bread roll from her tray and putting a piece in her mouth. She chews carefully, watching different emotions dance across Ben’s face.

Finally, after running his hand through his hair once more, Ben exhales through his teeth. “If you tell me what I did wrong, then I can apologize or we can talk about it, but if I have to guess what it is this will take all night.”

Rey huffs. “You didn’t do anything wrong, okay? It was me, I’m the one who misunderstood.”

“Misunderstood what?”

“This,” Rey uses her hands to wave at the air between them. “Us. I thought that...but it was my fault for not asking about what sort of courting rituals you follow, that way I could declare my interest or stake my claim-”

“-Courting rituals?” Ben scowls. “Who are you courting? What claim needs to be staked?”

Rising from her chair. “ _You_ , nerfherder. I thought you wanted- that you felt...but now you’ve accepted a gift from Jannah so I’m left playing catch up and…” She grumbles, exasperated. “I don’t even have anything to give you.”

Ben scratches his jaw, remaining silent for a painful amount of time. Every second he doesn’t speak, Rey further resigns herself to the fact that her feelings for him are not returned, that she had been wrong to ever assume they could be. 

He opens his mouth, before closing it abruptly. This happens several more times, while Rey wraps her arms around herself, looking at the floor. 

Eventually, a pair of black boots walk into her field of vision, stopping once her toes are nearly touching his. Gulping, Rey looks up to find her nose brushing Ben’s tunic. Tilting her head even more, Rey meets his gaze.

“The arm was not a courting gift.”

“Are you sure?” Rey whispers so quietly she can hardly hear herself. “It is incredibly expensive, and something you badly need.”

“I’m sure.” Ben rumbles back. “Besides,” he touches her shoulder softly before skimming his fingers down the length of her arm, sending a shiver up her spine. When his fingers meet hers, he twines them together. “I don’t want anybody but you.”

“But I-”

“Rey, I thought I had made my feelings for you clear, but if I didn’t, I’m sorry.” He places a kiss on her knuckles and squeezes her hand. 

Before he can speak, Rey rises to the balls of her feet to plant a soft kiss on Ben’s lips. Her cheeks heat.

“Sorry...I - was that-”

-His mouth cuts her off, slanting over hers with a gentleness Rey is certain only she sees from Ben. The first kiss was tentative and over so quick that Rey did not really have any time to process it. This one lasts long enough that she can wrap her hands around his neck and catalogue the softness of his lips.

When Ben pulls away, the biggest grin she has ever seen stretches across his face. She traces it with her thumb, followed by the dimple in his cheek and the shell of his ear. He closes his eyes and presses another kiss to her forehead.

“I love you, Rey.” He shakes his head, smiling. “I’ve always loved you.”

After pulling him down for another quick kiss, Rey gifts him with a smile of her own. 

“I love you too.”

  
  
  



	23. Belonging: Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Rey wonders if this is it. If Ben was the belonging that Maz spoke of.**
> 
> **It feels like it.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy!  
> my goal is to stay on top of writing so I can post on tuesdays & fridays until we reach the end...we will see how that pans out.  
> ch24 is almost done and will for sure be ready friday.

_Your coming together will be your undoing._

  
  


Rey wakes with a start, wiping a hand over her face as she tries to rid her mind of the slimy voice that has been plaguing her dreams of late. Her attempt to sit up is halted by Ben’s heavy arm sliding around her torso, pulling Rey back against his bare chest. 

He is still asleep, but she can feel a tendril of his consciousness caressing hers through the bond, asking if she’s alright.

Threading her fingers through his, Rey brings their hands to rest over her chest. She rests like that, comfortable in the warmth that radiates off of Ben’s body and his Force signature for a couple minutes before getting up. He groans in protest as she leaves the bed, and when she pulls on her black pants Rey feels him wake up.

“Come back to bed, _pateesa_.” 

Ever the scholar, Ben has been determined to find an endearment for her in as many languages as possible. The Huttese and Mando’a are her favourite.

Smiling, Rey pulls on her black tank top - the one Ben loves so much because he can see her arms...not that he hasn’t seen other parts of her in the time since they confessed their love for one another. She crouches next to the bed to run a hand through Ben’s bed head and plant a kiss on his forehead.

“I’m meeting with Rose, she should be coming back from her trip to Base 3 any minute.” 

Ben sighs, and rolls over, grumbling about the bed being cold.

Rey drapes her grey tunic over her arm. “I’ll see you for meditation after breakfast?”

He hums something that sounds like yes, and Rey clips her weapon to her belt and shuts the door to their quarters. Having spent the majority of her life alone, Rey had thought it would be harder to adjust to living with somebody and sharing her space, but it has been as easy as breathing. With the rate of arrivals - recruits and First Order defectors - they had been doubling up bunks anyways, so it had seemed like a natural choice to move Ben into her quarters. 

The days are packed, and have made the nearly two months since Ahsoka and her team’s arrival seem like a handful of days. 

After breakfast, she and Ben meditate together and then work with Ezra and Ahsoka on exploring the bond, pushing themselves to the limits of what they can do. Rey usually helps Jacen and the other mechanics with repairs for a couple hours, before she regroups with Ben for sparring. It had taken a while for him to adapt to the prosthetic arm, and she had been taking it easy on him. 

Now, they both fight better than they ever have, their sessions ending with heaving chests and sweating bodies. 

At night, they make each other sweat in other ways. 

As her cheeks heat thinking of their nocturnal activities, Rey wonders if this is it. If Ben was the belonging that Maz spoke of. 

It feels like it. 

“Rey!”

She is drawn out of her thoughts by the shout of her friend; Rose’s ship has docked and she is walking off the ramp. 

“General Tico.” Standing tall, Rey begins a salute but is cut off by Rose throwing her arms around her.

“Oh none of that when it’s just us.” Rose pulls back and grins.

“It’s good to see you, Rose. How is everything on Lothal?”

She sighs. “Base 3 is busy, but good. You wouldn’t believe...Finn says they have almost three thousand defectors now. It’s a good thing we sent Zeb and Kallus over to help with the rehabilitation and training last month, because there’s no way Finn could have handled it by himself.”

“Is he okay?” Rey frowns. Finn had seemed fine, if a little tired, on their holocall yesterday.

“Oh, yeah, it’s just larger numbers than we had ever hoped for.” Rose nods. “And...there’s something else.”

Rey raises her eyebrows.

“Finn and Poe are getting married!” Rose squeals.

Grinning, Rey exclaims “That nerfherder! I spoke to him just yesterday and he didn’t say anything!”

“They only decided to last night, don’t worry, you are the second person to know.” Rose bumps her shoulder against Rey’s playfully. “And what about you and Ben?”

Rey swallows. “What about me and Ben?”

“How are things going between the two of you?”

“They’ve been going well.” Rey shrugs. “Since you’ve been away we figured out how to use the bond to-”

“-Rey.” Rose fixes her with a stare. “I meant like, how are things going in your relationship, not your training. But I’m glad the training is going well.”

“Oh.” Rey blinks. “The relationship part is going well too.”

Rose smiles. “Good. Although I don’t know how the two of you manage to fit in that bunk together, that man is built like a tree!”

They laugh, and walk to the canteen together. Over breakfast, Rose shares that a General from the Rebellion, someone who knew Han and Leia, has contacted them, and should be arriving in the next couple of days. He had originally reached Kaydel at Base 2, but given that he is apparently providing new ships and weapons, has been redirected to Ajan Kloss as they have more docking space.

As Rose shares the details for the upcoming Dameron wedding ceremony and marvels at the numbers of new recruits they have amassed, Rey listens while eating her food, wondering if this is what happiness feels like. 

Rey hopes that it lasts.

  
  


*****

  
  
  


Having slept another hour after Rey had gotten up, Ben finally pulls on his clothes and wanders by the canteen to grab a quick bite. The exponential rate of expansion the Resistance has seen since his trip to Kef Bir has benefited him in more than one way, the most important of which is that he no longer needs guards. 

Hux, on a galaxy-wide broadcast where he spittled about tyranny and domination, had declared the traitorous Kylo Ren dead. So the news that Kylo Ren was, in fact, alive and on the side of the Resistance was - at least in Rose’s eyes - part of the reason they had been contacted by so many other rebel cells.

Rose had also, without giving too much away about the actual plan, told Ben before her trip to Base 3 that the Fulcrum operative inside the First Order had noticed that murmurings of his defection were affecting internal operations. 

All in all, living with Rey and having the firm support of General Tico, Ben has found himself more at ease in the Resistance than he ever did in his time with Snoke. 

People still stare at him, but instead of fear, their eyes glow with amazement, curiosity. Or they’re looking at the mechanical arm. Rey had cleaned it up so it shined brand new, and some of the children on Ajan Kloss had asked to touch it when he first had it attached.

There are those who don’t fully trust him, but this compatible peace is more than he could ever have asked for.

He knocks at the door of the General’s office, hearing the laughter of the two women inside. 

“Come in!” Rey breathes between laughs.

Entering the room, Ben sees both Rose and Rey clutching their stomachs nearly bent in half, laughing. 

“General.” Ben nods at Rose.

She frowns, and walks over to him. “You,” Rose pokes him in the chest “and Rey are the most ridiculous…” Putting her hands on her hips, she glares up at him. “How many times do I need to tell you that we are friends, and when we are alone this General banthashit isn’t necessary?”

Ben chuckles. “Welcome back, Rose. We missed you.”

Rose huffs. “I’m sure you did Benny boy.”

He feels the tips of his ears heat at the nickname, and Rey gives him a knowing smile. 

“Let me guess, you’ve come to steal my friend away from me in the name of studying the Force?” Rose arches an eyebrow.

“Yeah. Meditation with Ahsoka.” Ben runs a hand through his hair.

“Alright, well, I’ll see you two at dinner then.”

Ben smiles, and Rey bids goodbye to Rose while twining their fingers together. They walk in a comfortable silence toward the other end of the base where the Jedi texts, masks, and other training materials are gathered.

“You seem happy.” An understatement, really. The happiness is rolling off Rey in waves.

She hums, and slows to a stop.

“Finn and Poe are getting married.” Rey states, nonchalantly.

Ben’s eyebrows raise. “Really? That’s great, good for them.”

Rey is quiet for a beat, before asking “Do you want to get married?”

His brain short circuits and Ben chokes on air, her bluntness taking him by surprise. When he remembers how to breathe, he squeezes her hand. “Yes - I mean, if you want to...then I would.”

Ben’s cheeks heat.

“Okay, I think I’d like that. Someday.” Rey smiles. “Oh, and Rose wanted me to tell you that a former-General Calrissian is arriving on the base around midday, apparently he knew your parents?”

For the second time in only a handful of seconds, Ben’s thoughts come to a screeching halt. He feels like he has been frozen. 

“Ben?” Rey squeezes his hand, and reaches up to touch his cheek.

“He’s my uncle.” Ben swallows. “Today?”

Rey nods. “Are you going to be alright?”

“Yeah.” Ben inhales deeply. “It’s just been a long time since I saw him, is all.”

Giving him a soft smile, Rey tugs on his hand to lead them toward their morning meditation.

  
  
  
  


A couple hours later, Ben’s concentration breaks as soon as he feels his uncle’s presence. 

“Ben? What happened? I can’t see-” 

The thud that follows Rey’s question brings him back to reality. Turning around, he sees Rey removing her mask and glaring at him from where she sits on her butt on the forest floor.

“I walked into a tree you kriffing idiot.” She huffs. “This is why Ahsoka said we have to focus especially hard when training with the bond, what if I had fallen down a cliff or into a ravine? This is serious-”

“-I’m sorry.” Ben holds out his metal arm to help her up.

Rey narrows her eyes. “Seeing through your eyes is hard enough without you turning it off without warning. If I had been ready I could have reached out-”

“-Rey.” Ben places his hands on her shoulders, meeting her gaze. “I’m sorry. I felt Lan- General Calrissian arrive and I got distracted.” 

Her glare softens, and she stands on her tiptoes to press her forehead to his. “I’ll protect you.” She whispers, before pressing a soft kiss to his lips. 

Ben tries to pull her back in for a deeper kiss, but Rey takes a step back.

“Later.” Rey grins conspiratorially, before reaching for his hand. “Let’s go see your uncle.”

Despite the comfort of her presence by his side, Ben clenches his teeth the entire way to the landing bay. Ben’s encounters with his family so far have been gracious to say the least, and undeservingly so in his opinion. He has been waiting for the other shoe to drop.

With no actual blood relation to him, and considering that Ben did murder his best friend, perhaps Lando will be the one to show Ben the ire he feels he deserves.

“Stop that.” Rey pleads. “I can hear you thinking.”

She pulls on his hand, bringing him off to the side before they reach the docks. Reaching up, Rey laces her fingers behind his neck. He closes his eyes to breathe, and focus.

“Ben.” Rey exhales. “ _Cyare_. Whatever happens with your uncle, I will protect you.”

He takes a couple breaths before opening his eyes, and letting out a soft chuckle. “I know.”

Together, they walk through the entrance to the docks, and both immediately stop again when they see all the new ships. Some are clearly meant for cargo transport and will definitely be helpful to carry troops and supplies, while others are smaller navy fighters.

Rey lets out a low whistle, cocking her head to the side. “Your uncle brought all of this?”

Ben shrugs. “He always was full of surprises.”

They take a couple more steps into the hangar, and Ben notices a marking...the symbol of an organization that he recognizes but cannot place. He racks his brain trying to recall, of all the organizations and cartels he dealt with in his time as Supreme Leader, who this marking signifies.

“Well, well, you’ve sure grown up Little Starfighter.” 

Freezing, Ben watches as his uncle looks him up and down, noticing the care in the older man’s gaze and the way he grips his cane a little tighter at the sight of the prosthetic limb. 

Lando swallows, squaring his shoulders and bringing both hands to rest on the cane in front of him. Ben tenses, his stomach churning. 

He almost laughs at how instantaneous Rey reacts to the tension in his body, unclipping her saberstaff and igniting one of the blades. As she narrows her eyes at his uncle and takes a step forward, holding the crackling blue blade low to the ground in an unspoken warning, Ben falls even deeper in love with her. 

To his credit, Lando doesn’t flinch.

“Nice blade you got there, Rey.” Lando chuckles. “But there’s no need for that. I mean no harm.”

Ben places his hand on her shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. She thumbs off her weapon, and steps back, bumping up against his consciousness through the bond. He replies with a wave of reassurance.

“May I have a moment with my uncle?”

Rey nods. “I’ll find Rose, I’m sure she’ll need help cataloguing the new ships.” Dipping her chin once at Lando, Rey walks away.

“Found yourself a keeper, looks like.”

Shrugging, Ben rocks back and forth on his feet, unsure how to proceed. That’s when it comes to him.

“Crimson Dawn.” He looks back to the sigil painted onto the hull of every ship. “You stole ships from Crimson Dawn?”

Lando chuckles. “You don’t give me enough credit, Ben. I have made some mistakes in my time but I’m not stupid enough to steal from Crimson Dawn.”

“Then how…” Ben frowns.

“Their leader is an old friend of mine.” A forlorn look crosses the old man’s features. “An old friend of your father’s. They grew up together.”

Ben blinks, incredulous. 

“Yeah. It’s a long story, but after the news of your mother’s death, she contacted me to make a...donation, of sorts, in your father’s memory.” He gestures to the ships. “She sends her regards.”

Stunned, Ben falls to a seat on one of the cargo crates. Even dead, his father is still looking out for him. Lando takes a seat beside him.

“I miss him.” Ben chokes, pleading with himself not to cry.

“Me too, kid.” Lando sighs. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there when you needed me.”

Shaking his head, Ben sniffs. “I spent so long thinking that I was abandoned by my family, that I couldn’t go home...but I was wrong.”

“Seems like you’ve found a new home, here, and with Rey.” He places a hand on Ben’s shoulder. “And, for what it’s worth, I’m proud of you. It isn’t easy to look at your mistakes and change your ways, but you’ve done it.”

He sits there next to his uncle, and they fall into a companionable silence as the base bustles around them. 

Eventually, just loud enough so that Lando can hear, Ben murmurs “thank you.”

  
  
  
  


****

  
  
  


_The howling wind makes the rain slant horizontally, the freezing drops pricking her in the face and eyes like a thousand small needles_ . _With the elements pushing against her, Rey struggles to climb the hill to where she knows Ben is waiting, where he needs her help._

_Every step is agony._

_When she finally gets there, her worst fear is confirmed. Ben’s body lies on the ground, it’s only movements are small disturbances from the wind and rain._

_Rey collapses next to him, no longer able to distinguish the wetness on her face as tears or rain. She reaches out to him in the Force and finds nothing, emptiness._

_She is too late._

  
  


Waking for the second night in a row, bathed in sweat from the distress of her nightmare, Rey tries to calm her breathing as she cuddles up to Ben’s back. Focusing on the feel of his heartbeat next to hers, Rey drifts off fearing what it all means.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **a note regarding sexual content**  
>  It was brought to my attention that I may have accidentally incorrectly rated and or tagged this story with regard to sex. Please accept my apology and note of clarification that there will be no smut or explicit sexual content in this story, and sexy times will only be alluded to or referenced.   
> thanks for your continued support. 
> 
> _pateesa_ is a Huttese term I am loosely translating as darling. 
> 
> _cyare_ is a Mando'a endearment.  
> for a dictionary of Mando'a check out https://www.mandoa.org/


	24. Before Midnight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **"You may disagree with this approach, but I’m giving you a direct order to prioritize life; protect each other, at all costs."**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next week, the final confrontation.

Two weeks in advance of the siege of Arkanis and what will hopefully be the last battle against the First Order, Ben sits next to Rey in the new conference room that had been built when the Resistance numbers had surpassed ten thousand. Neither obtaining an official rank, both Ben and Rey function as advisors to the leadership. As such, they sit at the front of the room behind Rose, on display for all to see. 

Ben likes to think that after being Supreme Leader and his nearly eight months on Ajan Kloss he has grown more used to acting as a public figure. The same cannot be said for Rey. 

“Breathe.” He places a gentle hand on her knee to stop it from jittering up and down, and gives her a soft smile when he notices that she is chewing on her lip. 

When their eyes meet, she exhales slowly and her posture loosens infinitesimally.

“A lot of work has gone into this.” Rey mutters, her brows pinching together. “What if we don’t succeed?”

He shrugs, giving her knee a squeeze. “Then we will regroup and try again. But for what it’s worth, I think it’s going to work.”

Rey huffs, and turns to face Rose as she assumes her place at the head of the room. He knows that there’s something else, something underneath that has had Rey agitated for the last couple of days, but now is not the time to press her about that.

Ben has been impatient for this briefing all week, because this will be the first and only time that all the teams across all three bases will be briefed at the same time and on each other’s plans - while he has been able to piece together some of the operations through discussion with Vi and experience in strategic planning, Ben is eager to see the entire picture.

“Alright everyone.” Rose raises her hands and the room quiets. “Let’s get this over with so we can all get back to our regular tasks. First, I’d like to thank you all for coming and for your patience as we marshal all our resources. To start, I’m going to hand things over to Finn at Base 3.”

At the press of a button, Finn’s life-size holo appears on the desk, facing the rest of the briefing chamber. 

“Thanks General Tico.” Finn nods. “With the help of our nearly four-thousand retrained former Stormtroopers we have been able to stage occupations on the main First Order manufacturing plants, putting a halt to all new weapons and supply production. Our Fulcrum operative on the inside of the First Order leadership is overseeing organization-wide manufacturing and for now, has managed to keep Hux in the dark about our seizure of their plants. She has also assured me that there are several thousand current ‘troopers that are prepared to surrender at her signal.” He pauses, giving everybody a chance to digest everything. “Additionally, our allies at Crimson Dawn are in position to blockade all supply routes in advance of the attack, and have made deals with the other cartels to prevent their coming to reinforce Hux’s troops in the event that he does call for help. With that, I’ll turn things over to Kaydel at Base 2, where the main coordination of exterior cells has been taking place.”

Finn’s holo disappears and is replaced by Kaydel’s form. 

“Not much to report. Ezra and I have been coordinating with Rebels cells over the last several months to establish a presence near all First Order communications outposts; they are ready to seize those facilities and jam all internal comms at your command. General Tico?”

“Thank you Kaydel, Finn.” Rose places her hands on her hips. “Now that you are up to speed, each ranking leader on every base will meet with individual strike teams over the next handful of days to prepare you but here is the gist: Ahsoka Tano and I will be coordinating all operations from the command ship _The Organa_ , with a Crimson Dawn escort for protection. Dameron will be in charge of the navy with Rey’s team leading the strike on Hux’s command ship. Finn and Jannah will lead the ground assault on Arkanis, and Pava will lead their air support.”

At the centre desk, Rose pulls up a display of each main location, highlighting in red the strike zones. 

“All attacks will be synchronized, in the hope that we will overwhelm the enemy and at least momentarily paralyze their capability to retaliate. The plan is to mobilize two weeks from today before the dawn in the Arkanis system, but we will need to be prepared to go early if necessary.” Rose surveys the room. “Is that understood?”

“Yes General.” A chorus of voices responds.

“Good.” She nods. “One last thing. We are at war, yes, but we do not need to annihilate the First Order to succeed; murder is not justice. _Everybody’s_ priority, during and after the course of individual missions is to save as many lives as possible, including that of First Order personnel. Your direct orders are to ensure that any enemy fighter who stands down must be shown mercy.”

Rose raises her hand to quiet the mumblings around the room. “I know that blowing everything up would make for an easier clean up, but if we want to really create lasting change in the galaxy criminals will need to be brought to justice. Who are we to deny anybody a second chance?”

Shifting in his seat, Ben pretends he doesn’t notice how many of the eyes in the conference room land on him at the General’s mention of second chances.

“Make note of any questions you have and bring them to your strike team briefings. May the Force be with you.” Rose turns off the holo display and gives a nod to the room to signal that the briefing is over. 

Collectively, the room stands as people discuss the plan Rose has laid out. 

“Ben, Rey, a moment?” He stands to walk toward Rose, towing Rey behind him.

“Great speech, Rose.” Ben offers in an effort to compensate for Rey’s silence. 

“Thanks.” Rose sighs. “I just want...I wanted to check in with you, as I know Ahsoka has been overseeing most of your preparation and training, but something came up in our meeting the other day...I want to clarify something.”

“Sure.” Ben sees Rey nod almost imperceptibly, still remaining quiet.

Rose runs a hand over her face. “I don’t know how to put this politely-”

“-Then don’t be polite, Rose.” Ben shrugs. “We can handle it.”

“I’m worried about the two of you, in battle together.”

Rey frowns, and Ben asks “Why?”

Exhaling, Rose answers “You’re two of the best fighters we have, but you are both also two of the most emotional fighters we have.”

“You think we can’t put our feelings...our relationship aside for the good of the mission?” Rey narrows her eyes, having finally broken her silence. Her voice drips with a lethal combination of insecurity and anger.

“That’s not- kriff.” Rose groans. “Our feelings are not weaknesses; they are our _strength_ . Our compassion and capacity for change is why we are better than the First Order, why we are going to win. And I don’t want _either_ of you dramatic nerfherding love birds to think you need to overcompensate for your feelings by acting emotionless during the battle.”

“You _want_ us to use our emotions?” Ben swallows, trying to understand what Rose is saying. “So, if it came down to me saving Rey or finishing the mission, you’d want me to save Rey?”

“Yes.”

“-But Rose.” Rey attempts to interject but is cut off by the General’s raised hand.

“No.” Rose levels Rey with a hard stare. “We do not trade lives. I know I am sending people to their deaths, and no matter what the number is, it is too many. But I want as many missions as possible to be return-trips and I do not want _any_ of my fighters to believe that victory is worth more than their life.”

Rose swallows, softening her gaze with a half-smile. “You may disagree with this approach, but I’m giving you a direct order to prioritize life; protect each other, at all costs.”

“General.” Ben nods, and looks to Rey.

Rey inhales, and then hums her agreement. “Yes, General.”

“Good. Ahsoka will brief you tomorrow morning, and then Finn and Poe are arriving in the early afternoon for the wedding.” She grins. “I’ll see you then.”

  
  
  
  


****

  
  
  
  


As soon as she is able, Rey shoves Ben into a storage closet and bars the door behind them. He doesn’t get a chance to speak before she has him pressed against the wall and lands a series of increasingly aggressive kisses on his lips. It takes him a couple of seconds, but then Ben reacts, returning her attentions with equal fervor, sliding the prosthetic arm around her waist and his other hand around her neck. 

She can’t keep her hands still, tugging them through his hair, down the sides of his ribs, and finally, under his tunic and up the hard plane of his stomach.

“-Wait.” Ben pulls away, slightly out of breath, he reaches to still her hands. “Rey, hold on. You’ve been quiet all morning and now we’re...we should talk about why you’re so upset.”

Rey huffs, clenching her teeth. “I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

“-Rey, I just want to-”

Narrowing her eyes, she interrupts. “-What if I promise that we can talk about it after?”

Ben chuckles. “You drive a hard bargain _cyar’ika_.”

Rey steps forward, pressing her chest flush to his, looking up at him through her eyelashes. “I promise.”

Shaking his head, Ben dips his head to give her a kiss that is the opposite of those that preceded it; soft, slow. “I love you.”

“I know.” Rey grins. 

“Wait,” Rey groans as Ben once again stops her advances. “I-just, um...here? In the closet? Are you sure?”

She stands on her tiptoes, pressing their foreheads together. “Yes, Ben. Here. You’ll have to be quiet.”

  
  
  
  


Unfortunately, as soon as they have finished and are done cleaning themselves up, both of their commlinks buzz, calling them to meetings in opposite corners of the base. After lunch, Ahsoka pushes them through their forms and Bond exercises harder than she ever has, causing them both to fall into bed exhausted. 

Tracing the beauty marks on Ben’s face and the dip of his nose with her eyes, Rey listens to the sound of his breath and hopes that just for one night, she can be spared of the nightmares. 

She has no luck in that regard. Rey wakes in a cold sweat, this time after dreaming that she climbed out of a seemingly bottomless pit with a broken leg, only to find Ben dead at the top.

Rubbing her eyes, she looks at the chrono and realizes they will have to meet Ahsoka for their mission briefing soon anyways. Once Ben is up and dressed, they stop by the canteen for a quick breakfast before walking to Ahsoka’s office. They are greeted at the door by Ezra, and when they enter, Vi is already seated at the table with Ahsoka. 

Rey watches as Ben rushes ahead to pull his Knight into a quick hug, trailing behind and taking her seat at the table last.

“Good morning everyone, thanks for coming.” Ahsoka stands. “This won’t take long, as the mission is quite simple. The four of you are tasked with boarding Hux’s flagship and disabling the weapon’s systems, in addition to conducting the arrests of all First Order leadership. Hux is being protected by the remaining Knights of Ren and will be expecting you.”

“How are we getting aboard?” Vi asks. “The security will be pretty tight.”

“We have a command shuttle that you can fly in, and our Fulcrum agent made sure that when you, Vi, were declared dead, your access code was still kept on file.” Ahsoka swallows. “That’s how you’ll get in. Additionally, we aim to time it so that the planetside team strikes first, causing a distraction.”

“Seems pretty simple.” Rey leans back in her chair, slightly confused by the fact that the only four fighting Force wielders in the Resistance are being sent to arrest Hux.

Ben shakes his head, and leans forward against the table. “Hux will make sure it isn’t simple. He’s sadistic...likes to hurt people. He will make it into some sort of sick game.”

“I agree.” Ahsoka nods. “The three of you,” she gestures to Rey, Ben, and Vi “have fairly close personal relationships and Hux knows that. He will try to use that...I suspect he will try to separate you so you are fighting alone. There’s nothing more we can do to prepare, but be mindful.”

“Your focus determines your reality.” Rey mutters under her breath, just quiet enough that nobody hears. 

Vi asks “What’s the plan for exfil?” 

“Ideally, you’d seize control of the vessel and not need exfiltration.” Ahsoka purses her lips. “But, if that is not possible, the second option is escape in the command shuttle with prisoners...and if that is not possible, escape by any means necessary.”

“Got it.” Vi stands. “If that’s all, I didn’t get breakfast before this so I’ll head out.” 

“Rey?” Ahsoka tilts her head to the side. “You seem distracted this morning.”

Making a conscious effort to relax her frown, Rey sighs. “I need to talk to Ben about something, is all. I understand the mission and don’t have any questions.”

Standing, she gives Ezra and Ahsoka a nod before walking back to her and Ben’s quarters. Rey doesn’t look back to check if he’s following; she can feel him there. She pulls off her boots and sits cross legged on the bunk.

“I promised I’d tell you what was bothering me yesterday.” Rey places her hands in her lap and has to stop from wringing them.

Ben hums, sitting next to her, and Rey carries on.

“I’ve been having dreams - bad dreams, nightmares, that are so vivid. They seem so real, and,” Rey chokes, “you keep dying. I’m trying to get to you, you need my help. And every time, I get there and it’s too late.”

Tears flow freely down her cheeks, and Ben pulls her into his lap.

“Sometimes dreams are just dreams, Rey.” Ben kisses the top of her head. “Our path is not decided by anybody but us.”

Around hiccups, Rey asks him “How do you know? How do you know they’re just dreams?”

He takes a deep breath. “Because we are linked, sweetheart. My destiny is tied to yours, and I know that our paths do not diverge. Mine will always lead back to you”

“Path?” Rey wipes at her face. “What path? I don’t even...I don’t know where my place is, what my path is. I just want to be with you.”

“That is a path, sweetheart.” He tilts her chin up so their eyes meet. “We can have - we do have - a future together.”

Rey sniffs. “Tell me about it?”

And he does. Ben holds her close and whispers in her ear about a homestead they will build from scratch together, located by the sparkling lake water on a planet bursting with life. He tells her about the garden they’ll grow food in, and of afternoons spent teaching her to swim and lazing by the beach. Rey’s eyes grow wet once more when Ben describes two children, a girl with curly raven locks and a button nose, and a chubby boy with brown hair and ears he’ll grow into one day.

She listens to Ben tell her about their life together, and when he is done they lay in bed together daydreaming until it’s time to get ready for the Dameron wedding.

  
  
  
  


*****

  
  
  


Ben lets her doze on his chest as long as possible before they have to wake and get dressed for the wedding. After gently nudging her consciousness through their connection, they rise and slowly go through the process of washing and changing into their clean clothes. 

Looping his arm through his vest, Ben pauses when he notices Rey fixing him with an odd look.

“Rey?”

“Oh.” She shakes her head softly. “You just...you look like your father, is all.”

Ben looks down at his outfit, and realizes she is right. The boots, dark pants, white linen shirt and vest are a very Han Solo look. He swallows, and Rey gracefully doesn’t remark on the pink that paints his cheeks. 

“You look beautiful.” 

And she does; it’s Ben’s turn to stare. Rey has paired a shiny blouse of a deep blue with her nicest pair of black pants, her hair hanging loosely down her shoulders. He opens his mouth and then promptly shuts it again, not wanting to overstep.

“What is it?” Rey cocks her head.

“May I braid your hair?”

She grins. “You know how to braid hair?”

“It’s...uh,” he rubs the back of his neck. “It’s a thing, a tradition, from my mother’s homeworld.”

“Oh, well, yes- of course.” Rey sits down in the chair at her desk. “I’d love that.”

He weaves his fingers through her hair, careful not to catch any strands in the prosthetic, and slowly eases any tangles.

“On Alderaan,” Ben swallows. “On Alderaan, there are braids for every occasion, and each braid has special meaning.”

“Really? What a wonderful piece of culture.”

Ben hums as his fingers work. “It is. There is also...um, well a significance, to the braiding. I mean- until a woman is married, nobody but her family members would braid her hair.”

“Well you are my family, so I guess it’s fitting that you are doing my first braid.”

“Yeah.” Ben chuckles. “It’s also, uh, taking the braids out is also...sort of sacred? It’s...it means a lot. It’s seen as an act of incredible intimacy. Removing somebody’s braids.”

Rey is quiet as he finishes his work, pinning everything in place when it is finished.

He steps away from the chair, and Rey stands to face him, her hazel eyes glinting with joy. “What does this braid mean, Ben?”

“It’s a betrothal braid. It means that you are intended to somebody.” 

Rey smiles. “I love it.” Reaching her hand for his, she weaves her fingers through his before landing a soft kiss on his cheek. “Let’s go watch our friends get married.”

Ben is certain he smiles like an idiot during the entire walk to the wedding location - a beautiful clearing in the jungle just a short walk from the hangar - but he can’t bring himself to care. The Resistance has a plan, a damn good one at that; he is attending a wedding on what looks like a lovely afternoon; and he has braided the hair of the woman he loves.

Happiness is something, at a certain point in his life, Ben had resigned himself to never feeling again. Yet here he is.

The set up is simple. A couple benches and extra chairs have been brought out from the base, and Finn and Poe stand together at the front. Larma D’Acy, as it turns out, had officiated a couple weddings before the time of the Resistance and had offered her services for this event.

Once the small crowd is seated, Larma stands.

“Welcome, everyone. We are gathered here today to witness and celebrate the union of these two men: Poe Dameron, and Finn.” She gestures to them. “Please step forward.”

They do, and Larma continues. 

“I understand that you have vows to exchange?”

“Yes.” Poe nods. “I’ll go first. Finn, the moment I met you, my life changed forever. I am so glad that you rescued me and I am grateful for all the time we have spent together, on the battlefield and off.”

“Thank you Poe.” Larma gestures to Finn.

“Poe.” Finn inhales. “I never used to think about my future, and for a while, when I did think about my future, I was scared. Scared that I didn’t deserve a life outside of the war, and scared that I wouldn’t know what to do with that life if I got it. Thank you so much for being the best partner I could have asked for, and for teaching me how to hope for a better tomorrow.”

Ben surreptitiously wipes at his eyes, hearing the sniffles emanate from around the clearing.

“Thank you gentlemen.” Larma pulls a large red ribbon out of her pocket. “Your hands please?”

Finn and Poe clasp their hands together, and Larma diligently winds the ribbon around their joined hands.

“This thread is the thread that will bind you to each other, for better or for worse. In sickness, and in health. Do you, Poe Dameron, take Finn to be your husband?”

“I do.” 

Both men have tears in their eyes. 

“And Finn, do you take this man, Poe Dameron, to be your husband?”

“I do.”

“Then it is time to recite the binding words, securing your bond.”

They inhale, and then speak together: “I am his, and he is mine: from this day until the end of my days.”

The clearing is quiet, as all eyes are fixed on the two men whose eyes are fixed on each other.

“Congratulations.” Larma smiles. “Everybody, I present to you, Finn and Poe Dameron.”

Ben stands, clapping, as those gathered in the clearing cheer and hoot and holler their excitement. Staying back as Rey, Rose, and other close friends of the newly married Dameron’s swarm them for hugs and kisses, nearly every face glistens with happy tears.

He watches, content, with his lips upturned in an almost smile, in awe that he was allowed to share in such a beautiful event.

Across the clearing, Rey is laughing at something Poe has said, clutching her stomach. When she finally catches her breath, their eyes meet. 

_I love you_. She whispers through the bond.

  
  


Ben smiles at her, grateful, that this is where his path has taken him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wedding ceremony is a mix of various things (I am his/he is mine is from GoT).  
> thanks for reading :)


	25. Sunrise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **“Rey, the ground assaults have begun. Move your team in.” She pauses. “And may the Force be with you.”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> brace yourself for the longest chapter of ATFWI to date. 
> 
> some **content warnings** as this is a battle:  
> \- explosions  
> \- mention of dismemberment  
> \- mentions of blood, broken bones, and injuries  
> \- fear of death
> 
> please note, Leia is the ONLY major character death in this fic.

With an hour left until the alarm sounds, Ben and Rey lie in their bed awake. Ben has faith in the Resistance, in their plan, and in their ability to win. He knows Rey does too, but he also knows that she has more doubt than she has let on. For the millionth time since the Dameron wedding, he can feel her thoughts racing through the bond. 

Wondering what will happen. 

If everything will be okay. 

Ben kisses the top of her head. “Let me braid your hair _ pateesa _ . I’ll plait it so that it is out of your way for the battle.”

She chuckles and sits up. “Okay.”

He takes his time, threading his fingers through her hair and bringing all the strands together into a singular but sturdy braid that begins at the crown of her head and traces her scalp down to the top of her neck. The rest of the braid hangs down across her spine. 

When he is finished, Rey leans against his chest for a moment before she stands. 

Rey smiles softly, and then begins to dress. 

Both of their base layers match; black pants and black boots, paired with a grey tank top. The thin armour he pulls on over the tank top is a deep navy blue, a fabric that Rose and Jacen had been working on. It is lightweight, like a second form-fitting tank top, but it is incredibly durable and has wiring woven into it that will notify command of any change to vital signs. Ben had alway preferred armour to be underneath, when he wore it at all, and had instructed Jacen to build his as such. 

It fits perfectly underneath his black tunic, which is belted at the hips.

Rey, conversely, wears her navy armour like a vest, button up right to her clavicle. As he holsters his blaster and hooks the saber on to his belt, she pulls on the matching arm guards.

Exhaling, he hands her the saberstaff.

“Could you pass me my knife, too?” She asks.

Ben frowns. “You have a knife?”

“It’s just a small little thing, but be careful, the blade is quite sharp. In the top drawer of the desk.”

Obliging, he reaches into the drawer and diligently holds the weapon out, handle first, to Rey who takes it and winks.

Just as she hooks it on to her belt, the alarm sounds, signaling that all teams must board their ships and prepare to jump to the Arkanis system. Hand in hand, they walk to the hangar to find their shuttle, nodding wordlessly at Ezra, Vi, and Chopper as they board the ship.

Once in the air, they all put in their ear pieces and check their comms.

“Rey and Ben, can you hear me?” Rose’s voice sounds in his ear.

“Loud and clear, General.” Ben answers.

“Ready when you are, General.” Rey gives Ben a nervous smile. 

They wait and wait, ready to complete their jump and board Hux’s flagship.

  
  
  


Then, Rose speaks. “Rey, the ground assaults have begun. Move your team in.” She pauses. “And may the Force be with you.”

Ezra makes the jump, and begins preparing their shuttle for landing. 

  
  
  
  


****

  
  
  


“Finn, the assaults on outposts are underway.” Rose informs him over the ship’s holo. “It’s time to move on Arkanis.”

He nods, and then turns the holo off. 

“I’ll see you on the other side, Captain Dameron.” Finn grins, speaking into the comm device on his wrist. 

“Likewise, General Dameron.” Poe bids him goodbye as they jump their respective teams to their missions. 

Finn and his soldiers make it to the surface of Arkanis without any problems, Pava and her team providing solid protection in the air. As they offboard their transports, he can hear the alarm on the base sounding and calling all Stormtroopers to their defensive positions. Finn hopes he doesn’t have to kill too many of them before they surrender. 

With enough numbers to come at the base from all angles, Finn orders his troops to establish their perimeter first and wait for his single to move forward. It only takes a handle of minutes before they are ready.

“Forward.” He commands, and the troops listen. 

Together, they march forward on the base at Arkanis.

“Jess.” Finn motions for his soldiers to halt.

“Yes General.” 

“We could use you on the defensive cannons.” 

Not thirty seconds later, Jess and two of her unit fly by and blast the cannons that protect the perimeter. Finn his units press forward, and are greeted by a sea of black and white, flooding out of the gates. They exchange fire, both sides sheltering behind debris.

“Sir?” One of the soldiers next to him motions.

“Yes?” Finn asks.

“Do you know what the red armour is for? I don’t remember that being part of our briefing.” The young man gestures toward the Stormtroopers. 

A handful, maybe one in fifty, are dressed in armour identical to the typical Stormtrooper uniform, but in a bright red colour. 

“I don’t know.” He speaks into his wrist comm. “General Tico? Rose?”

After a pause, Rose answers. “How are things going down there Finn?”

“Things are good. Do you know anything about this new red armour they’ve got some of the ‘troopers in?”

“Negative.” Finn hears Rose ask somebody else before continuing. “Let us know if you find out what it means.”

“Got it.”

Finn stands, about to stand and order his team to press forward, when he takes a look at the Stormtroopers that are outside of the gates of the base. All of them are walking forward cautiously, but have no weapons in their hands.

He had believed Fulcrum’s intelligence, he really had. 

But no level of assurance from an operative that he had never met was going to prepare him for what he was currently witnessing. 

The Stormtroopers were exiting the base, removing their helmets, and kneeling. 

Raising his hand, Finn walks forward. “Hold your fire.”

Holstering his blaster, Finn approaches the nearest group of First Order soldiers.

One of the kneeling men looks up to meet his eyes. “General Dameron?”

Finn nods. 

The Stormtrooper stands but Finn raises his hand to keep his team from firing. Stepping forward tentatively, the man holds his gloved hand out. “We were told to expect you.”

He looks down at the hand held out in front of him, back at the man’s face, and down again before extending his own hand in greeting. “What else were you told?”

The ‘trooper swallows. “That if we surrendered we would be granted mercy.”

“That’s correct.” Finn looks around at the sea of white kneeling before him. “Are these your soldiers?”

“Sir.” He nods. “I am TJ-0303, I have ordered my men to put down their weapons and wait for further orders.”

“How many are on the base?” Finn asks. “We have enough transports for about two-thousand right now but can call in for more.”

TJ’s eyes widen, and he coughs. “We have uh, around thirty-five hundred troops here at the moment. Some were relocated to other outposts more recently.”

Finn hums, and then steps away to update Rose on the situation. “Tico?”

“Go ahead.” She answers. 

“We are good to go down here, Fulcrum was correct. They are all surrendering.”

“That’s great news.”

“Yes.” Finn runs a hand over his face. “But be advised, apparently some of the troops were relocated to other outposts, so some of the other ground teams may be facing stronger forces than we had anticipated.”

“I don’t think that will be an issue. We have reports coming in from all other ground missions now and they are reporting the exact same thing as you; mass surrender.”

“That’s-”

A series of small but powerful explosions surrounding the base go off, blasting Finn and everyone around him off their feet. After tumbling backward, Finn attempts to scramble to his feet before another blast sends him flying. 

Everything goes black.

  
  
  
  


****

  
  
  


She has not had any more nightmares since the Dameron wedding. Rey knows, she  _ knows _ that Ben is right. Dreams are just dreams. What she knows at what she feels, at this moment, as their shuttle prepares for landing inside one of the docks of Hux’s flagship, are not the same. Rey knows that their plans are solid, that the time and effort that went into all the joint operations was done by reliable people who checked everything twice, and then again. 

She knows this. 

And yet she is nervous. 

Afraid.

The ramp lowers, and Rey straightens her shoulders, exhaling. 

“I’ll comm you once I’ve found our operative and disabled the weapons system.” Ezra nods at them, and then gestures to Chopper. “Let’s go Chop, time to go get Sabine.”

Rey nods, and watches as Ezra and the droid exit the ship.

“Ready?” Ben asks.

Unclipping her weapon, Rey draws in a sharp breath, and they walk down the ramp.

They haven’t even stepped foot on the ship when the floor beneath them crumbles and an explosion sends her forward. Rubble rains down on her head as she coughs, wiping smoke from her eyes. 

Rey calls her saber to her hand and ignites one of the blades, raising it aggressively toward a shadow that approaches her.

“Relax. It’s me.” The shadow holds up its hands, and Rey blinks, realizing that it is Vi. 

“Where’s Ben?” Rey looks around, trying to scope out what is left of the hangar. Their ship is ruined.

“I didn’t see him. Can you reach out for him and I’ll try our comms?”

Closing her eyes, Rey tugs on the cord that binds her to Ben. She finds him, a level below them.

“Ben’s fine, he must’ve fallen down with the blast.”

Vi pales. “We’ve got a bigger problem, Rey.”

“What?”

“Our signal is being jammed.” She swallows. “If they’re jamming our signal and they blew up the dock…”

“Then they know we are here.” Rey tightens her grip on her weapon, and exhales through her teeth. “Well, let’s not keep them waiting.”

  
  
  
  


****

  
  
  
  


Ben sputters awake, coughing as dust and ash spills into his mouth. 

As he sits up, he does a quick scan of his body and notes that despite falling through the floor, he seems to have no serious injuries. Perhaps some serious bruising, but it’s nothing Ben can’t handle. The hallway he has found himself in is quite dark, which strikes Ben as odd, but perhaps the darkness is part of Hux’s game. 

“Rey?” 

No answer on the comm. Ben presses down on the earpiece with one finger, and asks again.

“Rey? Vi?”

There is no response. 

Ben takes a deep breath in, and kneels on the floor with his saber on the floor in front of him. With his hands on his knees, Ben exhales and closes his eyes. Reaching out, cataloguing the ship and its presence in space; in his mind, he can see the outline of the ship and feel the hum of the engines. There is something, something his subconscious flags but his mind is not yet ready to process, something important. Ben holds on to this feeling for now.

Then, he moves inward, starting with himself. 

He sees his body, kneeling on the floor of a lower level, surrounded by the debris of the exploded dock. Scanning the hallways around him, Ben finds that he is alone. 

Above, he finds the shuttle that they rode in - torn to pieces. Ahead of the ship, Ben can feel Rey and Vi, weapons ready and advancing into the belly of the ship.

Including the members of his team, he can only feel the presence of about fifty people onboard. 

Suddenly Ben gets to his feet, calling the saber to his hand and igniting it. 

The hangar that they docked in was rigged to blow.

Their comms are down. 

And the ship - Hux’s flagship,  _ the _ naval base of operations for the First Order, is deserted. 

  
  


It’s a trap.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  
  


“Kaydel, I need you to get me through to somebody on the ground,  _ anybody _ .” Rose paces back and forth on the command deck of  _ The Organa _ . “Somebody needs to know what is going on.”

Everything had been going well, too well, perhaps. The teams at the communication outposts had moved in first, successfully disabling their enemy’s ability to call for help. Second, the ground assault teams had moved in and found nothing but surrender, the Stormtroopers laying down their weapons and removing helmets to kneel without a fight. 

It had been going well. 

And then there were explosions. 

Not just on Arkanis, but everywhere, at all once. 

Every team leader on  _ The Organa _ had reported the same thing - the First Order troops were surrendering peacefully and allowing the Resistance fighters to move in. And then synchronized explosions had resulted in mass confusion and momentary loss of communication with ground teams. 

“General?” Ahsoka looks up from the datapad in her hand, face pinched in frustration.

“More bad news?” Rose sighs.

“Unfortunately.” Ahsoka pauses, before continuing. “We’ve lost touch with Rey’s team as well.”

Rose deflates, running a hand over her face. “Let me guess, loss of comms was preceded by an explosion?”

Ahsoka nods. 

Swallowing, Rose squares her shoulders and gets the attention of everybody in the command centre. “Listen up. We have every single one of our teams facing explosions and potential loss of comms. I need an inventory of our medical supplies and freighters, and they need to be prepared to deal with high intake of wounds from explosive devices. Given the nature of these retaliatory measures, it appears that-”

“-General?” Poe’s voice rings through the static of the comms.

“Captain, what’s going on down there?”

“We...uh.” Poe trails off. 

Rose narrows her eyes. “What is it, Poe?”

“The First Order navy, they’ve jumped away.”

A heavy silence falls over the command deck. “What are you saying, you mean they’ve left?”

“Yes, sir.” Poe answers.

Looking to Ahsoka, Rose finds the Togruta’s bewilderment mirrors her own. 

“General,” Kaydel stands. “We are receiving a transmission from Hux’s ship, should I let it through?”

“Yes.” Exhaling through her teeth, Rose stands as tall as she can muster in preparation for confronting the First Order’s weasel in chief. 

The blue holo flickers to life, revealing not Hux, but Ezra.

“General.” Ezra nods.

Ahsoka steps forward. “Ezra what’s the situation there?”

He sighs. “It’s not good. The ship is deserted. Hux knew we were coming.”

“How bad is it, Ezra?” Rose asks.

“Sabi- Fulcrum is here, unconscious. She’ll be okay. The ship is filled with explosives and all internal comm devices have been disabled…”

Clenching her fist, Rose growls. “Spit it out, Ezra.”

Swallowing, he continues. “The navicomputer has been disabled but the ship’s course is set for Arkanis. It’s going to crash into the base and then blow up. You need to start evac on the ground,  _ now _ .”

“We will get right on that. See if you can get the ship to stay in orbit, but if not, get your team out of there Ezra.”

“General.” Ezra salutes and then his blue form fades away. 

Sitting down in her chair, Rose takes a breath, parsing all the information and preparing to give new orders. If the flagship is empty and Hux knew they were coming, then the First Order fleet has jumped away to attack-

“-General. Incoming message from the team at Base 1.”

Rose sighs. The bases are defended, but not enough to withstand the full firepower of the entire First Order fleet. “Ahsoka, get Poe to divide the navy in three and jump them back to defend the bases. And Kaydel, get to me Finn. I need to speak to somebody on the ground.”

  
  
  
  


****

  
  
  


“Finn...Finn!” He jostles awake and comes face to face with Jannah.

“Get up, we have some serious clean up to do.” She helps him up, and they stand still, surveying the damage. “It looks like your side took the brunt of the explosions. We heard the blasts and saw the fire, and ran around to check on you as fast as we could.”

Finn frowns. “There were no explosions around the back of the base.”

“None.” Jannah shakes her head. “I’ve got my team helping the wounded, but there are a lot of them.”

They walk forward, stepping over the bodies and body parts of those less fortunate. As the smoke begins to clear, Finn approaches one of the helmetless Stormtroopers, he recognizes as the leader, TJ-0303. 

“TJ?” 

With one eye swollen shut and his face covered in blood, the young man stands and draws his blaster on Finn.

“Is this  _ mercy?! _ ” He shouts, gesturing at the destruction around him. “Is this the peace that the Resistance promised?”

With both hands in the air, Finn takes a couple steps forward. “It wasn’t us. I promise TJ, it was not the Resistance who set those charges.”

“But-”

“-Look around,” Finn takes another step. “My troops were injured, they were killed too. I would never do that to my own fighters.”

The man’s grip on his blaster falters, and he chokes out a sob at the sight of the bodies that litter the ground. “Why-” TJ falls to his knees, the blaster clattering to the ground next to him.

Finn holds his hand out, and waits patiently until a reluctant TJ takes it, and stands. 

“Come on. We need to figure out what the kriff happened here.”

The three of them walk through the wreckage, pulling aside any injured survivors to provide what little medical help they can administer, and shutting the eyes of the dead that they pass by. Jannah was right, Finn’s team from the entrance side of the base had taken the brunt of the damage. When a preliminary headcount is conducted, it seems only half of Finn’s battalion had survived.

Turning to Jannah, he frowns. “Where did the blasts originate? Were the charges already set, underground? I’m just not sure how-”

“General!” Finn and Jannah jog over to meet the woman who called them, watching as she points at some of the debris. It’s pieces of the new red armour.

“TJ...what is the significance of the red armour?”

The Stormtrooper shrugs. “It was apparently a promotion, some sort of signifier of excellence, but based on who was given the red armour to wear...it seemed pretty random to me.”

“And when were these promotions administered?” Jannah asks, brows pinched.

“The day before yesterday.” TJ shrugs again. “Like I said, it seemed pretty thoughtless and I don’t think it really meant-”

“-It was the red ‘troopers who exploded.” Finn murmurs, as he looks down at the debris he had been waved over to examine. There are fragments of the red armour everywhere, the parts of this particular soldier spread much further than that of any other victim. “It was the troops in red that exploded, their armour contained the bombs.”

“No.” TJ stepped back. “Why would our own men be rigged with explosives? That doesn’t ma-”

“-How many?” Jannah interjects.

“What?” TJ chokes out, his hands shaking.

Reaching out to place a steady hand on his shoulder, Jannah repeats “How many? Stormtroopers in red?”

Tears stream out of TJ’s unswollen eye. “Hundreds...thousands, maybe. I don’t know.”

“Kriff.” Finn runs a hand over his face. “We need to-”

“-Finn?” Rose’s voice crackles to life on his wrist comm.

“Rose, I’m here.”

“Oh thank the Maker. We’ve been trying to get through forever.” Rose pauses. “How bad is it down there?”

Finn sighs. “Bad. What about up there?”

“The First Order fleet has jumped away from Arkanis and is attacking our bases, we are scrambling the navy to defend but they are several steps ahead of us. This whole thing...all of it has been a trap.”

“Yeah.” Finn swallows. “We figured out the source of the blasts, it was the red uniforms, those new ones we noticed.”

Rose pauses. “Hux put explosives on his own men?”

“Yes.”

“Kriff.”

“Yes.” Finn inhales deeply. “Has he been captured?”

“Negative. The flagship was a trap too. Apparently it’s deserted and a course has been set to crash planetside.”

Finn blinks several times in rapid succession, confused. “Wait, Hux isn’t there and he has set the flagship to crash into his own base?”

“That’s correct.”

He can tell that Rose is trying to stop resignation from colouring her voice, but it bleeds through regardless.

“So what are our orders now?”

She sighs. “All ground teams are to evac, ASAP, and return to the bases to reinforce the fights there.”

“You got it.” Finn turns off his comm, and motions to Jannah. “We need to get out of here, let’s start loading up. Wounded on a separate transport so we don’t bring them back to another fight.”

Jannah nods, and they get to work.

  
  
  


****

  
  
  
  


Rey and Vi have been walking through the flagship for nearly ten minutes and not come across a single person. 

“This must be a trap.” Vi stops, shaking her head. “How do we know we aren’t walking farther into it?”

“What’s ahead can’t be any worse than what is behind us.” Rey shrugs.

“When did you get so wise, Master Jedi?” Vi chuckles.

Shaking her head, Rey huffs out a quiet laugh. “I’m not a Jedi...not really. I’m just Rey.”

“Well, ‘Just Rey’, you think we should keep moving forward then?”

Rey nods, and opens her mouth to speak just as her ears start to buzz slightly and the room quiets.

Ben appears in front of her. Looking his figure up and down, his clothes seem intact if a little singed, and he appears to be unharmed.

“Are you with Vi?” He asks.

“Yes.”

Vi frowns. “Rey?”

“Sorry, Vi, Ben is projecting himself to me.” 

“Is he okay?” Vi steps forward, staring at her best approximation of where Ben would be standing.

Ben steps closer to them as Rey repeats Vi’s question.

He nods. “I’m okay, but we have a problem.”

“We noticed.” Rey grimaces. “The ship is deserted.” 

“Yeah. It seems it’s just us and maybe forty or so others.” Ben rubs the back of his neck. “I’ve reached the control room and regrouped with Ezra...the Fulcrum operative is here and unconscious, it seems like she’s been sedated.”

“Well, at least we succeeded in commandeering the ship.” Rey attempts to spin their situation positively.

Ben swallows. “The ship is on a course to collide with the surface, and then explode. Or maybe both at once. Chopper has been trying to hack into the mainframe and fix it, but so far no luck.”

Groaning, Rey asks. “So what should we do?”

“Find the other people that are onboard, I guess, and arrest them. Ezra is working on exfil.”

“Great. I’ll call you if we need anything.”

Ben nods, and his form fades away.

“So?” Vi’s hands are on her hips. 

Rey fills the Knight in on everything that Ben has said, and that the plan for now is to continue forward and find the others that are on the ship. Vi grumbles about how she had been looking forward to beating Hux up, but then nods and follows Rey down the hall. 

It doesn’t take long until they round a corner into a more open atrium and are met with blaster fire from Stormtroopers. Rey ignites one of her blades, and steps forward, deflecting all the bolts with care so that they do not hit any of the soldiers.

“We don’t want to hurt you.” She shouts, and several of the troops, maybe half, lower their weapons. “Anyone who surrenders will be treated fairly. This ship is on a collision course and rigged with explosives; surrender and we will help you evacuate.”

The Stormtroopers look at each other, and back at Rey, before setting down their weapons and removing their helmets. 

Rey thumbs off her saber. “Are there any more of you?” Her quick scan of those in front results in a count of thirty.

One of the soldiers near the front nods, and speaks into her comm. Not a minute later, a dozen more Stormtroopers round the corner and imitate their comrades, placing blasters on the floor and removing their helmets. Rey cocks her head to the side at the side of a handful, only three or four, of the troopers that are dressed in armour that is bright red.

“What’s the red about?” Rey turns to Vi, who shakes her head.

“I don’t know. Must be something new, maybe seniority?” Vi shrugs. “Phasma used to be dressed in a shiny platinum colour but I never saw anybody in red.”

Rey hums, and closes her eyes to reach out to Ben. When she opens them, she is standing in front of him.

“Any luck with the navigation or the bombs?”

He shakes his head. “No. We are going to need to evacuate, and soon. Chopper has found a transport in one of the hangars and will go with Ezra and Sabine to scan the area for bombs. I’ll loop back to meet with you and Vi. How are things going on your end?”

“We found the others, just over forty Stormtroopers.” Rey frowns, looking back at the red armour.

“What?”

“Do you know what the significance of the red armour is?”

Ben’s brows pinch together. “Show me?”

Rey closes her eyes and breathes, focusing on letting Ben into her head, into her consciousness. She imagines them as one, a soul in two parts. Like puzzle pieces that can easily fit back together. When she opens her eyes, she can feel his presence, feel him seeing through her. Rey looks around the room, focuses on the soldiers in red. 

She blinks, and Ben is back in his own body, shaking his head.

“I don’t know, I’ve never seen that before. Maybe it’s-”

The explosions catch her off guard, and Rey is unable to hold onto her projection as she is shoved backward by the blast, colliding with a nearby wall.

  
  
  
  


****

  
  
  
  


Rose paces back and forth, every minute that Poe’s navy does not arrive over their bases is another minute that civilians, refugees - children - are under attack by the First Order. Why she didn’t think to more heavily protect the bases, Rose doesn’t know.

That’s a lie. She does know.

The bases are secret, many members of the Resistance only know the actual location of the base that they are stationed on. How she ever thought that that would be enough, that she could outsmart Armitage Hux, a career military mind...Rose bites back tears at the thought of how many lives will be lost because of her oversight. 

“General.” A warm hand lands on her shoulder, and Rose turns to see Ahsoka’s kind blue eyes. “Nothing ever goes according to plan, but that doesn’t mean it’s over.”

Rose sniffs, and nods. “Kaydel get Captain Dameron on the comms, I need to know the status of their-”

“-General it’s Poe. My teams have arrived at the bases, I sent four squadrons each and we are engaging with the First Order forces now.”

“Do we need to begin evacuation?” Rose swallows.

“Even if we needed to I’m not sure how we’d swing that, all the transports are off base collecting-”

“-Answer the question, Dameron.”

The pilot pauses. “We can hold them off. I’ll update you if the situation changes but at present, no, evac is not necessary.”

“Thank you.” Rose takes her seat, listening as the various team leaders call in their updates and commands to their pilots, her heart sinking to the floor every time a signal goes dead and Kaydel announces the callsign of the pilot who had been KIA. 

Several minutes pass like this, with intermittent comms from ground teams that are loading wounded onto transports and preparing to send those who are capable to defend the bases. 

“This is Captain Poe Dameron of the Resistance, I have a message for your leader.”

Rose stands. “Dameron, what are you doing?”

“Trying to talk to the First Order leader. Requesting permission to board, sir.”

“Why?”

“Give me a minute, General.”

Poe’s line goes blank. 

“Kaydel did he?”

“Yes, General, he shut off his comms.”

“That man, I…” Rose groans. “Let me know the  _ second _ he turns them back on. Ahsoka, have we heard from Ezra or Rey?”

“Negative, General.” Ahsoka gestures at the computer. “We could try and contact them via the flagship holo, but if they are trying to escape it is unlikely that we would reach them.” 

Rose shakes her head. “No. Get ahold of Chewie and have him and Lando standby for Rey’s team with the Falcon, either for exfil or…”

“-To search the rubble on Arkanis.”

Nodding solemnly, Rose watches Ahsoka walk to her station and connect to the Falcon. 

Nearly twenty minutes go by trying to organize a rendezvous point for all those wounded in explosions, a location that is not one of their three bases that are currently under siege. Finally, one of the liaisons at Crimson Dawn had offered a trading outpost as a temporary med centre. 

“General?” Kaydel stands. “We’ve got Black Four requesting to speak with you.”

“Okay. Pull her up.” Kaydel transfers the audio feed to the main desk.

“General Tico? This is Black Four.”

“This is Tico, go ahead Black Four.”

The woman on the other end of the line pauses, as if she is unsure what to say. “The...uh, enemy...the enemy is standing down.”

“Come again, Black Four?”

“The First Order, sir, they’ve stopped firing. The TIE’s are just...floating.”

“Kaydel, Black Squadron is over Arkanis. Get in touch with the other squadron leaders about the status of the other bases.”

Kaydel nods and speaks rapidly into her headset. 

“Black Four, this is General Tico.” Rose swallows. “Can you confirm your earlier message, the First Order has ceased fire?”

“Yes General, I think-”

“-General, it’s Captain Dameron.” Poe’s line crackles to life. “I boarded one of the ships and spoke to a commanding officer. Hux is not here and did not inform them about the explosives in the red armour. They have agreed to stand their forces down.”

Silence falls over the command centre for the second time since the battle began in the early hours of the morning, as Rose looks around at the faces of her comrades.

“Poe, one more time, can you confirm,” Rose inhales. “The First Order is standing down?”

“Yes, sir. They are surrendering.”

Cheers erupt around Rose, as she wipes a tear from her eye in relief. 

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


Coughing, Rey blinks smoke from her eyes for the second time today, her ears ringing and her vision blurry. As the fog dissipates, she sees Vi on the ground to her left and runs over, cradling her friend’s head. 

“Vi? Vi can you hear me?”

She does not answer. Rey places her hand on Vi’s abdomen, and closes her eyes, reaching into the Knight’s body with the Force to scan for injuries. When she locates the source of the injury- a couple cracked ribs putting pressure on one of Vi’s lungs- Rey breathes and sends some healing energy into her friend’s body. Not enough to completely heal the wound, but to stabilize. 

At the crunch of boots in the atrium, Rey looks up to see the remaining three Knights - Ushar, Ap’lek, and Kuruk, Ben had said their names were - approaching, their weapons drawn. 

Taking one last look at Vi, Rey gently places her on the ground, and stands to face the Knights. 

_ They’re here.  _ She sends to Ben across the bond.  _ Your Knights. I’ll hold them as long as I can _ . 

Three on one is not her preferred fighting scenario, but the last time she faced them she had no lightsaber in the time since then Ben had spent hours going over each Knight’s fighting style and weaknesses. Though her renergy will be slightly drained from healing Vi, Rey has eight months of consistent high quality meals and rigorous training with Ahsoka under her belt. She can hold them until Ben gets here.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” Rey steps forward. “Anyone who surrenders to the Resistance will be shown mercy.”

Ushar, helmetless for once, grimaces Rey’s general direction. “How unfortunate,” She spits. “because I  _ badly _ want to hurt you.”

“So be it.”

Keeping her weapon on her belt for now, Rey shoves Ap’lek away with the Force, his back hitting a wall with a sickening crunch, as Ushar and Kuruk charge at her. She dodges their blows, using her agility and lithe frame against them as long as she can.

Then Kuruk brings his axe down toward her shoulder and she has no choice but to ignite one of the blades. Expecting her saber to slice right through his weapon, Rey’s eyes widen in shock as the axe’s structure maintains its integrity.

“We’ve made some improvements to our weapons, Little Jedi.” Rey can hear his sneer through the mask.

Rey grins. “So have I.”

She thumbs off the blade that holds the axe above her shoulder, causing Kuruk to lose his balance and fall into her. With a swift hand, Rey ignites the bottom blade of her saber, slicing him cleanly in half.

As the charred halves of his body fall to the ground, Rey narrows her eyes, watching as Ushar and Ap’lek circle her. 

Baring her teeth, Rey growls, assuming an opening stance as her twin blades crackle.

Ushar screams, and runs forward. 

Rey does her best to parry their blows, but Ap’lek and Ushar fight well as a unit and for every blow she lands on one of them, they each seem to get one on her. By the end of five minutes, Rey’s head is pounding and her chest heaves, her body covered in lacerations and bruising. 

She is tiring, and quickly. 

Ushar jumps, flipping over Rey’s head and extending her blade toward Rey’s left leg. 

Rey sees it in slow motion as it happens; she twists, her blue blade blocking the blow from Ushar and raising her staff to connect with the Knight’s forehead, sending her tumbling backward. All the while leaving her entire right side open. Rey turns her head back just in time to see Ap’lek’s spear, half a second away from wedging itself between her ribs, powerless to do anything to stop it. 

She would bleed out from a wound like that in seconds, with no chance of survival. 

Suddenly, Rey is pushed backwards with the Force as a white blade emerges from Ap’lek’s chest. 

Ben stands behind their enemy, watching as his former Knight’s form crumples to the ground. His hair is wild and his shoulders heave, as if he had run the entire way here. 

Tightening her grip on her weapon, Rey stands, as she and Ben turn to face Ushar together. They fight better as a unit now than they ever have, but Ushar’s hate seems to endlessly fuel her determination. 

Every time Rey thinks that they have managed to tire her out or pin her down, she manoeuvers away and manages to hurt them back. 

Rey is now bleeding from a gash on the right side of her face, and Ben is limping from what seemed like a rather deep blow to his left knee. Tired, Rey spins to block another blow from Ushar but misjudges the distance and ends up getting hit in the face. She feels her nose break from the weight of the blow, and the warm dribble of blood down her chin. 

Stunned, she watches as Ushar uses the blunt end of her weapon to hit Ben in the gut, following it with a heavy kick to Rey’s chest. 

Hitting her head when she lands, Rey’s vision is fuzzy and she pants in short spurts, every breath painful. 

Head swimming from the pain, Rey sees what looks like Ushar, slicing Ben’s knee again, causing him to fall to the ground. She watches, helpless, as Ben’s weapon is kicked from his hand and Ushar pushes him to the floor. 

Defenseless, Ben blocks Ushar’s killing blow with his prosthetic arm, holding it in front of his chest. The metal screeches in protest as the blade slowly cuts through it, the material solid but not nearly enough to hold Ushar’s weight for much longer. 

Rolling onto her stomach, Rey attempts to stand but is held in place by Ushar’s invisible arm, being pushed backward every time she tries to get up. Giving up, Rey stays on the ground, on her hands and knees, eyes fixed on the floor.

_ Cyare _ . She calls to Ben, praying that he can hear her over the groaning of his arm as Ushar applies more pressure to it. 

Reaching into her belt, and folding her fist around the blade that rests there, Rey calls to him again.

_ Cyare. I have something for you _ . 

Using the last of the energy that she has, Rey projects herself to Ben so that she is kneeling over him, their noses almost touching. 

As soon as she feels his large hand wrap around her own, she lets go of her concentration and falls into the floor. 

  
  
  
  


****

  
  
  


Ben blinks, an ugly combination of sweat and blood trickling into his eyes as he does his utmost to keep Ushar’s blade away from his face. 

_ Cyare _ . He hears Rey’s voice inside his head, and resists the urge to turn and look at her. Her presence feels weak, tired. 

Ushar grin, spitting in his face, before applying more force to slice through the prosthetic. 

_ Cyare _ . Rey calls.  _ I have something for you _ . 

Ben frowns as her form appears in front of him, crouched over his chest, so close that the tendrils of her hair that have come loose from her braid tickle his face. His heart stops, afraid of what she is doing, what it means that she is kneeling over him, her body between his own and Ushar. 

But then he feels her hand on his chest, and remembers what she said. 

_ I have something for you _ . 

Folding his fingers around her smaller ones, he feels something there, and then Rey disappears. 

Locking eyes with Ushar, he stops trying to hold up the prosthetic arm, letting her fall down onto his chest. She sputters and coughs, attempting to stand and clawing at the blade that he wedged between her collarbones. 

Shoving her limp body away, Ben watches her bleed out for a couple of seconds before summoning his saber to his hand and running it through her heart.

He hopes she is able to find peace in whatever comes after this life. 

Clipping his weapon to his belt, Ben slowly limps over to Rey, collapsing in a heap next to her.

“ _ Cyar’ika _ ...Rey.” He reaches for her hand. “We did it. We won.”

She responds with a painful sounding cough, and a poor imitation of her radiant smile. 

And somehow, it is the most beautiful sight he has ever seen. 

“We…” Rey coughs, wiping blood from her face. “We need to get-’

“-Yeah.” Ben does his best to stand without wobbling, his knee feeling like it might give in at any moment. 

Leaning on each other, they somehow manage to get to the hangar where Ezra is mercifully waiting with a bomb-free ship, all the while carrying Vi’s unconscious form with them.

The ship shakes violently as Ezra takes Vi up the ramp. “We’ve just entered atmo, if you three had come any later we wouldn’t be able to leave.”

“We did our best.” Ben chokes out, following Ezra into the shuttle.

“Any of the surrendered? Survivors?” Ezra asks as he prepares the ship for takeoff.

“No.” Ben shakes his head, holding onto Rey as he sits on the floor of the cabin. “There were none.”

Ezra hums, and tells them to hold on, deftly piloting them out of the hangar bay and into the air space of Arkanis. 

They watch through the transparisteel viewport as the First Order flagship collides with the surface of the planet, and then erupts into flames. 

“Ben?” Rey whispers against his chest.

“Yes sweetheart?” He squeezes her shoulder gently.

“Let’s go home.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for sticking with me to this point.  
> we have three chapters to go!


	26. What Kind of Day Has It Been

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **It’s not easy to see a world that has never been, before, but it is beginning to take shape. The galaxy is a much better place now than it has been in a while. Maybe more than it ever has been.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy!  
> this and chapter 27 will be the last full chapters, 28 is an epilogue of sorts. 
> 
> **content warnings:**  
>  mention of chronic injury  
> criminal justice sort of

Staring out the window of her apartment, watching the Chandrilan sun set over the hills, Rose muses silently for the millionth time that it would have been easier to just blow everything up. But, what is right and what is easy are not usually the same things. She sighs, trying to remember to take the advice she had given her own Resistance fighters before that final battle. 

_ Our compassion is what makes us different. _

_ Murder is not justice _ . 

It had been that speech she had given as part of the briefing, which Kaydel had rebroadcast after the First Order’s surrender on the holonet for all to see, that had catapulted Rose Tico to the forefront of the galactic reformation task force. Apparently her message of kindness and courage had resonated. 

To this day, she still cannot believe that people had chosen her, that they believed she was worthy of coordinating a galaxy-wide campaign of healing and reform. 

That after a year of messy and sometimes unsuccessful rebuilding, those same people still trust her to finish the job.

Blowing the First Order to bits would probably have been easy, but for as difficult as the restoration of peace in the galaxy has been, Rose wouldn’t trade it for anything else.

Some parts of the operation made more sense than others, like appointing Finn and Jannah to lead the Stormtrooper reintegration program. Thousands of others had been recruited to assist them: medical professionals with expertise in trauma and military rehabilitation, data scientists to comb through the First Order’s decades worth of haphazard data on stolen children, and private companies to help with occupational retraining and job placement. 

Other pieces, like fixing the economic crisis that swept many systems in the vacuum left by the disappearance of the First Order, had been more challenging. Another taskforce, one consisting of trade leaders and smugglers alike, was convened to legislate and support a healthy trade environment. The Resistance’s existing alliance with Crimson Dawn had come in handy when it came time to abolish slave trade and black markets...especially in the area of enforcement. 

The creation and installation of a new political system had been, and continues to be the hardest part of the end of the war. 

As head of the interim leadership, Rose had been forced to make decisions that she did not always agree with personally though she knew they were the right thing for the people, especially when it came to justice. 

Even in taking a more restorative approach, there were many members of the public and the reformation effort who demanded severe punitive action. There were, arguably, many members of the former First Order that deserved to be punished. 

That didn’t make the decisions any easier. 

  
  


_ “It’s not  _ fair _ Rose.” Rey had cried, her eyes brimming with tears. “He  _ has _ atoned, what do you think he has been doing the entire time he’s been with the Resistance? He, they both, Ben and Vi both...they helped us so much and now you want to lock them up. They helped us win the war!”  _

_ Rey sobbed, and had pushed Rose away when she tried to hug her. _

_ “ _ I _ don’t want to lock them up, Rey.” Rose whispered. “And I agree with you. You know Ben is my friend and you know that I trust him with my life.” _

_ “But?” Rey glowered. _

_ “But it’s not fair to ask the galaxy to just forget that he was Kylo Ren, he can’t switch sides and then get off scot free. That’s not enough” _

_ Rey huffed and angrily wiped tears from her face. “It’s a farce. Sending Kylo Ren away for a year of exile is a political stunt, it’s for optics.” _

_ “Yes.” Rose nodded, unwilling to lie to her friend. “It is. But putting him on an island with an abundance of natural resources and monthly supply visits is better than prison, or a work camp, or execution.” _

_ “With his knee injury...the rocky terrain on Ach-To is not going to do any good for his recovery, it might even result in lasting damage and…” The rest of Rey’s words were swallowed by hiccups. _

_ “I know. That’s why they will be providing him supplies so he doesn’t have to strain himself too much.” _

_ Frowning, Rey asked “Will I be allowed to visit?” _

_ Rose paused. “No-” _

_ -Rey had opened her mouth to protest, but Rose held up a hand. _

_ “No visits to the island will be permitted by anybody but the approved supply run pilot, and in emergencies, a doctor.” Rose shrugged. “However, I didn’t see any reason to try to explain what a Force Bond is to the committee.” _

  
  
  


Exhausted and upset, Rey adopted an icy demeanor the next several days and had only spoken to Rose when absolutely necessary. Ben had told Rose not to worry, that Rey would come around and understand, and he was right. 

A couple days after Ben’s term in exile began, Rey had showed up at Rose’s quarters in the middle of the night. Just to talk. 

They still check in regularly. 

All high-ranking members of the former First Order had been imprisoned, under sentences and conditions that reflected their surrender. Hux received the harshest sentence, once he had been tracked down. Nobody, even those whose pocketbooks had been lined by the former General’s coin, had been sympathetic to somebody who planted explosives on his own soldiers. He had done it to win at all costs, his lawyer had stated during the defense, which is what one does during wartime. 

The prosecution had been quick to point out that Hux had run away from the war, and then played the holo of Rose’s speech on compassion, to demonstrate that winning at all costs is, in fact, not an inherent characteristic of war but rather of a sadistic General.

And all that, and for what? Hux lost anyway. 

Rose mulls all this over, rubbing her temples as she tries to will away the one year anniversary of the First Order’s surrender. It’s exciting, yes. There are a whole host of celebrations and events planned. But it also means that everybody, including Ben and Vi, who was sent away on a one year sentence is preparing for release. All the Stormtroopers who were enrolled in a one-year rehabilitation program are also readying for re-entry into civilian life.

To say that it is an administrative nightmare would be severely understating things. 

Putting all the bureaucracy, the committees, the paperwork, the organization, the motives, political manoeuverings...putting all that aside, Rose has confidence in what they are doing. 

It’s working.

It’s not easy to see a world that has never been, before, but it is beginning to take shape. The galaxy is a much better place now than it has been in a while. Maybe more than it ever has been.

Taking one last look at the stars, the sky painted a brilliant combination of indigos and pinks, Rose smiles to herself and heads to bed. 

The rest of her managerial work can wait until the morning. 

Everything is going to be alright. 

  
  
  
  
  


****

  
  
  
  


“-And how many are there living at the education centre now?”

Rey props her chin on Ben’s chest to narrow her eyes at him. “Don’t try and change the subject, Solo.”

“I’m not trying to change the subject, I’m genuinely interested in how things are going with the not-a-Jedi-temple Jedi temple.”

Sighing, Rey sits up and Ben follows suit. 

“We’ve had about six hundred visitors in total since it opened, and about two-dozen live in the settlement full-time.” Rey shrugs. “Less than half are children, and of the kids, most are orphans.”

He bends over to pick up his shirt before sliding to sit next to her on the cot. “Those seem like good numbers.”

“We’ve been over this, Ben.” Rey grits her teeth, agitated. “Ahsoka and I are  _ not _ recruiting, we don’t care-”

“-Hey.” He places a hand on her knee. “Sweetheart. I only meant it seems like you are achieving your goal; people are coming to you for help with the Force. I know you were worried nobody would be interested.”

Rey huffs. “I was worried nobody would trust me.”

Ben smiles, wrapping his prosthetic arm around her shoulders to land a kiss on her temple. 

  
  
  


_ “Rey.  _ Rey. _ ” Ben had squeezed her shoulder. “You’ve got to stay awake, sweetheart. Stay with me now, we are almost back at the base.” _

_ Her vision was black around the edges and the ringing her ears had never really stopped. _

_ “Ben?” She whispered in a daze. _

_ “Why are you so tired?” Ben’s voice laced with concern, he had run his hand up and down her sides to check for any more serious injuries. “I know you fought them three on one but I got there as fast as I could and I-” _

_ “-Vi.” Rey spoke between coughs. _

_ Brows furrowed, Ben asked “Vi’s unconscious?”  _

_ As every breath had become more painful, Rey closed her eyes and spoke to him through the bond.  _

Her lung was collapsing. I healed her - just a little bit! But it wiped me out.

_ “Maker, Rey.” Ben frowned. “I love you but sometimes you are an idiot.” _

Yeah but I’m  _ your _ idiot.  _ She whispered in his head. _

_ Ben had chuckled. “Just stay awake until we get to the base, stay with me now.” _

_ It had been a herculean effort, but she had managed it, only drifting into slumber once Kalonia had examined her and put her in a bacta suit. When she woke a week later, Rey had been bewildered to find that the clean up had proceeded, and at a much faster pace than anticipated. Rose was leading what seemed like a never ending list of task forces and committees on every subject imaginable, Finn and Poe had relocated to Base 2 which had been designated as the headquarters of Stormtrooper Reconditioning, and Ben was once again missing an arm.  _

_ Kalonia had declared the prosthetic damaged beyond repair.  _

_ When this was relayed to Rey, she had gasped but Ben had been quick to assure her that he’d kept it for her to look at. _

_ It took her three months to fix it, at which point she had begged to have a doctor sent on the monthly supply run to Ach-To to help reattach it.  _

_ Unfortunately, Rey was not able to repair the damage to Ben’s knee. No amount of bacta would ever be able to restore it to its former functionality, and Kalonia had said that Ben would likely walk with a cane for the rest of his life.  _

_ Predictably, Ben had taken it in stride - though not literally - while Rey had been quite upset, wondering how he’d ever fight with a lightsaber again.  _

_ Laughing, he had kissed her gently and said that if the situation ever called for a lightsaber fight, he was certain she could protect him. _

  
  
  


“You are right though, I was trying to change the subject.” Ben murmurs, his lips still pressed against her head. 

Rey smiles. “You’re ridiculous.”

“So you keep telling me.” Ben sighs. “No, I don’t know how I feel about my sentence ending.  _ Obviously _ ,” he course corrects after seeing the frown on her face, “I am glad to be able to see you for real, in person. So we can be together in a way that doesn’t drain your energy.”

Nodding with her lips pressed thin, Rey wonders if she will ever admit to him exactly how taxing it is to project herself to him every other day for hours at a time, or if there will ever be a time when that confession would not wrack him with guilt. 

“On the other hand,” Ben scratches the back of his neck, “It’s been a year, and I’ve gotten used to my life here. I’ll miss it.”

She hums, reaching out her hand to twine their fingers together. “We’ll figure it out, together.”

“How do you feel about it?” Ben strokes his thumb over the back of her hand.

“I…” Rey exhales. “I miss you, badly. I want to start our life together. I want you to be  _ here _ , in the house that I’ve built for us, I want you to see it with your own eyes, not through mine or in my memory. I want to get married, and I want to wake up next to you…” 

As she sniffs, Ben twists to face her and hauls her into his lap to squeeze his arms around her. 

“I love you Rey,” he whispers into her hair. “I love you so much, and I want all of those things too. Just a couple more days  _ cyar’ika _ .”

Rey drifts off to the sensation of soft kisses being pressed in her hair and Ben’s hands running up and down her back.

When she wakes, she is alone.

Alone in the home that she built for them with her own hands. A home that Ben has yet to set foot in. Taking a deep breath, Rey jumps out of bed and begins her day. After donning her clothes, clipping her saberstaff to her belt, and eating a small breakfast, Rey sips on her caf and stares out the window at the lake. 

It shimmers a pale blue in the pre-dawn glow. Across the water, on the other side of the lake, the highest most point of Maz’s castle is just barely visible. With a small smile, Rey wonders if the pirate queen will come by the education centre today. Her stories always amaze guests, adults and children alike. 

Taking one last drink from her mug, Rey sets it down before pulling her shoes on and beginning her walk toward the settlement. 

Ahsoka lives there full time with anybody else who wishes to, with Ezra visiting periodically to update their ever expanding archives and Rey living on the other side of the woods. Anybody and everybody is welcome to visit and learn about the Force. History of the Jedi, the Sith, meditation, fighting, healing...all the records that Ezra has been compiling over the years have been combined with that of the First Order to form an extensive collection.

Some of the people that come to the centre are Force sensitive, or suspect that they are. But most are just curious. Interested in history, or descendants of somebody who knew a Jedi once. Some of the guests just want to meet Rey.

In the grand scheme of things, they keep a low profile, not advertising the presence of the centre. Those who seek it usually speak to Maz first, who points them in the right direction. 

Approaching the settlement, Rey smiles at the site of what they have built. 

There are no Jedi here. 

No sides. No wars. 

Just people, learning how to be better. How to be at peace with who they are. 

  
  
  
  


****

  
  
  
  


Somehow, between all of what must be an unbearable number of tasks and responsibilities, Rose has found the time to personally come retrieve him from Ach-To. Ben’s time as Supreme Leader provides him with some semblance of understanding for the stress that Rose must be under, and as he sits on the hill waiting for her ship, Ben is beyond grateful. 

Leaning on his cane, Ben watches the ship land and cannot help but grin, excited for the events of the day. 

The ramp lowers, and Rose’s petite form emerges followed by the large form of Chewbacca. 

“Ben!” Rose exclaims with a smile so bright he is nearly blinded. She runs down the ramp and envelops him in one of her famous Tico hugs, squeezing his ribs with an amount of force that is surprising from somebody so small. He drops his bag of belongings on the ground to return the hug.

“It’s good to see you, Rose.” She beams after releasing him from the hug. 

_ Finally, you are free Little Starfighter _ . Chewie warbles before pulling Ben into a warm embrace.

“Yeah. Finally.” Ben smiles, running a hand through his hair. 

“Well, let’s get going. It will be a couple hours to Takodana.” Rose bends over to pick up his cane, while Chewie grabs the bag from the ground. “We should arrive just as her day at the centre is wrapping up.”

As the Wookiee pilots the ship, Ben chats with Rose. They’ve had holocalls while he has been exiled but they are usually for more official business and quite brief. He asks her how everything is going and how she is - and asks again how she  _ really _ is, after she gives him the neutral answer of a politician. 

“The work is a lot, but…” Rose shrugs.

“You love it.” 

She smiles. “Yeah, I do.”

“It suits you, you seem well.” He leans back in his chair and watches as a multitude of emotions cross Rose’s face before her expression settles in a frown.

“Ben, I…” Rose rubs a hand over her face. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that you had to do this, that you had to spend an entire year-”

“-Rose.” Ben pats her knee softly. “I understood it when you told me a year ago, and I still understand it now. I’ve already forgiven you.”

“You really are one of the best people I know,” she sniffs, “and I am proud to be your friend.”

Ben takes a deep breath as the warmth of Rose’s words wash over him. “Thank you. I feel the same way about you.”

Rose clasps her hand over hers and squeezes softly, before standing to go check on Chewie in the cockpit. Ben closes his eyes briefly, and ends up dozing for the rest of the flight. 

When he opens his eyes, they are preparing to land. He stands, walking over to the viewport to see the settlement for the first time. 

_ Rey _ . He tugs on their bond gently, hoping he is not interrupting anything.

Her answer is immediate.  _ Cyare. How are you? _

_ Excited to see you _ . He responds.

Ben can almost feel her laugh in his chest.  _ I am excited too, my love. Just one more day _ .

The ramp lowers, and Ben walks down on the lush Takodana grass, grinning as the afternoon sun hits his face. 

“Who are you?”

A young boy, maybe nine or ten, with brown hair and curious eyes walks up to Ben.

“I’m Ben.”

The boy’s eyes widen so much they look like they’ll but out of his head. “ _ The _ Ben? Like, Ben Solo, Ben?”

Chuckling, he nods. “That is me.”

Suddenly the boy turns and walks a couple of steps away before shouting “REY! REY COME QUICK BEN SOLO IS HERE!!”

A clatter emits from one of the structures, followed by a Huttese curse. “Temiri,” Rey’s voice sounds from the doorway, followed not long after by her body. “What in the Maker is going on out here, I was in the middle of helping Kara with her meditation and you start yelling about Ben Solo, and I-”

Rey stops dead in her tracks when she sees Ben standing a couple steps behind the boy, Temiri.

“Hi Rey.”

She is silent, the movement of her chest as she breathes the only indication that she is not a statue. They stare at each other like this for what could be several minutes, before Rey runs toward him at an alarmingly rapid pace, and jumps into his arms. Her arms wrap around Ben’s neck and her legs fold around his waist.

Ben stands there, content to hold the woman he loves for as long as she needs. He can feel wetness from her tears dripping on to his neck, and he is certain some tears of his own are littering her hair, but he pays that no mind. 

At some point, he puts her down on her own feet, cupping her face in his hands.

Rey grins. “Welcome home, Ben.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I personally don't think that the idea of exile makes very much sense, but I did spend a lot of time thinking about the aftermath and how the public (non Resistance) would view Kylo Ren/Ben Solo after the war was over. 
> 
> many thanks to Daenerys Targaryen, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains and Mother of Dragons, for the line about it not being easy to see what has never been.
> 
> chapter 27 is just straight up happily ever after fest.


	27. As the Force Wills It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **“Rey says that there are not a lot of people who are actually truly evil or good, and we all have the capacity to act those ways.” Tem speaks through a mouthful of sandwich.**
> 
> **“Rey’s pretty smart.” Ben smiles softly.  
> **  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is it, folks.  
> the last full chapter of ATFWI.  
> next week will just be an epilogue. 
> 
> **content warnings:**  
>  mention of pregnancy  
> mention of chronic injury

“Is it true that you used to be evil?”

Ben chuckles. In the days since his arrival at Takodana, Temiri has done nothing but pepper him with questions. The boy had become his shadow, with him everywhere that he goes at the Centre. Sometimes, when he stopped talking - usually to eat - Ben was able to get in some questions of his own, which is how he had learned that Temiri was from Canto Bight, and had met Finn and Rose during their brief adventure there. 

“Why do you ask, Tem?” Ben looks across the table at the boy, as he takes a bit of his lunch.

“Well,” the boy cocks his head to the side, “it’s just, some of the other people say you were Kylo Ren, that you were evil. But I can feel you, and you don’t feel evil.”

Ben swallows. “You can feel me, in the Force?”

Temiri nods.

“And what do I feel like?” Ben narrows his eyes, intrigued.

“Umm…” Tem closes his eyes and breathes. “Like...warm?” His eyes open. “I dunno it’s hard to explain. But I know you don’t feel evil.”

Humming, Ben takes another bite of his lunch and chews carefully. “Well, I don’t like to think of myself as somebody that was evil, but Kylo Ren is what I called myself for a long time, that part is true. I did bad things, that’s for sure, and I was under the influence of somebody who was vile and cruel, somebody who convinced me that I _needed_ to do bad things, or that evil was all I was capable of.”

“Rey says that there are not a lot of people who are actually truly evil or good, and we all have the capacity to act those ways.” Tem speaks through a mouthful of sandwich.

“Rey’s pretty smart.” Ben smiles softly.

Temiri chews for a handful of seconds, having Ben nearly convinced that he has no more questions, but then the boy’s mouth opens.

“How come you sometimes walk with a cane?”

“I was injured, my knee was sliced open quite badly while fighting one of the Knights of Ren.”

The boy frowns. “I thought the Knights were _your_ Knights.”

“They were,” Ben shrugs, “but some of them decided they didn’t want to be on my side anymore.”

Temiri raises his eyebrows. “So you had to fight?”

Ben nods. 

“Vi has visited a couple times...she was one of your Knights, right?”

“That’s right.”

“She was a good one, though, because you didn’t kill her.”

Doing his best to stifle a laugh at Temiri’s matter-of-fact demeanor, Ben simply nods.

“Okay, but if Rey can heal, and I know she can, I’ve seen her do it, how come your knee is injured?”

Inhaling, Ben places his sandwich on the table and runs a hand through his hair. “Well, at the time of my injury, Rey was already exhausted because she had healed Vi and then fought three of the Knights by herself.” Ben sighs. “She was on the verge of death, and there was no way she would have had the energy to heal me without dying.”

Temiri frowns again. “But why didn’t she heal your knee after she was better?”

Ben is quiet for several moments, before he rubs his chins and answers “Because I didn’t see the point. It’s better than it was, and I only need the cane sometimes, when I’m tired. Nobody’s perfect and I didn’t want her to waste more of her energy on something I didn’t need.”

“Rey says that your injured knee reminds you of what you’ve been through.”

“Like I said,” Ben huffs, “Rey’s pretty smart.”

“Yeah.” Temiri stands, wiping crumbs from his lap. "Well I better get to my afternoon session with Ahsoka but I’ll find you later!”

He waves as the boy walks away. “I’m sure you will.” 

Taking the last bite of his lunch, Ben stands to walk toward the lake. He has a date to make.

  
  
  
  


****

  
  
  


The water was pleasantly warm, much more mild than what Rey had been expecting. Sand pooled beneath her toes, as she tentatively stepped deeper into the lake, toward Ben. He was already submerged up to his chest, broad shoulders only barely peeking out from beneath the surface. 

“Rey, we don’t have to do this today if you don’t want to.” Ben smiles, before rising from the water to walk back to her.

“I want to,” Rey bites her lip, “I just feel stupid, I fought in a war…I was a scavenger and I am fierce and…”

“...And now you’re afraid of swimming.” He finishes for her, placing his hands on her shoulders. “It’s okay. I’ll help you.” Ben whispers.

Rey grins, pressing a quick kiss to the underside of Ben’s jaw before clasping his hands in hers. “Promise you won’t let go?”

“Never.” 

Ben holds her hands until the water level passes her bellybutton, and then moves one of them to her waist. They stand there, letting the gentle waves rock against their bodies, and Rey closes her eyes to just breathe. 

The air is clear, the water is warm, and Ben is by her side. 

“I never thought I would have any of this.” She whispers, opening her eyes. “Peace. A home, family.”

Softly kissing the tip of Ben’s nose, Rey leans her forehead against his. 

“Me either.” He sighs, wrapping both arms around her torso. “Yet, here we are.”

With him holding her steady, Rey would be content to stay here forever, but Ben pulls away.

“What?” Rey levels him with a stare.

“You should try and float.”

She frowns. “Why? I like just standing here.”

“Sure,” he smiles, “I like it too, but now that you seem more at ease in the water you should try to float.”

“Oh-kay.” Rey swallows warily, “But you’ll still help me, right?”

“Of course.” Ben grins, before guiding her to lie down in the water on her back.

One of his hands cups the back of her head, while the other is on her low back, supporting her weight as she tries her best to relax. 

“Sweetheart, you need to stop fidgeting.”

“I’m not fidgeting!”

“You are.” Ben lets out a small laugh. “Just breathe, let go of everything. I’ve got you.”

It takes her a minute to understand what he is talking about, to achieve the feeling of relaxation and calm that Ben had described earlier when talking about floating in the lake. But then she feels it - or rather, doesn’t feel it.

There is nothing. 

Just the water, holding her body steady as she breathes. 

_I love you_. She whispers into the bond, her eyes still closed.

“I know.” Ben murmurs back.

  
  
  


Later, once they have showered and eaten dinner, they lay together in front of the fire pit Rey had built behind their cottage. Legs tangled under the quilt, Ben lazily runs his fingers through her hair as Rey hums a tune that one of the children at the centre had played for her on a holo.

“We’re getting married tomorrow.”

“I’m glad you remembered.” Rey laughs, as his fingers in her hair still their movement.

“Are you nervous?”

“What?” Indignant, Rey sits up to face Ben. “Why the kriff would I be nervous?”

Ben shrugs, avoiding her eyes. “Sometimes people get nervous before things like this.”

Pulling his chin so their eyes meet, Rey searches his face. “Are _you_ nervous?”

He is quiet for a moment, before shaking his head. “No. I’m excited.”

“Me too.” Leaning forward, Rey snuggles into his chest. 

When she wakes, she is in their bed, inside their home. Ben, having no doubt carried her inside, as he always does when she dozes off on the patio, is beside her. His chest rises and falls softly, his face peaceful in sleep. 

Leaving him to wake when he wishes, Rey grabs his tunic from the armchair by the window and pulls it over her head, padding into the kitchen for a cup of caf. Mere minutes later, she opens the door to greet Rose, who wears the brightest, most beautiful smile Rey has ever seen in her life. 

“Ben’s still sleeping.” Rey whispers into her friends hair after pulling her in for a hug. 

“It’s so good to see you!” Rose exclaims in a hushed tone. 

“Same.” Rey grins, dragging Rose in the door.

They catch up, Rose rolling her eyes while recounting interactions with irritating and pompous representatives from one of the Core Worlds, and Rey trying to hold in her laughter as the story grows ever more ridiculous, despite Rose’s claims that it is absolutely true. Once Rey has caught her breath, she talks about the centre and how things are going, mostly that everything is better than she had ever hoped.

“And today you’re getting married!”

A toothy grin splits Rey’s face. “Yeah.”

“Oh.” Rose stands, reaching for her bag that was placed by the front door. “I brought you that old dress of Paige’s, I promise it’s not too fancy and if it doesn’t fit right I do some quick alterations.”

“Thanks.” Rey takes the lightweight garment bag from her friend. “All the clothes I own are practical, and I know Ben said it didn’t matter...but I want to look nice.”

Rose nods. “I get it. Did you want me to do your hair beforehand?”

“No,” Rey smiles softly, “Ben’s going to do it. There’s an Alderaanian braid for marriage, it’s like...a ceremonial thing.”

“Oh my,” Rose squeals. “That is the _cutest_ thing I have ever heard, you guys are the most beautiful couple I can’t-”

“-G’morning Rosie.” Ben mumbles through a yawn, wiping a hand over his face as he walks into the kitchen. Dressed only in his soft grey sleep pants, Ben pads over to Rey and plants a barely there kiss on her cheek before smiling and pulling Rose in for a hug. 

“Hi, Benny.” Rose squeezes him tight before drawing back. “Maker, you look good. Been working out for the big day?”

Ben blushes as Rose jokingly gawks at his bare chest.

“ _Somebody_ ,” Ben grumbles, pouring himself some caf, “took my tunic.”

“I’m just teasing.” Rose’s smile fades into something more serious. “But honestly, both of you, you look really...healthy, and good. I’m happy for you.”

Rey swallows, willing away the wetness that is pooling in her eyes, “Thanks Rose.”

“Anyways, I’m gonna go meet Maz to start setting up, you guys holler if you need anything!”

“Wait,” Rey frowns. “Set up? I told you, we just want something simple, there shouldn’t be any set up-”

“- _Cyar’ika_.” Ben’s warm hand lands on her shoulder. “Relax. Our wedding is in good hands.”

Rey takes a deep breath, as Rose waves goodbye and walks out the door, shutting it quietly behind her. 

She spins to face Ben. “Are you in on it?”

“In on what?”

“The set up, whatever is being set up right now?”

He tips his head back and laughs, before wrapping both arms around her shoulders and pulling her in. “No, Rey. But I trust Rose. I’m sure whatever it is will be very nice.”

Rey harrumphs into her fiance’s chest. “She’s right though, you do look great.”

Grinning into her hair, Ben whispers “Thank you.”

“You know…” Rey looks up at him through her eyelashes, “We do have a couple hours before we need to get ready, it’s still only the morning.”

Suddenly Ben releases his hold on her. “You’re right! I promised Ahsoka I’d meet her at the centre today to-” He keeps talking as he walks away from her toward the bedroom, something about helping one of the kids meditate and that they were having trouble focusing. 

“Of all the days you made plans to help Ahsoka, you had to pick today?” Rey stands there, stunned, until Ben jogs back into the room with a huge grin on his face. 

“Of course not.” He throws her over one of his shoulders and swats her bum playfully. “Let’s make good use of our time before everybody else shows up.”

  
  
  
  


****

  
  
  
  
  


Dressed in the nicest clothes he owns - black slacks and a white shirt - Ben runs a hand through his hair before exiting the bathroom to braid his soon-to-be wife’s hair. She is seated on the armchair by the window, a piece she had put together and upholstered herself. When he had told her his dream that they would live in a house they had built with their own hands, he had no idea that Rey would take it so literally. 

He had arrived from Ach-To to find this cottage, built from scratch along with everything in it. 

It isn’t fancy, but it’s theirs.

Ben loves it with all his heart. 

Looking over her shoulder at him, Rey smiles softly. “Is it time?”

Ben nods, and walks to stand behind her so he can run his fingers through her hair. As he begins the braid, he notices that she is dressed in a pair of training pants and a tunic.

“I thought you said you were borrowing a dress from Rose?”

“I am.” Rey exhales. “I want to put it on after, so it’s a surprise.”

Smiling, Ben continues to weave his fingers through her hair. They remain quiet until he is done, and after he pins the braid in place, Rey stands to loop her hands around his neck. Eyes closed, Ben stands there with Rey, their foreheads pressed together, until Rose knocks on the door. 

Ben kisses Rey’s forehead softly, before nodding to Rose and leaving the room. 

“Hey, Ben.” Vi nudges his shoulder playfully. “Ready to get married?”

“Yeah.” He gestures ahead, “Lead the way.”

Vi turns and begins to walk toward the woods, but turns left where he would usually turn right to go to the centre. After a couple minutes of walking, they come across and open clearing. Twinkling lights hang from the trees, and an arch made of a beautiful combination of flowers and branches has been constructed at the far end. 

Rey’s friends - _his_ friends, too - stand around the various benches that have been lined up facing the archway. Finn and Kaydel are laughing as Lando tells them a story that probably isn’t true, Poe and Pava are giving Chewie directions as he attempts to string one of the last lights up on a tall branch, and Maz sits quietly on a the front row bench.

“I hope it’s not too much.” Vi swallows. “I helped Rose put some of this together, to make sure that it wasn’t overboard or too-”

“-It’s perfect.” Ben stares at Vi for a long moment, their entire history flashing before him. He remembers her as a recruit, stubborn and unwilling to be broken by Snoke - and getting broken by Kylo Ren instead. He remembers her intentionally giving Rey non-fatal wounds in battle.

He recalls her warning to him, what seems like so long ago now when she told him to watch his back and affirmed her loyalty. And now, she stands before him, sheepish and hopeful that the decorations she had helped with for his wedding are not overdone. 

Carefully, he reaches out with one arm to tug her close, wrapping her in a hug. Vi is stiff at first, but after a moment relaxes into his hold. 

“Thank you,” Ben murmurs. “For everything.”

When they separate, he looks away so she can wipe the tears from her cheeks in peace. 

With his hands in his pockets, Ben takes a second to breathe deeply, and look around the clearing. Everyone that is here, the small group of people, are important to him; he cares for them, more than he ever thought he could. 

And they care for him too. 

“Alright, people.” Rose emerges from the treeline. “It’s time, take your places.”

“Yes, General.” Poe salutes, to which Rose responds with a withering glare.

“Look, Dameron. It’s Ben and Rey’s special day. I don’t need your sass to kriff this up.”

Moving to take his place by the flowered archway next to Lando, everyone moves to take their seats aside from Chewbacca. In an attempt to seem nonchalant that deceived nobody, Chewie had tentatively offered himself to walk Rey down the aisle. She had tearfully responded that she would be honoured to have him give her away.

Now, Ben watches as his uncle stands near the treeline, waiting to escort his bride-to-be. 

When she enters the clearing, everyone stands, and his heart stops. 

Dressed in a dress of pale pinks and greens, covered in a gauzy floral pattern, Rey looks like an angel. The deep v-neck leaves her freckled collarbones on display while the cinched waist flatters her figure, and skirt flows out to swish around her calves as she walks barefoot on the grass. 

Slowly, her arm looped in Chewie’s, Rey makes her way between the benches of their friends to take her place across from him under the arch. 

Their eyes meet, and Rey beams, her toothy grin on display for all to see. 

“Welcome, everyone.” Lando begins, and everyone takes their seats. “We, the friends and family of the couple who stand before us, are gathered here today to witness the union of Ben Solo and Rey of Jakku. In a tradition as old as the universe itself, Ben and Rey are here to make a promise to one another, that they will stick by each other through the good and the bad and protect one another from any harm. Ben, your vows?”

Clearing his throat, Ben reaches for Rey’s hands. 

“Rey, _pateesa_ , I spent my whole life feeling like I was empty, that something was missing. That feeling led me on a search for meaning, thinking I would find it in my family, in the Force, with Snoke. I know now that what I was searching for was you. Without you, I would not have become the person I am today, and nothing could make me happier than being your husband. I am so grateful that you found me.”

His voice cracks up at the end, but Ben does not break eye contact as he speaks his vows.

“Thank you Ben.” Lando surreptitiously wipes an errant tear from his cheek. “Rey, your vows?”

She inhales, before squeezing his hands gently. 

“Ben, _cyare_ , you are the light of my life. I know that our love story is...unconventional,” the crowd behind them chuckles, reminding Ben that they are in fact, not alone, “But I would not trade it for anything. My path led me to you, and I like to think that in every world, no matter where or when, our paths will always meet. You have helped me learn to make my own place in the world, and that who I am is my choice. Thank you for finding me.”

When Rey finishes, her cheeks are wet. 

Belatedly, Ben realizes that his are too. 

“Thank you. Maz?” The diminutive pirate queen steps forward to hand Lando the rings, both simple gold bands. Earlier, he had expressed his wish to wear the ring on his biological hand so he could better feel it’s weight, and Rey had suggested that she do the same so that they would match. So, with trembling hands, Ben slides the ring on to the fourth finger of Rey’s right hand, and she does the same to him. Hands clasped together, they turn back to Lando.

“Perfect,” Lando takes the red ribbon out of his pocket, and begins to wind it over their clasped hands. “This thread is the thread that will bind you to each other; for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. Do you, Rey of Jakku, take Ben Solo to be your husband?”

Rey grins. “I do.”

“And you, Ben Solo, do you take Rey of Jakku to be your wife?”

Nodding, Ben whispers, “I do.”

“Then it is time to recite the binding words that will secure your bond, from this day, until your last days.”

Ben speaks his words, at the same time as Rey says hers: “I am hers, and she is mine, from this day, until the end of my days.”

Lando swallows. “Congratulations. I present, Rey and Ben Solo!” 

With their hands still bound by the red thread, they turn to face their friends who stand to cheer and clap. Turning to face Rey, Ben gently unwinds the ribbon from their hands and pulls her in for a kiss that might be too deep considering they have an audience. 

But kriff it, Ben thinks. 

It’s his wedding day, and he has never been happier.

If somebody had asked him how it went, Ben would say that it had been wonderful - flawless, even. But aside from the ceremony itself he really has no specific memories. He knows that all his friends in the world were there, and that he got married to the woman he loves. 

But he was too much of a giddy mess to pay that much attention to everything else. 

Later, after their guests have gone and they have spent a great deal of time in their marital bed, Ben tells Rey this. That he knows Lando, Finn, and Rose all made speeches at dinner, and that they were some stunning combination of heartfelt and funny, but he doesn’t actually know what they said. 

He was too busy staring at his wife, and at their matching rings, to really notice anything else. 

She just laughs, and tells him that she can show him her memories of it later.

In the morning, they wave goodbye to everyone as they board the Falcon for their first time as a married couple, and take off for a month of travelling. Ben had promised that one day he would show her the galaxy, and he does. 

They visit all sorts of systems. 

Some, where you need an apparatus to breathe, and others, where you can orbit but no humans can set foot on the terrain. They visit a planet covered in perpetual winter, and Ben tells stories from a war long gone. On one of their stops, they stay overnight at Rose’s apartment on Chandrila, and Ben walks her through Hanna City, where he grew up.

On Yavin IV, they meet Kes Dameron, and hike through the sweltering jungle as the tree-dwelling creatures chirp around them, and on Tatooine, they shed tears over the dilapidated ruins of the Lars homestead while the twin suns set. 

Their final stop is, as Rey had requested, Naboo, wanting to test her improving swimming skills in the glittering lake near Varykino.

“We’re receiving a transmission.” Rey looks over at Ben from the copilot seat as Theed comes into view.

“From who?” Ben asks as he prepares the ship for landing.

“A Naboo government official.”

Eyebrows raised, Ben nods to Rey to let the transmission through.

“Good morning, we would like to request an audience with Ben Solo.”

Ben looks to Rey, who shrugs, before he speaks. “This is Ben Solo speaking.”

“Excellent, after landing, we have a representative from the Naboo who would like to meet you in the courtyard of the palace, we look forward to your attendance.”

The transmission ends, and Ben swallows, running a hand through his hair. “Do you think we are in trouble?”

Rey rolls her eyes. “What could we possibly be in trouble for, Ben? We just got here.”

“Do you think…” 

“ _Ben_ ,” she places a hand on his shoulder. “If anybody was going to arrest you for crimes you committed as Kylo Ren they would be in violation of the treaty Rose created. And besides, _if_ somebody was going to violate the treaty it wouldn’t be the Naboo, they are far too savvy for that.”

Ben inhales, accepting the calming wave that Rey sends him through the bond. “Okay, okay. Let’s go meet this person in the courtyard.”

The palace is beautiful, and the courtyard decorated with vines and fountains containing statues of former queens. Ben has to tug Rey along more than once to stop her from gaping. 

In the centre of the courtyard, stands a woman dressed in an elegant navy pantsuit, her chocolate waves done up in an elaborate set of braids. She bows to greet them.

“Greetings, Ben and Rey Solo. I am Sarani, personal envoy to the Queen.”

“A pleasure.” Ben shakes her hand and Rey follows suit.

“I’m sure you are wondering why I asked you here, rest assured it is nothing serious.” Sarani smiles, “The Queen simply wishes to extend her welcome, and express her gratitude for everything that you have done.”

“I…” Ben’s words don’t come. A thank you, from an official envoy from royalty, renders him speechless. 

“How kind,” Rey offers. “We appreciate your Queen’s hospitality.”

Sarani nods, pulling a datapad from her pocket. “There is the small matter of your estate, we would like to apologize as some of the information had been lost and records were missing, but we did manage to recover the deed and statement of ownership.”

“I’m sorry,” Ben swallows. “Did you say, estate?”

“Yes, Mr. Solo.” Sarani hands him the datapad. “The home at Varykino belonged to the late Padme Naberrie, who left it to her children. Given the unfortunate death of your mother, Leia Organa, the estate now belongs to you.” Gesturing to the datapad. “You’ll see we have everything in order for you.”

Once he has scanned the information in front of him, and discerned that he is in fact, the owner of the Varykino estate, he passes it to Rey for her perusal. When she is finished, Rey hands it back to Sarani.

“Thank you,” Ben dips his head slightly. 

“Thank _you_.” Sarani bows once more, before walking back toward the palace. 

“Well,” Ben grins, turning to his wife, “I guess I know somewhere we can go swimming!”

She laughs, and he pulls her in for a kiss, winding his arms around her back. In the light of the Naboo morning sun, with the tinkling sounds of the fountain behind them, Ben embraces his wife and all is well.

  
  


* * *

**_Two Years Later_ **

“-And breathe out.” Ben exhales. “That’s great, Ollie, just keep breathing.”

“But it’s _boring_. I want to feel the Force.” Ollie whines, a pout wrinkling her face.

“I know,” Ben chuckles, “But breathing and being calm is the first step.” He steps back and watches as Ollie’s breathing evens out and her body relaxes, before calling to Lissa. 

“Yes, Ben?” 

“I need to go talk to Temiri, can you watch Ollie meditate for a couple minutes?”

“Sure thing.” Lissa nods, and Ben walks out of the building.

In the years since he and Rey have lived on Takodana, the education centre has nearly tripled in size, requiring the creation of a second location on Yavin IV that is overseen by Ezra with occasional assistance from Vi. Even with a growing population in the settlement, Ben is certain that there is somebody new, a presence that he has yet to meet, nearby.

But yesterday he had searched the camp high and low and found nobody new that he hadn’t already met. Seeing Tem work through his balancing, Ben waits until the nearly thirteen year old boy settles his floating rocks on the ground and opens his eyes. 

“Hey Ben!”

“Hi Tem.” Ben takes a couple steps closer and then puts his hands in his pockets. “I wanted to ask you something.”

The boy’s eyes light up. “Sure!”

“It’s not to have a lightsaber fight.”

Temiri deflates. “Awwww, Ben you can’t wind me up like that! I thought you were going to let me use your lightsaber!!”

Running a hand through his hair, Ben laughs and then strokes his beard. He had been skeptical when Rey first asked if he could grow one, mostly out of her own curiosity, but he had come to like the facial hair. 

“Tem, I actually just wanted to ask if you’ve noticed anybody new around?”

He shrugs. “There was that family who came by yesterday from Hays Minor, Amina was the mom’s name, I think? They knew Rose’s parents apparently and are going to Chandrila tomorrow.” 

“No, I met them. This is something else, their presence is...familiar, somehow?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t felt anything like that.” Tem smiles. “I bet Rey would know. Where has she been this morning?”

“She’s still sleeping, she wasn’t feeling that well last night so I didn’t wake her up. But you’re right, she’ll know what it is. I’ll go ask.”

“Okay.” Temiri closes his eyes and settles back into the grass, the rocks around him liftings off the ground. 

Ben smiles, and then begins the short walk back to their cottage.

“Rey?” He calls as he crosses the threshold and removes his shoes. 

“In here!” She responds from the bathroom.

“Hey, sweetheart. I wanted to ask you about something,” Ben shrugs off his sweater and folds it over the kitchen counter. “I’ve been feeling somebody’s presence around lately but I can’t seem to put my finger on-”

-He is cut off by what sounds like a dying animal coughing, and runs to the bathroom to find Rey kneeling over the toilet, vomiting.

“Rey!” He crouches to rub a hand over her back as she wipes her mouth. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Ben helps her to her feet, and she rinses cold water over her face. “I think I’m coming down with something, I’ve just been so exhausted lately, and the nausea is just-”

Blinking, Ben’s eyes furrow together in concentration as Rey’s words fade away. He swallows, and then takes a deep breath, and reaches out. 

The presence, it’s here. 

It’s-

He falls to his knees in front of Rey, his beautiful wife. “- _Cyar’ika_.” Ben places his hands on her waist and stares at her abdomen.

“Ben, Maker, you shouldn’t just flop down like that, your knee will be so sore later! What is going-”

“-Rey.” He looks up at her as she threads her fingers through his hair. “Reach out, feel.”

She frowns. “Are you trying to get me to feel my stomach bug? Because I don’t think that’s how the Force-”

“- _Rey_ .” Ben removes one of her hands from his hair and places it gently over her lower stomach. “The presence, the one I couldn’t place... _feel_.”

Begrudgingly, she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.

Rey’s eyes snap open immediately after mere seconds, as wide as saucers. “Ben, is that…”

“Yes.” Ben nods, his eyes brimming with tears. “Yes, Rey. That’s our baby.”

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


It hadn’t been easy, adjusting to growing another living thing inside her. Rey’s body had ached and her stomach had refused foods she used to love, but Ben was beside her through all of it. Through the mood swings that made her feel so guilty, the sickness, and the mess - literally and emotionally - of the labour. 

Through the tearful confessions that she was afraid, that she was so anxious that she would make a mistake she could never take back, Ben held her hand.

And now, holding her tiny baby girl in her arms for the first time, everything was worth it. 

Rey and Ben would both be content to stare at their daughter for hours, but they have a small crowd of eager aunts and uncles waiting outside the delivery room for the chance to meet the newest member of the Solo family. 

Ben stands to open the door, as Rose, Finn and Poe, Maz, Lando, and Chewie enter. 

“Everyone,” Rey’s voice wavers as her eyes fill with tears, “This is Ella Solo.”

* * *

**_Five Years Later_ **

  
  


“Ella!” Rey calls out from the kitchen, a kitchen so big that even after five years of living in the Varykino house, she has not gotten used to it. “Ella, love, breakfast is ready!” 

“‘M out here momma!

Rey follows the sound of her five year-old’s giggles through the open balcony door, waddling as best as she can around her eight-month pregnant belly, to find Ella standing there by herself, grinning.

As the sun shines on her face, and Ella runs up to hug her leg, Rey places her hands over her belly and smiles. Then, she gives her daughter’s head a soft pat.

“Go wake your father, it’s time for breakfast.”

Ella’s face splits into a lopsided grin that is one hundred percent Ben Solo, before running off and yelling “ATTA!!! Time to wake up!”

With one last look over the ivy-covered balcony railing at the shimmering lake, Rey takes a deep breath and whispers silent words of gratitude to the universe, to the Force, and to whatever else is out there, that her life has led her here. 

A soft smile on her face, Rey walks back inside to where her family waits. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much to everybody who stuck with this story to the end!  
> always happy to engage on twitter or in comments :) <3
> 
> this is Rey's wedding dress btw https://celebmafia.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/daisy-ridley-in-a-floral-dress-new-york-city-06-26-2019-0.jpg


	28. Epilogue: The Scavenger and the Prince

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, a little boy was born Prince of a dead planet._
> 
> _Heir to a crown that he would never wear._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is it folks, the end.  
> for real this time.
> 
> thank you so much for reading.

Wide-eyed and precocious, she is always asking for stories and will listen carefully to anybody who obliges her. She prefers stories told from experience, ones that were lived and are relived in memory to what you can find in holos; she knows that there is something more real, more important, about the stories we tell to and about each other in the private space of the home. 

Though she is only ten, she has heard many, many stories and can recount them with ease if asked. 

Jaina Solo has many favourite stories: the one about great-grandma Leia and her brother rescuing great-grandpa Han from gangsters in the Tatooine desert is one, as is the one about great-auntie Rose’s adventure on Canto Bight. 

Her most favourite story, though, is the one that auntie Addy tells.

It goes something like this. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


_A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, a little boy was born Prince of a dead planet._

_Heir to a crown that he would never wear._

_Though his parents loved each other very much, they were a poor match in the eyes of society, him being a scoundrel and her a Princess. Whispers followed the little boy everywhere he went._

_There were also whispers inside his head, the voice of somebody who claimed to be a friend and promised to never tell any lies._

I will tell you the truth, I will tell you things nobody else will, my boy _._

_The voice spoke into his head._

_Wary, the Prince of a long-gone world ignored the voice and did his best to be happy. To please his parents._

_As the years went by, the young Prince’s parents argued more often than not and the murmurs of gossip that surrounded their family only grew. Sometimes, he would make a mistake - it was always by accident, he never meant to - and his mother’s voice grew hoarse from shouting._

_When they were done yelling behind closed doors, his father would leave and his mother would wipe her eyes, pretending that everything was fine._

_Not long after that, the boy was sent away._

They don’t want you _. The voice whispered in his mind._

They don’t understand you like I do _. It crooned._

_Eventually, the Prince of a place that was no longer there began to believe the whispers._

_To turn to the voice for comfort, advice._

_And so, after a frightening misunderstanding with his uncle, the Prince found himself having to make a choice. A choice between the family who had never chosen him, and the voice that had always guided him._

_It was an easy decision._

_For many years, the Prince, now a grown man, roamed the galaxy in a cloak of darkness, his menacing presence scaring even the strongest into submission. Armed with a mask built by nightmares and a screaming red blade, the Prince pretended that he was certain, that he knew who he was._

_He pretended that this version of him, clad in black and carrying a weapon as unstable as his own soul, was his true self._

_And then one day, he met a girl._

_At first glance, she was nothing special; a scavenger, destined to live and die by the harsh sun of the desert that shaped her. Dressed in sand-coloured rags, she seemed nothing more than a junkyard rat, caught up in a decades old conflict by mistake._

_In the wrong place at the wrong time._

_But there was something else. Something inside her that had always been there, something that called to the Prince._

_He found her in the forest as she ran from her fears, straight into his path. It was destined to be._

You know I can take whatever I want _. He said to the Scavenger, both of them unsure what exactly it was that they felt, what the connection between them meant for two enemies._

You....you’re afraid _. She taunts him back, unwilling to submit to such a monster._

_It continues like this, a vicious back and forth. The Prince spitting venomous truths that she does not wish to hear, followed by her retaliatory physical blows that leave him reeling._

You failed.

_The master, the one who used to whisper in the young Prince’s head, now a physical manifestation that is every bit as lecherous as his inky presence would suggest, berates him for his stumbling attempt to defeat the girl._

_He knows that the Scavenger is his enemy, but he cannot help but admire her. His fascination with her only grows over time, eventually blossoming into something more._

_Something that scares him._

_Something that he dares not name._

You’re not alone _._

_He murmurs to her with tears in his eyes, trying to, as best as he can with his limited experience, soothe her pain. Offer comfort to an enemy that he has grown to care for._

_And she surprises him._ Neither are you _._ It isn’t too late.

_Stunned into silence, the Prince’s mind races to comprehend what it all means, desperately trying to tamp down the hope that somebody, anybody, for once, will choose him._

_And she does, eventually, but not this time._

_First, she rescues him from the clutches of his evil master - something for which he is eternally grateful. But after they fight their enemies clad in blood-red armour, he makes a mistake._

_Unsure of himself, the Prince fumbles over his request that she stay by his side, and is unsuccessful in convincing her._

_When the Scavenger leaves, it breaks his heart._

_Alone again, but free of the voices inside his head, the Prince puts his best foot forward and tries to make the world a better place._

_It is an uphill battle, and his years acting as a rabid soldier, a ruthless enforcer, do not instill faith in the people of the galaxy. No matter what he does, there will always be those who fear him, and those who cannot forgive his crimes._

_And then, there is the Scavenger._

_Stuck, still mostly by accident, fighting a war that she does not understand, alongside people who whisper about her and stare at her in awe. They worship her - think her to be some sort of Goddess._

_Yet, she has never been so lonely._

_Though they are apart, their connection binds the Scavenger and the Prince together, uncaring of their enmities, it refuses to let the chasm between them grow._

_In fact, the opposite occurs._

_He rejoices silently as she steadily lets him closer, always holding his breath for when he will inevitably break the fragile peace between them. But it never happens. He makes mistakes, but so does she, and they forgive each other time and time again._

_When his mother dies, the Scavenger holds him, and when she nearly breaks under the pressure of the war, he does the same for her._

_Then, one day, the Prince is betrayed._

_A general from his own army tries to kill him, not succeeding but leaving him gruesomely wounded. The Scavenger rushes to his aid, arriving just in time to save his life once more._

_If there was any way to repair the life debt he owes her - two, in fact - he would._

_Standing together, they are stronger than ever before, formidable in battle. The deep care they hold for one another blossoms into a love as rich as any the world has ever seen, their connection rejoicing at the rightness of it all._

_Together, they embark on one last battle to save the world._

_Once more, the Scavenger saves his life, and then suddenly, the war is over._

  
  
  


_Together, they return home._

_Finally, after a lifetime of pain and turmoil, the Prince can rest._

_Finally, after experiencing enough loneliness for ten lifetimes, the Prince has a family._

_Together, the Prince of a world he will never know, makes his own world; a house by the lake in which his children are free to roam and the Scavenger - now his wife - can be surrounded by the life that was missing from her youth._

_In that house by the lake, he watches his children grow up._

_He sees his eldest daughter Ella get married on the water, and cries the first time he holds his granddaughter Jaina._

_He guides his daughter Adeline through her feelings of inadequacy, and watches as his son Jaime raises two beautiful kids._

_Together, the Scavenger and the Prince doze on the grass in the afternoon after playing games with their grandchildren, and smile wide when their friends come to visit._

_Together, they know peace, and are grateful for the chance to live the life the generations before them could not._

_Neither of them are ever alone again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> seriously, thank you for reading. it means the world to me.  
> if you have the time or inclination, check out some of my other stuff! and find me on twitter [ @OctopusSoap ](https://twitter.com/OctopusSoap)
> 
> **Canonverse**  
>  Completed:  
> [ Fall Into Me Babe ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25041910)  
> [ this boy wasn't meant for lovin' ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24139000)  
> [ a crack fic ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24022474)  
> [ Tears in Rain ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23904049)  
> [ our love ain't water under the bridge ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23826646)  
> [ Traditional ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23199568)  
> WIPs:  
> [ What You Take With You ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25089400)
> 
> **AUs** :  
> Completed:  
> [ Reylo Red Collection ](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Reylo_Red)  
> [ Nobody Gets Left Behind ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24146353) (Leia POV)  
> [ Part of Your World ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23578291) (a gender-swapped Ponyo AU)


End file.
